In love and going nuts (Page 2)

Will you listen?

1st prove u r worthy.

Tell me what is so great about him.

Well... he is a strange and intriguing man. He is passionate about his job, hobbies and the people in his life. He protects his friends ferociously, he is incredibly loyal and loving towards them. When he lets go a little, he is the sweetest man, he will walk for an hour to get the necessary screws to fix my closet, he can listen and pay attention, he's intelligent, challenging and fun. He has a quirky dark sense of humor. He has layers like I've never seen before. Starting from odd things like on the surface he is very conservative, always in a suit, likes jazz, upon closer inspection it turns out he also likes punk music, Tarantino movies and dirty humor (non-personal examples). He has a way of making me feel at home when I'm with him. He makes me blush which is something no man has ever done, with tiny things like when he runs into me in the hallway at work, I blush like a teenager. The way he treats my daughter is very impressive, my daughter is an Aries introvert and she opened up to him in a flash, I've never seen anything like it. I love his smile, the way he smells, everything.

I could go on for days I think. I tried to compress this into the first things that come to mind 😄

P.S I love how he keeps surprising me at every turn, I find something surprising about him every day.

The man you describe and of what others description of myself mirrors each other too much, way too much.

I will not be of any assistance to you.

Please accept my apologies.

Posted by Spectre



The man you describe and of what others description of myself mirrors each other too much, way too much.

I will not be of any assistance to you.

Please accept my apologies.

Does sound like a lot of men out there.

Posted by allielee
from his perspective I've given in to lower standards already, why am I now demanding higher ones. You know?

Yeah I feel you on this. You've basically accepted his terms so why try to have higher standards when you've walked through the door with low standards.

WOW, not a good way to begin a relationship. In your case Allie you've done what a lot of women do, they prioritize their feelings FIRST which gets them in trouble because she's lowered her standards as a trade off to get more good feelings--to get some part of a man and in the end the man is reluctant to give more because well yeah why should he give more when he's always given less.

Since you have that part figured out well you certainly can continue to date him but the trade off for doing that is don't expect too much more than what you're already getting. If you can live with that then I see nothing wrong with your situation but don't complain when he's not giving more to the relationship when you've chosen to accept less. He's following your lead, you accept less, he gives less, that's how it is.

Since my decisions tend to be final, I need time to process them. But I know I tend to shut out dialogue while doing it and the other person thinks everything is fine and dandy when all of a sudden out of the blue I present my verdict.
I'm taking this situation as a chance to learn and grow and if nothing else, then try new approaches. So yesterday I voiced that while the dialogue part of this is done for me (though he can start a new one if he so chooses), I am not okay with any of it and I'm processing everything and at one point will decide what has to happen for me next. And until then I'm not going to disappear, I will give him one last chance. For me it's a new approach to let the other person know that I'm seriously considering taking the out route if things don't change and change permanently, not in a halfhearted oh well way. And I didn't voice this as an ultimatum or anything, just informed him that I'm still thinking of how to proceed in that sense because I think I'm worth more then this.

Other than that, we met yesterday and it was really nice. We'll see.

Actually a lot more men of different astrological signs are like that regarding broken hearts..And yet they seem to not understand a lot of women don't like feeling as if they are being strung along until something better "the right one" comes along, very confusing behavior but meh he's a man, they don't make sense, I'm sure men feel the same way about us as well.

I sometimes wish I could be like that, that I'd have the skill to shut myself down to new love. Even the little new heart aches feel like I've swallowed a hefty dose of acid, not to mention bigger ones. I know one does not die of heart ache but it feels like it would be a mercy if I did.
As a result I'm very reluctant to jump in first but I can't stop myself from falling entirely. So in a way yes, I do understand the fear of getting hurt very badly. I really do think love is mostly hurtful and messy and ugly and crazy but I can't help myself and when it is good, it is spectacular. I guess since I haven't found a way to avoid falling in love, I just try to focus on the positives. At least during the time when everything IS positive 😄

+++1 Stinger baby...Especially this "Sheer reluctance is about refusing to give in to a person that doesnt give in to you. If you both give, it cancels out all of the taking so no one feels cheated" and this " I am a person with needs, not a doll that you keep on a shelf. You dont play with me whenever you feel like and keep me waiting when you dont."

