BeautifulScorpion
@BeautifulScorpion
21 Years500+ PostsScorpio
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Friends with benefits
Understanding Friends with Benefits Relationships
Friends with benefits are casual friendships that include physical intimacy without romantic commitment. It can be enjoyable but may lead to feelings developing over time. Open communication is essential to manage expectations and avoid misunderstandings in these arrangements.
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BS...I have tried the "friends with benefits" thing...but self respect is such a fickle thing...
You see it starts off all hot and heavy...then there usually comes a time when u'd like to go somewhere with that someone...and that's where it starts getting complicated...
Over and above that...I find men are totally ok with it because it's something to do with their DNA make up which is perfectly ok! But woman who settle for this type of relationship usually have some kind of low self image and are confusing love with sex...this tends to leave them feeling terribly used...and they often turn the blame on themselves and this continues in a cycle...
Other woman I kno of who are of strong character can manage pretty well on a "friends with benefits" relationship...
My theory is...Try everything once...and then maybe twice just to be sure...Thrice if u liked it!!! *winks*
*mwah*
You see it starts off all hot and heavy...then there usually comes a time when u'd like to go somewhere with that someone...and that's where it starts getting complicated...
Over and above that...I find men are totally ok with it because it's something to do with their DNA make up which is perfectly ok! But woman who settle for this type of relationship usually have some kind of low self image and are confusing love with sex...this tends to leave them feeling terribly used...and they often turn the blame on themselves and this continues in a cycle...
Other woman I kno of who are of strong character can manage pretty well on a "friends with benefits" relationship...
My theory is...Try everything once...and then maybe twice just to be sure...Thrice if u liked it!!! *winks*
*mwah*
Are you sure he doesn't just want you for your yearly income sugarmama?
^^ Hmm that's a good point, you might be right. But then again, some women might be so cold and detached and non-caring that they could go around from bed to bed like the worst of the men, and never look back..I wouldn't count it out. But yes women are wired differently than us, they don't just 'forget about it' like a stupid man would do, oh no they do not.
I have but the thing is I did those deals were with actual real friends so never had to worry about disrespect or "talking" behind the others back on either side and we're still very good friends to this day with our own boyfriends and girlfriends with no problems.I think it's usually women that develop feelings though even besides the fact that I did it and didn't.Seems to be an alterier motive to get close to thier crushes that way even though they know he's not looking for that at the moment.It was just sex to me and picked friends due to the fact that I could trust them with "details" being keeped quiet and knowing that they weren't male hos before I had sex with them too.Sure there was feelings for each other on both sides but not in those "lovey,want to be with you" type terms.
Most of the time it seems to get weird eventually. I've had a lot of FWB's and every time I know it's gonna go pair shaped but I can't help but put myself in those positions to start with, I've even got one now (maybe I've commitment issues). Sometimes it just fades away but more often than not someone gets a twinkle in their eye. I've been on both sides of it. The trick is knowing when to pull the pin and then having the will power to follow through.
I must say in my experience it has been rare that the friendships continue in a normal fashion after the fact but there is a couple of cases where they have.
I must say in my experience it has been rare that the friendships continue in a normal fashion after the fact but there is a couple of cases where they have.
Tiamat, you always seem to be an exception to every problem we have here. I mean that in the nicest way, sweetie. 😛 I guess you're very evolved with very evolved cool friends and exes. Haha!
Ok, everyone, here's a question: If men and women are wired differently, who are the women the commitment-phobic men sleep with? Who are the FWB women? They still go on, so it must be somewhat ok for some women.
But damn it, I don't think I could do it either. "Maybe if I was as cool as Tia!" (but the guy would have to be pretty cool too) I've sort of tried it, and as Yummy Mummy said, I think I must have confused it with love. Although I was young. Maybe I need to try again.
Ok, everyone, here's a question: If men and women are wired differently, who are the women the commitment-phobic men sleep with? Who are the FWB women? They still go on, so it must be somewhat ok for some women.
But damn it, I don't think I could do it either. "Maybe if I was as cool as Tia!" (but the guy would have to be pretty cool too) I've sort of tried it, and as Yummy Mummy said, I think I must have confused it with love. Although I was young. Maybe I need to try again.
It's called FF actually.
F# $ k Buddy is wot they call it here...!
lol
lol
I completely agree with virgogotme. I don't understand what it is with women trying to be like men these days? I have heard the same arguments over and over and they go something like this: "If men do it there is nothing wrong with a woman doing it" ... Men are judged differently, a man who sleeps around is probably looked up to by his friends while women will be called h-oes aNd actually what is even more disgusting is how often you see women who are proud of it. I used to listen to this radio show with 'Tom Leykis' and this man gives advice on how to get a man laid by lying to women, how to play her emotions, not to go on more than 3 dates without sex... basically he teaches that all women are h-oes, worthless and only good for one thing. And although I disliked this idiot what I really hated was the stupid WOMEN who would call in stating that they loved this jerk and pretty much agreed with every degrading thing he said about women. He would be insulting them and they'd laugh and agree. Why would any woman do this? I see that so much. Parties and these girls are fukking guys in the room and then doing the friend some other day and every time you see them they're all over some guy. Women will do it out of spite, because they want to prove they too can play that game, they're 'equal' to men but mainly these days it's just an excuse for vulgarity.
Personally, if anything, I dislike a man who has been around.
Personally, if anything, I dislike a man who has been around.
Women enjoy being able to lower themselves as low as the worst man, here's what feminism brought.
LOL good point Branh.
I disagree with the assumption that having a "FWB" means that you have multiple partners. Currently I have ONE, not several, and do not want others at all. We are good friends and I could carry on being in a mutually independent sexual relationship with him for the long haul.
However, I know I am not "the one" for him. He knows the same thing, because there may never be "the one" for me. Of course I love him, I love all my friends and care about them deeply. I am not one who loves in the socially expected sense though, where "ownership" and chronic "togetherness" seems to be a requirement. Actually, those are two traits that I see more often in men in a sexual relationship than in women. I think men are far more dependent in the long run. Does this make me a "ho-e"? I've never been one to just hop into bed with anyone, ever.
I disagree with the assumption that having a "FWB" means that you have multiple partners. Currently I have ONE, not several, and do not want others at all. We are good friends and I could carry on being in a mutually independent sexual relationship with him for the long haul.
However, I know I am not "the one" for him. He knows the same thing, because there may never be "the one" for me. Of course I love him, I love all my friends and care about them deeply. I am not one who loves in the socially expected sense though, where "ownership" and chronic "togetherness" seems to be a requirement. Actually, those are two traits that I see more often in men in a sexual relationship than in women. I think men are far more dependent in the long run. Does this make me a "ho-e"? I've never been one to just hop into bed with anyone, ever.
Branh, did I say it is NOT a relationship? Of course it is, and as it is exclusive as well. What is the point? WE both like it this way! And that is all that matters, not what you think, not what anyone else thinks. There is no deception going on, there are no promises of anything more. There is also no fighting, no possesiveness, no unrealistic expectations of each other. Intimacy? Oh yes, by the car load, of course. Happily ever after, probably not. But Happily Right Now...yes. Should I say no to that, and live like a nun knowing that I don't want to "share" my entire life with someone (in other words hand over control to some man)? Things are fine as they are. Sex for sex's sake disgusts me. Being locked into a relationship where one must subjugate their identity to another to please them and the rest of society also disgusts me (and I don't buy into any romantic pipe dream that says this doesn't happen, it is inevitable, in most cases). We actually have a great emotional bond without the trappings of the expected social mores, it's not a game and I resent that insinuation.
LOL you think you are Mr. Smartypants, don't you?
Well,first off,how many people here can say they've slept with less than ten people?Well,I've only been with 7,a whole 7,oh yes im such a whore for that,especially being as only two of them are the friends with benifets thing,damn I should learn to fcuk anything with a penis instaed of a couple friends,a goy I dated for awhile and three serious relationships.Self respect what does sex with a person who does respect you even IF it is just a friend level have to do with fcuking them when we were horny,single and prefer to sleep with each rather than some random,completely strange person in a bar.Just because people have SEX doesn't mean it was unprotected sex!!!So that theorys out as well.If someones to lazy or stupid to get some condoms they deserve to have those things happen to them.There is NO degrading in my situation so next theory,oh yeah,thats just an excuse "hos" use when they are confronted,it has no truth due to most dudes can't get even half as many women as they brag about.I agree it's not an intelligent or a real one.
