Ive refused to have sex with her a couple of weeks ago because we both stated we didnt want to screw this up. Trust, thats understandable. Although its hard to do when you cant see the person to earn it haha
Pisces Man [me], Scorpio Woman [her] (Page 2)
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Posted by Infinite8I havent texted her today at all. Seriously I dont like how this is making me feel. I know if i see her out of happenstance I'm probably gonna skip a few beatsPosted by urbane101Yeah, from what you've described... I agree, you've done nothing wrong.
But thats the thing, the evening was excellent. She even texted me later that night saying that it was wonderful... I picked up on her talking to her friends so i went and talked to other people, but i stayed near her that night. If there was something I ruined I truly dont know.
Sometimes I want to say hey and have a conversation (like today) but I keep thinking im just going to get ignored again, and honestly that kind of hurts. Shes a busy person, but lately... im just getting weird vibes. but I'm seriously trying to be not-clingy but involved in her life. Which is freakishly hard to do. We used to send messages to eachother saying how we're on each other's mind, but that's stopped, for better or worse. I dont know.
Don't message her if you find the will power to do so. The ball is in her court... She hasn't forgotten. She is very aware that it's there and doesn't need a reminder.
Maybe that Taurus moon of hers is making her way more cautious? You said she had a bad experience in her past? Maybe she holds tight to it and it makes her hold out on future good experiences? Maybe she feels so good about it too soon, she is trying to reject the speed and wants to go slower?
I agree her actions (inactions) are hurtful. I also agree that you should put yourself in a position where she will once again ignore you. You've done enough. Let her come to you.click to expand
Posted by Infinite8We made a decision NOT to have sex until we got into a relationship. Maybe that was wrong..Posted by urbane101Did you tell her why you were refusing? Because of you don't say anything and expect her to get it, she will probably just feel rejected.
Ive refused to have sex with her a couple of weeks ago because we both stated we didnt want to screw this up. Trust, thats understandable. Although its hard to do when you cant see the person to earn it haha
How would having sex screw things up if you both want a relationship?
click to expand
I trust her. I really enjoy seeing her, and especially after our date we both probably figured that something GOOD came come from this. I dont want HER to drift away. However.
I feel somewhat abandoned. She probably might be trying to distance herself to regain some control. Ive told her how i feel, what i want, and bam. Brick wall. Metaphorically speaking, Can I climb? Yes. Can i wait? Most likely. I respect her, but wow did I get attachted a little too quickly.
I feel somewhat abandoned. She probably might be trying to distance herself to regain some control. Ive told her how i feel, what i want, and bam. Brick wall. Metaphorically speaking, Can I climb? Yes. Can i wait? Most likely. I respect her, but wow did I get attachted a little too quickly.
Posted by Infinite8I never asked about those. i completely forgot. I really need to do that. That seems to be the only thing i HAVENT done, aside from sex of course. Feeling too much too quickly... will that push her to other people? I think i need to question her, but I'm not going to do it now. Possibly next week. I think thats a good break from interaction between us. I just hope she doesnt drift away. And also, NOTHING happenned. I haven't seen her in the last three days, and really only wished her a good day, with the exception of today.
When did she stop texting you? Something happened that cut her flow and now she is being SUPER cautious. It might be as petty as just reacting over feeling rejected when you didn't respond how she wished once she sent you those drunk messages.
Her behavior now is not normal. It should be flowing right now... But something is holding her back.
You can either:
1. Call her now and confront the situation (which might backfire if you feed on the insecure feelings you have at this moment and start an argument instead).
Or
2. Wait till she responds to you and reaches out to you. Go at a slower pace and let time tell you how she really feels about you. If you both really care about each other, the love will always be there.
I have been in relationships with Pisces more than any other sign. The connection is always amazing... But so delicate at the same time. My first love crush was a Pisces (I was 11- 17yrs old) and we had a very intense back and forth (that reminds me of yours) for 6 years!! The only reason it stopped was because I moved to another town. Within those years there were gaps where either he or I were in other relationships and then break up - we were always there for each other and the roles always changed based on the situation but... We just never gave up on each other and found ways to stay close and connected or it would just naturally happen as well.
^^^ what I'm trying to say with that is don't underestimate the power of this bond but notice that when maturity lacking, any little thing can alter the outcome because feelings are just too raw on both ends.
You felt too much too quickly.... So did she.
