man with Low sex drive

What are 'normal parameters' in a NEW relationship, sex-wise. I have been with a my guy now for five months and on average we consumate MaYBe twice a week. Maybe. We sleep next to each other every night. Im starting to feel guilty because he has made remarks implying that Im a nympho. I dont think I ask to much. This is really bothering me.

Hmmm,how many times you want to have sex per week?

Do you really believe he has a low sex drive...?

Or is he getting it from somewhere else?

Maybe 3 or 4 times. Once before retiring to bed. Sex for me is not just the act. It is the bonding essence. My last relationship was pretty much the sex. We had great chemistry but he could not fulfill me in the other ways. This guy fits the bill in EVERY other way but the sex part. . THe ONLY time he displays any deep affection is during our intimate time together. I am perplexed because I feel like a jerk that I am thinking about cutting him off for this very reason. I want to be married again and have another child, ultimately.

No I know he is not getting it anywhere else. We spend a great deal of time together. I am thinking a couple different things. 1 He has low testerone. Or 2 he just not that sexual of a guy and that is odd to me. or 3 we are good in every other way but are not fundamentally sexually compatible. I am not used to initiating this kind of thing with a guy.

I don't think that cutting him off because of this reason is a shame,it's an essential thing in relationships.
I like to do it almost everyday,offcourse i can sacrifice a couple of times but not more than that.
But have you told him that? he might do something about it.

I have brought it up in a light hearted manner a couple times he has responded in kind but it does not appear to last. I think all it would end up doing is pacifying me in the long run. I dont want anything contrived.

Another thing.. this sounds ridiculous to share but Im embarrased even to tell my girlfriends this.. He does not EnJoy going down on woman. In fact he never has done that to me and we have been together for five months. Im not the kind of person that has an interest in changing another person whatsoever but it is starting to feel selfish because I give 'oral attention' to him. He says he cannot stand the smell of a womans 'kitty', the taste etcc he has told me that he has vomited on his last girlfriend while in the act. So Im SOL on that one.

he has vomited on his last girlfriend while in the act? hahahahhahahaha
Your guy is funny,you should stay with him just for that.
No seriously,if he doesn't like going down then it's a big problem,woman can be satisfied and pleased without it..so basically,you are pleasing him while he isn't.
I recomend you tell him everything you feel about it straight in his face,be serious..if nothing happens then leave him immediatly,there is no time to be hero here.
BTW,what's his sign?

I am not trying to be funny here when I say this, but he told straight out when we were just friends at the beginning.. that he had a bad food poisioning experience at Long John Silvers and that is what it reminds him of it. I think maybe I am not watching out for myself you are right, I have chalked it up to the fact that I dont have to have 'oral luv' to have a good time if you catch my drift. He is a capricorn. He is the funniest guy I have ever met. His sense of humor compels me to him to begin with.

I didnt know they made guys like this. Most guys want to be up in that.

You should initiate if you want it.

No oral for him, its a two-way street. Tell him to man up.

"He says he cannot stand the smell of a womans 'kitty', the taste etcc he has told me that he has vomited on his last girlfriend while in the act."

Sorry but ROFLMAO

Every woman smells and tastes different. Some guys couldn't careless whilst others are particular. Maybe he hasn't found the right pussy for him.

I personally dont drink because I'd throw up. No offence to the guy, but that's just me.

Thank you for all of your input. I have been buzy Easter-ing.

First off Roxi I dont think he is gay at all. He is very manly. I do not smell a single homosexual vibe from him at all. I used to work in cosmetics and I worked with many bi and homosexual men. Is he attracted to me? I would hope so but mainly with my mind and personality I am not obese or fugly. But it could just be that our mars and venus is not connecting in a sexual sense.

I had a heart to heart with cap and did not beat around the bush.I told him my thoughts just as I have told you all. I brought up the taste/smell issue and reminded him that I keep myself very clean at all times. He agreed but explained to me that it is more so an aquired taste that he has yet to acquire or desire. He told me no matter how 'clean' it is it still has a peculiar smell that all women taste similar. He swore to me up and down that the seafood resturaunt incident was true and that it had hospitalized him for two days and that the correlation is uncanny.

After reading through the responses I think Ms Pisces is right. Maybe I am too open-minded sexually for his taste. Capricorns tend to be control freaks and maybe he is subconsciously using it as a bartering wedge. The thing is I cannot 'tone' down that in me because that would not me being true to myself.

He is already so intertwined in my and my sons life and has so many other good points that we made an agreement to keep our liason lightly and to remain very good friends.

***This is normal most guys might find it gross if you touch your mouth to there dick or there tounge to your kitten. He is most likely old fashioned person in the sex department.***

Normal? On what planet?

***I reckon hugging naked is great its the emotion that counts on the level of love making. You can't always expect a man to be sexual. If he repects you his man. If he doesn't hurt you or abuse you his a man.***

Why not? If you are a sexual person? If he isn't she should find someone who is and not waste anymore time? This will be an issue of incompatibility...

***Think like this live alone or have a man who talks to you all the time.***

Uhhh, that is called settling and no one should do that!

