Candeh15
@Candeh15
15 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo
Comments: 5 · Posts: 4244 · Topics: 258
Women doing the chasing
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Yes I do agree this whole thing is a bit confusing... they do tell that they like open minded women who know what they want ... but in my experience it always almost backfires, either they get intimidated or they are suddenly not interested anymore. The women who sit back and wait are the happier ones because most often than not they are not really bothered even if the guy doesnt pursue at all.
It never really works when a woman chases a man. It's like snatching his balls off and demasculating him. Most of us have done it at one time or another, and eventually learned that this does not work. It doesnt work for a reason. Men and women are wired differently. We have been wired differently since day one and not much has changed even in 2010. We fool ourselves when we think we can take this whole female equality business and apply it to relationships. It definitely does not work both ways.
I disagree with the conclusions ......
It can not be determined whether or not these two things ... being the chaser or chasee .... are successful or a failure for all woman based off of one persons perspective. Every person is different.
some women like to chase, some don't ... some men liked to be chased, some don't ... so your conclusions, to say the POV has been proven is flawed, because there is no proof to be had.
Because we aren't talking about facts, we're talking about feelings, desires .. so there is no right or wrong.
It can not be determined whether or not these two things ... being the chaser or chasee .... are successful or a failure for all woman based off of one persons perspective. Every person is different.
some women like to chase, some don't ... some men liked to be chased, some don't ... so your conclusions, to say the POV has been proven is flawed, because there is no proof to be had.
Because we aren't talking about facts, we're talking about feelings, desires .. so there is no right or wrong.
True, it is different for every person; however, it just makes it more confusing. You become so used to having it one way, but upon meeting someone new, you might have to switch up how you approach the person. I'm always looking for the safe point where I feel I can either take a step back or assert myself a little.
Remember to state an argument, always be sure to know whether or not if it would be have "loop holes"
From your standpoint, it sounds like your speaking out of a great amount of logic.
Avoid this at all cost...
Ex: I hang out with guys. They do drugs. I am a stoner
From your standpoint, it sounds like your speaking out of a great amount of logic.
Avoid this at all cost...
Ex: I hang out with guys. They do drugs. I am a stoner
Posted by sorti-fantastic poney
Remember to state an argument, always be sure to know whether or not if it would be have "loop holes"
From your standpoint, it sounds like your speaking out of a great amount of logic.
Avoid this at all cost...
Ex: I hang out with guys. They do drugs. I am a stoner
Ah, lol. I never intended to start an argument; I never really saw what I said as fact(s), but looking back, I did put it that way. I do speak with more logic than most; it's a strength and a weakness.
Oops. I messed that up. I said:
Ah, lol. I never intended to start an argument; I never really saw what I said as fact(s), but looking back, I did put it that way. I do speak with more logic than most; it's a strength and a weakness.
Ah, lol. I never intended to start an argument; I never really saw what I said as fact(s), but looking back, I did put it that way. I do speak with more logic than most; it's a strength and a weakness.
The user who posted this message has hidden it.
Eh.
I dunno. When some chicks are interested they have a... clumsy way of showing it.
You know, it's like they appear fully engaged and scarily so, yet at the same time there's that aura of flightiness that makes the guy wonder how long the attention'll last.
You know... making it obvious that they're talking about the guy with their friends by staring at him, going into panic mode when they're subtle signs aren't working, flicking their hair repeatedly like they've got a terrible dandruff problem...
It's a bit too obvious, yet not obvious enough where the guy actually considers a relationship. And even though a lot of guys'll respond to the above, they're thinking how quickest to get her on her back the whole time when they eventually do decide to approach.
It's only really through friendships that you can truly learn whether someone'll put in work for you.
With dating, you're both playing a game. Nothing really real.
Eh.
You know, it's like they appear fully engaged and scarily so, yet at the same time there's that aura of flightiness that makes the guy wonder how long the attention'll last.
You know... making it obvious that they're talking about the guy with their friends by staring at him, going into panic mode when they're subtle signs aren't working, flicking their hair repeatedly like they've got a terrible dandruff problem...
It's a bit too obvious, yet not obvious enough where the guy actually considers a relationship. And even though a lot of guys'll respond to the above, they're thinking how quickest to get her on her back the whole time when they eventually do decide to approach.
It's only really through friendships that you can truly learn whether someone'll put in work for you.
With dating, you're both playing a game. Nothing really real.
Eh.
Posted by &2gedanow
I dunno. When some chicks are interested they have a... clumsy way of showing it.
You know, it's like they appear fully engaged and scarily so, yet at the same time there's that aura of flightiness that makes the guy wonder how long the attention'll last.
You know... making it obvious that they're talking about the guy with their friends by staring at him, going into panic mode when they're subtle signs aren't working, flicking their hair repeatedly like they've got a terrible dandruff problem...
It's a bit too obvious, yet not obvious enough where the guy actually considers a relationship. And even though a lot of guys'll respond to the above, they're thinking how quickest to get her on her back the whole time when they eventually do decide to approach.
It's only really through friendships that you can truly learn whether someone'll put in work for you.
With dating, you're both playing a game. Nothing really real.
Eh.
Just to add to that last line, with dating you're both following rules. You know, like, for example, don't call her for three days to not seem needy, don't answer his text messages until a few hours later so you don't seem too available etc etc
You're trying to protect yourself and in doing so you aren't getting to know the real person or giving the real you in return.
Relationships, from either point of view, shouldn't feel like work. Or a game. It should just flow, men, just flow.
Flow
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...
The best argument is experience, Candeh you can chase men but you will see for yourself through your own experiences that most of the men you approach and/or chase will be flattered and even may give you a bit of play but inevitably they grow bored and/or they run....Men are by nature HUNTERS, men that aren't lazy will not want to be hunted, his natural instinct is to run away as fast as he can, his fight or flight instincts kick in and he's out of there....Now a man that is emotionally lazy, doesn't want to work hard nor do his part of the relationship will let you go out and hunt him, let you kill clean and cook which means you end up doing all the work in the relationship, his work and your work, you will never feel cherished nor adored by this kind of man, yes you will have a man in your life but you will constantly be begging for love, attention, affection, sex, intimacy, he will be the woman in the relationship and of course some women like these kind of man-boys girly men IMO they are sub-par and frustrating to be with, the only way you will know if you can BE the kind of woman that can chase men and feel good inside about yourself, BE the kind of the woman that will DO the whole relationship with a man is to try it for yourself....
An emotionally mature woman will not stick with a man that isn't aggressive in some areas of his life. Most women do not want to get stuck in this never ending cycle of chasing men, these kind of women create an emotional deficit in her life b/c she's constantly begging for everything that should naturally come to her if she wasn't chasing such as love and eventually it kills her self confidence/self esteem little by little...She would much rather surround herself with men that find her desirable and is willing to do his part in the relationship/courting process.
I totally agree with Georgia Peach...
An emotionally mature woman will not stick with a man that isn't aggressive in some areas of his life. Most women do not want to get stuck in this never ending cycle of chasing men, these kind of women create an emotional deficit in her life b/c she's constantly begging for everything that should naturally come to her if she wasn't chasing such as love and eventually it kills her self confidence/self esteem little by little...She would much rather surround herself with men that find her desirable and is willing to do his part in the relationship/courting process.
I totally agree with Georgia Peach...
A woman can let it be known that she's interested but at the same time she has to know when and how to lean back after revealing her intentions and let the man figure out if he wants to pursue it further....I don't see anything wrong with flirting, with revealing likeness/fondness, with saying what you want from a man but at the same time it's a thin line that can easily be crossed into chasing a man and creating so much tension he feels closed in and wants to run, some women have chased a man and won but IMO they are the majority to the rule of chasing and most likely she's learned the art of seducation either through experience and/or teaching herself how to be what a man wants.
In regards to the original question (poster), I don't think there is a right/wrong answer here. It all just depends on each individual person, circumstance & situation. Ideally, most of us are molded by what "society" thinks/tells us we should do. But just like with any advices given, sometimes what those "books" tell us to do actually do the opposite of what we'd planned. There have been times when women chasing men have worked out just as perfectly & vice versa. It all depends on why each person, male or female, considers the idea of someone chasing them important. For example, some women with low self-esteem and/or confidence, might feel better being chased, BUT yet had their confidence been alot higher at the time they met their crush, they might not've been so close-minded to chasing the guy.