Those silly little nennys taking it in the ass,oral,etc. BUT are still "virgins" are "Good girls" from "good" sheltered,upper middle class unbringings",hmm again backgrounds don't mean sqat and ALL kids are going to be defiant in some way or another so backgrounds have no "grounds" as any arguements.I found it hilarious watching spring break this year and the dad with a big head found out about how his great,clean,nice little girl slept with 80 people and was only 18.People contracting std's and getting knocked up,are most likely to be people in relationships that because they "know" them and "love" them they don't use protection.As for details,FWB's also doesn't mean it's an ongoing thing,it CAN be only a couple occassions with each person.Im sure I can find statistics on alot of these things as far as unbringings,std's and relationships verses friends with benifets crap.
All else opinions,ask first before making stereotyped assumptions because your most likely to be wrong if you don't,it's just a message board,some words in posts are the ONLY thing you know about the people your considering hos,lack self respect or are jack asses.Things aien't and never WILL be as black and white as people would prefer it to be because it's easier to do the judgement and not hear,see,understand or read as to be more educated in humans as topics and why they are,do or whatever else that you don't understand.😉As a final note,I would be a follower if I followed in the footsteps of middle class,nice white girls way and go p u s s y diving even though im not bi-sexual because it's whats expected or sexy to keep thier little boyfriends satisfied.
Those silly little nennys taking it in the ass,oral,etc. BUT are still "virgins" are "Good girls" from "good" sheltered,upper middle class unbringings",hmm again backgrounds don't mean sqat and ALL kids are going to be defiant in some way or another so backgrounds have no "grounds" as any arguements.I found it hilarious watching spring break this year and the dad with a big head found out about how his great,clean,nice little girl slept with 80 people and was only 18.People contracting std's and getting knocked up,are most likely to be people in relationships that because they "know" them and "love" them they don't use protection.As for details,FWB's also doesn't mean it's an ongoing thing,it CAN be only a couple occassions with each person.Im sure I can find statistics on alot of these things as far as unbringings,std's and relationships verses friends with benifets crap.
All else opinions,ask first before making stereotyped assumptions because your most likely to be wrong if you don't,it's just a message board,some words in posts are the ONLY thing you know about the people your considering hos,lack self respect or are jack asses.Things aien't and never WILL be as black and white as people would prefer it to be because it's easier to do the judgement and not hear,see,understand or read as to be more educated in humans as topics and why they are,do or whatever else that you don't understand.😉As a final note,I would be a follower if I followed in the footsteps of middle class,nice white girls way and go p u s s y diving even though im not bi-sexual because it's whats expected or sexy to keep thier little boyfriends satisfied.
branh i thought u said men dont express their emotions... now ur sayin they do...
I guess you are more content lying to yourself because it sucks that you can't express your emotions like men.
branh i dont understand that in every topic i go2 u have sumthing negative to say... i know u c the world in all itz negativities moreso than the positives coz thatz ur reality and uptake on life(in that theres a lot more bad than gud out there)... but surely life cant be all that bad... i mean your knockin down a lot of peoples perspectives and beliefs this is there frame of referene and though yes this is an opinion board... you have to show sum compassion to the people ur talkin to... i know i know itz good ur points are argumentive and hold validity in reference to wat u believe.. but this is there belief too... itz jus sumtyms we gotta show each other a bit more respect... we are all only human and we are all only expressin our emotions even you too but i think we jus all need to show a bit more respect to differin opinions rather than goin on the attack all th tym
branh i dont understand that in every topic i go2 u have sumthing negative to say... i know u c the world in all itz negativities moreso than the positives coz thatz ur reality and uptake on life(in that theres a lot more bad than gud out there)... but surely life cant be all that bad... i mean your knockin down a lot of peoples perspectives and beliefs this is there frame of referene and though yes this is an opinion board... you have to show sum compassion to the people ur talkin to... i know i know itz good ur points are argumentive and hold validity in reference to wat u believe.. but this is there belief too... itz jus sumtyms we gotta show each other a bit more respect... we are all only human and we are all only expressin our emotions even you too but i think we jus all need to show a bit more respect to differin opinions rather than goin on the attack all th tym
lol,yeah,I know but niether does being in a relationship sex,theres no exceptions to any sex related stuff on whether or not you get std's or knocked up,it can always happen to you.It's usually the people who think it can't happen to them who do get std's because they'd only been with one person,it was with a boyfriend they knew,etc.But thats the thing theres some really,really extreme conclusions being jumped to about the people who have admitted to being involved with these situations and placing it with the dumb ass version of it.I'll admit it I was a incoherrent when it was posted though,maybe I was gettin a bit defensive when it was posted.😛
Okay,in non sarcastic terms:
Backgrounds don't mean anything because kids are smarter than thier parents think they are supposed to be.A crappy background is a very good pusher towards self improvement and taking up responsibilities as well as a sheltered,upper middle class or above,great student,traditional parents,etc. "good" background are very likely to do the stupid crap just to defy thier parents in a "your just judgemental,self independance,etc." speech.Alot of those girls from the "vaginal virgins" topic-it wouldn't surprise me if they are the "good" kids turned "bad".Due to the "girls gone wild" videos and some of the aired spring break stuff that parents get surprised and pissy about it because they're "good" kids are doing those things while "bad" kids meaning low class,not alot of money,divorced/single parents,ghetto raised kids are supposed to be the ones doing those things.Columbine was the perfect example of what I mean by backgrounds don't decide anything in a more serious manner.
Secondly,I chose to do the friends with benifets thing because I didn't want to sleep with some random person in a bar somewhere where something bad could've happened as far as possibly rape,being drugged,etc. with no choice in terms of sexual protection so chose a friend while we were both single,so it literally wasn't hurting anyone in any form.And im not a ho and actually rarely get sexual feelings outside of dating or being in a serious relationship.I don't use the "well if men can do women can do it too because it's equal" crap because 80% the of men who brag alot are full of it usually being because one they're closet gays and are trying to avoid the labels,fear of being an oddity,etc. or two,they've never gotten laid or are talking crap to amuse thier friends.
You can't put this topic and the people who have done it in the catagory of being
hos,easy,loose,lacking self respect,doing it to be cool,etc.It was convenient sex that was a mutual decision.I was horny,friend was there and got laid,thats the only thing it was nothing more,nothing less.It basically was a couple one night stands only they happened to be with friends.I wasn't doing things that I had to degrade myself to do,was manipulated into doing,lacking self respect,etc. when I did it.Nothing was directed at you at all branh,in case you were wondering about that,it was mainly a certain two females putting it into those "Stupid hos" catagories it was directed at.
It's not one of those situations so don't place it in one is the point I guess I was getting at.As far
as the original topic goes however I still think it is kinda difficult for people to not
confused it with feelings or have it up the intensity of the feelings I will admit for alot of people,I think it didn't happen that way with me because it was only once or twice with the two and we both went about our own normal lives afterwards,lucked out I guess maybe.😛
Okay,in non sarcastic terms:
Backgrounds don't mean anything because kids are smarter than thier parents think they are supposed to be.A crappy background is a very good pusher towards self improvement and taking up responsibilities as well as a sheltered,upper middle class or above,great student,traditional parents,etc. "good" background are very likely to do the stupid crap just to defy thier parents in a "your just judgemental,self independance,etc." speech.Alot of those girls from the "vaginal virgins" topic-it wouldn't surprise me if they are the "good" kids turned "bad".Due to the "girls gone wild" videos and some of the aired spring break stuff that parents get surprised and pissy about it because they're "good" kids are doing those things while "bad" kids meaning low class,not alot of money,divorced/single parents,ghetto raised kids are supposed to be the ones doing those things.Columbine was the perfect example of what I mean by backgrounds don't decide anything in a more serious manner.
Secondly,I chose to do the friends with benifets thing because I didn't want to sleep with some random person in a bar somewhere where something bad could've happened as far as possibly rape,being drugged,etc. with no choice in terms of sexual protection so chose a friend while we were both single,so it literally wasn't hurting anyone in any form.And im not a ho and actually rarely get sexual feelings outside of dating or being in a serious relationship.I don't use the "well if men can do women can do it too because it's equal" crap because 80% the of men who brag alot are full of it usually being because one they're closet gays and are trying to avoid the labels,fear of being an oddity,etc. or two,they've never gotten laid or are talking crap to amuse thier friends.