Maybe there isn't anything really wrong. I haven't spoken to her still, but maybe she does just want a little bit of space. I don't want to go assuming the worst because that's just a recipe for distrust, and it might be a little too unrealistic for her to be lovey-dovey all the time. Is it? I'm not sure. The date Tuesday was really amazing. I keep looking back at it and all I do is smile. She was her true self. She hasn't been like that before. I really just need to remain positive, however the distance IS a little strange to me, mainly because it was almost a 180 from Tuesday. Something is brewing between us, and if she needs to get her thoughts straight, maybe I should let her be for a little bit. Tuesday gave me a slight idea of how much longer I need to keep going on dates with her before we can take the next step, I don't feel like it's much longer though.
The only warning sign i see is the distance. That's something that I need to watch for, I know that both of us like some space, but it's just odd that it happened so soon.
The only warning sign i see is the distance. That's something that I need to watch for, I know that both of us like some space, but it's just odd that it happened so soon.
Don't stop communicating out of some misguided sense of her needing space. Scorpio will tell you when they need space. Just break the ice by sending her something to make her laugh or a song or something. If she still is "reserved" straight up ask her what's up. If nothing happens then swim away because her communication skills suck.
Posted by Infinite8I found out some information from a friend last night which confirms that she's been hurt pretty badly in the past when things were getting good. It doesn't seem like she likes to actually deal with the anxiety and fear and pain to move past it so she disappears before they overwhelm her. I can completely understand that, and it makes me feel worse knowing why there's pain in her smiles sometimes when I'm watching her from afar. As to what to do now... I can only try to ask her to talk about it. The wishy-washiness is definitely explained by her pains, but I know she will feel better if she talks about it. I won't force her to do it, but if this keeps going on, things will get messy.Posted by urbane101Yeah, from what you've described... I agree, you've done nothing wrong.
But thats the thing, the evening was excellent. She even texted me later that night saying that it was wonderful... I picked up on her talking to her friends so i went and talked to other people, but i stayed near her that night. If there was something I ruined I truly dont know.
Sometimes I want to say hey and have a conversation (like today) but I keep thinking im just going to get ignored again, and honestly that kind of hurts. Shes a busy person, but lately... im just getting weird vibes. but I'm seriously trying to be not-clingy but involved in her life. Which is freakishly hard to do. We used to send messages to eachother saying how we're on each other's mind, but that's stopped, for better or worse. I dont know.
Don't message her if you find the will power to do so. The ball is in her court... She hasn't forgotten. She is very aware that it's there and doesn't need a reminder.
Maybe that Taurus moon of hers is making her way more cautious? You said she had a bad experience in her past? Maybe she holds tight to it and it makes her hold out on future good experiences? Maybe she feels so good about it too soon, she is trying to reject the speed and wants to go slower?
I agree her actions (inactions) are hurtful. I also agree that you should put yourself in a position where she will once again ignore you. You've done enough. Let her come to you.click to expand
Posted by urbane101Posted by Infinite8I found out some information from a friend last night which confirms that she's been hurt pretty badly in the past when things were getting good. It doesn't seem like she likes to actually deal with the anxiety and fear and pain to move past it so she disappears before they overwhelm her. I can completely understand that, and it makes me feel worse knowing why there's pain in her smiles sometimes when I'm watching her from afar. As to what to do now... I can only try to ask her to talk about it. The wishy-washiness is definitely explained by her pains, but I know she will feel better if she talks about it. I won't force her to do it, but if this keeps going on, things will get messy.Posted by urbane101Yeah, from what you've described... I agree, you've done nothing wrong.
But thats the thing, the evening was excellent. She even texted me later that night saying that it was wonderful... I picked up on her talking to her friends so i went and talked to other people, but i stayed near her that night. If there was something I ruined I truly dont know.
Sometimes I want to say hey and have a conversation (like today) but I keep thinking im just going to get ignored again, and honestly that kind of hurts. Shes a busy person, but lately... im just getting weird vibes. but I'm seriously trying to be not-clingy but involved in her life. Which is freakishly hard to do. We used to send messages to eachother saying how we're on each other's mind, but that's stopped, for better or worse. I dont know.
Don't message her if you find the will power to do so. The ball is in her court... She hasn't forgotten. She is very aware that it's there and doesn't need a reminder.
Maybe that Taurus moon of hers is making her way more cautious? You said she had a bad experience in her past? Maybe she holds tight to it and it makes her hold out on future good experiences? Maybe she feels so good about it too soon, she is trying to reject the speed and wants to go slower?
I agree her actions (inactions) are hurtful. I also agree that you should put yourself in a position where she will once again ignore you. You've done enough. Let her come to you.click to expand
I would wait to ask her about that. she had taken some space to try to control the emotions, and therefore bringing it up now might remind her of what she has been trying to control. threefore stress her out. HOWEVER. if it does invole someone else, I see it as a little unfair to pull the rug out from underneath someone who was on the same exact boat, and I DO feel that it is something that needs to be discussed TOGE
oops got cut off haha
if yall are as close as you two believe to be, it should be somthing worth talking over.
