I just want to know..does anything like true love really exist in today's era! If yes..then what it is like? How people behave when in true love? Can true love be one sided?
what is true love? please throw some light!
I could go into a whole speech about what love is ... but your avatar pic pretty much sums it up.
Posted by CappedoffI know..still I posted this question..because i really want to know..can it be one sided..if a person cannot control his anger and ..call you names and later apologises but still repeats it again and again & still claims to love you ..can it be love? help me out..your speech would definitely help me..if you get time..do explain 😢
I could go into a whole speech about what love is ... but your avatar pic pretty much sums it up.
Posted by beautifuldiasterYes..even I feel so and I can write a book on it(the way I see love)..but I just want to know in general.. if you really love someone and you are getting affected by their behaviour/anger issues/ego issues which is not good ..still you give them many chances and they promise to change for you but never do! Then you should continue AS YOU LOVE THEM..or you should walk..BECAUSE THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL and always blames their anger and say "sorry" in the end..at that point what should you do!!Posted by CappedoffThis.
I could go into a whole speech about what love is ... but your avatar pic pretty much sums it up.
Love is not the fairy tale I think you have in mind. Its messy and difficult and you have to work on it everyday.
I could write a thesis on the theory surrounding love and I still wouldn't be able to figure it out or give it the just credit it so deserves.click to expand
If they are lost and do such things coz of that..then shouldn't you help them out?? If you truly love them..WHAT IF THEY STILL DON'T CHANGE..
Is it a disease :-\
Is it a disease :-\
Yaa..i get you all
Then its just making a fool out of yourself..
Some people are so difficult to understand
Everybody from outside perspective can see it and feel it..
Its just the one who is facing all such things..always confused ..
Then its just making a fool out of yourself..
Some people are so difficult to understand
Everybody from outside perspective can see it and feel it..
Its just the one who is facing all such things..always confused ..
Posted by beautifuldiasterPosted by irisI see what you're getting at.Posted by beautifuldiasterYes..even I feel so and I can write a book on it(the way I see love)..but I just want to know in general.. if you really love someone and you are getting affected by their behaviour/anger issues/ego issues which is not good ..still you give them many chances and they promise to change for you but never do! Then you should continue AS YOU LOVE THEM..or you should walk..BECAUSE THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL and always blames their anger and say "sorry" in the end..at that point what should you do!!Posted by CappedoffThis.
I could go into a whole speech about what love is ... but your avatar pic pretty much sums it up.
Love is not the fairy tale I think you have in mind. Its messy and difficult and you have to work on it everyday.
I could write a thesis on the theory surrounding love and I still wouldn't be able to figure it out or give it the just credit it so deserves.click to expand
You are thinking that because you love someone you could change them, that love doesn't quit on the other, am I right?
No one can tell you what to do, but from where I sit i would most definitely walk, and I'd have done it a long time ago.
The first time I'm called a degrading name, the first time anger is expressed in an unhealthy manner... these are reasons to put your foot down and stop the behavior before escalation.
The first time, the FIRST, it's all about where two people draw boundaries. You openly communicate in a way that each of you understand what lines are to never be crossed. By staying in those lines you are loving them in a sense.
Whomever this is, they need to consult therapy and I'd advise you suggest it and work on seeing how valuable and worthy you are, so the next time you're in this position, you can stand up for yourself before someone has to apologize.
How can a person be sorry if they keep repeating it? Actions speak louder. Bump that.
Thanks to all for your time.. Really means a lot
You know what..i know everything from inside but it is so difficult to accept it ..coz I know the feelings were true..no loyalty issues..no trust issues..nothing like that..its just his behaviour ..that even the most trivial things become so big!
And when I try to make him realize..when I share Ho hurt I am..when I just cant stop my tears..all he get is "I am trying to prove him wrong..i am making him feel bad by reminding him of his mistakes" and so on! Then a sorry comes and the cycle goes on! Finally I walked away..few days back..i do really love him 😢 I miss him..even though I know he cant change..as he didn't in last 1.5 years..even after seeing me crying many times..but I just couldn't accept that his feelings were not true as I have spent a good amount of time with him..he was serious..so it hurts me even more..OR MAY BE I NEVER UNDERSTOOD what it is !