You can't put this topic and the people who have done it in the catagory of being
hos,easy,loose,lacking self respect,doing it to be cool,etc.It was convenient sex that was a mutual decision.I was horny,friend was there and got laid,thats the only thing it was nothing more,nothing less.It basically was a couple one night stands only they happened to be with friends.I wasn't doing things that I had to degrade myself to do,was manipulated into doing,lacking self respect,etc. when I did it.Nothing was directed at you at all branh,in case you were wondering about that,it was mainly a certain two females putting it into those "Stupid hos" catagories it was directed at.
It's not one of those situations so don't place it in one is the point I guess I was getting at.As far
as the original topic goes however I still think it is kinda difficult for people to not
confused it with feelings or have it up the intensity of the feelings I will admit for alot of people,I think it didn't happen that way with me because it was only once or twice with the two and we both went about our own normal lives afterwards,lucked out I guess maybe.😛
GeminiLover has put her thoughts in her posts accordign to the current situations and mindset of people. I have come across females who are very much involved with one man but can have one night stands or a standby relationship which is purely on sexual basis- with total coolness.
Besides the younger females today are openly experimental more than ever before. They are very clear if they are having the 'benefits' for the experience,just pure lust or for love.
IMO people are emotional only as long as they can afford to be. What if the sexual experince was bad? Then wud peopel be still emotionally attached? NO. At the most they will try to make improvements and if ti fails...move on. It is entirely a person to person situation ...
I have a Gemini male friend with whom i got involved for a while. And no i wouldnt use the term friends with benefits...to me it makes it look liek as if friend is a one from whom you cant ask for anything..and if at all naything it is SEX...lmao..my perspective.. Teh gem guy becme totally emotional ..while i have moved on. And geminis are supposed ot be the ones who are nto emotional (LOL) So how can such issues be fitted in any category at all?
I am a double cancerian and a female..very emotional...btu with my first 2 BFs there waas never emotional attachment. We got along ..got involved and when the tiem came to say good bye it was nto with remorse but with a vibrancy which comes out of having spent good times wiht each ohter.
Besides the younger females today are openly experimental more than ever before. They are very clear if they are having the 'benefits' for the experience,just pure lust or for love.
IMO people are emotional only as long as they can afford to be. What if the sexual experince was bad? Then wud peopel be still emotionally attached? NO. At the most they will try to make improvements and if ti fails...move on. It is entirely a person to person situation ...
I have a Gemini male friend with whom i got involved for a while. And no i wouldnt use the term friends with benefits...to me it makes it look liek as if friend is a one from whom you cant ask for anything..and if at all naything it is SEX...lmao..my perspective.. Teh gem guy becme totally emotional ..while i have moved on. And geminis are supposed ot be the ones who are nto emotional (LOL) So how can such issues be fitted in any category at all?
I am a double cancerian and a female..very emotional...btu with my first 2 BFs there waas never emotional attachment. We got along ..got involved and when the tiem came to say good bye it was nto with remorse but with a vibrancy which comes out of having spent good times wiht each ohter.
Whew....what a discussion. Fact: we all have thoughts, each thought is correct for each one of us. When it no longer works for us we will change our thought. Isn't this about discovering who we are and who we choose to be? I say, do what you feel is right for you and if something does not feel right - don't do it. What you will experience then is - happiness because you honoured yourself no matter what.
As one of my favorite men quotes - "There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Shakespeare~
As one of my favorite men quotes - "There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Shakespeare~
Great!!! I liek the forhtrightness of you people alright.
Well I am a Bible thumping freak..( if thats the expression of the times) and very proud of it. And Jesus Christ si definitely my hero. Those thoughts i have expressed above has coem from plain simple understandign of human nature and what si required to keep society together.
Can being all heart prevent spread of sexually transmitted diseases? The cause of stds are carelessness. People who can seaprate heart involvements form sex or are able to be in sexual relationships without love need not be cold/empty hearted ..it is jsut that their heart maybe involved in their favorite hobby like painting for example. Such peopel are also fully capable of waiting for the right person to come...who will give them fulfillment , the space and without passing any disease... and they give much love to each ohter. Sometimes the wait of such seemingly cold hearted ones can be years!!!!
Yes apart form sterilisation i have nto coem across any othe fool proof method of birth control. Harmonal solution desnot go for evey one. But humans have worked around this problem..haven't they? Life cannot be bed of roses all the time and kids are cetianly a delight ( i have 3 of those angels).
I would never ever consider the hooker having sex for money as cold heartedness..she is doign it to LIVE and probably for the suvival of her loved ones so she is EMOTIONAL and all heart here. The exploitation that they go through in this poces sis the cold heartedness of the criminals who have made promoting prostituion as their livelihood.
what is an emotional state? If a perosn can enjoy sex without being emtoionally involved it doesnt nullify the sacredness or sanctity invovled in man woman relationship.It jsut make them to see things in realsitic way. And certianly they need nto invite any diseases whiel doing this. A perosn can approach a sexual involvement wiht total sanctity and yet be vey realsitic a nd practical abotu the realities of the perosn they are invovled with.
I would consider cold heartedness when the person is using the other for entirely his/her own self - agrandisement ... or if a person wanting oen night stand victimises an emotional perosn by misleadign them and playign with their heart in the process.
and if a perosn says lets meet next tuesday for a screw implies a direct approach which maynot necessarily show empty heartedness ..but the comfort level of individuals with each other. That both wnat to rendevous again shows that there could be more to it than jsut sex. Maybe the coupel can have private meetings only on tuesday...see it is situational. Same goes fo soem of the one night stands..they are into it because they dotn want to be emotional about sexual involvements. So their heart maybe busy makign soem wonderful melody..or crying over hte kids orphaned due to earhtquake and how ot help them.....who knows?........
Well I am a Bible thumping freak..( if thats the expression of the times) and very proud of it. And Jesus Christ si definitely my hero. Those thoughts i have expressed above has coem from plain simple understandign of human nature and what si required to keep society together.
Can being all heart prevent spread of sexually transmitted diseases? The cause of stds are carelessness. People who can seaprate heart involvements form sex or are able to be in sexual relationships without love need not be cold/empty hearted ..it is jsut that their heart maybe involved in their favorite hobby like painting for example. Such peopel are also fully capable of waiting for the right person to come...who will give them fulfillment , the space and without passing any disease... and they give much love to each ohter. Sometimes the wait of such seemingly cold hearted ones can be years!!!!
Yes apart form sterilisation i have nto coem across any othe fool proof method of birth control. Harmonal solution desnot go for evey one. But humans have worked around this problem..haven't they? Life cannot be bed of roses all the time and kids are cetianly a delight ( i have 3 of those angels).
I would never ever consider the hooker having sex for money as cold heartedness..she is doign it to LIVE and probably for the suvival of her loved ones so she is EMOTIONAL and all heart here. The exploitation that they go through in this poces sis the cold heartedness of the criminals who have made promoting prostituion as their livelihood.
what is an emotional state? If a perosn can enjoy sex without being emtoionally involved it doesnt nullify the sacredness or sanctity invovled in man woman relationship.It jsut make them to see things in realsitic way. And certianly they need nto invite any diseases whiel doing this. A perosn can approach a sexual involvement wiht total sanctity and yet be vey realsitic a nd practical abotu the realities of the perosn they are invovled with.
I would consider cold heartedness when the person is using the other for entirely his/her own self - agrandisement ... or if a person wanting oen night stand victimises an emotional perosn by misleadign them and playign with their heart in the process.
and if a perosn says lets meet next tuesday for a screw implies a direct approach which maynot necessarily show empty heartedness ..but the comfort level of individuals with each other. That both wnat to rendevous again shows that there could be more to it than jsut sex. Maybe the coupel can have private meetings only on tuesday...see it is situational. Same goes fo soem of the one night stands..they are into it because they dotn want to be emotional about sexual involvements. So their heart maybe busy makign soem wonderful melody..or crying over hte kids orphaned due to earhtquake and how ot help them.....who knows?........
Hi Virgogotome...good to see you! I agree with you that there are people "out there" who TRY to make people feel like crap but....! One can only feel like crap if they choose to. Again, choices. When we recongnize that those people who have a desire to make others feel bad are doing this because they themselves are hurting - in pain, it allows us to have more understanding and compassion for their actions. It does not however mean we need to accept their behaviour. I myself was in a situation where this guy was miserable and I THOUGHT I could be of help....nope, he didn't want the help, he wanted me to feel as bad as he did - misery loves company. I took myself out of that situation. I would not allow for him to make me feel "crappy" or get ahold of my emotions. Now, there are people out there who welcome help and they are easily recognized - you feel the connection, the sharing, the growth for both involved. My objective is to make sure that my choices are choices that keep me happy and without regret.