I say dont confront her about it yet. if shes being distant, let her be for a little bit. have a nice conversation about anything till the following day, that way she can feel comfortable talking to you although her distance is obvious.
the following day ask her whats up about it, then if she doesnt wanna say, tell her that you understand and respect her position, and also want to talk it over but are willing to wait until she feels like she can.
tau moons NEED to let things settle. its just how we work. I know a few aries moons and they tackle things head-on, for both good and bad which makes them good thinkers on their feet, but tau moons like to let things settle themselves. right now you want to understand what is going on AT THIS MOMENT.
if you needed some space to be like "whoa this is intense AF I need to regain who I am..I need to have a little space" then someone came rushing to you asking why you hadnt been talking to them all day, how would you feel? smothered?
If this is someone you can trust, then let her do her thing. If this is someone you cannot trust (for a reason unbeknownst to the rest of us), then take your space as well, regain control of yourself, and apply DAT DISTANCE.
I say dont confront her about it yet. if shes being distant, let her be for a little bit. have a nice conversation about anything till the following day, that way she can feel comfortable talking to you although her distance is obvious.
the following day ask her whats up about it, then if she doesnt wanna say, tell her that you understand and respect her position, and also want to talk it over but are willing to wait until she feels like she can.
tau moons NEED to let things settle. its just how we work. I know a few aries moons and they tackle things head-on, for both good and bad which makes them good thinkers on their feet, but tau moons like to let things settle themselves. right now you want to understand what is going on AT THIS MOMENT.
if you needed some space to be like "whoa this is intense AF I need to regain who I am..I need to have a little space" then someone came rushing to you asking why you hadnt been talking to them all day, how would you feel? smothered?
If this is someone you can trust, then let her do her thing. If this is someone you cannot trust (for a reason unbeknownst to the rest of us), then take your space as well, regain control of yourself, and apply DAT DISTANCE.
Posted by BrightLightagreed. you don't always have to start a conversation with someone.
Don't stop communicating out of some misguided sense of her needing space. Scorpio will tell you when they need space. Just break the ice by sending her something to make her laugh or a song or something.
Posted by PlaciddBUT DAT DISTANCE is what I've been giving her. I don't want to talk ALL the time, and I don't want to be around her ALL the time, but it'd be nice if there were more interaction between us without the feeling of walking on eggshells, trying to keep things from falling down.
if yall are as close as you two believe to be, it should be somthing worth talking over.
I say dont confront her about it yet. if shes being distant, let her be for a little bit. have a nice conversation about anything till the following day, that way she can feel comfortable talking to you although her distance is obvious.
the following day ask her whats up about it, then if she doesnt wanna say, tell her that you understand and respect her position, and also want to talk it over but are willing to wait until she feels like she can.
tau moons NEED to let things settle. its just how we work. I know a few aries moons and they tackle things head-on, for both good and bad which makes them good thinkers on their feet, but tau moons like to let things settle themselves. right now you want to understand what is going on AT THIS MOMENT.
if you needed some space to be like "whoa this is intense AF I need to regain who I am..I need to have a little space" then someone came rushing to you asking why you hadnt been talking to them all day, how would you feel? smothered?
If this is someone you can trust, then let her do her thing. If this is someone you cannot trust (for a reason unbeknownst to the rest of us), then take your space as well, regain control of yourself, and apply DAT DISTANCE.
About talking about her painful past. This one is tricky. Speaking from my own experience, I tend to slowly open up about deep issues over time. As a Pisces you are good at putting puzzle pieces together based on a limited amount of information--this is so helpful to Scorpio because we can have a well of feelings bottled up and not know how to talk about them. Maybe it's just me but I'm not the type to have a lengthy discussion about my pain and let that all out except when within a long term, solid relationship. Then that starts to flow. This is because Scorpio sometimes has this misguided opinion that we don't want to burden people with our problems.
Pisces can do that too so you get that.
But Scorpio lives to find out the deep inner workings of our intended. We can talk about our lovers problems all day long. We get off on the good, the bad and the ugly of other people's lives. I'm not going to speak for other Scorps but I never use that info to judge but to get the full picture. It's by having the full picture that leads to feeling safe with someone. If the gut is saying there is more here than meets the eye it can drive a Scorpio nuts! Lol
Pisces wears that cute little heart on their sleeve. When you really like someone you offer everything upfront. Scorpio might look at that as its too good to be true or think there must be more to it. Your scorp could be in observation mode--looking for consistency in what is presented.