You know what..i know everything from inside but it is so difficult to accept it ..coz I know the feelings were true..no loyalty issues..no trust issues..nothing like that..its just his behaviour ..that even the most trivial things become so big!
And when I try to make him realize..when I share Ho hurt I am..when I just cant stop my tears..all he get is "I am trying to prove him wrong..i am making him feel bad by reminding him of his mistakes" and so on! Then a sorry comes and the cycle goes on! Finally I walked away..few days back..i do really love him 😢 I miss him..even though I know he cant change..as he didn't in last 1.5 years..even after seeing me crying many times..but I just couldn't accept that his feelings were not true as I have spent a good amount of time with him..he was serious..so it hurts me even more..OR MAY BE I NEVER UNDERSTOOD what it is !
Yes you all are right..was just in search some motivation..and you people really helped. God bless you all
Ok I am posting my situation here ..i don't know how you will react ..you may think I am stupid but I love him and I am not weak whatever happens I want to see him happy..just wait a minute :-)
I am 22 years old
I am 22 years old
And whatever I did and faced..that's because somewhere I had a hope that we can have a happy life together..but I guess god has some other plans
This is a difficult time
This is a difficult time
A cancerian girl this side in a relationship with a libra guy since 1 year 6 months. I love him and that's why it is so hard for me to decide what I should do now! Please people if u get time, do give your genuine opinion and advice.
he is extremely short tempered and whenever I feel something bad because of him and I cry(I m not weak but i just couldn't take it sometimes) he acts as if I m at fault and he never admits that he is wrong. He says harsh things..call me names..and he acts like a mad person when he is angry. And the problem is the issues on which he gets angry! like:
1. He was going through my chats in phone one day and he was reading messages in a group chat on WhatsApp..one of my male friends had said something abusive to our college department for not providing us a farewell being the students of the last year..he read it and at that time he didn't say anything. Suddenly he stopped talking and when I asked again and again he Said " when ur friends use abusive terms..u also must be using them so don't talk to me. I was shocked to hear that!! I couldn't stop my tears that I was thinking so deep what might have happened to him..have I done something wrong ..over the last few days and now he is giving me this reason..when I started crying and I even swear that I don't use it..he melted and started pampering me and I happily reciprocated.
2.like the above incidence..he used to stop talking or replying to my texts due to any random reason like above and when I used to ask being worried that please tell me..he used to say..u don't know your mistake your fault or "if u can't bear then don't I am like this only"
I gave him a chance and I understood..that may be he wil change if i wil help him so I continued..
Later..
3.once I went on a holiday with my family ..we all shared a single room In the hotel..one night I was not able to text him as my mom was sleeping just beside me and on the other side my dad. So it was not possible to use cell phone at night as it was not allowed at home. I skipped a night. And then he didn't even bothered to ask when I am returning..am i ok..or have I reached home safe..how was the flight..etc..no care at all
And when I said these things to him he said..you completely forgot me you got so busy with your family..and stuff like that.i explained him but he said "I need a break" n I said ok then take a break as I got frustrated. The very next day he again started messaging me as if nothing has happened!
he is extremely short tempered and whenever I feel something bad because of him and I cry(I m not weak but i just couldn't take it sometimes) he acts as if I m at fault and he never admits that he is wrong. He says harsh things..call me names..and he acts like a mad person when he is angry. And the problem is the issues on which he gets angry! like:
1. He was going through my chats in phone one day and he was reading messages in a group chat on WhatsApp..one of my male friends had said something abusive to our college department for not providing us a farewell being the students of the last year..he read it and at that time he didn't say anything. Suddenly he stopped talking and when I asked again and again he Said " when ur friends use abusive terms..u also must be using them so don't talk to me. I was shocked to hear that!! I couldn't stop my tears that I was thinking so deep what might have happened to him..have I done something wrong ..over the last few days and now he is giving me this reason..when I started crying and I even swear that I don't use it..he melted and started pampering me and I happily reciprocated.