***You can't always get a man that fits the complete bill to your wants this world ain't built for it. ***

No one is perfect, but you can get a man who fits with your most important needs in a relationship. No one will get a PERFECT relationship, but a workable one is an order! One where the most important needs are met and then you don't have to sweat the small stuff...

***There it is. Hes probably a little put off by your aggressiveness. Sometimes, when its too easy to get, men don't want it anymore.***

Well damn, what do you expect her to do? Grow cob webs—

"He says he cannot stand the smell of a womans 'kitty', the taste etcc he has told me that he has vomited on his last girlfriend while in the act."

LOL!!! ..now I can't physically shake the above image off my head...

Sounds like you two are seriously incompatible in the sex department and you shouldn't really compromise on something as important as that..twice a week isn't normal for any new relationship and not to mention his association between a womans 'kitty' and some food poisoning incident...can you imagine what it will be like in 2 years time-it will only get worse..

"No one is perfect, but you can get a man who fits with your most important needs in a relationship. No one will get a PERFECT relationship, but a workable one is an order! One where the most important needs are met and then you don't have to sweat the small stuff..."

Excellently said QS..

Baby, baby, baby
If you really want me
Honey get some patience
Maybe then you'll get a taste
I'll be tasty, tasty, I'll be laced with lacey
It's so tasty, tasty, It'll make you crazy

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty

D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, hit it Fergie:

All the time I turn around brotha's gather round always looking at me up and down looking at my uuhhhh...
I just wanna say it now I ain't tryin to round up drama little mama
I don't wanna take your man
And I know I'm comin off just a little bit conceited and I keep on repeating how the boys wanna eat it

But I'm tryin' to tell, that I can't be treated like clientele
Cuz' they say she
Delicious (So delicious)
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that shit is just fictitious
I blow kisses
That puts them boys on rock, rock
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got
Four, tres, two, uno
My body stay vicious
I be up in the gym just working on my fitness
He's my witness

Toll booth

Ha ha
Quite profound 😄

Have you seen Alanis Morisettes rendition to that song? The video is cackle-worthy!

marchgirl80: "I had a heart to heart with cap and did not beat around the bush."

that thar was the funniest line of the entire thread!

But seriously, Im glad the two of you reached a compromise of sorts and are still willing to stay good friends.

And just for the record, let me admit to having already earned my Red Wings.

Have you seen Alanis Morisettes rendition to that song? The video is cackle-worthy!


no, but Im off to youtube as we speak...

Queenscorpio...thanks I believe a part of me was close to 'settling' but you you are right, we only get one stint on this earth. Its up to me to not sell out.

Red Wings..err... that tis only a dream..

If Summers Eve Ultra, brazilian bikini waxes, & Irish Spring soap wont do it... Nothing will!

Not even Lava soap.

Hey OUtcast 🙂

I think all new pC

he he

I entertained the thought "What if I did settle". I will surely never find a guy that adores my child as he does.. How selfish am I ..think of my kid, how a strong father figure I could rob him. BUT then I think well in the long run my kid will benefit from a happier, healthier mom. Then I think what if there is nothing out there. The thought of putting myself out there again, makes me feel exasperated.

***If Summers Eve Ultra, brazilian bikini waxes, & Irish Spring soap wont do it... Nothing will! **** Not even Lava soap.***

LOL... Hmmm, I have heard of REFRESH (find in the drug store) it is supposed to balance the ph and other things. I know a girl who used it. I never have. BTW never had the problem with a guy wanting to go there. LOL!!! That is weird I tell you.

Also I love taking baths with Victoria Secret scented bubble baths and bath oils...

But again, I have never experienced a man not wanting to go there.

Hmmm. What is his favorite candy? Does he like candy, you might hint there is a little surprise down there if he dares to go there!! Okay, damn now I am giving up all my secrets!!!

Edible underwear can be quite tasty and everything in them tastes the same. 🙂

***I entertained the thought "What if I did settle". I will surely never find a guy that adores my child as he does.. How selfish am I ..think of my kid, how a strong father figure I could rob him. BUT then I think well in the long run my kid will benefit from a happier, healthier mom. Then I think what if there is nothing out there. The thought of putting myself out there again, makes me feel exasperated.****


Trust me I have been there. After you weigh it all out it is healthier for you and your son if you are happy. It is rough and scary being a single mother out here, but you seem to be a good person. Your WORKABLE partner is out there. As I know mine is. I will be damned happy if he would just reveal himself already geeez!!!

QS, there's this thing I do with an Altoids mint............

Altoids is good... but there is nothing better a sensation than 'pop rocks' for the giving or receiving.

I think its like 1.99 $ at Toys R Us

Is the problem mostly that he doesnt enjoy the frequency of sex marchgirl, or just the fact he wont go down?

To be honest, I've been in love with gf's who wouldnt give head, had trouble climaxing, made me turn the lights off, etc. Sex isnt a porn movie, thats for sure. If its only the fact he doesnt like doing one specific thing and has a very personal explanation for it, then you may be guilty of a bit of selfishness on your part. But if he's just not all that sexual in the first place, then I'd understand better.