And of course there are always the people who purposely want the other person to chase them just for the sake of proving a point (either to themselves or to others), even if there is no specific or specified gain or proved success in doing so. I believe the best GAME to play is NO game. When you 1st meet someone, the person with the most admiration or the most aggressiveness (male or female) should probably do the chasing. So many people like to be chased for all the wrong reason (insecurities, fear of rejection, etc.--all the things that should probably DISQUALIFY them for seeking relationships anyways) & I think it's very petty for people to be so focused on something so minor like who chases who.
If I want to call/talk to someone 5 times a day, I will call them 5 times a day. If I want to make my feelings known, I will do so b/c that's what MY heart tells me to do vs. letting the fear of rejection & insecurities get in the way & change the focus of what's really important. If people would just do/say whatever it is their heart wants, whose chasing who wouldn't be so important or the main area to focus on. I've seen some people strictly walk away from one another just BC they had too much pride to chase after the other person. Things will never start out mutual. There's ALWAYS going to be 1 person doing a little more/less than the other. Getting to an actual relationship symbolizes that both people have FINALLY met eachother half way but people mess that up early on by focusing on whose chasing who & all that utter nonsense
And of course there are always the people who purposely want the other person to chase them just for the sake of proving a point (either to themselves or to others), even if there is no specific or specified gain or proved success in doing so. I believe the best GAME to play is NO game. When you 1st meet someone, the person with the most admiration or the most aggressiveness (male or female) should probably do the chasing. So many people like to be chased for all the wrong reason (insecurities, fear of rejection, etc.--all the things that should probably DISQUALIFY them for seeking relationships anyways) & I think it's very petty for people to be so focused on something so minor like who chases who.
If I want to call/talk to someone 5 times a day, I will call them 5 times a day. If I want to make my feelings known, I will do so b/c that's what MY heart tells me to do vs. letting the fear of rejection & insecurities get in the way & change the focus of what's really important. If people would just do/say whatever it is their heart wants, whose chasing who wouldn't be so important or the main area to focus on. I've seen some people strictly walk away from one another just BC they had too much pride to chase after the other person. Things will never start out mutual. There's ALWAYS going to be 1 person doing a little more/less than the other. Getting to an actual relationship symbolizes that both people have FINALLY met eachother half way but people mess that up early on by focusing on whose chasing who & all that utter nonsense
Some men like to do the chasing only b/c society & all those "relationship books" tell them to. Problem is, men might be using techniques that don't fit their personalities and/or that don't work best for them. And the same goes for women. Society tells us that the men should be macho, masculine, aggressive & immediately do all the chasing as a way to prove their admiration, BUT the problem with that is that when you 1st meet someone, there is only a certain level of admiration you can feel/have towards the other person primarily. So if a man is chasing a woman so hard before he even truly knows if she's worth his time, he'll literally just be chasing her just for the hell of it, vs. there being any emotional connection behind why he's doing it. And THAT is what I don't agree with.
There is no 1 technique that'll work for everybody. Some people are shy, some lack self-esteem, some lack confidence, some have a TREMENDOUS amount of pride, some are insecure, & not to mention some people can barely be go-getters/chasers for themselves! ALL of those mentioned can be good reasons why 2 people don't work out. But people with all of those issues named above may not chase strictly BC of all of those issues going in within themselves. So if you think about, what's more important to focus on & weed out, the CAUSE (insecurities, fear of rejection, pride,etc). or EFFECT (Feeling no need to chase others).
Depending on how much a person loves themselves & is aware of what dating techniques work for THEM (and not everybody else) will determine whether or not who chases who is actually important. In times when someone is down and/or dealing with more issues than usual, these kinds of people are more prone to want to sit back & be chased. BUT yet next year that SAME person might not be as shy or as insecure, thus chasing after another person might not seem so bad, especially if that's what their heart wants. It all just depends on where a person is in their life/self-awareness when they meet someone they like. I don't think it should be either 1 or the other ALL the time b/c every person/crush/situation is different every single time
There is no 1 technique that'll work for everybody. Some people are shy, some lack self-esteem, some lack confidence, some have a TREMENDOUS amount of pride, some are insecure, & not to mention some people can barely be go-getters/chasers for themselves! ALL of those mentioned can be good reasons why 2 people don't work out. But people with all of those issues named above may not chase strictly BC of all of those issues going in within themselves. So if you think about, what's more important to focus on & weed out, the CAUSE (insecurities, fear of rejection, pride,etc). or EFFECT (Feeling no need to chase others).
Depending on how much a person loves themselves & is aware of what dating techniques work for THEM (and not everybody else) will determine whether or not who chases who is actually important. In times when someone is down and/or dealing with more issues than usual, these kinds of people are more prone to want to sit back & be chased. BUT yet next year that SAME person might not be as shy or as insecure, thus chasing after another person might not seem so bad, especially if that's what their heart wants. It all just depends on where a person is in their life/self-awareness when they meet someone they like. I don't think it should be either 1 or the other ALL the time b/c every person/crush/situation is different every single time
perfect krysrenee7
my answers to questions like these are always very simplistic.
but here goes. i think that, in dating, everyone should be true to themselves, stand their ground, and communicate what they want. does this mean you will be successful in dating anyone you choose? no. but others can take it or leave it.
for me, the point of a relationship is to be comfortable with the other person, to accept them as they are (good & bad) and to get that in return. if any pairing is founded on games, it's not likely to be a strong one.
that said, i think that most successful pairings are the result of 1 part luck (or circumstance, if you prefer), 1 part thought, and 3 parts intuition. but respect is just as important.
but here goes. i think that, in dating, everyone should be true to themselves, stand their ground, and communicate what they want. does this mean you will be successful in dating anyone you choose? no. but others can take it or leave it.
for me, the point of a relationship is to be comfortable with the other person, to accept them as they are (good & bad) and to get that in return. if any pairing is founded on games, it's not likely to be a strong one.
that said, i think that most successful pairings are the result of 1 part luck (or circumstance, if you prefer), 1 part thought, and 3 parts intuition. but respect is just as important.
DAMN I wish they would leave me alone I run and run and run
What does a woman do to chase a man?
Agree with Trifles.
@2ged..what does a woman do to chase a man? It's simple..she's herself. She does everything her heart tells her to do in times when fear, insecurity, fear of rejection, etc. would've otherwise stopped her. Sure, it's the little things like smelling/looking good, having good conversations & all that mushy stuff, BUT the foundation of a relationship doesn't happen b/c of the perfume she wears. No, it starts & builds based on the level of communication given from both parties. If 1 person is always being cautious, not really saying how they feel and/or only being who they think the GUY wants them to be, then that is not true communication.
Most men respect women who chase them as LONG as they can sense that the woman is sincere & confident enough to be herself. Only an idiot would knock/walk away from a woman for this. It's when a man can sense a woman is chasing him just to prove a point and/or when she's doing things that he can tell "aren't her" when a man gets turned off and/or those stereotypical "men should do the chasing" thoughts start to surface. In situations when the woman was being more aggressive, BUT only b/c it's who she is (and NOT just who she is for 1 specific person/guy) that the man often appreciates & respects this, thus allowing the relationship/friendship to go as far as it can go. But often times, people don't realize that it shouldn't be HARD to be yourself. If you have to "plan" or strategize or have some book tell you how to be (by an author who never met you & knows nothing about you) then technically, you are not being yourself. And THAT is the reason why some friendships/relationships don't work out, moreso than it being b/c of who is chasing who
Most men respect women who chase them as LONG as they can sense that the woman is sincere & confident enough to be herself. Only an idiot would knock/walk away from a woman for this. It's when a man can sense a woman is chasing him just to prove a point and/or when she's doing things that he can tell "aren't her" when a man gets turned off and/or those stereotypical "men should do the chasing" thoughts start to surface. In situations when the woman was being more aggressive, BUT only b/c it's who she is (and NOT just who she is for 1 specific person/guy) that the man often appreciates & respects this, thus allowing the relationship/friendship to go as far as it can go. But often times, people don't realize that it shouldn't be HARD to be yourself. If you have to "plan" or strategize or have some book tell you how to be (by an author who never met you & knows nothing about you) then technically, you are not being yourself. And THAT is the reason why some friendships/relationships don't work out, moreso than it being b/c of who is chasing who
Everyone's ideal of what it means to actually "Chase" is different. To some women, their idea of chasing the man means,
1. Always being the one to intiate contact, whether that means her calling/texting him 1st when she otherwise would've just waited for him to do all the work and/or come to HER 1st
2. Giving the compliments 1st and/or planning all the dates first, whereas otherwise society tells us women to let the man foot the bill and/or take the lead in the friendship/relationship.