2.like the above incidence..he used to stop talking or replying to my texts due to any random reason like above and when I used to ask being worried that please tell me..he used to say..u don't know your mistake your fault or "if u can't bear then don't I am like this only"
I gave him a chance and I understood..that may be he wil change if i wil help him so I continued..
Later..
3.once I went on a holiday with my family ..we all shared a single room In the hotel..one night I was not able to text him as my mom was sleeping just beside me and on the other side my dad. So it was not possible to use cell phone at night as it was not allowed at home. I skipped a night. And then he didn't even bothered to ask when I am returning..am i ok..or have I reached home safe..how was the flight..etc..no care at all
And when I said these things to him he said..you completely forgot me you got so busy with your family..and stuff like that.i explained him but he said "I need a break" n I said ok then take a break as I got frustrated. The very next day he again started messaging me as if nothing has happened!
And many such uncountable incidents happened.
He said ..i am a psycho and I am cheap and I am stupid, mindless..n I m self is..and I am becoming a cancer in his body and many more things to me..whenever he used to get angry over such issues. One day he says all this stuff and next day he says I m sorry I was angry and I will change for you..but 1.5 years!! Things have become worse!
He said ..i am a psycho and I am cheap and I am stupid, mindless..n I m self is..and I am becoming a cancer in his body and many more things to me..whenever he used to get angry over such issues. One day he says all this stuff and next day he says I m sorry I was angry and I will change for you..but 1.5 years!! Things have become worse!
All this while I knew his feelings are true for me but I get constantly hurt. He makes me cry and then he says " sit and cry..you love crying..you are an idiot and you want sympathy"
I cant live like this. It is so hard to let go of someone you love but these things which I have written are nothing as compared to what all i faced..now again after doing something really big he is apologising..one day he says you ruined my life..next day he says you are my life. He has ego issues ..anger issues.. And he never value my emotions. But my heart says that he loves me..nobody wants me to be with him as they know what I have gone through..always crying and tensed..now he is asking for forgiveness ..should I stick to my break up decision or give him another chance like before?
I cant live like this. It is so hard to let go of someone you love but these things which I have written are nothing as compared to what all i faced..now again after doing something really big he is apologising..one day he says you ruined my life..next day he says you are my life. He has ego issues ..anger issues.. And he never value my emotions. But my heart says that he loves me..nobody wants me to be with him as they know what I have gone through..always crying and tensed..now he is asking for forgiveness ..should I stick to my break up decision or give him another chance like before?
It pains I just want to know is this love? Totally one sided? Because when you say you love someone you prove it by your actions....aren't we a fool trusting them again and again? It is hard to accept but may be Dey don't love us the way we love them..or they are taking us for granted because we tolerate all such things! I m so confused!
I know he loves me / loved me..that's why he is not letting me go..since past few days I am trying my best to finish it off but as soon as I message him that we're over..he becomes so sweet and starts uttering sorry..and when I tell him you hurt me and you were wrong at that point etc..he says yes I am a jerk and I have never made you feel happy which in turn makes me feel more bad..also..when I try to make him understand that this is the point and u did that and I did that etc.he says you are testing me..you are not helping me..he doesn't bother much when I am sad because its not a big thing for him and according to him he is right and I should not recall all his wrong doings and I should not remind him of his ill treatment towards him..once he broke his cell phone while shouting on me..and later apologised and Sai baby you don't understand I love you I can't live without you etc..there are no loyalty issues but this treatment is so not acceptable!! Still I gave him many chances and now its been 1.5 years and he is still the same..when I say you broke your promise of not hurting me again and you haven't changed..he tells that 1.5 years is too short and he will change gradually. But..things are becoming worse. I am trying my best to get out of this mess..it hurts..i do cry..i miss him
I know what you all are saying I absolutely correct and it seems as if everything is so clear and still I am finding it difficult to let go of him..that is because all this while his feelings for me were true and he can't imagine his life without me..there were no loyalty issues..no trust issues..nothing at all..but its just his behaviour which is so unacceptable and hurtful sometimes. And that's why I always end up giving him several chances to improve his nature..everytime after yelling at me in anger and behaving horribly bad, he says "I am sorry I am mad ..i don't know what happens to me when i get angry....you just don't understand my point..and start proving me wrong..then u start crying which makes me more mad..i am sorry for whatever I said but I was angry and please forgive me..i will not repeat it..I am so lucky to have you in my life..god is being so nice with me..he gave me you..you are precious and I cant live without you"
I know he loves me as I have spent a good amount of time with him and I never felt like he is not serious. He wants to marry me and all his family members know about me. He plans future with me..and many more things..so I just can't accept it that his bad behaviour means that he doesn't love me. But my confused heart!! If I analyze the other side of the coin..i see unhappiness..no emotional connection..my emotional needs (being a cancerian) are ignored! And when I try to explain him how I feel..things go worse as he thinks that I am trying to prove him wrong!