You Scorps sure are special peoples 😉 I have many of them who enrich my life daily - thank you.
You Scorps sure are special peoples 😉 I have many of them who enrich my life daily - thank you.
Just because I don't want to be a man's girlfriend or wife, doesn't make me some jackboot wearing, "nazi feminist" Branh. It means that I want to make the important decisions in my life on my own. I guess, to you, that means that I shouldn't have sex with a good friend that I care about, that also cares about me but wants to make his own decisions for himself. Since you like to label women, what does that make him? The main thing is, our relationship is based on the realities in our lifes. So please explain again, how is it that we are deceiving ourselves? Oh right, I am denying my overly emotional female nature. I can't possibly help but be overcome by some overpowering need to be married. Here is the difference between me and a lot of people I know, Branh. I don't deny my emotions. They exist. I just don't let them control me. Really stupid things happen when you let your emotions rule your head.
And speaking of self-deception, you are coming across like some that I know, that want a replacement for their mother in a relationship. Someone to dote on them, agree with every word they say, and to basically take care of them like a baby, and love them unconditionally no matter what jackass manouevers they make in life. Now that is the ultimate pipe dream and a complete denial of responsibility in a relationship. It has been my experience, sadly, that this is how most men behave in a "normal" relationship. My friend is not like this and I find that very refreshing. I actually LOVE him for that. Not saying that you ARE like this, but you are sounding like it. I don't know you, so I would not be so presumptious. What I would say with certainty, based on your posts, is that you are a misogynist of the highest order.
And speaking of self-deception, you are coming across like some that I know, that want a replacement for their mother in a relationship. Someone to dote on them, agree with every word they say, and to basically take care of them like a baby, and love them unconditionally no matter what jackass manouevers they make in life. Now that is the ultimate pipe dream and a complete denial of responsibility in a relationship. It has been my experience, sadly, that this is how most men behave in a "normal" relationship. My friend is not like this and I find that very refreshing. I actually LOVE him for that. Not saying that you ARE like this, but you are sounding like it. I don't know you, so I would not be so presumptious. What I would say with certainty, based on your posts, is that you are a misogynist of the highest order.
Here Here, GL!
Actually, I am chuckling away to myself like mad. Simply because I expressed my point of view on the subject, I am now being called a self-deceiving, overly emotional, feminist nazi, that is also unintelligent and naive. Wow, who knew? I always wanted to be one of those! HAHA!
"I would suggest you take your own advice and not try and read into what he may not be saying at all. He is debating the issues and, as I said, you don?t have to like it."
I read what he was saying, he wasn't beating around the bush. He seemed crystal clear to me, and he didn't use any such phrase such as "women, in my experience" when he directed his comments towards me. He assumed that he knows me and what I am all about, which he absolutely does not. That is just being pig ignorant, IMHO....and you can take that anyway you want.
I read what he was saying, he wasn't beating around the bush. He seemed crystal clear to me, and he didn't use any such phrase such as "women, in my experience" when he directed his comments towards me. He assumed that he knows me and what I am all about, which he absolutely does not. That is just being pig ignorant, IMHO....and you can take that anyway you want.
Furthermore: Calling people's comments "unintelligent and naive" can only be seen by any thinking person as being self-righteous. So the "holier than thou" shoe fits. If he isn't comfortable with that description, then maybe he should come down a peg or two in his replies. When someone says things like that, they shoud be prepared to receive the flack for it. To think otherwise would be the definition of "unintelligent and naive".
Ok then Primegen, what did I say in my posts that would have him jump to such ludicrous conclusions about me, personally, then? I think I have every right to take offence, and as I said, there will be flack for it.
1. "You comments about men are a genralization."
I said, "based on my experience", meaning men I actually know.
2. "it seems like you aren't in control of your emotions as much as you would like to think. You get upset by my comment, and then you digress into a huge rant about guys "wanting another mother"
I am offended, yes, but not "upset". And I will defend my position, just as you have the right to defend yours.
3. "When I want a woman, I want an equal, and I would like a woman with similar values as I have."
How will that be possible, when you don't see women as being equal? We are "wired differently" and supposedly incapable of controlling our emotions as you stated in earlier posts. Or when any woman that expresses an opinion that may be different but equally valid (or invalid) as yours is labelled a "nazi feminist"?
4. "But if someone is as cold as you, then why is there so much stored up passed hurt, and a very clear negative opinion of men? I bet that came from someones opinion or experience. I bet is was your own."
I said I was in a mutually exclusive sexual relationship with a friend. I am in this type of relationship because, yes, my past experiences have caused me to believe that I am happier with things this way. How you can see this as being cold and detached is entirely up to you, but it is not the case for me. I agree that this is not the way everyone would want to live their life, but it works for me and for him. The last thing that anyone who knows me would say is that I am cold.
5. "But FWB relationships. You don't think I haven't seen this in my real life? I've seen it more than enough times. A woman gets with a guy, and she think she is being "liberated and free", and it starts off pretty at first. They start off with great convicning arguments like the ones that have been presented here. It always starts out that way, because that how they think they will always feel. Hell, I may think that I could fight in IRAQ, but that is me several thousands of miles away in the confines of my home behind a computer. I can get on that battlefield 10 times and that 11th time I may feel differently. Feelings change, and you can become very confident in how you feel now. most people are very confident in their feelings, but I know in reality they change. This is especially true when sex, feelings, and emotions are involved. And believe me, emotions are involved no matter how much you try to tell yourself they are not."
Ok, I agree feelings change, and I never denied not having emotions. I just don't make important decisions in my life based solely on emotions. And as far as feelings change, do you not think this also happens in marriages and all other relationships? I have gone that route too, and believe me, things do change, and not always for the better. And I put a lot of effort in, but when none is returned, what is the point in the traditional way, other than people expect it of you.
Finally...
6. "But that in my opinion, and I have a right to it, NO ONE is ever going to claim that you are going to like it. But people and opinons are custom made to fit your level of sensitivity."
Agreed. And I and others have an equal entitlement to our opinions and the same freedom to voice them. What I do not and will never tolerate is the hurling of insults in the disguise of making a point.
I said, "based on my experience", meaning men I actually know.
2. "it seems like you aren't in control of your emotions as much as you would like to think. You get upset by my comment, and then you digress into a huge rant about guys "wanting another mother"
I am offended, yes, but not "upset". And I will defend my position, just as you have the right to defend yours.
3. "When I want a woman, I want an equal, and I would like a woman with similar values as I have."
How will that be possible, when you don't see women as being equal? We are "wired differently" and supposedly incapable of controlling our emotions as you stated in earlier posts. Or when any woman that expresses an opinion that may be different but equally valid (or invalid) as yours is labelled a "nazi feminist"?
4. "But if someone is as cold as you, then why is there so much stored up passed hurt, and a very clear negative opinion of men? I bet that came from someones opinion or experience. I bet is was your own."
I said I was in a mutually exclusive sexual relationship with a friend. I am in this type of relationship because, yes, my past experiences have caused me to believe that I am happier with things this way. How you can see this as being cold and detached is entirely up to you, but it is not the case for me. I agree that this is not the way everyone would want to live their life, but it works for me and for him. The last thing that anyone who knows me would say is that I am cold.
5. "But FWB relationships. You don't think I haven't seen this in my real life? I've seen it more than enough times. A woman gets with a guy, and she think she is being "liberated and free", and it starts off pretty at first. They start off with great convicning arguments like the ones that have been presented here. It always starts out that way, because that how they think they will always feel. Hell, I may think that I could fight in IRAQ, but that is me several thousands of miles away in the confines of my home behind a computer. I can get on that battlefield 10 times and that 11th time I may feel differently. Feelings change, and you can become very confident in how you feel now. most people are very confident in their feelings, but I know in reality they change. This is especially true when sex, feelings, and emotions are involved. And believe me, emotions are involved no matter how much you try to tell yourself they are not."
