Why do they stay married?

I have had a lot of friends in the past and even currently who are in marriages that I don't believe they are "happy" in.

I had a friend few years ago who I could tell even after first meeting him he was in marriage of 10 years that I didn't think he was happy in. It was just the way he would talk to his spouse, there was no "care" there. He of course interacted to her with respect and I guess "civilty" but he spent more time at the business they owned than at home. But since I'm not married I figured I was imagining things.

But as the years passed in our friendship, these signs kept becoming more apparrent. It was none of my business but it just made me curious if this was how all marriages were. As time went on they spent less time with each other...he was either at his place of business or with his buddies. He even spent more time with their daughter than with his spouse. He would even make random comments on how she didn't share in the same interests that he wanted her to join him in on. In the end after 3 years of knowing him, I found out rumors that he possibly had cheated with a long time freind that they had known for 12 years.

They stayed together ironically...it wasn't until maybe another year or two later they finally split up.

I even have a current male friend who when I first met was also married 10 years and in the 5+ years I've known him every so often when he did talk about his wife (who i have met who isn't really someone i'd wanna befriend) it was always stuff that she did that he hated, but he has never once said anything nice or that he loved her. He even spends more time at his job and even works on overtime and has jokingly even said he does it in purpose so he won't have to deal with her or her yelling. He even jokingly says their kids (which he said he didn't want kids in the first place) how they are crazy and just annoying. I'd say he's hardly even home only to sleep and half of the weekend. Once I talked to him about something i can't remember and he made some random comment about how he would rather be home sleeping on his couch. I thought it was a weird comment. He's even asked me before if I wanted to hang out with him and his family (wife + kids).

I compare his comments to my other married male freinds and they eitehr don't talk ab out their spouses or they say all good things...so i find it weird.

So I sometimes wonder if he's bitching that much about her, why stay married?

Nah it's all part of the process in a marriage. He's 100% committed emotionally, mentally, financially which will prevail over the bitching and moaning. No divorce/divorce papers means it's all just a bunch of hot air plus maybe you'll feel sorry for him and throw him a shag from time which would be a bonus.

My question is...Why do single women want to befriend married men? It's pointless. Get a life of your own to Bitch about.

Doubt they would be any happier if they weren't married. They sound like empty people.

Posted by Arielle83
They sound like douchebags. Playing victim to get attention, putting down their wives and children, cheating etc. There's two sides to every story. She probably yells for a reason. The non-chalant and negative attitudes these ppl are probably apparent to the wives anyways.

I don't know, I was talking to my mom about this to get her perspective as she's been married for 38 years.

She said she thinks people stay because they are either in denial or they have no other options

Posted by Arielle83
Ya it's weird that they are bitching about their wives and family to a single woman. Like I said, douchebag. I'd be hell pissed if my husband was talking about our lives to some single female friend who I don't know. Our life is private and between us and if I started bitching about him to a single guy, he would really have it out with me. These guys you're talking about have no respect.

Case #1 (who's now divorced) didn't talk about issues or anything in the 3 years we were friends before he relocated. But it was weird how he was "civil" and nice to her but yet would spend more time elsehwere than around her.

Case #2 (still married) bitches about the things his wife does to everyone, not just me. But to everyone who happens to be there at that exact time he's talking about it. It personally makes me feel awkward cause I don't want to hear that cause the way I see it, if you're unhappy, then leave. NOthing is stopping from them from leaving if they admit they'd rather work overtime at their jobs than be at home. Or better yet if he didn't want kids or to get married, then why did he do it at all!?!?!?!?

Posted by Arielle83
They stay in the marriage cuz the are cowards. They'd rather complain than fix it. Victims.

Do you think that's the reason for all unhappy couples...married or otherwise who stay together even though they are miserable?

Posted by Arielle83
No, cases are unique. You described men who don't take action to make things better. It doesn't sound like they even want to make it work. If you bring in children to the relationship and whine on the sidelines to everyone else you're a weak man. The ones you described don't seem like stand up men.

Yeah if you compare them to other married men I know. The other married men either never talk about their relationship or if they do mention their spouses, its all good or general things. Plus they aren't afraid of introducing their spouse to their friends.