for instance..
I know he loves me as I have spent a good amount of time with him and I never felt like he is not serious. He wants to marry me and all his family members know about me. He plans future with me..and many more things..so I just can't accept it that his bad behaviour means that he doesn't love me. But my confused heart!! If I analyze the other side of the coin..i see unhappiness..no emotional connection..my emotional needs (being a cancerian) are ignored! And when I try to explain him how I feel..things go worse as he thinks that I am trying to prove him wrong!
for instance..
~~One day..I texted him to inform about an exam for a good job in a famous bank..as I was filling up the application form..he saw the message and didn't reply..i waited..he came online ..again didn't reply..finally I asked that if u saw it at least reply so that I do not overthink..(coz its my problem whenever such things happen..my mind starts overthinking which troubles me..) he said "hmm".. I got frustrated as this not replying issue is his old habit..i said at least respect the other person by replying if u saw the message..he said "I was busy"
I said you would have write that then..he said I was in hurry..i just said ok..coz my head was about to blast..in d evening..he called and my mood was off..he sensed it..but he was acting like nothing has happened and he was so damn normal!! (this happens everytime..instead of talking about it and finishing it off he starts behaving normally which irritates n hurt me even more..may be its my fault but being a cancerian I just can't help it..and when I do something stupid..that too unintentionally..and I try to talk normally..he just bursts out! That "first you do this / that and then you expect that I do not show you my ego"..!
I said you would have write that then..he said I was in hurry..i just said ok..coz my head was about to blast..in d evening..he called and my mood was off..he sensed it..but he was acting like nothing has happened and he was so damn normal!! (this happens everytime..instead of talking about it and finishing it off he starts behaving normally which irritates n hurt me even more..may be its my fault but being a cancerian I just can't help it..and when I do something stupid..that too unintentionally..and I try to talk normally..he just bursts out! That "first you do this / that and then you expect that I do not show you my ego"..!
he again started and out of nowhere..called me names ..said go to hell..you are selfish..you are sick..you have learned this only..should I insult you more or this much insult is enough for you! Etc..all this while I was crying and explaining that you are taking me wrong..but no use! I cried alot..he called after few hours and said..i broke my phone I am sorry..got angry..stop crying..sleep now..i am sorry I am mad..i said okay..next day he said I wil not repeat it forgive me..i have anger issues etc..and whatever happens he blames his anger for that..i tried to understand this and gave him many many chances but no improvement..always such trivial issues become so big!
I wonder when you claim to love the other person so much..how can you see them crying ..that too for hours..how can you not stop being angry even after seeing how hurt your partner is!! I can't see him crying ..that too coz of me!! It will be shameful for me if it happens! IS IT REALLY HIS ANGER PROBLEM OR HE REALLY DOESN'T LOVE ME? he thinks he love me..may be he doesn't know that it is not love..he says..you are perfect..i am lucky to have you..i can't leave you..you have everything a guy wants in his partner..I don't deserve you..but I must have done something really good in past that god is so happy with me!