Pisces can do that too so you get that.
But Scorpio lives to find out the deep inner workings of our intended. We can talk about our lovers problems all day long. We get off on the good, the bad and the ugly of other people's lives. I'm not going to speak for other Scorps but I never use that info to judge but to get the full picture. It's by having the full picture that leads to feeling safe with someone. If the gut is saying there is more here than meets the eye it can drive a Scorpio nuts! Lol
Pisces wears that cute little heart on their sleeve. When you really like someone you offer everything upfront. Scorpio might look at that as its too good to be true or think there must be more to it. Your scorp could be in observation mode--looking for consistency in what is presented.
Posted by Infinite8Yes. We both went through quite a bit over the last week and a half, but today we are now exclusively dating. Not gf/bf YET but she wants try. She jas been through a LOT; we talked for 3 hours monday and she was crying because of how scared she was. More to come in a bitPosted by urbane101Are you two doing better now?Posted by Infinite8I found out some information from a friend last night which confirms that she's been hurt pretty badly in the past when things were getting good. It doesn't seem like she likes to actually deal with the anxiety and fear and pain to move past it so she disappears before they overwhelm her. I can completely understand that, and it makes me feel worse knowing why there's pain in her smiles sometimes when I'm watching her from afar. As to what to do now... I can only try to ask her to talk about it. The wishy-washiness is definitely explained by her pains, but I know she will feel better if she talks about it. I won't force her to do it, but if this keeps going on, things will get messy.Posted by urbane101Yeah, from what you've described... I agree, you've done nothing wrong.
But thats the thing, the evening was excellent. She even texted me later that night saying that it was wonderful... I picked up on her talking to her friends so i went and talked to other people, but i stayed near her that night. If there was something I ruined I truly dont know.
Sometimes I want to say hey and have a conversation (like today) but I keep thinking im just going to get ignored again, and honestly that kind of hurts. Shes a busy person, but lately... im just getting weird vibes. but I'm seriously trying to be not-clingy but involved in her life. Which is freakishly hard to do. We used to send messages to eachother saying how we're on each other's mind, but that's stopped, for better or worse. I dont know.
Don't message her if you find the will power to do so. The ball is in her court... She hasn't forgotten. She is very aware that it's there and doesn't need a reminder.
Maybe that Taurus moon of hers is making her way more cautious? You said she had a bad experience in her past? Maybe she holds tight to it and it makes her hold out on future good experiences? Maybe she feels so good about it too soon, she is trying to reject the speed and wants to go slower?
I agree her actions (inactions) are hurtful. I also agree that you should put yourself in a position where she will once again ignore you. You've done enough. Let her come to you.click to expand
Alright, so here's basically what happened:
When we were supposed to go out two weeks ago, she had cancelled on me several times because of friends who needed her or she made some plans and had forgotten to let me know. Personally I felt like she was flaking on me so I called her out on it (trying to stand my ground, it was very weird how everything played out so conveniently that she couldn't meet). Didn't talk to her for days and showed up to the dance hall we normally go to with a mutual friend. She seemed to be really happy to see me but she was a couple of drinks in (which bothered me). She kept warding off other guys trying to dance with her until we danced several times. This is where it got strange.
She kept telling me she loved me, over the span of two hours when we danced. She was drunk I know, and I gave her several chances to take it back, but she kept telling me that and making out with me. I"m sure everyone saw it too. Now, when I finally had enough of her telling me this, I said "I love you too, but i'd rather you tell me when you're sober". It hit her like a truck because her attitude changed so much. She told me I was right, and she left.
Fast forward to the next day, she texted me saying that she was sorry about the night before, and that she couldn't do this anymore and needed to talk to me face to face to settle it properly. I was out of town, and told her that if that was the case, then [last monday, the 20th] would be the last time she would ever see me. I asked her to describe to me exactly how she thought I felt (Mainly speaking because of the consistency of her texting me drunk. That confused the hell out of me.) and to think about what she did over the weekend.
Fast forward to monday: I let her know I get back into town, and her attitude changed [again]. She was thinking about me the entire weekend at her friend's wedding, and that her friends wanted to meet me because she's told them about me before.
The Talk:
We basically went for a walk for about 3 hours. I let all of my frustration out to her (calmly but firmly, I didn't want to show any anger out of spite. I never do but I took extreme care to articulate). She's told me she's dated people who only used her for sex and that the last serious boyfriend she had cheated on her. She walked in on them having sex and that it was the worse thing she's ever felt. She said that she's so afraid to let someone in again, to be their best friend, to trust again, basically all of the above, and I kept telling her that i've done nothing remotely to that, in fact I've given her everything I felt she wanted without even asking her. Space? Dates? Favors? Everything but actual relationship stuff I did for her so far. It had nothing to do with me, but she needed to know that she kept thinking "what if I fall? What if I get hurt again?" To which I froze her in thought with this: "Oh no, what if you fail. What if you get hurt and fall. but what if you SOAR. What if you LOVE again."