Ok, I agree feelings change, and I never denied not having emotions. I just don't make important decisions in my life based solely on emotions. And as far as feelings change, do you not think this also happens in marriages and all other relationships? I have gone that route too, and believe me, things do change, and not always for the better. And I put a lot of effort in, but when none is returned, what is the point in the traditional way, other than people expect it of you.
Finally...
6. "But that in my opinion, and I have a right to it, NO ONE is ever going to claim that you are going to like it. But people and opinons are custom made to fit your level of sensitivity."
Agreed. And I and others have an equal entitlement to our opinions and the same freedom to voice them. What I do not and will never tolerate is the hurling of insults in the disguise of making a point.
Thank you GL, my point exactly. Branh, you do not have clue one as to who you are talking to right now, and the more you type, the more you are exposing yourself. So carry on, I'm actually enjoying it.
"Actually this is null and void. You were trying to emphasize that I have no knowledge of generalizations in my post. I was simply providing a proof that I did."
I was actually saying that I was basing my statement on personal experience. I did not say that you have no knowledge of generalities. So where did you get that idea? Am I typing in some strange language?
"Upset and offends are two different entities? Perhaps you can amplify"
I think most people would agree that the two are different. One can take offense without becoming emotionally upset by it.
"Being different does not imply an inequity. My initial point was basically stating that I make a concious distinction of the overall thinking process of men and women. I don't think that is far from the truth, but I am confined to my frame of bias. But most people agree that men and women are different, so if you think that they are at all the same, I will assume it is just lack of knowledge on your behalf. I stand by my point unless you can fully prove to me otherwise."
I don't disagree that women and men are different, but you were implying that they were less capable of controlling themselves in certain situations. If you want me to go dig through the thread and find the quotes, fine. But everyone has read them, and I am not alone in my interpretation. Then there is the matter of you belittling women who are expressing their opinion. Not arguing or debating, but belittling and insulting. This demonstrates a mind set that is not conducive to treating ANYONE as your equal. Once again, in the quote above, you took it upon yourself to be condescending.
"Honestly I think it works against human nature. I have yet to see these type of unions maintain a level of desired superficiality. This has been my point all along. Rather you like it or not, sex is a very important act of many species across this planet, and its extremely important for humans. Dogs have sex with a lot of detachment, but humans don't. I think the act of sex implies some level of attachment, and involvement. to say otherwise is a practice in coldness and heartlessness."
I am not detached or cold or heartless, (for the umpteenth time, btw) I am simply in a relationship that is not the norm, in your eyes. I guess to you, that makes it wrong, and therefore I suggest that you don't go this route. It obviously wouldn't work for you. You seem to require a very high level of attachment and involvement.
"On to tradition. It is traditional for a mother to take care of her children. That is what people expect of her. By your logic, I can say that a woman shouldn't take care of her seeds, because it is what people expect of her. That wouldn't sound very fair would it. Like many things in life, marriage is a commitment, and it is one that isn't easily broken. Perhaps vigalence should be practiced before engaging into such things. In war, you must know thy enemy if you are to be prepared to engage your enemy. Every relationship is based on these things. But the point, is that these things take thoroughness, which people don't seem to want to practice. Do you think that tradition is bad to you, because when you acknowledged it you had poor judgement?"
It is not tradition, but an engrained biological instinct that a parent care for their child. It would not be natural to not do so. It has nothing to do with social expectations or traditions. However some people fail on this as well.
I was very committed to my marriage and did not rush into it. I was with this man for 6 years before we were married. Unfortunately things happened which I am not going to go into here, it is pointless. I hope that when you make a committment that the same doesn't happen to you. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
As far as my current relationship, there is a level of committment that I think your mind is closed to understanding or even conceiving. I base thi
I was actually saying that I was basing my statement on personal experience. I did not say that you have no knowledge of generalities. So where did you get that idea? Am I typing in some strange language?
"Upset and offends are two different entities? Perhaps you can amplify"
I think most people would agree that the two are different. One can take offense without becoming emotionally upset by it.
"Being different does not imply an inequity. My initial point was basically stating that I make a concious distinction of the overall thinking process of men and women. I don't think that is far from the truth, but I am confined to my frame of bias. But most people agree that men and women are different, so if you think that they are at all the same, I will assume it is just lack of knowledge on your behalf. I stand by my point unless you can fully prove to me otherwise."
I don't disagree that women and men are different, but you were implying that they were less capable of controlling themselves in certain situations. If you want me to go dig through the thread and find the quotes, fine. But everyone has read them, and I am not alone in my interpretation. Then there is the matter of you belittling women who are expressing their opinion. Not arguing or debating, but belittling and insulting. This demonstrates a mind set that is not conducive to treating ANYONE as your equal. Once again, in the quote above, you took it upon yourself to be condescending.
"Honestly I think it works against human nature. I have yet to see these type of unions maintain a level of desired superficiality. This has been my point all along. Rather you like it or not, sex is a very important act of many species across this planet, and its extremely important for humans. Dogs have sex with a lot of detachment, but humans don't. I think the act of sex implies some level of attachment, and involvement. to say otherwise is a practice in coldness and heartlessness."
I am not detached or cold or heartless, (for the umpteenth time, btw) I am simply in a relationship that is not the norm, in your eyes. I guess to you, that makes it wrong, and therefore I suggest that you don't go this route. It obviously wouldn't work for you. You seem to require a very high level of attachment and involvement.
"On to tradition. It is traditional for a mother to take care of her children. That is what people expect of her. By your logic, I can say that a woman shouldn't take care of her seeds, because it is what people expect of her. That wouldn't sound very fair would it. Like many things in life, marriage is a commitment, and it is one that isn't easily broken. Perhaps vigalence should be practiced before engaging into such things. In war, you must know thy enemy if you are to be prepared to engage your enemy. Every relationship is based on these things. But the point, is that these things take thoroughness, which people don't seem to want to practice. Do you think that tradition is bad to you, because when you acknowledged it you had poor judgement?"
It is not tradition, but an engrained biological instinct that a parent care for their child. It would not be natural to not do so. It has nothing to do with social expectations or traditions. However some people fail on this as well.
I was very committed to my marriage and did not rush into it. I was with this man for 6 years before we were married. Unfortunately things happened which I am not going to go into here, it is pointless. I hope that when you make a committment that the same doesn't happen to you. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
As far as my current relationship, there is a level of committment that I think your mind is closed to understanding or even conceiving. I base thi
I just read some of the prior posts and if this was simply a discussion of the pros and cons of alternative relationships, I would not take offense to what anyone's opinion is. But it got personal. An opinion is an opinion, but using terms such as "you are...." this and "you are ...." that, some on this thread have gone well beyond expressing opinion and began a campaign of berating people they do not even know on a personal level. I am not cool with that, nor do I think that I should be. But if that is the chosen code of conduct for some, so be it. It proves nothing to me.
"I have no prob with you. Not even with branh; I just admit I'm sensitive to people assuming they know me or have me figured out, cause there's too much to me, for anyone on these boards to think that."
I think we have both said that a few times today, GL, but no one seems to be acknowledging it. I don't understand why not.
I think we have both said that a few times today, GL, but no one seems to be acknowledging it. I don't understand why not.
That was hostile. It would be pretty difficult to say it wasn't. From the tone of it, it "seems" (not saying it is, ok?) like someone had really struck a nerve. Maybe it was that bit about he mother figure that set him off. Using his own twisted logic against him, his taking exception to that statement must mean there is some truth to it.
The amusing thing is, it had almost nothing to do with what I had said in my two previous posts. At all. This little rant was solely based on Branh's own delusions that he knows all about everyone that posts on a message board. He himself states that he has some mysterious and irrefutable sixth sense about people in a later post. I am simply saying that he "thinks" he does, but he is so off the mark here, it isn't even funny. And since he cannot prove/disprove what he doesn't really know, he flails about with flowery language, convoluted phrasing, sarcasm and insulting accusations.
The last line of the quote is particularly hilarious coming from someone who claims to want a woman to be his equal.
The amusing thing is, it had almost nothing to do with what I had said in my two previous posts. At all. This little rant was solely based on Branh's own delusions that he knows all about everyone that posts on a message board. He himself states that he has some mysterious and irrefutable sixth sense about people in a later post. I am simply saying that he "thinks" he does, but he is so off the mark here, it isn't even funny. And since he cannot prove/disprove what he doesn't really know, he flails about with flowery language, convoluted phrasing, sarcasm and insulting accusations.
The last line of the quote is particularly hilarious coming from someone who claims to want a woman to be his equal.