He knows I love him so much and I never want to leave him..may be that's why he took me for granted?? Is this the case!! God I m so damn confused and screwed! It pains ..he is asking for forgiveness again and how much I am controlling my self only I know 😢 I just want to give him a chance again but I am sure that he is not going to change ..he didn't since 1.5 years and he will not in future also..plus ..if i give him a chance again ..everybody would think I m stupid coz everyone knows its not right..even I know..its my heart which is so stubborn and not ready to move on!
Yesterday he said ..give me a last chance..i said..last time also you asked for a last chance..he got angry as since many hours he was messaging and trying to convince me..so he ."then kill me and started abusing himself..he Said..make me your pet dog..you know I can't leave you and I will return saying sorry again like a dog" I just said bye!!!
Also..when i try to make him understand or realize ..he thinks I am proving myself right and when I say .."you did this/ that ..and if I did the same thing..now you are so angry"..he says..DON'T COMPETE WITH ME..when I remind him of his promises..that he wont hurt me again..and all those things which he did and which were wrong..he says..THIS IS A TORTURE..YOU ALWAYS TEST ME..YOU ARE REMINDING ME OF MY MISTAKES AND YOU ARE TRYING TO MAKE ME REALIZE..THIS WAY I WILL NEVER REALIZE..YOU ARE TORTURING ME..
I can't even express how I feel when he talk like that..
I have done everything to make him happy ..i supported him everytime..and when I needed his support he was busy showing ego ..getting angry..i confess that I am not practical and over emotional..i made him My priority..and kept aside everything else..i am preparing for a very big and difficult exam and with all these things going in my mind always..i never did justice with my
He knows I love him so much and I never want to leave him..may be that's why he took me for granted?? Is this the case!! God I m so damn confused and screwed! It pains ..he is asking for forgiveness again and how much I am controlling my self only I know 😢 I just want to give him a chance again but I am sure that he is not going to change ..he didn't since 1.5 years and he will not in future also..plus ..if i give him a chance again ..everybody would think I m stupid coz everyone knows its not right..even I know..its my heart which is so stubborn and not ready to move on!
Yesterday he said ..give me a last chance..i said..last time also you asked for a last chance..he got angry as since many hours he was messaging and trying to convince me..so he ."then kill me and started abusing himself..he Said..make me your pet dog..you know I can't leave you and I will return saying sorry again like a dog" I just said bye!!!
Also..when i try to make him understand or realize ..he thinks I am proving myself right and when I say .."you did this/ that ..and if I did the same thing..now you are so angry"..he says..DON'T COMPETE WITH ME..when I remind him of his promises..that he wont hurt me again..and all those things which he did and which were wrong..he says..THIS IS A TORTURE..YOU ALWAYS TEST ME..YOU ARE REMINDING ME OF MY MISTAKES AND YOU ARE TRYING TO MAKE ME REALIZE..THIS WAY I WILL NEVER REALIZE..YOU ARE TORTURING ME..
I can't even express how I feel when he talk like that..
I have done everything to make him happy ..i supported him everytime..and when I needed his support he was busy showing ego ..getting angry..i confess that I am not practical and over emotional..i made him My priority..and kept aside everything else..i am preparing for a very big and difficult exam and with all these things going in my mind always..i never did justice with my
..i never did justice with my studies since 1 year..i am always either tensed or crying most of the times..now I feel lost!! He is settled he got a very good job..and I am so happy for him..I always want him to be happy..very happy..but today when I see myself..i regret about many things..that precious time which I wasted crying in hope of a better future with him!! 😢
I have walked away now..
Somewhere I want him to text me and genuinely realize whatever happened but on the other hand I know it should end now as it is difficult for him to change..so..for his good and for my good..!! I may look like a fool..trust me if i would have been at your place..i would have thought like you people only..but its just..THIS TIME!! time heals everything..i know..i trust my god 😢
Somewhere I want him to text me and genuinely realize whatever happened but on the other hand I know it should end now as it is difficult for him to change..so..for his good and for my good..!! I may look like a fool..trust me if i would have been at your place..i would have thought like you people only..but its just..THIS TIME!! time heals everything..i know..i trust my god 😢
Posted by beautifuldiasterYes dear..you are right..thank you for your motivating words..Posted by irisOf course.