When we were supposed to go out two weeks ago, she had cancelled on me several times because of friends who needed her or she made some plans and had forgotten to let me know. Personally I felt like she was flaking on me so I called her out on it (trying to stand my ground, it was very weird how everything played out so conveniently that she couldn't meet). Didn't talk to her for days and showed up to the dance hall we normally go to with a mutual friend. She seemed to be really happy to see me but she was a couple of drinks in (which bothered me). She kept warding off other guys trying to dance with her until we danced several times. This is where it got strange.
She kept telling me she loved me, over the span of two hours when we danced. She was drunk I know, and I gave her several chances to take it back, but she kept telling me that and making out with me. I"m sure everyone saw it too. Now, when I finally had enough of her telling me this, I said "I love you too, but i'd rather you tell me when you're sober". It hit her like a truck because her attitude changed so much. She told me I was right, and she left.
Fast forward to the next day, she texted me saying that she was sorry about the night before, and that she couldn't do this anymore and needed to talk to me face to face to settle it properly. I was out of town, and told her that if that was the case, then [last monday, the 20th] would be the last time she would ever see me. I asked her to describe to me exactly how she thought I felt (Mainly speaking because of the consistency of her texting me drunk. That confused the hell out of me.) and to think about what she did over the weekend.
Fast forward to monday: I let her know I get back into town, and her attitude changed [again]. She was thinking about me the entire weekend at her friend's wedding, and that her friends wanted to meet me because she's told them about me before.
The Talk:
We basically went for a walk for about 3 hours. I let all of my frustration out to her (calmly but firmly, I didn't want to show any anger out of spite. I never do but I took extreme care to articulate). She's told me she's dated people who only used her for sex and that the last serious boyfriend she had cheated on her. She walked in on them having sex and that it was the worse thing she's ever felt. She said that she's so afraid to let someone in again, to be their best friend, to trust again, basically all of the above, and I kept telling her that i've done nothing remotely to that, in fact I've given her everything I felt she wanted without even asking her. Space? Dates? Favors? Everything but actual relationship stuff I did for her so far. It had nothing to do with me, but she needed to know that she kept thinking "what if I fall? What if I get hurt again?" To which I froze her in thought with this: "Oh no, what if you fail. What if you get hurt and fall. but what if you SOAR. What if you LOVE again."
She didn't know what to say to that so we continued walking and just talking about eachother. likes, dislikes, favorite stuff. She finally asked me "Alright. What do I need to do to make this work. I know the feelings are there but I just don't know how to do this." I told her she needed to trust me with the thing she guards so well from everyone; her heart. I don't ever want to hurt her. Hell, everyone who knows me can tell her that. Her own SISTER has been telling her that. When she got distant with me before I didn't get in her face about it, I asked her friends. She had a problem with this and got a little upset, but I told her I asked her friends because she STOPPED talking to me. How am I supposed to know what's working and What bothers her if she doesn't talk to me? I even told her in the beginning I asked for the effort to be two ways, and made her answer the question of if it actually WAS (which it wasn't, it was one way, her receiving and me giving). I told her that I want to give this a shot, but she wanted to be in control. I said that she didn't have to make a decision now, but SOON. To which she told me that I was right. No more playing around. I'm not going to drag you through the mud, I need to get my stuff done, and start taking this seriously. Now, as of friday we're exclusive. So I have to put in work, I'm just hoping it's going to be TWO ways, not just one.
...It just sounds like you're being set up to do the majority of the legwork in this relationship.
If you're not the return on investments type...that's all cool and dandy.
I got cheated on and it didn't impede me at any point to be reciprocal and caring towards a man I loved.
I've heard people throw any excuse in the book valid or not. Still all of them went for their heart's desire. Maybe cautiously, in small increments.
Try not to get worn down by the uneven balance here and double check this person is actually alongside you on this ride.
If you're not the return on investments type...that's all cool and dandy.
I got cheated on and it didn't impede me at any point to be reciprocal and caring towards a man I loved.
I've heard people throw any excuse in the book valid or not. Still all of them went for their heart's desire. Maybe cautiously, in small increments.
Try not to get worn down by the uneven balance here and double check this person is actually alongside you on this ride.
BUT, I've noticed 2 things: Drunk texts, and maybe (i can't tell if it's true) a change in behavior.
