7 Months post-disappearance report

Usually when the women who file their "lost scorpio" report here on DXP, they dump it and run. Never to be heard from again when the guy fails to return. Well, I'm still here and just wanted to give an update on life after the disappearance.

To re-cap: After a one year lovefest, and a few runs of hot/cold, the scorp man that I loved got angry/hurt at me for (I think) a text message I sent calling him out & saying goodbye (which of course, I regret was in anger). I tried many attempts to contact him via email, calls, text etc to no avail. My email tracking which tells me when they've been read, location etc, and found that initially he would not read any of them, but weeks later would read one or two. A few went unread. After 3 months, the sharp-edged pain subsided, thanks to a lot of you awesome scorpios (and other signs too) here for your counsel on how/why scorps do this thing and to a lot of spiritual practicing in letting go and finding peace. I came to accept what he did, and am moving on. Moving on, thought doesnt mean I've forgotten, though I have been dating, he is still on my mind daily. Love isn't forgotten so easily, at least to this Leo w/scorpio moon and a damn cancer venus.

I was doing ok until this retrograde. He has been more and more on my mind. I was to have a cell phone # change recently due to an anticipated job change so I emailed my entire contact list advising. Subject line of "Phone # change". So, after all these months, he chooses to read that email. Surprised me. Prior emails has subject lines like "Please read", or "Hello", personal like, but he would not read them. Week later, my job did not change as expected, I mailed out another saying my number is remaining the same. Used same subject line. He read that one again. So this triggered my always catty Leonine "what are you up to" cord as well as my scorp moon "what the FUCK are you up to?". I felt the need to test him, so.......

I sent another email with a personal reference in the subject line (just stating the name of his city), to see if he'd read this one. And....nope. He wouldn't and hasn't read it. How odd. All these months later, he cut me off like a dead piece of cancer from his body, won't read anything potential personal but wants to know if I've changed my number. We've always both been super sensitive to critical emails and both avoided them at times.Anyhow...Im ready for the RG to end cus Im about to fly out to hunt him down. 😢

Straight-jacket anyone?

Oh crap, Intrigued Scorp....you're making me wanna buy a plane ticket....naughty girl! 😛

yeah...intruigued is right. i couldn't do it personally though could you? i would be way to scared of what reaction i'd get just showing up unannounced. it's a shame he doesn't live closer cos it's easier to 'engineer' randomly bumping into someone.

so while i agree that a scorp like that kind of concerted declaration of intent from someone else, it would make us uncomfortable being the one doing that.

i know it's frustrating bgp. must drive you crazy. i don't know what i would do in that situation that you aren't already doing 😢

he knew u were fishing. i feel for you venus in cancer. you guys latch on for dear life.

intrigued is so right. surprise guest appearances always trigger something in my mind. either extreme digust or love, but always memories are brought back to the forefront.

im actually jealous that your scorp doesnt live close to you. i see mine several times a week. takes alot of mental energy to keep the memories at bay.

DMV, it does make it easier that he lives elsewhere for I know my scorp moon would have dug an underground tunnel to his home by now, installed an invisible audio/video communications system in his garage and become a professional "spy" into his life to uncover everything that he is up to. 😛

After I sent the "test-ballon" email and saw he read it, I sent one final email days later. For 7 months I have had no closure, and of course, wanted to *be heard*. You know how us ladies are..."I got sumpmin' to say to you". I think holding back for 7 months was pretty restrained for ME. This RG really has my mind stirred up. So, I wrote about how I felt about his silent amputation and other stuff. It wasnt angry, was just open and honest. RigorMortis can vouch for the content as I shared it with her. So, knowing that he wouldn't read a personal subject line, I just wrote in the word "Phone". And he read it. Yeah, most women trap men into doing things by showing their boobs and vajayjay, I just have to show my "phone". I did it knowingly but after 7 months, I don't care, I want to be "heard". And I feel light years better. It was just a personal locking of the door for me and it doesn't matter that he didn't reply.

Funny enough, he continues to read my blog. My blog also has a visitor tracking service. What does it all mean? Nada....It just is.

BGP, sending you warm hugs, as I know the story and you know mine, so I know how you are feeling. Hmmmm...digging the tunnel....lol....as you know, I live very close to my ex Scorp and that can be very hard at times,running into him here and there, and on the way to work....so not sure if either living too close, or too far away makes a huge different...it all hurts just the same.....

Those Scorps sure are hard to forget! and with him and I both having our Venus in Scorp, even more difficult!
Hang in there honey!

BGP,

keep talking about it fellow scorp mooner. no matter how many blogs u may start with him. scorp moons, speaking for myself, need to get our emotions out. if we hold it all in, we turn to drugs alcohol sex or even food. my aries bff has been an awesome outlet for me. do u have a friend like that? someone u can truly open up 2? if not, dxp is always a good outlet.

in terms of him reading..i read everything and anything i can get my hands on...until i get a new obsession. so maybe thats his deal.