Oops the quote went missing..........here it is
Yatta:
Branh, did I say it is NOT a relationship? Of course it is, and as it is exclusive as well. What is the point? WE both like it this way! And that is all that matters, not what you think, not what anyone else thinks. There is no deception going on, there are no promises of anything more. There is also no fighting, no possesiveness, no unrealistic expectations of each other. Intimacy? Oh yes, by the car load, of course. Happily ever after, probably not. But Happily Right Now...yes. Should I say no to that, and live like a nun knowing that I don't want to "share" my entire life with someone (in other words hand over control to some man)? Things are fine as they are. Sex for sex's sake disgusts me. Being locked into a relationship where one must subjugate their identity to another to please them and the rest of society also disgusts me (and I don't buy into any romantic pipe dream that says this doesn't happen, it is inevitable, in most cases). We actually have a great emotional bond without the trappings of the expected social mores, it's not a game and I resent that insinuation.
Branh:
I think you're buying into a pipe dream. Everything you said seems like something I would read on a feminist nazi propaganda pamplet. Anyway, keep on with your level of self deceit. You think you are dealing with a man, and you think you are being detached, but ultimately you're the one who is being played. He is having a woman put out, and she doesn't seem to care. Who is really getting the short in of the stick? Umm, I meant that figuratively by the way. I'm sure 3 months from now you'll catch your feelings, and realize that those fem nazis you're talking too were all wrong, and then you'll log on to DXP and start biitching about you "soul mate" screwed you over. Chick who talk like you make me laugh honestly. I guess you are more content lying to yourself because it sucks that you can't express your emotions like men. Oh too bad you were born as a woman, with all of the emotional clingyness, which invalidates just about all of your post.
And that's when the gloves came off!
Yatta:
Branh, did I say it is NOT a relationship? Of course it is, and as it is exclusive as well. What is the point? WE both like it this way! And that is all that matters, not what you think, not what anyone else thinks. There is no deception going on, there are no promises of anything more. There is also no fighting, no possesiveness, no unrealistic expectations of each other. Intimacy? Oh yes, by the car load, of course. Happily ever after, probably not. But Happily Right Now...yes. Should I say no to that, and live like a nun knowing that I don't want to "share" my entire life with someone (in other words hand over control to some man)? Things are fine as they are. Sex for sex's sake disgusts me. Being locked into a relationship where one must subjugate their identity to another to please them and the rest of society also disgusts me (and I don't buy into any romantic pipe dream that says this doesn't happen, it is inevitable, in most cases). We actually have a great emotional bond without the trappings of the expected social mores, it's not a game and I resent that insinuation.
Branh:
I think you're buying into a pipe dream. Everything you said seems like something I would read on a feminist nazi propaganda pamplet. Anyway, keep on with your level of self deceit. You think you are dealing with a man, and you think you are being detached, but ultimately you're the one who is being played. He is having a woman put out, and she doesn't seem to care. Who is really getting the short in of the stick? Umm, I meant that figuratively by the way. I'm sure 3 months from now you'll catch your feelings, and realize that those fem nazis you're talking too were all wrong, and then you'll log on to DXP and start biitching about you "soul mate" screwed you over. Chick who talk like you make me laugh honestly. I guess you are more content lying to yourself because it sucks that you can't express your emotions like men. Oh too bad you were born as a woman, with all of the emotional clingyness, which invalidates just about all of your post.
And that's when the gloves came off!
LOL sagi!
This has been going on all day off and on, I got my dander up!
This has been going on all day off and on, I got my dander up!
Ding ding ding ding ladies and gentlemen we finally hav cum to no conclusion but itz all over thank gawd really itz all each to their own hahaha cracks off the top of a champers and begins to party.... woooaw wata ride!!
Ha! I notice you didn't get called any names for your post, sagi. Hope you are reading the thread from the beginning.
branh look at that!!! i knew u culd do it!!! showin emotion... ohhh bro big step 2day lol toasts to you man with emotion lol
Apology accepted, and yes I think you did misunderstand me. I speak only for myself,my situation and my experience. I do not hold to any particular dogma, and the similarities with anything you have come across are purely coincidental. I do, however know something about the nature of relationships and I think I am as qualified to speak on them as you are about math. I was married for 15 years, so obviously I am not some rebellious child. It was a very difficult thing for me to get out of that situation and it is not one that I ever want to enter into again. When you have been married for 15 years, then perhaps you will have some experience of the power struggles that take place, it's not all bliss. Just as you have seen people in your circle go through difficulties in FWB relationships, I have seen more broken marriages than I care to mention. A 50% success rate (probably less than that now) does not make for good odds, in the happiness department. Although each case is different, most of the break ups I am familiar with were caused by men having unrealistic expectations of their wives, mostly to do with division of labour. Most of these men also displayed a burdensome dependency on their wives that anyone would find crushing. This is where I get the whole "mother replacement" thing from.... seeing it and having lived with it. Remove those two factors, and the odds of a successful relationship skyrocket. Most men want to live with their wife and perpetuate that power struggle. For me, not living with someone or ever expecting to, removes the basis for the struggle. I also found out the hard way that there is no such thing as forever.
How many of you guys have had one of these or how many of you do now?
How is it/was it?
Did either one of you develop feelings for eachother?
Ok so I guess the answer was that many of you have had these.
It was a good experience for most.
And most don't develop feelings.
Ok awesome thread lol
How is it/was it?
Did either one of you develop feelings for eachother?
Ok so I guess the answer was that many of you have had these.
It was a good experience for most.
And most don't develop feelings.
Ok awesome thread lol
?I don't understand what it is with women trying to be like men these days? I have heard the same arguments over and over and they go something like this: "If men do it there is nothing wrong with a woman doing it" ... Men are judged differently, a man who sleeps around is probably looked up to by his friends while women will be called hoes and actually what is even more disgusting is how often you see women who are proud of it.?
Who is calling these women hoes that sleep around—.off course, it is other women. When a guy has multiple partners he is consider a ?king? by other guys. Why? Because guys are lot more opened minded about things; they don?t gossip, compete, nor are they catty with each other. If a woman is proud of having many sexual partners, I say it is her business, body, soul, and decision. If she is single; she should be free to roam around, free to express herself, free to have desires, free to live her life to the fullest, and free to be equal. ?Nobody suppresses the woman?s right more than women themselves.
Who is calling these women hoes that sleep around—.off course, it is other women. When a guy has multiple partners he is consider a ?king? by other guys. Why? Because guys are lot more opened minded about things; they don?t gossip, compete, nor are they catty with each other. If a woman is proud of having many sexual partners, I say it is her business, body, soul, and decision. If she is single; she should be free to roam around, free to express herself, free to have desires, free to live her life to the fullest, and free to be equal. ?Nobody suppresses the woman?s right more than women themselves.
I knew I should have sold tickets to this show 😉
Where is Mr. Smartypants?
No fun posting without his input!
No fun posting without his input!
Actually VGT,all of the experiances here have been past experiances as is mentioned in all of the posts regarding them.Im in a seven year relationship,reason we aren't married is because it's just a contract and nothing more due to the fact that niether is very religious,traditional,concerned with other peoples thinking marriage is needed to be an actual relationship,etc. or posessive,love needs to be proven so get married,bl_ah,bl_ah,all those other emotional stuff that says you have to get married.Bj's,yummymummys and kafka's just got out of relationships not too long ago and aren't ready to settle down again yet and need healing time but are still capable of successful relationships when they sort it out again.
The reason people are getting defensive is because you have a "holier than thou" attitude as well.Being as the posts includes insults such as "jack asses",having no self respect,being compared to a hooker,etc.All those things isn't going to help understand anything.Sure some people have issues but other times it's is just thier private parts leading them.As far as astrology goes I don't believe in it too much so scorps,fire signs,etc. doesn't have much of an effect on me as to the way I think about people in question so that didn't show or prove anything based on starsigns.Im a scorpio but im also all fire and earth more than anything else.Alot of fire and air sign are prudes and very traditional and water and earth signs are very slutty,flingy,superficial,etc. in my experiance so it doesn't matter at all really.