1. Lately I've been getting drunk texts from her confessing her love and that she's only felt that about her ex, no one else, who is out of the picture (can confirm). about the texts: I know she's drunk but It's kind of messing with my head, and I don't know if she really means that or is just saying it because she's thinking about me at the time. She's been doing this for a couple of days now, and I don't know if she just pretends like it didn't
Sorry, had to cut the majority of your post to get to your question. AHEM! You're Pisces! You know what you want and should go for it!
Didn't you know that when a person is "drunk" they reveal their secrets, feelings, passions, etc?! She wishes you were there w/her at the club and disses all other guys. Yeah, she might dance w/them, but what other woman has a man in mind knowing that she won't do anything w/a stranger from the club? She smiles whenever she hears a song played because it reminds her of you. I see a lot of girls at the club picking up their cell phones and texting. So what if she was drunk? She had feelings for you that are bubbling inside of her and yeah, she gets tipsy, and texts you. As long as she doesn't apologize and tells you that won't happen again; you're lucky!
Take the lead, fellow Piscean! 🤗 cyber hug!
Keep us posted.
Love,
Eva
1. Lately I've been getting drunk texts from her confessing her love and that she's only felt that about her ex, no one else, who is out of the picture (can confirm). about the texts: I know she's drunk but It's kind of messing with my head, and I don't know if she really means that or is just saying it because she's thinking about me at the time. She's been doing this for a couple of days now, and I don't know if she just pretends like it didn't
Sorry, had to cut the majority of your post to get to your question. AHEM! You're Pisces! You know what you want and should go for it!
Didn't you know that when a person is "drunk" they reveal their secrets, feelings, passions, etc?! She wishes you were there w/her at the club and disses all other guys. Yeah, she might dance w/them, but what other woman has a man in mind knowing that she won't do anything w/a stranger from the club? She smiles whenever she hears a song played because it reminds her of you. I see a lot of girls at the club picking up their cell phones and texting. So what if she was drunk? She had feelings for you that are bubbling inside of her and yeah, she gets tipsy, and texts you. As long as she doesn't apologize and tells you that won't happen again; you're lucky!
Take the lead, fellow Piscean! 🤗 cyber hug!
Keep us posted.
Love,
Eva
Well, that's the thing. I HAVE told her what I want, and she had all week to think it over last week, and she said that she's going to try and give US a shot. She's told me that we're exclusive, and that she's cut ties with people so we can try, but honestly I don't know WHAT to expect right now. We both want this but I feel like I still don't know how to talk to her or even meet up with her. I don't feel like I'm a priority, basically, even after we've told each other how we feel. She told me she couldn't wait to see me after I got back into town for the weekend, but when I did try to see her, she's got other plans and I can't see her until Thursday. IDK if that's normal, and I TRUST HER, but I can't build a relationship with someone who's not going to reciprocate and make me feel like I'm valued and not just an accessory.
I'm not saying that's what she's doing, that's just my insecurities talking and me venting.I FEAR being abandoned and under-valued. This has happened to me before (for 2 years) and it cut pretty deep. I guess in the mean time I can surprise her with flowers before she comes home from work tomorrow in the meantime..
I'm not saying that's what she's doing, that's just my insecurities talking and me venting.I FEAR being abandoned and under-valued. This has happened to me before (for 2 years) and it cut pretty deep. I guess in the mean time I can surprise her with flowers before she comes home from work tomorrow in the meantime..
Posted by Vixen2
Why no one has addressed this..."drunk texts"...tell her to get her shit together. You as a Pisces will not do well with someone who only convey their feelings forthright if they are enebriated...you'll have to stand your ground from the get go with these women ...anything not addressed from the start and then brought up later will deem you a flip flopper (just because that seems to be the stereotype people believe about Pisces)...
Ah, yes about that. I HAVE addressed that to her already, she made up her mind about it last week. I told her it confuses me so much, and that I take it as a commitment, not just a drunk text anymore (because she's said it to me plenty of times, not just once). She told me the feelings are there, but she doesn't know if she is ready to say those words yet (although she did when she was drunk) and ran because I accepted it instead of rejected; she was just scared because she didn't know how to let someone else in and start over in building a serious relationship with someone.
Posted by Infinite8This makes sense. Right now, I don't know if I'd characterize how I feel as "saving", more like just wanting to spend time. I know she has problems and there's NO way I can fix them. I need to take care of myself first but I'm afraid today was pretty emotional for me (I woke up feeling like absolute garbage) and I want to say something but I know I shouldn't. at this point, I need to take care of myself, although I feel panicked and anxious about nothing if that makes ANY sense. Just one of those days.
