itwontbelong
@itwontbelong
13 Years
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SCORPIO WON'T DEFINE RELATIONSHIP!
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you sound like you're so scared of losing her that to 'define' things is more important to you than it is her. i'm pretty sure i'm not the only scorp who doesn't feel the need to define a relationship with a specific agreement of terms such as 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'. ewwwww.
it smacks of ownership tbs and there's no need. if you are seeing her, she will not be seeing anyone else cos we're not like that and so that should be enough for you.
also, i think that once you define things you start taking each other for granted and the relationship becomes stale very quickly.
it smacks of ownership tbs and there's no need. if you are seeing her, she will not be seeing anyone else cos we're not like that and so that should be enough for you.
also, i think that once you define things you start taking each other for granted and the relationship becomes stale very quickly.
Thank you, are you saying that once a relationship is defined that Scorpios tend to take things for granted very quickly? Because I don't.
It's just hard to understand her complete and utter unwillingness to respect some of my wishes when I have respected every one of hers. Is it a control thing?
It's just hard to understand her complete and utter unwillingness to respect some of my wishes when I have respected every one of hers. Is it a control thing?
Rigormortis, you're not making any sense. It's not him, it's her. If their relationship exists on the same terms as those who choose to define themselves as boyfriend/girlfriend then guess what, they are boyfriend/girlfriend! So then why does she need that backdoor unlocked? This is very fishy to me because I know when I behave this way it's because I want to have the cake and eat it at the same time.
Ownership? If they are not free to 'see other people' or do other shit that requires an OK from the partner, then they are eachother's love slaves no matter how hard you try to avoid labels. Ownership is a part of being in a relationship, though there are more affectionate names for it.
Ownership? If they are not free to 'see other people' or do other shit that requires an OK from the partner, then they are eachother's love slaves no matter how hard you try to avoid labels. Ownership is a part of being in a relationship, though there are more affectionate names for it.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
i'm pretty sure i'm not the only scorp who doesn't feel the need to define a relationship with a specific agreement of terms such as 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'.
it smacks of ownership tbs and there's no need. if you are seeing her, she will not be seeing anyone else cos we're not like that and so that should be enough for you.
+1
If this is about the need of feeling like you're the only one she wants and visa versa, then have *that* honest conversation with her, but I suggest you drop the labels because clearly she's not having any of it. I do believe she will respond well to your feelings about wanting feel important to her. I am assuming here that you just threw out labels to her? Scorps get this bad reputation for being mysterious, yet it's what draws people in. Can't win huh? Anyway, mystery does not equal a dishonest cheaters.
Posted by enfant_terrible
Rigormortis, you're not making any sense. It's not him, it's her. If their relationship exists on the same terms as those who choose to define themselves as boyfriend/girlfriend then guess what, they are boyfriend/girlfriend! So then why does she need that backdoor unlocked? This is very fishy to me because I know when I behave this way it's because I want to have the cake and eat it at the same time.
And because this is something YOU would do we are to assume these are her motives? Reaching.
Water signs go with the flow, they won't commit until it "feels" right for them. Scorpio happens to be the fixed one so they will want to get their way, and they will usually get their way through any way possible.
Do you have an earth moon or sun? Fixed? The problem here is that this particular want/need of her is something she will simply not compromise. And you can't accept this because of your own wants/needs of building structure (that sounds so Cap-ish). In short words, there's a clash of wants/needs that none of the parties is willing to give away.
Now this is the thing. To make this thing work, one of you will have to bend. She is fixed so it will have to be you who lowers your boundaries so she can "enter" you. For that to happen, you need to reach a point where you really, reeeeally trust her. In other words, you have to believe she won't hurt you or let you down intentionally. It has to "feel" right for you.
Things will most likely won't go your way this time, and maybe it's for the best. So it's time to make a choice to move forward. Will you try to make this work and take a risk? If your answer is no, then go and "break up" (I know the relationship is not "formal" but i couldn't find a more proper term) with her. It will not be over yet, though. She will most likely want to stick around, but this is just a test to see if your decision is final. Unwavering-ness will be needed here. If she sees there's no way to change your mind, then she will start giving you the cold shoulder. This is a way to tell you it's over for real and there's no way back.
Posted by PhoenixRising
And because this is something YOU would do we are to assume these are her motives? Reaching.