3. Being the 1st to open up, like being the 1st to say, "I love you" for example, whereas otherwise, society teaches us to wait for the other person to say it/go first.
4. Being affectionate, and/or outwardly showing her admiration, vs. the man always being the one to initate the call, the kiss, the sex or the conversation about making things official.
It all just depends on what each woman considers "chasing." Hell, to some women "chasing" is nothing more than just doing with 1 guy what they were too afraid/fearful to do with the others, thus they consider it chasing since they are doing/saying things they normally wouldn't have the courage to say/do. Here's the funny thing though, sometimes a woman can do 1-4 & the man never consider that as him being chased. And sometimes a woman can do 1-4, thus further motivating the man (especially if his focus is on building the foundation vs./instead of it being on who is doing more of something than the other) to do 1-4. And once both people are comfortable doing 1-4, THAT is when things work out; THAT is when things are mutual. But if before 1-4 happens, 1 or both people are overly concerned with/keeping count/score of whose doing what, it takes away the aspect of what's REALLY important & the whole purpose of dating
1. Always being the one to intiate contact, whether that means her calling/texting him 1st when she otherwise would've just waited for him to do all the work and/or come to HER 1st
2. Giving the compliments 1st and/or planning all the dates first, whereas otherwise society tells us women to let the man foot the bill and/or take the lead in the friendship/relationship.
3. Being the 1st to open up, like being the 1st to say, "I love you" for example, whereas otherwise, society teaches us to wait for the other person to say it/go first.
4. Being affectionate, and/or outwardly showing her admiration, vs. the man always being the one to initate the call, the kiss, the sex or the conversation about making things official.
It all just depends on what each woman considers "chasing." Hell, to some women "chasing" is nothing more than just doing with 1 guy what they were too afraid/fearful to do with the others, thus they consider it chasing since they are doing/saying things they normally wouldn't have the courage to say/do. Here's the funny thing though, sometimes a woman can do 1-4 & the man never consider that as him being chased. And sometimes a woman can do 1-4, thus further motivating the man (especially if his focus is on building the foundation vs./instead of it being on who is doing more of something than the other) to do 1-4. And once both people are comfortable doing 1-4, THAT is when things work out; THAT is when things are mutual. But if before 1-4 happens, 1 or both people are overly concerned with/keeping count/score of whose doing what, it takes away the aspect of what's REALLY important & the whole purpose of dating
@Letitbe...Well here's my thing. I never said that ALL the women who don't chase men aren't doing so b/c of low self-esteem/confidence. After all, every woman/man has their different reasons & different teachings/traditions they've been taught. BUT, we also can't overlook the fact that many women purposely go out of their way NOT to chase a man b/c of low-self esteem and/or b/c they are strictly going by the "book" or some rule, that clearly doesn't apply/work for every single woman. The way I see it, we are ALL (men & women) seeking/searching for the same thing, so who chases who in regards to actually GETTING those ideal things shouldn't really matter. The reason it's a problem nowadays is b/c people go OUT OF THEIR WAY to prove a point by not chasing the other person instead of just letting things happen natural. And when things are natural, there is no specific code or "1 way or no way" technique.
Sure there have been plenty of women who let the man chase them, thus only to end up having the best relationships ever. BUT there have ALSO been just the same amount of women that end up lonely and/or unfulfilled BECAUSE of the very fact that they spend so/too much time trying NOT to do something that they yet expect in return. Who am I to tell a man that he's got to give me/do all the things that I won't even give to him. Ok, so society & tradition tells us women to let "them" chase us, BUT I have YET to hear a reason why it's so taboo with things being the other way around for a change. What HARM can it do if the woman actually does chase the man? Since it should be so simple & expected from men, then why do we women get up on the stand & act like we're "too good" to be go-getters & carry that same aggressiveness the way we expect for others to be/give/do? It makes no sense.
If a woman doesn't end up chasing a man b/c he just so happend to chase her 1st then that's 1 thing, BUT it's another whole story when a woman will be okay with missing out on a good thing just b/c of pride or some tradition that she truly could care less about. People are "traditional" or follow "Society's rules" when they want to & when it's conveinant
Sure there have been plenty of women who let the man chase them, thus only to end up having the best relationships ever. BUT there have ALSO been just the same amount of women that end up lonely and/or unfulfilled BECAUSE of the very fact that they spend so/too much time trying NOT to do something that they yet expect in return. Who am I to tell a man that he's got to give me/do all the things that I won't even give to him. Ok, so society & tradition tells us women to let "them" chase us, BUT I have YET to hear a reason why it's so taboo with things being the other way around for a change. What HARM can it do if the woman actually does chase the man? Since it should be so simple & expected from men, then why do we women get up on the stand & act like we're "too good" to be go-getters & carry that same aggressiveness the way we expect for others to be/give/do? It makes no sense.
If a woman doesn't end up chasing a man b/c he just so happend to chase her 1st then that's 1 thing, BUT it's another whole story when a woman will be okay with missing out on a good thing just b/c of pride or some tradition that she truly could care less about. People are "traditional" or follow "Society's rules" when they want to & when it's conveinant
And like I said, it all comes down to each's own definition of what "chasing" a man means. If one's def. of chasing a man means simply initiating the contact, then technically it makes NO sense & there is NO excuse for why a woman is just oh soo good & golden that she can't pick up the phone 1st. Sometimes women spend/put MORE energy into NOT doing something so easy instead/vs. just sucking it up & doing it. What am I going to LOSE by calling a man 1st? Or by saying "I love you," first? Or by being the aggressive (which might be MORE than he is) person I truly am? What is there to lose? Sure, it can be quite uncomfortable b/c society ALSO teaches us to be such takers, vs. only receiving what we've actually given, BUT someone tell me what LOSS is in chasing after something that you want? Do I hate spending tens of thousands of dollars to obtain a degree just so that I can make a certain amount of money in a career someday? SURE I do, BUT if me obtaining that degree & putting the man-hours in is one of the ONLY ways for me to get to my ideal goal, then so be it.
How can I expect for a man to see the worth in chasing me, initiating contact with me & showing me his true colors 1st, if behind closed doors, I act as if I'm too good to reciprocate the same? If I want a man to have a nice car, then I better have a nice car too. If I want a man to open up, then I better be down for doing the same when it's my turn (even if that includes me going FIRST). If I want a man whose got his mind together, I better have my ish together too. Relationships nowadays have turned into "what can you do for me FIRST?" ordeals & I think that's why so many of them are not working out. We've strayed from the "naturalness" in it all. Everybody is trying to follow some "rule" or "code" of what society (a bunch of people they've NEVER met) feels. I think it's ridiculous.
We all love for others to go 1st, BUT if me going 1st is what'll lead me to my goal, then yes as sucky & uncomfortable as that may be, I'll do what I have to do. I'm not going to ask for anything I can't give in return. Simple
How can I expect for a man to see the worth in chasing me, initiating contact with me & showing me his true colors 1st, if behind closed doors, I act as if I'm too good to reciprocate the same? If I want a man to have a nice car, then I better have a nice car too. If I want a man to open up, then I better be down for doing the same when it's my turn (even if that includes me going FIRST). If I want a man whose got his mind together, I better have my ish together too. Relationships nowadays have turned into "what can you do for me FIRST?" ordeals & I think that's why so many of them are not working out. We've strayed from the "naturalness" in it all. Everybody is trying to follow some "rule" or "code" of what society (a bunch of people they've NEVER met) feels. I think it's ridiculous.
We all love for others to go 1st, BUT if me going 1st is what'll lead me to my goal, then yes as sucky & uncomfortable as that may be, I'll do what I have to do. I'm not going to ask for anything I can't give in return. Simple
Some chicks are lazy cowards who lack sympathy, that's the long and short of it.
I asked about what a woman does to chase a man to confirm the above and all it sounds like all it entails is her putting herself out there knowing she can get rejected.
Big whoop.
Now I'm not calling ANY of you in this thread cowards. But you do sound like you lack sympathy and are used to things being done for you.