And whatever I did and faced..that's because somewhere I had a hope that we can have a happy life together..but I guess god has some other plans
This is a difficult time
The best way to make God laugh is to tell him our plans.
There are silver linings in every heartache. Always. Time and time again your failures will open the door to success. Have the courage to walk through the open door.
You are a woman of faith. Me too.click to expand
I hope I have put an end to your curiosity ..thank you and..bless you
Thank you so much.. I won't let down "myself" .. My family..my friends..people like you who spend their precious time reading my story..and definitely my god. :-)take care ..
This is complicated, and IF it is why still go through that. But at your age I was I had my own apartment, car, job, and ex bff. So yeah I been through alot of shit with my ex. And it broke me in half with all the stress and making it work. I was working doubles to make ends meet. While he was perhaps messing around with other people.. I had no proof because I was always working. Untill my off days or whatever.. I have been through alot..
I was 22-25 years old what I am describing to you.
So I know I did cry right in front of him finally. It didn't work. I am colder in my words and I am cold hearted in action because I packed my shit and left when I had the opportunity. I didn't say anything just left..
.I then went to college and received my A.S. degree in Math and Science. And in the process after my break up. I stayed hooked on school and didn't date for three years after. Don't let your first date be with a Gemini after a bad break up. Lol..
So I know how you feel about this. You are young. I have been there. You have to experience this this way to learn that one of these days you're going to say fuck it, take care of yourself, and leave. But I suppose I say keep working it out but there is only so much one sided goes..
Only you know when the time is up and need to move on. Could be instantly or take a few months or days to see change but really if I don't see change. I won't be able to open up and my trust is out the door...I communicated, forgave, still didn't cheated back. I still got hurt.
Good luck sweet pea..
I was 22-25 years old what I am describing to you.
So I know I did cry right in front of him finally. It didn't work. I am colder in my words and I am cold hearted in action because I packed my shit and left when I had the opportunity. I didn't say anything just left..
.I then went to college and received my A.S. degree in Math and Science. And in the process after my break up. I stayed hooked on school and didn't date for three years after. Don't let your first date be with a Gemini after a bad break up. Lol..
So I know how you feel about this. You are young. I have been there. You have to experience this this way to learn that one of these days you're going to say fuck it, take care of yourself, and leave. But I suppose I say keep working it out but there is only so much one sided goes..
Only you know when the time is up and need to move on. Could be instantly or take a few months or days to see change but really if I don't see change. I won't be able to open up and my trust is out the door...I communicated, forgave, still didn't cheated back. I still got hurt.
Good luck sweet pea..
Posted by beautifuldiasteryour definition of true love is exactly what I feel it should be like! But..thenPosted by busyeyes88Hm. I like this. A lot.
Sacrifice. Unconditional acceptance. To put the other person's needs before your own. To give souly and totally without expectation. To give freely without receiving. You carry the person in yr heart forever. I am venus in pisces and Saturn in pisces.
Unquestionable loyalty, being a team that instills inspiration, sacrificing for the others well being despite your selfish wants, doing what is needed always, and giving to give and not for reciprocation..
Venus Scorpio Libra moon
Why'd you chose Venus and Saturn busy? Just curious as usual.click to expand
Walking away means you expected and you didn't get it..so is it not love??
Should I accept him and his apology like I used to do before coz love means unconditional acceptance..only giving and not concerned about receiving!
THESE THOUGHTS HAUNT ME DAY AND NIGHT!!
he said so many things that I make him feel bad I torture him by reminding him of his ill treatment..and he expects me to start a fresh everytime something like this happens..he wants..that if he is I a good mood and talking to me nicely regardless of how he behaved last night..then I should also do the same and keep my emotions inside me only! IS THIS RIGHT?TO PUT WHAT HE WANTS BEFORE ME? is that what you call UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!
Giving what he wants from me..and nothing in return except getting hurt ..THAT'S WHY I STRONGLY BELIEVE TRUE LOVE CAN NEVER BE ONE SIDED!! If you get to see and notice and feel how much your partner is trying to put an effort to carry on things and continue.. just to be with you..little appreciation / reciprocation is expected..you expect from the ones you love..not from strangers or your other acquaintances! Little expectation as a reward of your efforts and love keeps the relation healthy..that's how I feel 😢
Correct me if i am taking it in some other way!
