Would You Trust Them ?

Id you met someone on a "Site" became close, decided to "Give It A Go" and you are happy to delete your profile but the other person "Insists" on still having a profile on that site, where they can chat to anyone.
Would you trust them?
If theyre happy theyve found you, why arent they happy to delete their profile?
Are they hiding something?
Let's face it, most "Meeting Sites" are for Hook-Ups, NOT chat.
Would you trust them?

I could have worded that better !!!

Basically, if you had a partner that still had an "Active Profile" on Meeting Sites (maybe even more than one)
Would you have concerns about that?

I would trust them but I would also ask why they still have the account, if their reasons are just to meet new people, i wouldn't mind at all. I take it as another social network these so call meeting sites.

It also depends how long you two have been together, they might

1. keep it open to keep their options open
2. keep it open but not log onto it anyways or is curious at the potential fishies out there lol

But I would trust them anyways unless you insist they delete it and they don't and blow up on you, that could indicate something fishy is going on haha

depends on what kinda site it is. are we talking about a dating website or something myspace and facebook? but i think in either case, i wouldn't expect somebody to take down their online profile just for me. a few reasons

1. id feel silly for even bringing up the topic because lets face it, arguing about internet websites is a little embarrassing

2. if we decided to date each other exclusively, isnt that all the reassurance you need?

3. do i really want to be "that person", you know, the person who cant wait to get a boyfriend so they can make him change his status on facebook to "in a relationship with...." and have my name pop up next to it, and then change shows up in everyones newsfeed

meh. id totally trust the person. i dont think it's a big deal either way

Found this in the papers this morning - was so funny !

Virtual Affair/ divorce

good read @ zen hahaha that is just funny, can't believe things like these happen IRL

I have to agree with Ray. I would NEVER ask someone to delete their account; HOWEVER, them keeping it would not go a long way towards my trusting them. Let me be clear about something -- I don't care if my significant other has female friends; quite the opposite, because I have a lot of male friends, BUT, if I were in a relationship and HONESTLY giving it a chance, I would see no reason for me to have the account on the dating site. If it were a site like this, I (personally) feel there is a difference, because this is not a "dating site". That's not to say that some people may not have hooked up, etc; however this is no match.com, eharmony, etc.

I created this thread because::

I know a couple who have been together for 18months (theyr both guys bye the way) one immediately deleted his profile when they got together, the other one's is still there and regularly accessed (and it is a 100% pick up site)and the words he uses in that profile leave no illusion as to what he's after (also crude pictures)
I only see them once in a while and they seem to be happy, but i find it strange that one of them is "STILL" logging on to that profile when in a happy relationship.
I cant figure it out !!!!

I think think anyone should delete their account just because they meet on a site. Why not trust the other person? Plus, the person who wants to keep their account may still have friends on that site, so why should he/she leave them? You know what I mean?

And that site is NOT the kind of site you have "Friends" on!
Its a Sex Pick-up Site.
Thats why it intrigues me!
Maybe one is not as happy as the other and looking for something outside the relationship.
I know its none of my business but ive always been quite "Inquisitive"

HI IM NEW 🙂

I have to agree with the bunch....i wouldnt make him delete it, its his thing, he wants it there, you cant own that aspect but what you can do is ask him why and if he is going to actively use it otherwise let it go and focus on making what you have with him stronger than what he has with the internet.

Thanks for the feedback guys, your viewpoints were very interesting.
I must be in the minority.
I cant understand why someone in a "Happy Relationship" would still be actively logging on to a "Pick Up" site!!!

Perhaps I need to be more "Open Minded"

Interesting Virgogotme, very interesting!!

Ironically, I'm kind of going through a similar situation that I could use some help on. I'm TOTALLY clueless about these sites so educate me.

Is E-Harmony.com, one of the "100% hook up" sites or is it one of the more casual, social, networking sites?