Why? Because this is as far as you're thinking goes on the whole chasing thing "He's the man. He should do the chasing".
Which is not to say that it ain't true that most times guys prefer to chase, no. But you need to understand that it has more to do with ego than the way "they're wired".
Which is why some men STILL get bored and move on even after the girl didn't make it easy for him: the fun is gone.
Same goes for chicks, actually. Ego makes you think girls who do the chasing are desperate. You think you're special and this makes you lazy.
And even though things putter out for those girls who chase it's for the same reason why things puttered out for the girls who waited to be approached.
The difference? The chasing girl is more likely to end up wth something more long term. Because of her vibe.
No person in their right mind will want to work hard to get another's love if they know the other won't go through the same for them.
And with girls who chase, guys see the battle scars. They KNOW.
Still don't go shacking up with a lazy prick, either, ladies. Guys are simple: we call a spade a spade. And a slave a slave.
I asked about what a woman does to chase a man to confirm the above and all it sounds like all it entails is her putting herself out there knowing she can get rejected.
Big whoop.
Now I'm not calling ANY of you in this thread cowards. But you do sound like you lack sympathy and are used to things being done for you.
Why? Because this is as far as you're thinking goes on the whole chasing thing "He's the man. He should do the chasing".
Which is not to say that it ain't true that most times guys prefer to chase, no. But you need to understand that it has more to do with ego than the way "they're wired".
Which is why some men STILL get bored and move on even after the girl didn't make it easy for him: the fun is gone.
Same goes for chicks, actually. Ego makes you think girls who do the chasing are desperate. You think you're special and this makes you lazy.
And even though things putter out for those girls who chase it's for the same reason why things puttered out for the girls who waited to be approached.
The difference? The chasing girl is more likely to end up wth something more long term. Because of her vibe.
No person in their right mind will want to work hard to get another's love if they know the other won't go through the same for them.
And with girls who chase, guys see the battle scars. They KNOW.
Still don't go shacking up with a lazy prick, either, ladies. Guys are simple: we call a spade a spade. And a slave a slave.
Just to clarify AGAIN, I'm not saying that ANY ONE of you are cowards. Nor am I implying that all guys are smart, NA-UH.
Just have a little more sympathy. If you don't work for something then you don't f**king deserve it.
So get off your arses and go meet him at the middle!
Go 21st Century Chicks! Yaaaaaay!
*throws pom poms in the air and does a split*
Just have a little more sympathy. If you don't work for something then you don't f**king deserve it.
So get off your arses and go meet him at the middle!
Go 21st Century Chicks! Yaaaaaay!
*throws pom poms in the air and does a split*
Ive seen that playing games (suppressing one s feelings and urges etc) never works. Now if I like someone, I let him know and I initiate the contact if I feel so. You can call it a woman chasing a man, I just call it being myself. I drop hints and the man reacts lol.
I agree with some parts of krys and &2g's post but I'm just going to against the grain and put it out there, the blueprint works, chasing men doesn't work for the majority of women, the women that chase men usually end up with a man that won't do his part, chasing BUILDS attraction for the other person, the person that is chasing has less power, the person that is chasing is building up his love, admiration and adoration for the woman he's after, the energy has to flow a certain way from the man to the woman in order for it to work not just for her but for him too....Yes this is a new age society but some things just work no matter what age it is...Now realistically IMO it's fine to drop hints, it's completely okay to say hello my name is Tiki how are you? Are you married or spoken for? I see nothing wrong with showing interest but a woman must learn the art of leaning back and allowing a man to do his part....I personally don't feel feminine and soft when I'm forcing a man to see me, to want and need me, I would much prefer he be man enough to show me how he desires and adores me, when women chase men it's fun, hell we all have at some point set our sights on a man only to be rejected or have a short fling or get nothing out of it and some women get something long term but most of these women will tell you they did all the work, if you go into doing the man's part you will have to maintain that kind of energy and it's ass backwards and exhausting, you will initiate the sex, the hugs, the cuddles, the kisses, the words of admiration and like...Women stick with the blueprint and if you don't just know what not sticking with it will bring you.
I feel many men are emotionally LAZY, they just don't want to get hurt, they don't want to get a bit dirty and do the work to have a good woman they are just going to date and not marry, they don't want to give away some of the power in the relationship, they just want to lean back, let women overfunction give give give and do all the work, well guess what?? When women do this she is 100x's more INVESTED in the man and she's literally begging and giving too much to keep him, he LOSES NOTHING, absolutely nothing, he never gave anything, he never hardly initiated anything, he never pursued so he can just walk away with little to no emotional investment or hurt over losing the relationship, IF HE DOESN'T INVEST HE LOSES NOTHING and HE DOESN'T NEED THE RELATIONSHIP/YOU.
I feel many men are emotionally LAZY, they just don't want to get hurt, they don't want to get a bit dirty and do the work to have a good woman they are just going to date and not marry, they don't want to give away some of the power in the relationship, they just want to lean back, let women overfunction give give give and do all the work, well guess what?? When women do this she is 100x's more INVESTED in the man and she's literally begging and giving too much to keep him, he LOSES NOTHING, absolutely nothing, he never gave anything, he never hardly initiated anything, he never pursued so he can just walk away with little to no emotional investment or hurt over losing the relationship, IF HE DOESN'T INVEST HE LOSES NOTHING and HE DOESN'T NEED THE RELATIONSHIP/YOU.
This goes both ways of course, it's about being authentic, it's about having enough self esteem to KNOW when a man is not interested, it's about knowing when to cut your losses and walk away, it's nothing wrong with being the initiator but once you initiate you the feminine energy of the relationship will be thrust into a masculine energy role and thus your the one giving, doing and initiating most of the time, there is no way a woman can tell if a man is interested in her for REAL if she's doing most of the work, there is no way she's going to feel loved and nurtured and adored if she's chasing and catering to all his needs...
It's a thin line between showing interest and chasing and begging for love and attention....It takes a level headed mature woman to know when it's NOT in her best interest to continue to chase men that aren't interested enough nor available enough, women that chase men have a hard time maintaining a positive image about herself...A smart woman will only date men that show interest in her and not put her in this chasing begging role, a man can't really feel deep attraction for a woman that appears desperate and needy for a man...Yes he will take full advantage of her desperation/interest in him, he may even feel flattered but it won't be enough to make him want to stay...Experience is the best teacher...chase enough men in 1 year, come back and let us know how you feel about yourself.
It's a thin line between showing interest and chasing and begging for love and attention....It takes a level headed mature woman to know when it's NOT in her best interest to continue to chase men that aren't interested enough nor available enough, women that chase men have a hard time maintaining a positive image about herself...A smart woman will only date men that show interest in her and not put her in this chasing begging role, a man can't really feel deep attraction for a woman that appears desperate and needy for a man...Yes he will take full advantage of her desperation/interest in him, he may even feel flattered but it won't be enough to make him want to stay...Experience is the best teacher...chase enough men in 1 year, come back and let us know how you feel about yourself.
Tikki33, I DO agree with you about women being WAY more invested in a man emotionally when doing the chasing since her expectations for where things would go are aimed beyond the sky. No argument there, 'cos us dudes'll be happy with a shag buddy.
As do I agree that men are emotionally (just out) lazy.
But women are lazy, too. They are. And this "not chasing" is more for their protection than the (in ome cases, very true) belief that "guys prefer to chase".
So where's the compromise?
Let me tell you a truth about some dudes: they get bored DURING the chase. You can't expect someone who is heaping you with loads of attention, while you stand back for obvious reasons of feelng them out to not get bored when the attention isn't reciprocated.
This is the trigger that makes a lot of relationships that start this way crumble. You know the guy starts to play the silent game, disappears, isn't communicative etc etc
Why does he turn cold suddenly? Boredom and resentment.
Lemme explain he resentment thing: it's the most unobvious killer of all for relationships. The guy doesn't even know that's what he's feeling but it's what makes a guy disappear to deal with his feelings on his own. It's because having been the provider of attention for the most part, it is ingrained in his mind that the girl is just there to be taken care of.
In other words he can't imagine her in the role of carer and so doesn't let her in.
TRUTH.
Consequetly, him disappearing makes her worry and fret, her worrying and freting makes him resentful that even now she's still being needy, yada yada - boom: he's making the "I think we need a break" speech.