All in all,OFA is the perfect example of why it can't be held against people who have done or are doing certain things although shes probably going to be a bit confused or suspecious of the whys it is being mentioned because religions a bad thing to me as well if taken to an extreme level and she knows that from other topics.The most seemingly evil,immoral person on earth can be the greatest untainted by biased belief systems to change or give confidence,hope,etc. to one person or alot of people in a positive way.Being as it helps them to open up to you if you have been there yourself and to them does show them you are trying to help them.Otherwise it's just theorys that are assumed and won't change much due to it not being where whatever it is is really coming from,it's just personal ideas not the truth to them because it isn't thier truth and is just yuor truth.
Number one reason that people have frinds with benifets reason is they are horny,single at the time but they do have personal opinions/beliefs/morals and fears/cautions of all the negative sexual stuff so they choose friends over strangers in bars.It doesn't have much to do with the heart in some,I have a taurus moon so im not mushy and flingy with emotions compared to a pisces moon or whatever it was you have.I have to have reliablity,consistance,stated or shown in a person long before I start to develope or give feelings for a person,it's a form of caution in a realistic,mundane way and a fantasy lover stuff is what I try to avoid by thinking rather than feeling as well it's what IS real to me.I can easily see the differance between the two through by just taking my slow ass time doing it and not saying it's impossible for me to care about someone before they do but there is a level of the superficial,surface stuff involved before letting my heart go freely because of what my head does.
Second reason would fall into the REALLY stupid grey stuff that they think they have to sleep with someone to keep the friendship,have motives as to get close to thier crushes by maybe it will make the guy care about them more,closest thing to be cared about in sexual incounters,theres alot of reasons but noone knows what all of them are except for the person in particular.Game playing related stuff in short on one or the other side of it.
And the suspecion you have would be in the common but not a all the time reason i
The reason people are getting defensive is because you have a "holier than thou" attitude as well.Being as the posts includes insults such as "jack asses",having no self respect,being compared to a hooker,etc.All those things isn't going to help understand anything.Sure some people have issues but other times it's is just thier private parts leading them.As far as astrology goes I don't believe in it too much so scorps,fire signs,etc. doesn't have much of an effect on me as to the way I think about people in question so that didn't show or prove anything based on starsigns.Im a scorpio but im also all fire and earth more than anything else.Alot of fire and air sign are prudes and very traditional and water and earth signs are very slutty,flingy,superficial,etc. in my experiance so it doesn't matter at all really.
All in all,OFA is the perfect example of why it can't be held against people who have done or are doing certain things although shes probably going to be a bit confused or suspecious of the whys it is being mentioned because religions a bad thing to me as well if taken to an extreme level and she knows that from other topics.The most seemingly evil,immoral person on earth can be the greatest untainted by biased belief systems to change or give confidence,hope,etc. to one person or alot of people in a positive way.Being as it helps them to open up to you if you have been there yourself and to them does show them you are trying to help them.Otherwise it's just theorys that are assumed and won't change much due to it not being where whatever it is is really coming from,it's just personal ideas not the truth to them because it isn't thier truth and is just yuor truth.
Number one reason that people have frinds with benifets reason is they are horny,single at the time but they do have personal opinions/beliefs/morals and fears/cautions of all the negative sexual stuff so they choose friends over strangers in bars.It doesn't have much to do with the heart in some,I have a taurus moon so im not mushy and flingy with emotions compared to a pisces moon or whatever it was you have.I have to have reliablity,consistance,stated or shown in a person long before I start to develope or give feelings for a person,it's a form of caution in a realistic,mundane way and a fantasy lover stuff is what I try to avoid by thinking rather than feeling as well it's what IS real to me.I can easily see the differance between the two through by just taking my slow ass time doing it and not saying it's impossible for me to care about someone before they do but there is a level of the superficial,surface stuff involved before letting my heart go freely because of what my head does.
Second reason would fall into the REALLY stupid grey stuff that they think they have to sleep with someone to keep the friendship,have motives as to get close to thier crushes by maybe it will make the guy care about them more,closest thing to be cared about in sexual incounters,theres alot of reasons but noone knows what all of them are except for the person in particular.Game playing related stuff in short on one or the other side of it.
And the suspecion you have would be in the common but not a all the time reason i
LMAO yeah branh, can't live without ya.
I have read them all and no it's not twisted,it's just the main points that are sticking out boldly like a big,red zit on a forehead.The society today is a very much "ME" society so it's has little to do with that and it's actually "cool" to be an individualist so finding a real individualist is rare and I don't mean traditional people either with that because they live by things that are all rules.Secondly you mentioned that there was people who aren't answering you in the daydreamer posts,hmm that would include me as a unconvincing answer giver,correct?Being as I basically just went off and said screw it with continuing reading this crap for a couple days.So therefore I am answering for ME even though was very tempted to not answer at all as well as throwing around ideas of what other people may think,which is what these message boards are for-throwing around ideas and thoughts.I don't remember anyone saying they are "happy" with them so wheres the bluff?The topics about friends with benifets and if it's possible to not develope feelings,it didn't turn into this stuff up until there was sexist defensive comments being thrown around and sweeping judgements about the women who do it,meaning branh im used to his trying to figure out women,but being considered everything im not,im not used to understand now?
Geminilover answered you and it's a very respectable answer being as in no it doesn't take a man to make a differance to a strong woman taking care of her children on her own and putting herself and those kids first.It's very logical and reasonable when your not viewing it with the idea of chasing a prince charming fairy tale of falling in love.Children are the biggest loves of your life that there is to find not spouses.
The reason I haven't answered is because Im not about to give an answer that dictates that the only way your going to be happy is with a man involved because of history with that crap,not my own history.The "I haven't seen a logical or heartfelt response yet" comment but then "I ask questions with the hopes of a real heartfelt response".-that to me says you are being emotional about this being as you put a "real" in there,whats real to you isn't real to other people and it is just sex afterall.It's not to do with feelings,I think your wanting sob stories about how badly people have burned and you want to help but it's not always about that.
So run down time on points in other posts,mmkay:
The first paragragh of your second post about the we are only doing it because our brains and society says it's cool,etc-like mentioned here and on other topics it's a very selfesh,"ME" society now so that one doesn't really apply except when you get to really young kids who do things they don't really want to do but they still do want to just to experiment with it.You pointed out that the women don't care about thier bodies,because someone has d sex doesn't always mean those things because if that was the caes you could say the same about a couple who is trying to have kids,there isn't a differance except the relationship factor and the purpose.Some people who do try to have kids don't think to test for std's.
Next "I wonder what your heart says"-well your heart and p u s s y are two completely different areas for that answer.Maybe cold but not meaning theres a impossiblity or non compassionate or anything about that person,it just means your horny,want to get laid and bumping ugly's.
The heart never lies-It always lies if you let it consume you so much that your heads in the clouds and can't see what's right in front of you because your heart tells you you love this person and you don't want to know the bad stuff because you love this person and think they can do no wrong.-the heart has ignorance factors to it moreso than the brain.
Regarding the birth-Apparently you didn't read the first paragraph of my post in response to branh.I think it was lizard scorp I was
Geminilover answered you and it's a very respectable answer being as in no it doesn't take a man to make a differance to a strong woman taking care of her children on her own and putting herself and those kids first.It's very logical and reasonable when your not viewing it with the idea of chasing a prince charming fairy tale of falling in love.Children are the biggest loves of your life that there is to find not spouses.
The reason I haven't answered is because Im not about to give an answer that dictates that the only way your going to be happy is with a man involved because of history with that crap,not my own history.The "I haven't seen a logical or heartfelt response yet" comment but then "I ask questions with the hopes of a real heartfelt response".-that to me says you are being emotional about this being as you put a "real" in there,whats real to you isn't real to other people and it is just sex afterall.It's not to do with feelings,I think your wanting sob stories about how badly people have burned and you want to help but it's not always about that.
So run down time on points in other posts,mmkay:
The first paragragh of your second post about the we are only doing it because our brains and society says it's cool,etc-like mentioned here and on other topics it's a very selfesh,"ME" society now so that one doesn't really apply except when you get to really young kids who do things they don't really want to do but they still do want to just to experiment with it.You pointed out that the women don't care about thier bodies,because someone has d sex doesn't always mean those things because if that was the caes you could say the same about a couple who is trying to have kids,there isn't a differance except the relationship factor and the purpose.Some people who do try to have kids don't think to test for std's.
Next "I wonder what your heart says"-well your heart and p u s s y are two completely different areas for that answer.Maybe cold but not meaning theres a impossiblity or non compassionate or anything about that person,it just means your horny,want to get laid and bumping ugly's.