Thanks Stinger for answering and of course you're absolutely correct in how you would handle the situation.

Posted by allielee
I sometimes wish I could be like that, that I'd have the skill to shut myself down to new love.

You should never wish something like that. That isn't a " skill " it's something damaged people do. If people are telling you " feeling " is bad. Your around the wrong people that are going no where in life. period.

An update on the situation.

Last week he had plans for Wednesday and Thursday with friends. Totally out of the blue he cancelled the Thursday plans and called me to ask what's for dinner (jokingly 😄). So he came over to my place and it was really sweet. Totally unexpected.
We also spent the weekend together and he is sweeter then ever, calling me cute names and cuddling me whenever he can.

You do sense a "but" here, don't you? 😛 It really hurt me, what happened. And I'm still processing and trying to figure out what is it that I'm going to do. So I'm cautious and surprisingly paranoid. It's like a seesaw, one goes up and the other goes down.

I was killing time sipping tea while reading a bio clip and came across this quote. It truly isn't directed towards anyone, but it made me think of some of the points made in this thread about Scorps and the Scorp frame of mind:

"Im selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't derserve me at my best."

It made me smile.

You know I actually feel that's true for me as well though I'm not a Scorp and in this case you meant him more then me 😄 But it applies to me as well heh.

Thank you for the quote, it made me smile and think.

Wow. He called me several times in a row today, I didn't hear my phone so I just saw the missed calls. And ended with texting me that he is going to have a few beers with a friend. We didn't have any plans for tonight, just the usual late night chat session which is sort of the default.

Right now I'm still too exhausted of the previous emotional storm so I'm pretty much idly watching what he's doing. I do think it's cute and a good thing, he seems to be trying. It's a whole different question as to how long this will keep up. Probably until I'm back in the game so to speak 😛 He holds on to me when he feels I'm slipping away but when I'm close, he has the distance and the ice and all of those lovely excuses so it's likely that when I'm fresher again, the whole dance starts all over again.

I don't know. I guess I'm just tired and wary at the moment. The whole hot-cold game and not knowing where I stand and then all that, it just got to be a bit much I think, it's not about holding the one event against him, the whole situation got to the point where it made me take a step back to evaluate how I feel exactly. But since I got hurt, I shut down. It's a defensive reflex, I'm trying to relearn that pattern but yeah, I'm at a place where I'm waiting and watching.

It's not relevant to the previous paragraph but all my life I've been given the message that it's not okay to be irrational and emotional. It's like everything has to have a logical and rational reason and if I can't provide one, my emotion is not right and I somehow don't have a right to feel it. But I'm a fish, I live and breathe on intuition and I've been shoved into a frame that does not fit me. I'm trying to relearn so much and allow myself to feel things and not be embarrassed that I have emotions.

And I know that this is absolutely terrible but the way my mind works is that I forgive but don't forget. And I keep the wrongs if closure and resolution was lacking. If there was proper resolution and closure, there's a good chance I'm letting it go completely (not always though). But otherwise I hold on to things. I don't blame the person or shove it back in their face, no. Once it's done, it's done.

How do I put it.. it's like I have a mental gallery of a person and one room among the many is dedicated to the wrongs. Once there are too many wrongs and they don't fit into their dedicated space anymore, then I tend to leave the person. It doesn't come easy though, the leaving. The more stuff there is in the other rooms (and the more rooms there are), the bigger the room for wrongs is. His room has the first few exhibits out, I'm sort of taking a breather to arrange the composition, look at it all, look into the other rooms and figure out the floor plan so-to-speak 😄

Things seem to be going pretty good. We spent last weekend separately, he was out of town. Yesterday when he came back, he dropped his things at home and came over to my place pretty much straight away. It was very very sweet. As always, there were small advances, little things, more like intuition telling me that I'm creeping closer, ever so slowly but still. He has these strange quirks that seem to indicate he isn't feeling comfortable, like rubbing his eyes a lot and tapping fingers. These things he does less and less and it feels he puts more emotion into things he does. Like yesterday he idly rubbed his chin against my arm and bit it repeatedly. It's something he wouldn't have done before. I really can't put my finger on it and make it sound reasonable 😄 It's a feeling.