Needs to be a half and half thing. Playing hard to get at the courting stage could inevitably turn some girls to conquests. It wll excite the guy but you know it will only intrigue him enough to wnder how you are in bed.
As do I agree that men are emotionally (just out) lazy.
But women are lazy, too. They are. And this "not chasing" is more for their protection than the (in ome cases, very true) belief that "guys prefer to chase".
So where's the compromise?
Let me tell you a truth about some dudes: they get bored DURING the chase. You can't expect someone who is heaping you with loads of attention, while you stand back for obvious reasons of feelng them out to not get bored when the attention isn't reciprocated.
This is the trigger that makes a lot of relationships that start this way crumble. You know the guy starts to play the silent game, disappears, isn't communicative etc etc
Why does he turn cold suddenly? Boredom and resentment.
Lemme explain he resentment thing: it's the most unobvious killer of all for relationships. The guy doesn't even know that's what he's feeling but it's what makes a guy disappear to deal with his feelings on his own. It's because having been the provider of attention for the most part, it is ingrained in his mind that the girl is just there to be taken care of.
In other words he can't imagine her in the role of carer and so doesn't let her in.
TRUTH.
Consequetly, him disappearing makes her worry and fret, her worrying and freting makes him resentful that even now she's still being needy, yada yada - boom: he's making the "I think we need a break" speech.
Needs to be a half and half thing. Playing hard to get at the courting stage could inevitably turn some girls to conquests. It wll excite the guy but you know it will only intrigue him enough to wnder how you are in bed.
Some wise poster on DXP wrote this a long time ago, and I still recall and state it to others, "Don't make someone a priority in your life, when you are only an option in theirs." No truer words have ever been written as far as I'm concerned!
In an article I read many years ago, I was completely surprised by a survey that was conducted stating that less than 30% or divorced women would go back to their exes, but a whopping 70+% of men would go back to their ex wives. I was completely perplexed by that (and I was younger at that time as it was about 10 years ago when I read this), so I discussed it with one of my aunts. She said that (typically) women give, give, give, and give; especially if they feel a relationship is on it's last legs, because we (women) don't want to fail at relationships, so we will carry damn near the whole relationship on our backs, but guess what - that ish gets old! So, hence the reason that once the relationship is over and the albatross is lifted off your neck, you feel a great sense of freedom, less stress, and while there is some sadness, you are really just happy to be done with the whole damn thing. I fast forward and reflected on when I was with my ex-fiance', because the last year of our relationship (not last year, but the last year he and I were together) and I have to say that eveything my aunt said was true. I put an inordinate amount of time and energy (in the end) to make it work, that once it actually was over, I was f@cking glad to not have to work that hard, and I was glad it was over, and true to her point, while he and I are still very good friends, I can not EVER imagine being with him again. I wish him only good things, but not with me!
The point - you can NOT sustain all that work, whether you are the male or the female in the relationship. It will come to the point (hopefully/eventually) where you realize it just ISN'T going to work, or that person isn't reciprocating, and as another poster stated, you may become resentful of noncommunicative, because you've put in all of this work for nothing.
Everybody should be true to who they are, but honestly, whether it's the male or the female of the relationship; eventually you will have to step back and ask yourself, "Is it really worth all of this work?" If you answer "yes," then more power to you, but most people will only do this for so long and will be done and gone.
Peace out.
In an article I read many years ago, I was completely surprised by a survey that was conducted stating that less than 30% or divorced women would go back to their exes, but a whopping 70+% of men would go back to their ex wives. I was completely perplexed by that (and I was younger at that time as it was about 10 years ago when I read this), so I discussed it with one of my aunts. She said that (typically) women give, give, give, and give; especially if they feel a relationship is on it's last legs, because we (women) don't want to fail at relationships, so we will carry damn near the whole relationship on our backs, but guess what - that ish gets old! So, hence the reason that once the relationship is over and the albatross is lifted off your neck, you feel a great sense of freedom, less stress, and while there is some sadness, you are really just happy to be done with the whole damn thing. I fast forward and reflected on when I was with my ex-fiance', because the last year of our relationship (not last year, but the last year he and I were together) and I have to say that eveything my aunt said was true. I put an inordinate amount of time and energy (in the end) to make it work, that once it actually was over, I was f@cking glad to not have to work that hard, and I was glad it was over, and true to her point, while he and I are still very good friends, I can not EVER imagine being with him again. I wish him only good things, but not with me!
The point - you can NOT sustain all that work, whether you are the male or the female in the relationship. It will come to the point (hopefully/eventually) where you realize it just ISN'T going to work, or that person isn't reciprocating, and as another poster stated, you may become resentful of noncommunicative, because you've put in all of this work for nothing.
Everybody should be true to who they are, but honestly, whether it's the male or the female of the relationship; eventually you will have to step back and ask yourself, "Is it really worth all of this work?" If you answer "yes," then more power to you, but most people will only do this for so long and will be done and gone.
Peace out.
"or" = "of" divorced women (EDIT BUTTON DXP GODS!)
@&2g yes some man-boys get bored b/c they simply don't want to invest in a woman, he is thinking more on the lines of RISK and LOSING, he's also learned most likely through other men bad habits and pick up game that it's "EASIER" to let women chase and lead so he can get sex and walk away with little to no investment emotionally, none of this create good men nor does it "DEVELOP" into being a real man, he becomes a lazy jerk in most cases.....Real men with high level testosterone don't want to be chased, ALPHA males don't want to be chased, now a sub-par lazy man-boy/mama's boy will get bored because it's just too much exertion of energy on his part and he doesn't want to do the work it takes to be with a woman especially a woman he is shagging and not marrying. Usually the women that date these kind of men have issues with there self image and self esteem, she will consistently do all the work and come on some type of form such as DXP and whine and groan and complain about his sub-par lazy behavior.
YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT THE BOREDOM AND RESENTMENT but I'm going to go so far as saying these boys that are growing up today are attempting to stray away from the blueprint for selfish reasons, women are reciprocating, when she REACTS and RESPONDS to a man that is a form reciprocation, when she show up on a date on time, allow you to hold her hand, giggle at your jokes, smile at how pleased she is with you that's another form of reciprocation when she says thank you, responds to your emails, text messages, phone calls that is a form of reciprocation, these new age guys are learning these pick up techniques so they can have "ALL" the power "OVER" women, YES they get bored and resentful because they don't want to "SHARE" with a woman, they want to control the direction of how things will go and if he gets his way things will go his way, these men that behave this way are just lazy, scared, immature and insecure and just flat out thinking wrong, men "REAL MEN" that been in the pick up game for years, dated many multiple women know it doesn't take neglecting a woman to make himself and her happy, it's the young bucks that feel slighted with this reciprocation thing b/c most of them have no fathers and haven't been taught how to be a real man, so of course they look towards there peers and get miseducated.
YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT THE BOREDOM AND RESENTMENT but I'm going to go so far as saying these boys that are growing up today are attempting to stray away from the blueprint for selfish reasons, women are reciprocating, when she REACTS and RESPONDS to a man that is a form reciprocation, when she show up on a date on time, allow you to hold her hand, giggle at your jokes, smile at how pleased she is with you that's another form of reciprocation when she says thank you, responds to your emails, text messages, phone calls that is a form of reciprocation, these new age guys are learning these pick up techniques so they can have "ALL" the power "OVER" women, YES they get bored and resentful because they don't want to "SHARE" with a woman, they want to control the direction of how things will go and if he gets his way things will go his way, these men that behave this way are just lazy, scared, immature and insecure and just flat out thinking wrong, men "REAL MEN" that been in the pick up game for years, dated many multiple women know it doesn't take neglecting a woman to make himself and her happy, it's the young bucks that feel slighted with this reciprocation thing b/c most of them have no fathers and haven't been taught how to be a real man, so of course they look towards there peers and get miseducated.
Chasing is "PART" one part of the courting phase a woman's reciprocation is another part of the courting phase, some of these men don't want to court because it's a form of commitment, it also means he has to lead and many of the men today are not great leaders, I feel sorry for young women that are stuck with "FWB situations and believing they have to settle for the down low men, the married men, the losers of society and the lazy no chasing men that use pick up game to sex as many women as he can....