Now days I end up relating everything to my situation! :-\
Correct me if i am taking it in some other way!
Now days I end up relating everything to my situation! :-\
Posted by beautifuldiasterthanks I get it now! Told you..nowadays I tend to relate everything to my situation.Posted by irisThe giving without expecting anything in return is in terms of gifts, back massages, cooking dinner..
Giving what he wants from me..and nothing in return except getting hurt ..THAT'S WHY I STRONGLY BELIEVE TRUE LOVE CAN NEVER BE ONE SIDED!! If you get to see and notice and feel how much your partner is trying to put an effort to carry on things and continue.. just to be with you..little appreciation / reciprocation is expected..you expect from the ones you love..not from strangers or your other acquaintances! Little expectation as a reward of your efforts and love keeps the relation healthy..that's how I feel 😢
Correct me if i am taking it in some other way!
Now days I end up relating everything to my situation! :-\
You wouldn't cook him dinner and after he eats it, tell him," well now you have to take me shopping cause I fed you!" The mentality behind this means that when you do something nice, it is done because you want to.
In your case...
He expects you to take his outbursts, accept his apologies and withhold your emotional frustration.. what does he give you? What do you give him? What do both of you benefit from by being together?
Love is not one sided, it is equal. Its always equal because two people are on the same page as separate entities.
Examples being, two mates who want to start a business but one goes to college for finance, the other does construction to pay bills - mutual goal - split responsibilities - mutual respect and encouragement.
click to expand
Anyways..thanks..:-)
Posted by SsupesThanks for your genuine response..Posted by irisThis right here has absolutely nothing to do with YOU. This is him not loving himself. I know for a fact this is true. I know because I was this man you are describing. I was not whole. I did not love myself. It caused pain inside me that I couldn't cure and I became angry with everything.Posted by CappedoffI know..still I posted this question..because i really want to know..can it be one sided..if a person cannot control his anger and ..call you names and later apologises but still repeats it again and again & still claims to love you ..can it be love? help me out..your speech would definitely help me..if you get time..do explain 😢
I could go into a whole speech about what love is ... but your avatar pic pretty much sums it up.
Now, with that being said, yes, I loved her very much. However, I could not express it properly because I couldn't do the same for myself. My own personal pain spewed from my mouth with no filter. It was horrible looking back at some of the things I said and did.
I hope he finds his way as I did. The most heartbreaking thing I ever did in life was look at myself in the mirror and see who I really was at that time. Then, and only then, could I hit rock bottom emotionally and start to heal.
Hope this helps
click to expand
So..should I go back to him?
Or me staying away is the best I could do for him at this point of time..according to you..as you have been in this situation!
@Ssupes..
What you were and what you are today..is this transition because of her walking away? She helped you by walking away?
What you were and what you are today..is this transition because of her walking away? She helped you by walking away?
As said by beautifuldiaster "What do both of you benefit from by being together?"
Do you also agree with this?
Do you also agree with this?
This thing is going on since 2 months I guess..the break up thing..once he said.."ok go you will regret..i don't want to see your face again and you won't even get to know about my death..now sit cry like someone is dead..you deserve nothing.."