Look, if you're comfortable being where you are then you shouldn't have a problem labelling it and marking your territory, in fact you will want to scream it out so that the whole world knows. Nobody is truly happy living as undefined, we all have that need to label things, I don't care how mysterious you think you are.
So sooner or later she's going to have to be more specific, but by then the specifics may be that she doesen't want a relationship with him. You know that relationship they weren't having....
i can totally see your point enfant but i feel you represent HIS attitude in all this cos he's surely thinking that cos she doesn't issue a press release stating she's his gf, she doesn't want to be. i understand where you're coming from but the logic doesn't resonate with me. for me, love isn't about making grand gestures...i don't even believe in marriage (any more, lol)...in fact, grand gestures after 5 months of knowing someone would freak me out big time!!
i think he should just quit pushing her on the issue and take her at face value. that's the most upsetting thing from her point of view i imagine....that she is having her feelings for you questioned because she doesn't yell it from the rooftops. if you need that kind of validation from her, you're looking in the wrong place and at the wrong sign, lol.
i think he should just quit pushing her on the issue and take her at face value. that's the most upsetting thing from her point of view i imagine....that she is having her feelings for you questioned because she doesn't yell it from the rooftops. if you need that kind of validation from her, you're looking in the wrong place and at the wrong sign, lol.
'he'...'you'....whateva!!
I understand where she's coming from, though I'm not a Scorpio.
It's equivelant to a question after sex, the guy asks, "Was it good", or, "did you like it"
At that point he should tossed out into the cold, never to enjoy your bed again, because ....
.. was her not there with you, is he not AWARE of whether you were satisfied or not? If he has to be TOLD what his sense should already know .. then he is less evolved, and will always be there scratching his head not getting you.
Same shit right here.
If she is there with you, living her life WITH you ... then that's because that is where she wants to be. And if you have to be told that, then you are on your way out with her, because it's only a matter of time before she can't take it any longer.
It's equivelant to a question after sex, the guy asks, "Was it good", or, "did you like it"
At that point he should tossed out into the cold, never to enjoy your bed again, because ....
.. was her not there with you, is he not AWARE of whether you were satisfied or not? If he has to be TOLD what his sense should already know .. then he is less evolved, and will always be there scratching his head not getting you.
Same shit right here.
If she is there with you, living her life WITH you ... then that's because that is where she wants to be. And if you have to be told that, then you are on your way out with her, because it's only a matter of time before she can't take it any longer.
* equivalent
Status is for the ego, and it sounds to me that since you insist on it, you must be egotistical.
I would suggest you try a Leo or Aries ... they normally like catering to the ego. A Gemini might enjoy it also.
A Scorpio, however, is way too deep for such surface bullshit.
I would suggest you try a Leo or Aries ... they normally like catering to the ego. A Gemini might enjoy it also.
A Scorpio, however, is way too deep for such surface bullshit.
Sounds like my ex Scorp.
Just because she doesn't seem to be comfortable with labels doesn't mean she wants to see other people. I'm thinking the conversation you need to have with her is about whether or not she wants to date you exclusively or if she still wants to have the option of seeing other people. I know it seems like the same thing as labeling it, but the approach is a little different. If she's not interested in seeing anyone else and is willing to tell you that, you need to decide if that's enough for you, even of she doesn't want to give you the title of "boyfriend".
Just because she doesn't seem to be comfortable with labels doesn't mean she wants to see other people. I'm thinking the conversation you need to have with her is about whether or not she wants to date you exclusively or if she still wants to have the option of seeing other people. I know it seems like the same thing as labeling it, but the approach is a little different. If she's not interested in seeing anyone else and is willing to tell you that, you need to decide if that's enough for you, even of she doesn't want to give you the title of "boyfriend".
Posted by yourekillinmesmalls
Sounds like my ex Scorp.
Just because she doesn't seem to be comfortable with labels doesn't mean she wants to see other people. I'm thinking the conversation you need to have with her is about whether or not she wants to date you exclusively or if she still wants to have the option of seeing other people. I know it seems like the same thing as labeling it, but the approach is a little different. If she's not interested in seeing anyone else and is willing to tell you that, you need to decide if that's enough for you, even of she doesn't want to give you the title of "boyfriend".