Everything should be reciprocal, if a woman chases a man he should reciprocate, should being the operative world but any woman that's ever chased a man know how hard and dysfunctional things can become because men are WIRED to run from being chased "danger flight or fight mode" he's either going to highly resist her efforts or run/distance himself from her desperation or if he's a lazy assclown take full advantage of the situation get what he can and dump her later by going cold, a lazy girly man will sit there and allow a woman to chase and catch him and she's going to do 99% of the work to keep him too.
Experience is the best teacher, a smart woman know it's not in her best interest to chase men period that's if she wants a real provider, someone that can protect her and protect her children and home...you cannot get that with a sub-par non-providing emotionally lazy man no matter how hard she tries.
Most women know playing or pretending to be hard to get is exhausting and doesn't work, if she's mature she will know when to throw the ball back at a man to keep things going, yes there are some lazy ass women out there but it's his responsibility to bail out once he see she's selfish and not reciprocating, that doesn't mean keep chasing her like so many men do...move on already...How a man behaves is a sign of immaturity, an older guy will understand it's okay for a woman to initiate but a lot of these young guys see initiating as a sign to GET HIS NEEDS MET while giving little to nothing back..
Everything should be reciprocal, if a woman chases a man he should reciprocate, should being the operative world but any woman that's ever chased a man know how hard and dysfunctional things can become because men are WIRED to run from being chased "danger flight or fight mode" he's either going to highly resist her efforts or run/distance himself from her desperation or if he's a lazy assclown take full advantage of the situation get what he can and dump her later by going cold, a lazy girly man will sit there and allow a woman to chase and catch him and she's going to do 99% of the work to keep him too.
Experience is the best teacher, a smart woman know it's not in her best interest to chase men period that's if she wants a real provider, someone that can protect her and protect her children and home...you cannot get that with a sub-par non-providing emotionally lazy man no matter how hard she tries.
Most women know playing or pretending to be hard to get is exhausting and doesn't work, if she's mature she will know when to throw the ball back at a man to keep things going, yes there are some lazy ass women out there but it's his responsibility to bail out once he see she's selfish and not reciprocating, that doesn't mean keep chasing her like so many men do...move on already...How a man behaves is a sign of immaturity, an older guy will understand it's okay for a woman to initiate but a lot of these young guys see initiating as a sign to GET HIS NEEDS MET while giving little to nothing back..
The one doing the chasing is the one highly invested and men NEED to chase to build up love for a woman, to help him get from point A to point B and so forth with a woman...If men are not chasing then they are not emotionally invested, if he's not emotionally invested then he's not going to stick around very long, yes we have the men that fall in love with wooing women and then leaving women but it's the woman's responsibility to help PACE the relationship by slowing things down with a man and to also ensure she's not dealing with some type of pick up artist, most pick up artist move swiftly with wooing, they say all the right things, they even buy expensive gifts, dates, they have a charming disposition and seem mysterious and fully focused on the woman it's only later she understands what a creep she allowed in her life...
It's all a process that most people today want to skip, they just want a microwave relationship, no hard work, no investment and we wonder why so many people have no real love interest/love life, no one wants to do the real work, the work that it takes to build a positive loving reciprocal relationship. The one chasing is the one with the most emotional investment, if he's not bonding the correct way with a woman he isn't going to respect and cherish the woman like a man should, he's going to drag his feet, make her feel like she's stealing his life and freedom away, run until he's out of breath and out of reach, play this whole back and forth game...it can go on and on, young women don't really understand how or why this happens, even older women are so antiquated that she fails to realize everything has changed today, a woman that been around a little longer know it's not in her "best interest" to chase men period, it's okay to initiate but she understands he has to reciprocate interest or it's a dead end deal.
It's all a process that most people today want to skip, they just want a microwave relationship, no hard work, no investment and we wonder why so many people have no real love interest/love life, no one wants to do the real work, the work that it takes to build a positive loving reciprocal relationship. The one chasing is the one with the most emotional investment, if he's not bonding the correct way with a woman he isn't going to respect and cherish the woman like a man should, he's going to drag his feet, make her feel like she's stealing his life and freedom away, run until he's out of breath and out of reach, play this whole back and forth game...it can go on and on, young women don't really understand how or why this happens, even older women are so antiquated that she fails to realize everything has changed today, a woman that been around a little longer know it's not in her "best interest" to chase men period, it's okay to initiate but she understands he has to reciprocate interest or it's a dead end deal.
I call men that get resentful and bored short cut type of guys, they don't want to go through the process, they want sex, they want all the attention, they want to be Alpha males and they need to have tons of women giving him unending approval to prove that they are important which is something ONE woman can't give him all the time, they need PROOF that they are ALPHA and they are desirable....I respect the pick up game, hell it works for men and women, it really is a short cut way of getting ones needs met without giving anything backbut it stunts emotional growth and it also takes the fun out of dating and relationships, it's oh wow she fell for that line, I got the sex, next, on and on and on and on, it goes on until it's just nothing left, no challenge, no love, no nothing, these kind of men eventually want to chase and woo a woman because he's done everything else the easy lazy way. I have heard many men say that they wish a woman would be a little harder to get, yes in the beginning they THINK they want easy but realistically a challenge is way more exciting.
Chase or not to chase is each individuals decision....
Chase or not to chase is each individuals decision....
Posted by fourthwallbreaker
Chasing is fun, yippee !! 🙂
I agree that it's a good way of going about courting, tbh, so long as there's a good back-and-forth interplay going on. 😛
Yes it is...It should be fun for a man and fun for the woman but for an insecure guy that has this mentality that he can't get women it's emotional torture so he needs a short cut, pick up game....
Posted by fourthwallbreaker
You've lost me on that one.
First, an insecure man wouldn't be that good at flirting it up imo.
Second, the ladies can sniff it out.
Yeah you misunderstood my statement, I'm saying a man that is insecure doesn't think or feel chasing is fun, for him it's like a bad job, something he has to do to get paid (paid being the woman and sex) but at the same time he resents having to do it because it's not considered fun for him.
Ah, forget it.
To each their own.
To each their own.
Posted by fourthwallbreaker
Nah, say it 🙂
Weeerrrlll this is aimed @ Tikki33's last post on pg3:
Letting a guy hold your hand? Laughing at his jokes? Answering his emails and txts? Isn't that what people who like each other DO?! Should't that be done by default if you like a guy/girl? lol
Sounds controlling and that is the last thing any man wants to be: controlled.
It sounds like the women who "let" a man do these things cannot tell the diff between the p**sy boys who (it seems) the women think should be grateful that the attention is being reciprocated in those little insubstantial ways and the "real" men who will either wait it out, f**k her and leave out of spite(vengeful types) or just leave all together because they thought the girl was unforthcoming in the brains and personality dept.
And the whole men not wanting to invest emotionally is bull. Women hurt easily and show it. Men hurt easily but DON'T show it. Either way both HURT. So they will always be protecting themselves at the beginning stages, holding back and stuff. Society just deems it more acceptable for men to take the risk of rejection, is all.
And the whole dad not being around thing is bullsh**.
I come from a single parent home and I will tell you now that I will give my girl the world if I knew she'd do the same for me. And I am NOT a mummy's boy... for diff reasns lol
But asking me about my feelings is useless to me. Hearing I love you is useless to me. If I don't KNOW you will always be there I ain't committing.
It's like they claim chicks are intuitive but you're so hung up on what you CAN see. Focus on what you feel.
And chicks who say that biologically they are wired to seek out the best mate give feminism a bad name. And sound opportunistic.
Unlike other animals human beings have the choice to break from the "natural" order of things.
Worry about if he will love you. Not if he's a "provider". You can get sh** you want your damn self.
We're in the 21st century, people. Stop hiding behind rules and be the wild, free women change says you can be.
"@Letting a guy hold your hand? Laughing at his jokes? Answering his emails and txts? Isn't that what people who like each other DO?! Should't that be done by default if you like a guy/girl? lol"
Whose controlling who? Reciprocation is controlling to you? That's interesting but hey that's something you have to figure out for yourself, seems you lack a bit of understanding between gender roles between heterosexual men and women.
Hey listen, I'm not debating what people should and shouldn't do, to each person they will experience for themselves and figure out for themselves if chasing or not chasing works for him or her.
Yes there are women that can't tell the difference between the pussy boys just like there are men that can't tell when a woman is wasting his time.