If people I can't let go of completely showed up in my life.. I would go stone cold ice on them. I would have no sympathy, because they should have known better than to leave if they wanted me back. I can picture this conversation with two people I'm not completely over. "Hey, how have you been, I was just missing you and wanted to see how you're doing". "Oh. I'm fine. Do you want something?" And chances are they wouldn't know what to say to that.. "Uh, no, just wanted to say hi.." "Oh. Hi. I'm on my way to (make something up). Nice to see you. Goodbye." and shut the door in their face.

Doesn't matter that I still care. Only matters how much that caring has hurt over the years. Pain = anger.

Have to say though, if they kept on trying over and over for a few weeks, eventually my walls would break down. Because thats all it is. The feelings are still there, and I can't let them go. I guarantee there would be a really nasty fight after I actually let them talk though.

I was once being toyed with by a Cancer dude. Not the user Cancer but another Cancer. I seem to attract them for whatever reason. Anyway, he disappeared for about 4 days. On the 4th day I gave in and called him. Do you know this fool hit the "IGNORE" button on his cell phone. The ignore button !!! At least give me the illusion that you didn't see me calling. I was so mad. I drove over to his house. I have never did anything like that in my life. I am not that confrontational. I was ready to fight I mean really ready. If he said anything out of pocket, I was swinging first and hoping someone in my family had bail money. I was beyond mad. He opened the door all wide eyed. Then he came on the porch and started talking to me in that "hostage negotiation voice" you know the one where you are trying to talk someone back in off the ledge. It's hard to smack the shit out of someone when they are using that voice. Anyway, I left. He kept talking to me for about another week. Then he disappeared again. I didn't care. I couldn't believe I allowed another person to get me to that point. The point where I was seriously going to put my freedom in jeopardy because had he said one thing and I do mean one wrong thing it was going DOWN.

I had even walked off the porch into the street just in case we started fighting. I figured I didn't want to fall off the steps or anything. 🙂

nala: you are awesome 🙂

elle. i can't begin to imagine how that must've felt! he obviously wasn't worthy anyway 😄

love stuff really sucks doesn't it? the moment you feel an ounce of feeling for someone, you can guarantee there will be some associated pain in the future. i just can't get my head around ignoring people though. i know i do it but i don't like being on the receiving end. such a hypocrit.

nah, I cant go see him. I dont want to feel like a stalker anyhow. These feelings will pass. But the leo in me just wants to challenge him (or maybe me) to see how much prodding I can do to get a response out of him. I feel like I need to win a victory to get that reply. Honestly, I wish he'd just say "Fuck off" so I would know he doesnt like me at all. The silence can always be interpreted 2 ways....he hates me and just doesnt want to bother typing "fuck off" in an email or he is hurt and cant stand up to his emotions to deal with me.

I just dunno. :/

Actually Rig I felt really disrespected. I mean to not answer my phone call is one thing. To look at the phone see my name and say "fuck u" is on a different level altogether.

Well BGP...the Leo in me would wait a few months and then send him an email with subject line: You are cordially invited to my engagement party.
On another note, he could be reading all your emails. My email asks me if I want to notify the sender if I read it. So maybe he is reading them and chosing which
ones to let you know he read. Just a thought.

Ahhhh Nala...thats a funny idea!! Love it...🙂

No, I use a pay tracking service that is different from the Outlook type you have. This gives very specific info. Readnotify.com.

Love the engagement idea...should I put the word "Engagement"in the subject line? bahahahahaha

No.... You have to put GUESS WHAT in all caps in the subject line. Make sure you blind cc him that way he has no idea that you only sent it to him. It's not really going to be an invite but more of a "save the date" kind of thing. LOL . He is going to be like " WHAT" at least I would. So I wouldn't advise this if you don't want to open a dialogue because he's a callin after that"

LOL Nala....you're so cute. I dunno why, but I am more and more becoming obsessed with getting a reaction from him. It is such a challenge to me to want to get him to budge, replying to a message or IM or sumpin'. I think it's because I feel on some level that he still cares since he read my *change of phone* email but wont read the personal ones.

Sometimes I see him when he is on yahoo messenger. Ive never IM there before, but Im thinking of sending a message there....telling him if he wants tme to disappear and stop contacting he should just tell me to "fuck off" and I will. This is my "cat plays with a string" tendency, but this time its not just to fuck with someones mind. Its to validate and maybe instigate communication.

I just need to to let him go again. Mother trucker this sucks.

yeah..the yahoo im route is best and hopefully you'll get the chance soon! you have to knock this on the head somehow. what if he goes offline though....or just ignores....are you prepared for all outcomes?

nala..yeah, that's the ultimate disrespect via mobile. i reserve that treatment for numbers i don't recognise. i just loved your agression in that story...love women that don't take shit.

one day i'm gonna be just like that LOL!!! i'm such a people-pleasy-libra-moonie mooshball.

This just has given me the ultimate rejection thus far, cant see how it could get worse. Its made me pissed off now, like I want to bang him over the head and finger flick him in the forehead and call him stoopit.

And riggie...I love me some mooshballs 🙂