Take care of yourself first Fish, ... And make sure all your needs are met. The only reason I say this is because it sounds like you really want her and will tolerate and sacrifice a lot to be with her. In turn, she might not appreciate you as you need to be and will feel that she will (in a way) abandon you.
She is very fragile and is overwhelmed by FEAR. That is a massive flag for you because she feels so victimized by her past experiences that she will hurt those around her if it promises her own protection. As you can see, her views are many times distorted and her behavior erratic. She lacks consistency which only makes you feel UNDER VALUED and she invites instability.
It is VERY kind of you to want to be her savior and in many ways, you ARE. But, is there a promise of her growth and will your actions be appreciated for all the work that you will go through for her sake? NO ONE knows... And unfortunately, neither does she!
It is up to her if she wants to continue her life believing she is damaged goods because of her past OR if she will decide to accept love once again in her life and be courageous to take it on despite the unknown. It's up to her, not you. And that's great that you clearly remind her of that.
It's up to you to accept her as she is without having that strong urge to save her. If you get into the mode of over-helping and things don't go your way and then resentment enters the picture only creating a TOXIC relationship... Then save yourself the sweat and tears and just find yourself another girl without so much baggage.
Keep the love healthy and alive.... That is the best advice.
Alright. So this may be a final update on this, as she finally told me what I knew was going on in her head. Basically the reason why she seems to have been backing off (and why I felt like things were one sided) is because she is afraid to commit. We got into an argument two days ago after a wonderful night out with her and her friends. We were all over eachother in front of her friends, she told them we were dating even. Loving. Almost like a dream come true... too good to be true.
The argument:
She was saying for some reason she felt a strong "pulling" from her chest. That she couldn't breathe and that she needed to get away. She was scared because she couldn't explain what she was feeling and asked me why she couldn't commit. She didn't know why. She's told people, tried, but the feeling isn't there. It's overwhelmed by this sensation of huge anxiety. I told her that I knew exactly what was going on, and I even went on to explain that she felt like she was losing her personality because of this. She said that she was scared of losing her independence and freedom. The emptiness hits her out of nowhere. She kept referring back to the damage that she went through in her last serious relationship, and told me that she didn't want to have to answer to anyone and worry about things she didn't need to be worried about. She couldn't explain the feeling at all, but she was just scared... She;s finally told me everything, but I went on (through text, she could not handle being around me at all. The same sensation I felt when she kept inviting me over when this all first started) basically explaining all of this to her, and that we connected so well that all of our barriers came down, and when we returned to our real lives, the anxiety and fears from the past both of us. Our egos were swallowed. We didn't know who we were. She was mad at ME and she didn't even know why. She couldn't explain why she never made plans with me but always hung out with her friends. She loves me when she isn't sober but when she is, she gets confused and scared.
She apologized to me the next day over text, and told me she needs time to think. I havent heard from her since thursday and it's been... extremely difficult. I would imagine that she wants space to wrap her head around everything... but in the back of my mind, now I don't really think things are going to work out. I'm scared. I feel like my soul's been ripped out. We haven't been able to have talks about just us because of the feeling. In my opinion.. it could be a case of "he's just not that into you", but it's a woman and not a man. "Commitment-phobe", as people would say it, but I feel like we could even be twin-flames. I am not sure what people think about that, but that's how everything seemed. I feel like while she's figuring things out, she's going to date around and to have sex and just be free. It's just my guess. Right now, my mind is eating itself with concern. I just want to hold her one more time.
The argument:
She was saying for some reason she felt a strong "pulling" from her chest. That she couldn't breathe and that she needed to get away. She was scared because she couldn't explain what she was feeling and asked me why she couldn't commit. She didn't know why. She's told people, tried, but the feeling isn't there. It's overwhelmed by this sensation of huge anxiety. I told her that I knew exactly what was going on, and I even went on to explain that she felt like she was losing her personality because of this. She said that she was scared of losing her independence and freedom. The emptiness hits her out of nowhere. She kept referring back to the damage that she went through in her last serious relationship, and told me that she didn't want to have to answer to anyone and worry about things she didn't need to be worried about. She couldn't explain the feeling at all, but she was just scared... She;s finally told me everything, but I went on (through text, she could not handle being around me at all. The same sensation I felt when she kept inviting me over when this all first started) basically explaining all of this to her, and that we connected so well that all of our barriers came down, and when we returned to our real lives, the anxiety and fears from the past both of us. Our egos were swallowed. We didn't know who we were. She was mad at ME and she didn't even know why. She couldn't explain why she never made plans with me but always hung out with her friends. She loves me when she isn't sober but when she is, she gets confused and scared.