People can break from the natural order of things, there are men that have chosen to do so and those usually turn out to be players that promote, encourage pick up techniques, jerks/assclowns, sociopaths of some sort or at the worst very narcissistic and selfish...
There are women that have found great relationships by going by the natural order of things, there is a level of respect and love that comes with that order, there are the rogue men that want to convince women to take charge, be the man, do all the work and in the end she gets very little in return, oh yes I see men saying yes chase us, pursue us, give us sex as much as you want but these very men will secretly say behind her back gosh she's easy, she's dumb for believing a man like me will ever marry a woman like her with no discretion....Yes there are many men encouraging women to be FREE but inevitably these same men will not go beyond boyfriend (if that)....Women who date smart KNOW better than to move against the blueprint, it works for women that want a family, that want connection and love....Women that are out here just having fun yes chase away but you will tire of it once your ready to settle down.
Being free won't get most women what they want to experience which is to get married and have babies, there must be direction and there must be boundaries.....no matter what a man says if you lack direction, lack the foresight to know what you want and create/form boundaries the results will be sub-par, end up dealing with a bunch of men that don't want shit but fun and sex with no responsibilities or commitments. Women that been on the planet more than 30 years EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
Whose controlling who? Reciprocation is controlling to you? That's interesting but hey that's something you have to figure out for yourself, seems you lack a bit of understanding between gender roles between heterosexual men and women.
Hey listen, I'm not debating what people should and shouldn't do, to each person they will experience for themselves and figure out for themselves if chasing or not chasing works for him or her.
Yes there are women that can't tell the difference between the pussy boys just like there are men that can't tell when a woman is wasting his time.
People can break from the natural order of things, there are men that have chosen to do so and those usually turn out to be players that promote, encourage pick up techniques, jerks/assclowns, sociopaths of some sort or at the worst very narcissistic and selfish...
There are women that have found great relationships by going by the natural order of things, there is a level of respect and love that comes with that order, there are the rogue men that want to convince women to take charge, be the man, do all the work and in the end she gets very little in return, oh yes I see men saying yes chase us, pursue us, give us sex as much as you want but these very men will secretly say behind her back gosh she's easy, she's dumb for believing a man like me will ever marry a woman like her with no discretion....Yes there are many men encouraging women to be FREE but inevitably these same men will not go beyond boyfriend (if that)....Women who date smart KNOW better than to move against the blueprint, it works for women that want a family, that want connection and love....Women that are out here just having fun yes chase away but you will tire of it once your ready to settle down.
Being free won't get most women what they want to experience which is to get married and have babies, there must be direction and there must be boundaries.....no matter what a man says if you lack direction, lack the foresight to know what you want and create/form boundaries the results will be sub-par, end up dealing with a bunch of men that don't want shit but fun and sex with no responsibilities or commitments. Women that been on the planet more than 30 years EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
It's not like I'm disagreeing with you, there are just 2 points of views that will clash, I'm a woman having a female experience and your a man having a male experience so the 2 ideas will never meet to agree....I'm not saying your wrong, I'm just speaking from a female's point of view and experience something a man hardly can understand nor grasp the concept unless he puts himself in our female shoes.
I understand the psychology of men way more than I did say 10 years ago, I know what those mixed messages of go ahead chase us, have poly relationships and free love/sex means....
I understand the psychology of men way more than I did say 10 years ago, I know what those mixed messages of go ahead chase us, have poly relationships and free love/sex means....
Posted by seavixen2
~it's that whole animal kingdom, hunter, mating vibe~
nature is sexxy *swings through on a vine*
LOL
that's one of the sexiest comments I have heard in a very long time (smiles ear to ear)
When a person gets punished/rejected for doing the chasing, it's not in the best interest to call that on account of the game, but instead the actual person. If I as a woman get rejected or punished for doing the chasing, then I won't blaim the failure of the relationship on the chasing (something women will eventually do anyways, just LATER on), but I'd blaim the failure moreso on the person & whatever issues they had that REALLY accounts for why they walked away. The chasing itself is not the bad thing, & I say that considering there are PLENTY of good/stable relationships that have formed AND lasted b/c the woman wasn't too good/afraid to chase in the beginning. Of course, there are always going to be the horror stories & the advice that society gives women about who should be doing what, BUT whose to say that more underlying issues like insecurity, fear, narrow-mindness, etc. aren't the REAL reason as to why things didn't work out. Seems like people are just using the "who chased who" excuse as a means to escape from the REAL issues of what's going on.
It's simple. If someone is purposely making it a point to NOT chase after another person (especially if it's a person they really want) & yet have no valid excuse/reason for not doing so, outside of just "oh b/c I don't want to" then there IS an underlying issue there. And hey, it may not appear to be an issue to the person, BUT we all do/don't do things for reasons. Nothing just happens/doesn't happen "just because." There is nothing wrong with a man doing the chasing if he's the one the most interested initially OR the one whose the most aggressive. BUT, the same goes for women too. There 1 million reasons why a man would reject a woman that chases him & those reasons (insecurities, pride, etc.) ARE what'll cause the friendship/relationship to collaspe moreso than who chased who. Blaiming the failure or lack of a relationship/friendship on who chased who is a cop out. Point blank, there are plenty of women (that chased men) who are perfectly normal & even better relationships than those women who make it a point not to chase, so we can't say that women chasing is just taboo. Chasing shouldn't be a "technique" or a game. But people treat it like it is, & THAT is where things get messed up
It's simple. If someone is purposely making it a point to NOT chase after another person (especially if it's a person they really want) & yet have no valid excuse/reason for not doing so, outside of just "oh b/c I don't want to" then there IS an underlying issue there. And hey, it may not appear to be an issue to the person, BUT we all do/don't do things for reasons. Nothing just happens/doesn't happen "just because." There is nothing wrong with a man doing the chasing if he's the one the most interested initially OR the one whose the most aggressive. BUT, the same goes for women too. There 1 million reasons why a man would reject a woman that chases him & those reasons (insecurities, pride, etc.) ARE what'll cause the friendship/relationship to collaspe moreso than who chased who. Blaiming the failure or lack of a relationship/friendship on who chased who is a cop out. Point blank, there are plenty of women (that chased men) who are perfectly normal & even better relationships than those women who make it a point not to chase, so we can't say that women chasing is just taboo. Chasing shouldn't be a "technique" or a game. But people treat it like it is, & THAT is where things get messed up
It doesn't make sense that a man/woman would reject/lose interest in someone all b/c they are doing something (chasing/showing alot of interest) they expected the person to do anyways (even if later on). It just doesn't make sense. Ok, so let's say a man would rather do the chasing..ok fine. BUT, I'm also sure that EVENTUALLY he'd want a woman who'd be okay with opening up the same way he does, for example. So, why a man would risk losing a good thing all b/c she opened up before he did and/or did/said SOMETHING he felt he should've done first is ridiculous & quite frankly kindergarden. I mean seriously.
Some men may not like being chased, BUT here's the thing..it's not like it's only possible for 1 person to only do the chasing. I mean isn't a relationship nothing other than TWO people chasing eachother at the same speed? So even if a man is upset/wants to walk away b/c HE wanted to do the chasing, it doesn't make sense b/c technically, her chasing him shouldn't stop him at all from doin gas he normally would & giving to/for her everything he would. Hell, if anything, it's a compliment to me when someone is bold/daring enough to go outside of society's box. If anything, I'll respect ANYTHING/ANYBODY who doesn't leave me to do all the work. I love it when things are mutual.
There's nothing wrong with following society's "rules" BUT, a part of having successful relationships & relations with others is in the ability to have a mind of your own & if a person is going to follow a tradition or "rule" society gave them, it doesn't make sense to just follow or adapt to a certain way of thinking w/o really having a basis or reason. Just doing something/being a certain way just b/c society (a whole bunch of people you've NEVER met) is foolish, & to be honest, I think THAT is what accounts for why most friendships/relationships don't work out moreso than all b/c someone did what their heart told them to do. I mean come on now. It's tacky to make people regret following their heart, especially if you only have alot to GAIN from them doing so!
Some men may not like being chased, BUT here's the thing..it's not like it's only possible for 1 person to only do the chasing. I mean isn't a relationship nothing other than TWO people chasing eachother at the same speed? So even if a man is upset/wants to walk away b/c HE wanted to do the chasing, it doesn't make sense b/c technically, her chasing him shouldn't stop him at all from doin gas he normally would & giving to/for her everything he would. Hell, if anything, it's a compliment to me when someone is bold/daring enough to go outside of society's box. If anything, I'll respect ANYTHING/ANYBODY who doesn't leave me to do all the work. I love it when things are mutual.