& i just do it in the heat of the moment but from inside I crave for him.. he never even bothered to say..that ok b happy wherever you go..he taunts me "that..think about your happiness now..go"
He doesn't think about my happiness..i do not think about it..then who will!! You say I love you and you have a problem if i Stan up for my self now! I always tried my best to make him share whatever is inside him..i motivated him..i said I am proud of him..but !! See..now he has blamed me that i am thinking about myself now..and I test him and I torture him! FROM INSIDE I KNOW I HAVE DONE THE RIGHT THING..BUT I FEEL GUILTY MAN !! COZ OF WHAT HE SAID..AS IF I M RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THIS I SHOULD HAVE DEVOTED MY WHOLE LIFE TO THIS KIND OF THING BETWEEN US..he said..if we two are angry over something/someone then we can spit our anger on each other..who else we can choose ..so its okay to give names to each other when angry! THIS KIND OF THINKING!! "I AM HERE TO MAKE MISTAKES AND YOU ARE THERE TO FORGIVE ME OTHERWISE HOW WILL IT WORK OUT"
& i just do it in the heat of the moment but from inside I crave for him.. he never even bothered to say..that ok b happy wherever you go..he taunts me "that..think about your happiness now..go"
He doesn't think about my happiness..i do not think about it..then who will!! You say I love you and you have a problem if i Stan up for my self now! I always tried my best to make him share whatever is inside him..i motivated him..i said I am proud of him..but !! See..now he has blamed me that i am thinking about myself now..and I test him and I torture him! FROM INSIDE I KNOW I HAVE DONE THE RIGHT THING..BUT I FEEL GUILTY MAN !! COZ OF WHAT HE SAID..AS IF I M RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THIS I SHOULD HAVE DEVOTED MY WHOLE LIFE TO THIS KIND OF THING BETWEEN US..he said..if we two are angry over something/someone then we can spit our anger on each other..who else we can choose ..so its okay to give names to each other when angry! THIS KIND OF THINKING!! "I AM HERE TO MAKE MISTAKES AND YOU ARE THERE TO FORGIVE ME OTHERWISE HOW WILL IT WORK OUT"
You know what he was happy all this while..he got a job..all is good now..and he said..you cant see me happy in my busy and happy life..
After all this..i am hearing such a thing from the one for whom i have always wished happiness and success!
Later he said..SORRY I WAS ANGRY! BABY I JUST SAY SUCH THINGS TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH..I DON'T MEAN THEM.
Nice way of shutting your crying..sad..angry..madly in love with you Girlfriend!! People are so difficult to understand sometimes..with me..ALL THE TIME!
After all this..i am hearing such a thing from the one for whom i have always wished happiness and success!
Later he said..SORRY I WAS ANGRY! BABY I JUST SAY SUCH THINGS TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH..I DON'T MEAN THEM.
Nice way of shutting your crying..sad..angry..madly in love with you Girlfriend!! People are so difficult to understand sometimes..with me..ALL THE TIME!
Posted by Ssupes"Is the pain caused by his words something you can tolerate without damaging yourself? "Posted by irisWell, BD always has good advice!
As said by beautifuldiaster "What do both of you benefit from by being together?"
Do you also agree with this?
Is the pain caused by his words something you can tolerate without damaging yourself? This is the question you need to ask yourself. You can't make him love himself. Only he can do that. However, you can always be a beacon of light for him to come to. Like the light at the end of a tunnel. You can't hold his hand while he heals, but, you can be there for him when he crosses the finish line.click to expand
If I say yes I can.. wont it be unnatural and inhuman! I am a normal person..and I don't think if you really love someone..you can ever be happy with this kind of treatment..if it is someone who doesn't belong to you. Who doesn't matter much..you may give a damn about what they say to you..BUT ITS YOUR OWN SPOUSE!
The things which is eating me up is ..I HOPE I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING WHICH I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE! I hope whatever he is saying which makes me doubt myself..which makes me feel guilty..is WRONG 😢
I just hope
Coz may be if I wil continue..and this happens again..i wont ever be able to realize that THIS IS IT..time to walk now! People say aren't you tired of all this!! Answer is..I AM(my head says) & I AM NOT! (my heart says..)
I doubt and I doubt and I go back and I get hurt and still I get this in return!
I am sounding so stupid..trust me I wasn't like this
I just hope
Coz may be if I wil continue..and this happens again..i wont ever be able to realize that THIS IS IT..time to walk now! People say aren't you tired of all this!! Answer is..I AM(my head says) & I AM NOT! (my heart says..)
I doubt and I doubt and I go back and I get hurt and still I get this in return!
I am sounding so stupid..trust me I wasn't like this
Posted by SsupesOh you've read it and responded..that's really more than enough..thank you so much.god bless you ..
I do not know what else to say. I am sorry.
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