The ones I knew who seem like they have marriage issues or are now divorced, I've never really knew their spouses adn if I met them it was once. It's like they never wanted their spouse around their friends. Male or otherwise.

Everyone has issues, everyone fights. I think at some point everyone falls out of love. I think to truly love one must accept faults, more so quirks! It's not Disney folks! Marriage is essentially going into business together, if you lack understanding or lose sight of that which drives the union/partnership/business it will fail. You push forward together with success in mind, compromise when necessary, hold steady, never cheat your partner and keep your heart in the right place. With that the wrinkles should work themselves out. Wealth does not come by way of money, riches are truly of the heart. Too often people give up in business, they fold, feel they have not been successful in one way or another; they give up on themselves and their partner, they give up on the business rather thank taking a step back to reevaluate where the failures lie and attempting to re-grow it...

So, u wonder why they stay married? Maybe "failure" is not an option regardless of all else... Sadly, some investments do not profit, some people have high hopes for a greater return, but in the end they realize they should have cashed in long before, might as well just hold as they'll be out of the market soon enough...

+1 Arielle83

I chalk it up to laziness and being comfortable.

It's easier to Bitch about it and get a side shag as a bonus rather than fix what's wrong in the marriage.

Sex and greediness is a factor as well. Some married men need more, more sex, more emotional connection, more, more, more of what he's already getting from his wife but of course he can't get more if the single gal believes he's happy and fulfilled at home so he must turn her into the villian in order to secure sex and attention from other sympathetic women.

Relationships especially marriage have so many variables it's not easy whether the person decides to stay or decides to leave the marriage.

All too often people stay together because it's cheaper and deep down they still love one another.

This sad but I guess people would stick to marriage regardless of the unhappiness. I sticked to my ex aries bff for 6 years thinking he would change but didnt. I looked like the fool to the other women who didn't know who I was. Lol.

I am single and I do mingle. And I really can't see myself married and kids because of the behavior of men and the simple way of thinking. Hit it and quit it motto.

Females have hormones too but abit more. And it clouds our judgement when we hear words like. I will, I am, give me time, we are, I like you..that's all bull shit..cause you now must prove you do care by your actions. Women aren't dumb we just hope for the best and hopefully your compatible enough. If not we will let you go, just as guys do it too..

Sometimes I wish I was a mutable or Gemini which are totally different..I am just going to be me and hopefully snag someone just as serious in relationship or marriage as I would. But you have to change and not sure I want to..

Never settle for less. Even if it sounds good at the time.. but hopefully someone changes my mind and tells me marriage and kids are great. Or you should have kids so you get taking care of when your older.

Some people still see marriage as a business, status... it is it's origin after all.

So If everyone just settles for open relationship marriages then all our problems go away. Lol case closed..then I would be thinking how many different baby momma's you have and kids. There's no trust..Ill stay single and die alone.

You, along with all of the others who responded in here have defined the meaning of "happy" for other people.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
So If everyone just settles for open relationship marriages then all our problems go away. Lol case closed..then I would be thinking how many different baby momma's you have and kids. There's no trust..Ill stay single and die alone.

Lol. The swinger/open relationship would have to have a tremendous amount of trust in that your other will come home and vice versa.Im to possive to share.

I must learn to spell check,lol

I am possessive too

The more the merrier who are happy in open relationship. More power to you. Happy for you guys.

B/c it's very common for 2 people to get married for the wrong reasons, it's also just as common for 2 people to stay in an unhappy marriage for the wrong reasons.

And then there are the couples who went into the marriage for all the right reasons...but their emotional endurance for the other person isn't as long as they probably thought it would've been when they said their 'I do's' at the alter. Maybe they're staying b/c they're doing what society, everybody & their mama says they should do.

People sacrifice their happiness for others all of the time. Especially for children.

People settle in marriages too just like people settle in regular relationships. It's just that married people aren't made to feel as guilty for staying since "Til death do us part" is what they signed up for. There's nothing worse than everybody telling you to suck it up & get through it when you really just want out.

But the kind of person who never put their own happiness 1st before they got married is still most likely not to have the strongest backbone all b/c they got married. There's a lot of spineless married men/women. People don't magically grow spines just b/c they get married. The kinds of folks that stay in unhappy marriages probably also had similar 'settling' patterns in their past relationships