Sun Signs - The Downside

You aren't happy unless you have a cause. Whether wiping out world hunger or fighting for more coconut doughnuts in the office snack box is immaterial, as long as you can unleash the force of Juoiter's self-righteous zeal.

You are the most capricious sign in the Universe. The fact that your frequent midnight treks for pizza and beer clad in nothing but your underwear has earned you your own code number with the local cops only enriches the list of outrageous stories you love to endlessly repeat to whimpering friends and family.

You don't do stable. Your threshold of boredom is so low that if anything in your life remains the same for longer than five minutes you hyperventilate and head for the nearest exist. Your definition of comfort zone is the rest of the world's idea of maniac mode. Although you are basically a loner who loathes routine of any kind, you abhor solitude. This is because your Jupiter-ruled nature needs someone to look down on and order around. When forced to be alone, you subscribe to Sagittarius Frank Sinatra's philosophy of "I'm for anything that gets you through the night be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniel's".

Everything about you is exaggerated. Honesty means saying things such as "For a fat person, you sure don't sweat much." And your sense of adventure is limited to navigating the basement stairs without turning on the light. You talk about travel much more than actually going anywhere.

You are also the clumsiest sign alive. More accident-prone than an Aries in a sports car, your perpetually bruised head and scabby knees occur simply because you never pay attention. You stumble through life like Archer Emmet Kelly's sappy alter ego, breaking flowerpots with your head and dropping the good china on your bare feet trying to help do the dishes. But that's OK with you since you would rather be crippled for life than do anything the easy way.

You view romance as a race of how many, how fast. When you aren't flirting shamelessly with a married friend, you are getting engaged to three unlucky lovers simultaneously while making wedding plans with a fourth. And you are capable of leaving them all standing in the rain a the train station while you elope with the Leo in the gold jumpsuit you just met at the liquor store.

Sagittarius is the sign of the philosophy professor, travel agent, gypsy cab driver, and court jester. Archers also make excellent vagrants, snake oil salesmen, and joke writers for the

Internet. Your ideal vacation spot is anywhere you don't have to bathe, shave or cut your toenails.

You're also the optimist of the Universe who never loses sight of the end of the rainbow You are positive, energetic, and full of good intentions. You need to learn to curb your proclivity to speak before you think, and fine-tune your excellent diplomatic skills. Once you understand the difference between trusting your luck and pushing your luck, nothing on earth can stop you. In battle, your aim is straight and your arrows are swift and true.

🙂