The heart never lies-It always lies if you let it consume you so much that your heads in the clouds and can't see what's right in front of you because your heart tells you you love this person and you don't want to know the bad stuff because you love this person and think they can do no wrong.-the heart has ignorance factors to it moreso than the brain.
Regarding the birth-Apparently you didn't read the first paragraph of my post in response to branh.I think it was lizard scorp I was
"I'm calling people here on their bluff about how happy they are with their FB's which they STILL have not answered but instead danced around."
If (and it may or may not be) I am included in "the people here", I think I addressed the issue of why I am happier a few gillion times. I also abhor hypocrisy, and maybe that is my Scorpio ascendant in action. As for an age difference, I do not judge people based on assumptions about their age. Sorry to see that you do.
As for Tiamat's comments
"The heart never lies-It always lies if you let it consume you so much that your heads in the clouds and can't see what's right in front of you because your heart tells you you love this person and you don't want to know the bad stuff because you love this person and think they can do no wrong.-the heart has ignorance factors to it moreso than the brain."
Quite true, but this does not mean that all people in FB relationships do not have feelings, or that they deny them. They just use their heads to keep things in perspective instead of getting swept into something more complicated that they really don't want to get into. It doesn't always mean that they don't care for each other on a deeper level. Sometimes certain types of "love" and "caring" can be very selfish and damaging. The kind where someone, due to a lack of inner strength and self-esteem, seeks the source of their happiness in someone else. This is more common than people care to acknowledge. It is also placing an unfair burden on the significant other. If a person is unhappy on thier own, they are predestined to make a partner miserable too.
So why is it so horrible for two people who are very happy and content being on thier own getting together now and then? Happy people sharing one of the finest gifts life has to offer is a bad thing?
I keep hearing people go on about how relationships are a lot of work. I don't think they necessarily have to be. Some forms of relationships definitely are, and if that is the path you choose, fine, go for it. But I choose to remove the things that most couples fight about (the stuff that requires a lot of work to come to agreement on) ie. sharing of resources and responsibilities. I look after my own and I do not feel unfulfilled by doing so. In fact, it makes me feel very good about myself and proud of my accomplishments.
I think it is a much healthier situation than two people who look to their position as half of a couple as a source of personal identity and happiness. It's too much for most to live up to, as marriage statistics sadly prove.
But some will still argue that I am denying myself in some way, or deceiving myself. I know both sides of the fence, very well. I still want to know exactly what it is that I am missing out on, because I am feeling no great internal need for anything at the moment.
If (and it may or may not be) I am included in "the people here", I think I addressed the issue of why I am happier a few gillion times. I also abhor hypocrisy, and maybe that is my Scorpio ascendant in action. As for an age difference, I do not judge people based on assumptions about their age. Sorry to see that you do.
As for Tiamat's comments
"The heart never lies-It always lies if you let it consume you so much that your heads in the clouds and can't see what's right in front of you because your heart tells you you love this person and you don't want to know the bad stuff because you love this person and think they can do no wrong.-the heart has ignorance factors to it moreso than the brain."
Quite true, but this does not mean that all people in FB relationships do not have feelings, or that they deny them. They just use their heads to keep things in perspective instead of getting swept into something more complicated that they really don't want to get into. It doesn't always mean that they don't care for each other on a deeper level. Sometimes certain types of "love" and "caring" can be very selfish and damaging. The kind where someone, due to a lack of inner strength and self-esteem, seeks the source of their happiness in someone else. This is more common than people care to acknowledge. It is also placing an unfair burden on the significant other. If a person is unhappy on thier own, they are predestined to make a partner miserable too.
So why is it so horrible for two people who are very happy and content being on thier own getting together now and then? Happy people sharing one of the finest gifts life has to offer is a bad thing?
I keep hearing people go on about how relationships are a lot of work. I don't think they necessarily have to be. Some forms of relationships definitely are, and if that is the path you choose, fine, go for it. But I choose to remove the things that most couples fight about (the stuff that requires a lot of work to come to agreement on) ie. sharing of resources and responsibilities. I look after my own and I do not feel unfulfilled by doing so. In fact, it makes me feel very good about myself and proud of my accomplishments.
I think it is a much healthier situation than two people who look to their position as half of a couple as a source of personal identity and happiness. It's too much for most to live up to, as marriage statistics sadly prove.
But some will still argue that I am denying myself in some way, or deceiving myself. I know both sides of the fence, very well. I still want to know exactly what it is that I am missing out on, because I am feeling no great internal need for anything at the moment.
Honestly I was content with my "FWB", until I saw his soul in his eyes that he has been hurt in past relationship, I felt bad for what he had gone through. So, being an empathic and compassionate that I am, I started to develop emotional feelings for him. Of course, I had always cared about him and that just makes it even easier for me to have feelings for him. He was the first guy I ever slept with whom I didn't have a solid relationship with. I think if he wasn?t an emotional handicap, I would have been content to just having sex with him without string attach.
Okay thats good wasn't sure for being this rude that im normally not,whats missing from the posts about emotions are that they are developed with more intensity when a FWB's situation happens for an extended period of time,the emotions weren't there until after so many sexual happenings.Thats as mentioned men are just as prone to it as women and the women aren't being taken advantage of by the men in all honesty,thier feelings are unnessacery pain they cause themselves.
Break down of the situation so you may understand why theres people arguing it:
1.Your really good friends sometimes for maybe even years-so you do have real feelings for them but not in the way you would in a relationship feelings.You trust each other and have good reason for that trust,the two of you have fun together as well as help each other out when the other needs it,conversations are easy for the two of you to do and usually about anything and everything,etc.
2.The two of you either and both are mutual talking about it first-one is more of the way that my own was done is the you basically just had a couple one night stands with a friend and went about our lives normally because niether was really that uncontrolled over thier sexual cravings and have no problem containing it up until it's really built up and have to get it out of your system.
The second is the ones that is more on a regular basis sex which these ones are usually the ones that have problems so everything else down the line is being based on those ones.
3.Lust developes-lust is very commonly confused as love because it's usually more intense and passionate right off the bat.
4.Lust and the real feelings combine and you have the false form of love that alot of the time only one side is feeling.They followed thier heart instead of thier head and got caught up in it.Which is gets them into the problems and gets them hurt with these and it's not always the women either,men are just as common to have it happen to them.
So ya somewhat have the idea but reverse it and look at it that way,thats what method should be taken with some of the FWB's flunkys.They need to be told what love really is and have thier confidence and hope of real love lifted rather than being torn down to deal with demons that they aren't really guilty of.Thier litlle demons are caused by the FWB's situations not the past relationships as much,there are some sure.The ones that have had successful FWB's deals are just as much a sex driven pig as men are supposed to be and actually it's a bit more sexist to me to accuse men of being pigs because theres always five women who are sexual pigs right beside the one male pig.It's human nature as in it's just lust but just a new form of going about it.
Break down of the situation so you may understand why theres people arguing it:
1.Your really good friends sometimes for maybe even years-so you do have real feelings for them but not in the way you would in a relationship feelings.You trust each other and have good reason for that trust,the two of you have fun together as well as help each other out when the other needs it,conversations are easy for the two of you to do and usually about anything and everything,etc.
2.The two of you either and both are mutual talking about it first-one is more of the way that my own was done is the you basically just had a couple one night stands with a friend and went about our lives normally because niether was really that uncontrolled over thier sexual cravings and have no problem containing it up until it's really built up and have to get it out of your system.
The second is the ones that is more on a regular basis sex which these ones are usually the ones that have problems so everything else down the line is being based on those ones.
3.Lust developes-lust is very commonly confused as love because it's usually more intense and passionate right off the bat.
4.Lust and the real feelings combine and you have the false form of love that alot of the time only one side is feeling.They followed thier heart instead of thier head and got caught up in it.Which is gets them into the problems and gets them hurt with these and it's not always the women either,men are just as common to have it happen to them.
So ya somewhat have the idea but reverse it and look at it that way,thats what method should be taken with some of the FWB's flunkys.They need to be told what love really is and have thier confidence and hope of real love lifted rather than being torn down to deal with demons that they aren't really guilty of.Thier litlle demons are caused by the FWB's situations not the past relationships as much,there are some sure.The ones that have had successful FWB's deals are just as much a sex driven pig as men are supposed to be and actually it's a bit more sexist to me to accuse men of being pigs because theres always five women who are sexual pigs right beside the one male pig.It's human nature as in it's just lust but just a new form of going about it.
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