The super-short of it:
I found my gal just recently made a profile on E-Harmony. I normally wouldn't give a shit if she was just browsing or looking around for fun, especially since she's a Gemini. I don't have any weird security issue's regarding that. The problem is the account is completely filled out with all her information, interests, along with a photograph. She's made it a full-fledged payed account (From what I saw, its a couple of hundred bucks a year?). I guess there's also some sort of optional "Verify ID" thing that she also went for.

My logic has kicked up ALL warning flags inside of me and wants to ask her what the fuck is going on. The other side of me is telling me to think this through, play it out really slowly, and if I need to challenge whats going on, plan it out methodically.

Do I consider what's going on an absolutely break of trust? Or is this site a total silly, goofing around type of thing that I shouldn't be concerned about. I'm VERY MUCH a normal guy so I'm completely ignorant about these "match making" sites so any insight would be very appreciated. Help 😢

"Is E-Harmony.com, one of the "100% hook up" sites or is it one of the more casual, social, networking sites?"

I tried E-Harmony bout 3 years ago. I didn't like the type of matches they found for me and there were so few of them. When my mom got divorced and was down and wanted to start dating, she tried it and met her current husband on it. And they could be in one of their commercials they are so cute and happy.

Virgohero, I'm a gemini and i am not going to speak for all geminis on this one. But if she is paying for an E-Harmony site, that's not good at all. This is a better site typically then most. Very intense questionaires and it really does try to meet up compatible people. Pretty thurough for a dating site. And that is what it is... a dating site. You go throug phases. First they show basic profile, then i think it went to you both exchange questions that are pick one of the answers, then it progresses if both are still interested to your own created questions... and it keeps progressing until you both agree on the site to send personal infomration.
She wouldn't be out there if she was fully satisfied with her current relationship. Most gem's you talk to, when they are head over heels in love, they don't stray. THAT IS STRAYING. may not be in the physical sense yet, butif she is PAYING for the site when you can use Yahoo andother sittes for free, that means she is serious about it to some degree. And if it were me as your chick, i would be on it for entertainment and what canhappen out of it. like lets see what i can do here..

Did you happen across the profile or did she tell you about it?? If you confront her, she will make light out of it probably. But i wouldn't take it lightly.

I'm in a serious relationship and i deleted ALL my accounts along time ago. I love my man and there is no longer a need for the thrills and fun of it. Too much at stake. he thrills me so i have no need to go there, i get it all at home. BUT, without making it too bad, this is the first time in 6 years, that i have fallen this far in love to settle down at home. JUST FYI and Gem Perspective.

"The other side of me is telling me to think this through, play it out really slowly, and if I need to challenge whats going on, plan it out methodically."

My take on playing it slow, is your allowing the door to open for her to get her interests peaked on another man off that site. It's easy to get us mentally stimulated and to get us focused on a person. doesn't typically last, but that fluttery fun feeling in the tummy is easy to come by if they have the gift of gab. so i wouldn't let this linger for long cuz you could lose her if you still want her.

If you nip it early, you MIGHT avoid that. But if you come to her with this, i hope you don't get my infamous response of "This is how it is, and if your going to flip out, i'm outta here". I dont' know if she has a mouth like me, but that's how i always took it if questioned about anything on those lines.
Is she alot younger than you— Young gems usually don't simmer down till later. alot of soul searching goes on in their bubbly brains. just curious on her age.

Babygirl, I appreciate your insight and thoughtful response.

But yea, thats EXACTLY the logic going through my head and I'm REALLY trying to be calm and think this through.

Its kind of random how I found out actually. A buddy of mine who I hadn't hung out with in YEARS had dinner with me earlier this week. We're catching up and he's telling me about how awesome his current chic is and how he met her on E-Harmony. As he's explaning the site, he did a search in my area and low and behold, I find my Gem's profile.

In regards to confronting her about it, she's pretty much either going to make light of the situation trying to point out a problem with me or cause a huge fight so she can say I started it. This is why I'm trying to think this out very slowly and methodically.

