I hate Valentines! my SagiCap said his piece :/

it has got to be the holiday that attracts the most horrible shit to me: found on I was cheated on, broke up, dumped, assaulted and now this:
so all was well. things were all fine. he's talking engagement, places he looked at to get married and all.
and than yesterday we get into an argument about I don't even know why, he was grumpy for some time, and I asked him at one point: you don't really want me to come, do you? (-- I was supposed to be on a plane this Wednesday to see him for a few days) and his answer is: "I don't know"
and I'm like: "seriously? you don't know? do you know if you actually want to be with me?"
and he says: "I don't know"
and I'm like: "are you serious? why are you stringing me along? why am I making this effort and spending money on this if you don't even know if you want to be with me? do you even know if you love me?"
and he says: "I don't know. I don't know what I want"
and I asked: "do you want to be by yourself?"
and he said: "I think so. I don't know"
and so I started to be really upset and than we hung up. I cried it out. Called him back after I calmed down and asked: "why are you doing this?"
he said: "I don't know what I want, but I love you and I mean it."
than we talked it out.
He still wants me to come, but I feel like: why bother? why am I going to travel all day from one country to another to see someone who doesn't know if he wants to be with me?
We talked again, he called today after I didn't get an answer back to my one text, since he texted me, i replied and never heard again, he said he didn't want me to feel ignored, and I said to him: "you know if I come, you and I will need to talk this out?" He agreed.
WTF? Why am I even going there?
I hurt so much yesterday. Felt like part of me got ripped out.
If someone else would say this happened to me, I would tell the girl: "move on lady, he's not worth it."
I feel like just going through motions right now. Things changed. I don't know how to fix it, or even if I should think about fixing this, because if a man wants a woman, he KNOWS he wants a woman.
I feel like I will go there, we will talk it out, but it will be it. The end.
I know that I could just say he's depressed, his ptsd is kicking in high gear, he's still getting over his divorce and taking time, just moved again, all this stuff... but really? How much can I pawn onto other reasons than him actually not wanting to be with me genuinely. What the hell am I doing with him than? gah.... men.

yuck, sorry to hear that. I'm divorced too, so I understand how he is torn. There is a need to be loved, to have someone, but then we have this fear of being trapped again.

I wonder if it would help to make a 7 year deal. Get married for 7 years ... auto divorce after that, no questions asked ... unless both parties want to sign up for another 7. Maybe that would take the "forever" pressure off.

Have you been married before? Was it generally good, or totally bad experience? Mine was mostly good, but still it just leaves me with a lot of reluctance to giving up my independence again.

I've been with someone for over 10 years, we split up 3 years ago. he was married for 16, divorced last spring. can't make someone love you when you dont' want to. i dont really know why I would be even going to see him now - what's the point?
he said his piece. but than he says another. i dont know what to believe anymore. he's not a person that just says shit to say it. he means what he says.

and it's not him that wanted divorce. his wife cheated on him while he was deployed, he found out after. he still wanted to give it a chance after wards, but she was adamant about divorce. i met him just when they signed the papers. he said he had a great wife untill she cheated - he will never get over it. i should and really need to let this go. why is he playing with my emotions like this? i hate this.

Posted by roamingfreesomeone who doesn't know if he wants to be with me?
We talked again, he called today after I didn't get an answer back to my one text, since he texted me, i replied and never heard again, he said he didn't want me to feel ignored, and I said to him: "you know if I come, you and I will need to talk this out?" He agreed.

I think he wants you to go there and spend time with him, but is perhaps dreading this "talk it out". To me, It just sounds so heavy, and the prospect of "talking it out" always tires me out before the talk even happened.

I say just go to him, keep it light and fun and whatever doubts you two could be having will probably dissipate

we talked a bit last night. he opened up. he's stressing about possibly deploying again on a last minute notice. this trip will be good for both of us. I don't plan on having major talk anymore - we spoke our minds yesterday, he's stressing and so he's detaching and pushing me away, and so I told him, that's fine, stress over that, but what's the point of pushing me away - it's going to be a mightily lonesome deployment if you don't have me on this side. he knows. so, this weekend will be for fun only. no talk. no serious stuff. even if I will put my foot down on this nonsense. it has to stop.

I hope.