Its more like a double whammy

He acts like a senior citizen..

And he refused from the beginning he 'will not go south'

I dont think Im overtly sexual, but I am hot blooded. He could very well be a reptile for all I know.

His venus is in Aquarius. He is quirky and flighty w/sex.. not hot eye to eye, swinging from the chandeliers type. He acts as though he could take it or leave it.

I am used to sweltering eye contact...meshing of bodies not just for the 'outcome' but for the ride along the way.

I am oddly mind, body and soul. He and I have yet to truly break the emotional ice that may be the burning issue.

I dont have to have a porn life style , I have a big enough imagination to begin with. I just want a normal, healthy intimacy within a relationship.

Are you always the one initiating sex? Maybe try stop initiating altogether for a while, just cuddles and kisses without expectations and see if he picks up..

is he taking any depression meds because the side effect wipes the libido away, or is supposed to lower sexual urges or something like that

Often times it is I that has gotten the ball rolling. But I guess somehow that was a pattern that we started in the beginning, a hard habit now to break. I get playful with him and suggestive and then he will start peeling my clothes off kind of thing. I have tried though, to let enough alone...and he does nothing. One time we went two weeks. I ended up feeling resentful and voiced that with him..and told him I feel uncomfortable in the role of intitator. That is what has brought us to our hiatus.

No anti-deps..no drugs whatsoever, he is four years younger than me. I often wonder if he is with me for my infant. Most guys I have been with in the past pretty much just 'put up with my kid' a facade to make nice with me. Not him, he genuinely loves the kiddo. He checks his watch to see how long my baby has been napping and justifies if its okay to wake him up just so he can play with him.

Look at it this way: You can always buy a vibrator, but finding a male who truly adores someone elses child like the way you describe he does is not available at any price! I can see your dilemna with him just the same.

"and he does nothing. One time we went two weeks"

Maybe his problem is psychological or to do with his upbringing? Has he always had low sex drive in the past?

You are right. That is why this has been weighing on me so. I have 'been out there' before I met him. I know the majority of how men are, with single moms. They dont have to say anything, you can just tell by the way they act. They will ask cute little questions and act interested just to up your favor..and hope the kid goes to sleep so they can pounce on you.

"He checks his watch to see how long my baby has been napping and justifies if its okay to wake him up just so he can play with him."

Wow..sounds like he does love your kid. I can see why this is gonna be hard for you.

I wish I could interview his last girlfriends. All I know is that friendship & companionship is foremost on his priority list. He is a bit old fashioned. I agree I think the psychological aspect may be that we have yet to validate each others emotional slant with one another. Maybe five months has spelled out the truth. If that wall cannot be brought down this far along, maybe its just not supposed to be. Maybe a deep & enduring friendship is in the cards for us. ?? But my God if that wall does come down it will be on. And I mean on.

Yep, I have seen those same looks from men in resturaunts with their wives. It often looks as though all they did was contribute the sperm. I am so grateful for that he has a deep affection for children and namely mine. That is why this situation is so delicate. He and I have yet to say 'I love you'. I have brought it up, jokingly.. and he tells me that he will not say it unless he believes it with complete certainty. Our pace has been very slow and steady to say the least.

***QS, there's this thing I do with an Altoids mint............***

Raise eyebrows and look side to side with a devilish grin.

***His venus is in Aquarius. He is quirky and flighty w/sex.. not hot eye to eye, swinging from the chandeliers type. He acts as though he could take it or leave it.***

YOu need a scorp or a libra....

***No anti-deps..no drugs whatsoever, he is four years younger than me. I often wonder if he is with me for my infant. Most guys I have been with in the past pretty much just 'put up with my kid' a facade to make nice with me. Not him, he genuinely loves the kiddo. He checks his watch to see how long my baby has been napping and justifies if its okay to wake him up just so he can play with him.***

Wow, that is a double head sword!!! Well I will be a lonely woman, unless a guy genually loves my daughter, we are a package deal. I hope it isn't that he likes the kid more. That ain't cool. Nice, but not cool.

***They dont have to say anything, you can just tell by the way they act. They will ask cute little questions and act interested just to up your favor..and hope the kid goes to sleep so they can pounce on you.***

Hmmm, actually even in casual relationship (where all except one have never met my daughter) always ask about her and actually want to meet her. They see pictures of her all through my house. I dunno, I used to think the same. My last relationship with (a libra from DXP) adored her and still does. Still asks about her, send her movies etc. She really liked him too. So, I don't know? The scorp who met her and actually because of a couple of circumstances was around her also adored her, but he has also taken full responsibility of his wife's other child so I guess that is in his nature.

***Be careful though with using food or harsh, scented stuff down there because that's just gonna cause a yeast infection.***

This may be true if you do this ALL the time, but on occasion, no harm.

Atlantic:
His Venus is Aquarius
....Mars in Virgo
....Moon Leo
....Ascendent Leo

Mine
....Venus in Pisces
....Mars in Cancer
....Moon Taurus
....Ascendent Leo

We have the same rising