Anyways thanks so much for your HONEST input.

She's 35. Its kind of funny because most of you fem-gems say you even out a bit when you hit your 30's lol. She's got a mouth and has pulled that "ultimatum" stance if we're in a fight but normally apologizes about it once she cools off.

Its so funny...
You meet a gal, she's out of work but you don't judge or treat her differently based on that. You support her for a year and a half mentally, emotionally, financially (no expectation of repayment). Throughout that time, she professes to trust her, that she loves me, all that garbage. You help her get a GREAT job only to find she's looking to replace you in less than 2 months of getting back on her feet.

Fucking A, I TOTALLY got played lol.

It opens up a wholc can of worms.
Pick Ups Or Just Social Sites.
The site that one of the guys is on is purely a Pick-Up, Sex Site and nothing more.
I cant figure out why someone who is alledgedly "Happilyy Partnered" would still have his profile on there "AND" logging onto it most days!!!!
I suppose people really are different.
But to me, if someone's doing that, I think "Something's Not Right"

^I feel what you are expressing; but there are NEVER any guarantees in relationships - no matter how much you hope so (to me). If a relationship is supposed to be built on trust then yes, you could/should expect that the person would give up the site on their own, but if not, then what? You can ask that person and they can say "Sure, I'll close it." Then they'll close that one down only to reopen another. Again, I'm not saying that's right, but at least (I'm assuming) in your friends' case, the one knows the other still has the profile up there?? Also, one of my friends moms told me a long time ago that you don't know what people do behind closed doors unless you live with them, and they may have certain "arrangements" that society may not understand/accept, but it works for them. Again,I'm not saying that's the case with your friends, but one can never truly know......

i'm sorry to hear that you did all that for her vigrohero and her actions show she doesn't appreciate it. Some of us take longer to mature then others. Don't worry, karma will kick her in the butt. Always does.

Dog .. two things ..

First, I agree with Ray when he made the implication that these two men must not mind this aspect of their relationship and that because you find it odd isn't really relative to how they apparantly feel.

You had said that they have been together for a while, and they appear to be a happy couple. If they are happy, then they are happy. People get off on strange stuff sometimes, and you never know ... it might turn this man on when his partner gets lewd comments about his appendage. You know? Unless you know sexually about these men, you just never know. Maybe he LIKES it, mate. 🙂

If they've been together this long ... then I should imagine that they do, indeed, like it.


Second .... let's take it from the other perspective, let's say the man who deleted his account for his partner does not like it that his man still has his account open ... and this leaves a question in my mind.

You said that the one man deleted his account immediately upon entering into this union, but, you never mentioned whether this was a requirement of his partner to do.

You know .. sometimes when people get together, one of them just automatically assumes terms of the partnerships = does these things, and then expects the other to cooperate within these terms, eventhough they haven't been decided upon by both.

And that fucks people up sometimes .... because they feel so much for the other and wants the other to abide by these conditions, so that they can feel loved .. thing is though, if this partner NEVER was a participant in deciding these terms and conditions ... then really, it's the one who fell in love and put an expectation upon the other, who messed up.

WE can't expect any other person to just abide by how we want them to feel and love and if they don't do it ... think of it as a betrayal.

Seriously, I would probably take that position. If I were with a person and they just did "something" that they thought was right by me to do without discussing this with me first to see if it's acceptable and a part of the relationship conditions that I also approve of .. then I would likely take the attitude of ...

.... that's on you, I never said I would agree to that. I'm not responsible for catering to your heart like this, if you didn't cater to mine enough to discuss this with me first to see if this is what I want also.

However, the second thought is unlikely (that one just assumed) because these men are happy 🙂

Personally, if I were in this position .... it would depend on circumstances as to how I handled it.

I never thought of it like that !!
I guess you never really know people (sigh)

Thanks P-Angel