She apologized to me the next day over text, and told me she needs time to think. I havent heard from her since thursday and it's been... extremely difficult. I would imagine that she wants space to wrap her head around everything... but in the back of my mind, now I don't really think things are going to work out. I'm scared. I feel like my soul's been ripped out. We haven't been able to have talks about just us because of the feeling. In my opinion.. it could be a case of "he's just not that into you", but it's a woman and not a man. "Commitment-phobe", as people would say it, but I feel like we could even be twin-flames. I am not sure what people think about that, but that's how everything seemed. I feel like while she's figuring things out, she's going to date around and to have sex and just be free. It's just my guess. Right now, my mind is eating itself with concern. I just want to hold her one more time.
Posted by KoniuchaaThank you, I really appreciate you saying that. A small portion of me feels bad for having feelings for this person, putting her through a state of alarm and anxiety. In some ways I'm like her, being afraid to lose individuality but I just kept battling the feeling. She kept telling me that "this was too easy" or "it's too good to be true" in a slight panicking manner... but i really do understand where she is coming from on that aspect. I felt the same way when we first started talking, always anxious about something going wrong. Both of us have been through bad 'isht, so maybe this is all on a subconcious level. Its not ME. I havent done anything wrong. Maybe not forceful enough in determining where things were going, but maybe things could have been all about the chase, nothing more. I just dont know. Too many factors.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. You seem like a very loving, good person.
She had a lot to work on, whatever that may be.
Posted by glasshalffullThank you. It turns out, we were both smothering eachother. We moved waaaay too fast in the beginning, and so because of that, we both were behaving in ways that werent natural. we talked it over today, but before she thought that maybe we couldnt do anything and that we should stop trying, but her and i both felt like we still did want to. We had a lot of fun together, but we mainly agreed on backing off and taking things really slow. She was wrong with the drunk texts and i clearly told her that and made it a point to tell her. She was wrong to invite me over in the very beginning over and over again. We are on the same page and are trying to make things work albiet a lot slower. We're gonna try and see/talk to eachother once or twice a week, and i think that hanging out in group settings is probably better for the time being to learn how to act around eachother.
@urbane101 People come into our lives for 'a reason', 'a season' or 'a lifetime'. No telling what that timeline will be when we first meet. Keep the door and your heart open.
😉
Posted by glasshalffullThank you. Im considering not contacting her for a while because i want her to have space. We had a lot of fun yesterday, so if she still feels the same way about ending things, at least we ended on a good note (although she agreed to trying again but take things slowly). I WANT her in my life but im not sure if i can be her friend; if i saw her dating someone else in front of me i would be more than heartbroken. Im going to try. But to do that i need to distance myself, which is painful in itself. I wish we didnt move so fast before 😢Posted by urbane101Sounds like a plan. It can be freaky when there's a 'connection' like that right from the start. Too good to be true and all is the knee jerk reaction, especially when the opposite sex has always treated them badly. It's similar to the challenge I'm having with my pisces friend. He's never had a close female friend before with our type of connection and now he doesn't know how to interact with me since we're no longer working together. It can be very overwhelming with their emotions all over the place. (And, yes, they tend to let their true feelings slip when they've had a few too many beers.) Time is needed for them to sort it out.Posted by glasshalffull...We're gonna try and see/talk to eachother once or twice a week, and i think that hanging out in group settings is probably better for the time being to learn how to act around eachother.
@urbane101 People come into our lives for 'a reason', 'a season' or 'a lifetime'. No telling what that timeline will be when we first meet. Keep the door and your heart open.
😉
It's obvious that you're a great guy. Just make sure your eyes stay wide open, keep the communication going and revisit that you're sticking around for the right reasons.click to expand
Thank you so much for your help everyone. I have decided to end things between me and her, in part due to the fact that I was getting extremely lonely and felt abandoned, and the other part that I'm an officer in the military and am leaving soon. I cannot honestly put someone through the difficulty of loving someone who is gone all the time (which has been the case for me the last 5 weeks), and even more so the life style that I'll be living. I wish her the best and that we may both find someone who can give us the comfort, security and love we both need.
@urbane101 I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out between the two of you, From what I've read from your thread, you tried really hard to make it work... but sometimes people aren't meant for us.
Whishing you all the best!
Whishing you all the best!
Thank you all. Its a decision I have to live with whether or not it's right or not. I just cant see how someone would say they want me but doesnt make me a priority. Maybe they truly did. I will not know, but what I DO know is that im grateful for meeting her. I was able to feel loved and was able to love - albiet for a short time - someone else. Time for mourning and moving on, with a smile.
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