There's nothing wrong with following society's "rules" BUT, a part of having successful relationships & relations with others is in the ability to have a mind of your own & if a person is going to follow a tradition or "rule" society gave them, it doesn't make sense to just follow or adapt to a certain way of thinking w/o really having a basis or reason. Just doing something/being a certain way just b/c society (a whole bunch of people you've NEVER met) is foolish, & to be honest, I think THAT is what accounts for why most friendships/relationships don't work out moreso than all b/c someone did what their heart told them to do. I mean come on now. It's tacky to make people regret following their heart, especially if you only have alot to GAIN from them doing so!
Tikki33,
I would not be comfortable if I told a joke that wasn't funny and the girl laughed lol I just won't.
Same goes for her "letting" me hold her hand as oppoed to us havin a moment where BOTH unconsciously agree its the next step to take.
As for the whole email/text thing, again, don't people who like each other WANT to answer these form of contact?!
I'm not saying reciprocating is controlling. I am saying the girl who thinks reciprocating in this way is a big deal is sort of trying to cntrol things.
Doesn't mean I don't understand why, all I'm saying is it ain't spontaneous to warrant a guy professing deep feelings! lol
You know: "Ooh, she let me hold her hand, SCORE!" lol
It's feelings like this that slow down passion in the getting to know you stage and once things slow down it gives dude room to THINK lol
But, you know, works for some people, perhaps a lot, but for me, it sounds too ... controlled lol
People grow to like each other over a long period of time, this I know, but there's so many ways girls can earn a guy's heart without even trying that they're completely blind to.
I sh** you not, a bad boy jack the lad type will get his conscience pricked if he met a woman with GENUINE kindness.
Not "I like you" kindness like the whole laughing at jokes/answering emails thingy. That's just following a rule book on how to slow things down when you're getting too deep, sort of thing.
Gender roles, sure, burrrrrrt, in love sh** is personal. Default reactions and behaviour is for one dimensional human beings (absolutely no offence or insult meant).
Burrrrt, you know, my opinion, my love life. Not a fan of submissive types, myself, but the calculating ones (people can have good reasons to be calculating) I avoid.
What's the point of being with someone who does't make you happy? Secuirty? Social relevance? Pfffft.
I would not be comfortable if I told a joke that wasn't funny and the girl laughed lol I just won't.
Same goes for her "letting" me hold her hand as oppoed to us havin a moment where BOTH unconsciously agree its the next step to take.
As for the whole email/text thing, again, don't people who like each other WANT to answer these form of contact?!
I'm not saying reciprocating is controlling. I am saying the girl who thinks reciprocating in this way is a big deal is sort of trying to cntrol things.
Doesn't mean I don't understand why, all I'm saying is it ain't spontaneous to warrant a guy professing deep feelings! lol
You know: "Ooh, she let me hold her hand, SCORE!" lol
It's feelings like this that slow down passion in the getting to know you stage and once things slow down it gives dude room to THINK lol
But, you know, works for some people, perhaps a lot, but for me, it sounds too ... controlled lol
People grow to like each other over a long period of time, this I know, but there's so many ways girls can earn a guy's heart without even trying that they're completely blind to.
I sh** you not, a bad boy jack the lad type will get his conscience pricked if he met a woman with GENUINE kindness.
Not "I like you" kindness like the whole laughing at jokes/answering emails thingy. That's just following a rule book on how to slow things down when you're getting too deep, sort of thing.
Gender roles, sure, burrrrrrt, in love sh** is personal. Default reactions and behaviour is for one dimensional human beings (absolutely no offence or insult meant).
Burrrrt, you know, my opinion, my love life. Not a fan of submissive types, myself, but the calculating ones (people can have good reasons to be calculating) I avoid.
What's the point of being with someone who does't make you happy? Secuirty? Social relevance? Pfffft.
Chasing itself is just a word in the dictionary. BUT the person (male OR female) behind/doing the chasing is what counts and is make/break for a relationship. People make it seem like it is just SO taboo for a woman to chase after a man. If the true measure of a woman's worth to a man is measured by how much (good things, may I add) she's dishing out, then that man needs to change his code for which he measure's a woman's true worth. Doesn't it sound a little BACKWARDS to assume a man is a horrible person just b/c he doesn't call first, or initiate dates? I mean come on now, there are WAY better ways of figuring out someone's character that go wayyyyyy beyond just who chased who.
Sure, society teaches men to be providers, to be the leaders & to be aggressive, BUT the reality is that NOT ALL Men are this way. And even better, some of the most successful & level-headed men have found themselves in awesome relationships that started out with him being chased. Not ALL men give a damn enough to chase a woman initially & do all the work, just for the woman to sit back (with no true or valid reason for why she can't give/put in the same) & act like she's the princess that's supposed to have everything given/done for her. I mean seriously, sure it can be a little uncomfortable to go 1st, BUT it's not like going 1st is the problem. The insecurities BEHIND why someone would fear going 1st is the problem.
Hell even women are taught by society to be emotional, sensitive, feminine & seek those who can provide for them, But um..sorry to say this but things have CHANGED! Nowadays, you've got more & more women who are less emotional, feminine & who are more concerned with providing for THEMSELVES!!! To say a woman chasing a man will cause problems is almost like saying a woman who provides for her DAMN self must have issues. That's just bogus. If a man doesn't like that I'm chasing him, then I won't change myself & what I like. No, instead I'll just go get another guy that CAN appreciate the fact that me chasing him is making things EASIER for his azs!
Sure, society teaches men to be providers, to be the leaders & to be aggressive, BUT the reality is that NOT ALL Men are this way. And even better, some of the most successful & level-headed men have found themselves in awesome relationships that started out with him being chased. Not ALL men give a damn enough to chase a woman initially & do all the work, just for the woman to sit back (with no true or valid reason for why she can't give/put in the same) & act like she's the princess that's supposed to have everything given/done for her. I mean seriously, sure it can be a little uncomfortable to go 1st, BUT it's not like going 1st is the problem. The insecurities BEHIND why someone would fear going 1st is the problem.
Hell even women are taught by society to be emotional, sensitive, feminine & seek those who can provide for them, But um..sorry to say this but things have CHANGED! Nowadays, you've got more & more women who are less emotional, feminine & who are more concerned with providing for THEMSELVES!!! To say a woman chasing a man will cause problems is almost like saying a woman who provides for her DAMN self must have issues. That's just bogus. If a man doesn't like that I'm chasing him, then I won't change myself & what I like. No, instead I'll just go get another guy that CAN appreciate the fact that me chasing him is making things EASIER for his azs!
Posted by &2gedanow
What's the point of being with someone who does't make you happy? Secuirty? Social relevance? Pfffft.
Absolutely, why be somewhere when you aren't happy, because if you aren't happy the other person damn sure isn't happy either - unless they are just straight crazy or clueless! Very good points you've made!
Posted by krysrenee7
Nowadays, you've got more & more women who are less emotional, feminine & who are more concerned with providing for THEMSELVES!!!click to expand
This is a statement I can DEFINITELY get behind.
&2gedanow okay I'm not sure if there is a language barrier but I was giving a few EXAMPLES of what reciprocation LOOKS like between a man and a woman....Nowhere in my post did I say women have to laugh at jokes that are not funny and you should be comfortable with that...I'm not sure your reading what I post or maybe your just pretending to not understand what I'm saying.....I haven't figured that out yet.
Your twisting what I say in the context of how you understand it, those were examples of different forms of reciprocation, you mention men resent don't reciprocate well those are a few forms of reciprocation between 2 people so to say men resent women that don't reciprocate is not asserting the truth. I don't know what the hell your talking about in your post about controlling and what not, so maybe I should leave that alone because it seems your talking German to me right now.
Your twisting what I say in the context of how you understand it, those were examples of different forms of reciprocation, you mention men resent don't reciprocate well those are a few forms of reciprocation between 2 people so to say men resent women that don't reciprocate is not asserting the truth. I don't know what the hell your talking about in your post about controlling and what not, so maybe I should leave that alone because it seems your talking German to me right now.
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