On the flipside, still no good comments, only an occasional weird one. Like yesterday he asked me how my tattoo is (got it recently) and then proceeded to tell me how he has ever only seen one tattoo that he liked. Or things like "oh, you have stretch marks here". No kidding, do I? 😄
I don't really care for the lack of compliments but I would like to hear just once that he thinks I'm sexy and/or pretty. You know, to set some foundation because right now I could be really not his taste and he's just shocked we have chemistry or something. Vain, I know. And not the biggest problem of all by far 😄 Just strange. I am going to tell him to stop saying negative-ish things to me though. It's not nice and it's just hurtful at places.

We'll see. This fish is swimming downstream once more 😄 Soon I'll turn around and be in massive pain from trying to swim against the tide, it's just how it goes. Nature I guess.

An update on things since it's now 16 days later.

We're still together. This week has been absolute bliss. My daughter is out of town for spring break (with her grandma), so I've been with the Scorp every night since Sunday. It was my birthday on Monday and it was an absolute treat to wake up in his arms. It's suddenly evolving pretty fast or so it seems. He still won't give me compliments but we have talked about it and he has stopped saying negative-ish things.

I'm trying to translate other stuff into what he thinks of me and how he feels. Like on Womens Day he sent me a bouquet of colorful tulips with a beautiful poem on the card. It was very impressive, I didn't expect that at all.
For my birthday he gave me a bottle of perfume I once mentioned I want. I'm still shocked. I've never dated men who give presents, even less such expensive ones. I just hope I reacted appropriately 😛
And yesterday we were at his place and he suddenly went "oh I need to buy a coffee machine for your place, I don't like drinking the grinds at all", stopped a moment and proceeded on with how he needs a bigger blanket so I wouldn't catch a cold if he pulls his small blanket off me and more pillows would also be nice. There was more, I can't recall 😄 And I've been granted a personal t-shirt so I could change out of my office clothing. All of this in rapid succession.
The sex is getting more and more intense, I wouldn't have believed it to be possible. But I seriously get a high simply from the fact that it's him I'm with and the way he looks at me... wow. Well, lets just say it's intense.

On the flipside (cause there's always one or three), he still shies away from people knowing. I don't want to shout it from the rooftops but we've been coming to work separately because of this. Today we did come together but a coworker saw us (we weren't holding hands or anything to imply something other than we just running into each other and deciding to walk the rest of the way together) and he seemed to panic a little. So I'm guessing we're back to the separate business tomorrow.
And he's still on the dating site, marked as single and looking for romance. I did tell him I don't like it, that he can stay there and chat with his friends, I don't mind that. But I do want to know if he considers himself still single and looking. He didn't say much in reply, just that he wants to talk to his friends on the site and hey, did you know aurora borealis was seen yesterday. Heh.

Anyway so while there are things that make me confused and a bit scared and a wee bit paranoid, overall I am feeling very happy with him. To the point where I actually want to see a future with him. I'd like this to actually be named a relationship now. We've been together for quite a few months, I do think it'd be nice to define this now. And I've been dying to tell him that he is very important to me and I care for him a lot but I'm still scared I think. I do still think I'm in the waiting zone and ahead of him. And I do fear it will always be so. But I'm not giving up yet. I might be a fish but I'm a bulldog-type fish 😄

Yes being with a Scorpio is pretty crazy! They are so hard to read. Seems like they are always wearing something to cover up true emotions and anything for protection. They never let their guard down. I was hooked up with one before. I found him very deep, mysterious. I was challenged. If you are not willing to face any pain, do not start any relationship with a Scorpio. Loving someone could be so addictive. You'd have a hard time letting it go no matter how crazy the situation is.

Ahh yes, I totally lost this thread somehow 😄

As I said in the other, new thread, he said he is in love with me! It's such a massive thing, what with this whole history and him not being too verbal about his emotions.

He has opened up remarkably, wants to take care of me in every possible way and wants to see me or talk to me on the phone every day. It has changed so fast that for a moment there I felt a little smothered even. I'm getting used to the new pace of things though 😛

Our relationship is now public, except at work. We go places, do things, walk hand in hand and oddly enough, noone from work has seen us.

He is still defensive, so am I. But we're getting closer every day. I'm not sure if this will go anywhere in the long run but I am very much in love with him and happy that he's in love with me too. That really and truly is enough right now 🙂