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOT THE FUCKING GODDAMN TALK!!!!!!
you think he should ask her if she wants to be 'exclusive'—?? do you know how INSULTING that question is—— 'what, you think i'm fucking anyone with a pulse right now or something?'. that's what i would be thinking.
my feeling is that the OP doth protest too much. he's obviously not just enjoying what they are sharing and what she is giving cos he's too preoccupied with trying to nail her down and possess her.
much more of that and if she's a true scorpio, she'll run for the hills like speedy gonzales.
Posted by itwontbelong
My Scorpio girl is an incredible woman and I am very much in love with her. She knows how I feel about her and I know she feels the same way. She tells me every time she sees me and we share our love daily.
That's not enough? You two share your love daily and that's not enough?
Why are you so insecure?
do you realize that it's YOUR insecurity talking here, and attempting to proclaim that something is up with her in that she doesn't want to carry your insecurity around like herpes?
At first I thought Virgo .. now, it seems very Cancer.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
if you need that kind of validation from her, you're looking in the wrong place and at the wrong sign, lol.
You must be talking about Aquas. Scorpio chicks are some of the warmest and most affecionate in the zodiac, says my experience. No other sign has effortlessly fed my ego more than the Scorp.
Posted by P-Angel
If she is there with you, living her life WITH you ... then that's because that is where she wants to be. And if you have to be told that, then you are on your way out with her, because it's only a matter of time before she can't take it any longer.click to expand
Oh boohoo, she shouldn't have to SHOW affection to the person she supposedly loves. You're breaking my heart.
It see how it must be soo hard FOR HER that at some point, she will want to leave him just so that he doesen't have to show that she loves him. Love sure comes cheap.
And you'd be surprised how long people stay together for NOTHING. So "don't question shit because she's living with you 'cause she wants to" -philosophy doesen't mean anything really, for all we know she's with him because it's practical, till that 'first choice' comes along.
And you guys are talking about labelling a relationship makes couples take eachother for granted.... well , what I just said are the words of someone who never takes anything or anyone for granted!
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOT THE FUCKING GODDAMN TALK!!!!!!
you think he should ask her if she wants to be 'exclusive'—?? do you know how INSULTING that question is—— 'what, you think i'm fucking anyone with a pulse right now or something?'. that's what i would be thinking.
my feeling is that the OP doth protest too much. he's obviously not just enjoying what they are sharing and what she is giving cos he's too preoccupied with trying to nail her down and possess her.
much more of that and if she's a true scorpio, she'll run for the hills like speedy gonzales.
click to expand
I understand your point. I really do. At the same time, I can understand how the OP feels insulted when she seems uncomfortable with the idea of labeling. I'm guessing that to him, it sounds like she doesn't want to claim him, and not make any ties (even though this may not be her actual thought process). Just as living in the moment and experiencing feelings is important to Scorps, getting verbal confirmation regarding the relationship is important to some (for whatever reason, whether it be insecurity, a need for words of affirmation regularly, etc). What i was trying to say it that if it bothers him that much, he can't complain if he doesn't let her know what he's thinking. If that is likely to make her run, then he needs to decide whether or not he's willing to risk that.
To be totally fair, AND because I'm open minded, I can also acknowledge that if the shoe were on the other foot .. the woman would be adamant about having the girlfriend label of the man she loved.
Not saying Scorpio women, just women in general.
And you can rest assured, I give these women the same lecture as I do you.
Not saying Scorpio women, just women in general.
And you can rest assured, I give these women the same lecture as I do you.
Posted by ellessque
shouldn't it mean the exact same thing, in reality?
what does a title actually bring to the table? nothing more than passifying insecurities, like P said.
(don't worry, in five minutes I'll want the title again. lol.)
I think defining a relationship brings a lot of security to the table. In reality, walking around eachother in a grey-zone like two ghosts is not for me. Like what do you say when friends asks, if you don't want to define yourselves as boyfriend/girlfriend? Eyebrows will be raised. Frankly, I'd feel humiliated being with someone who gets so coughed up over this.
And in the end, all this drama just because the Scorpio refuses to label her boyfriend as 'boyfriend'. So tell me, how immature is that? :-/
lol .. I love it when stupid people use words they don't know, acting as if they do and so stupid that they don't even realize that everyone else knows, or at least smart enough to look the word up.
you just can't pay for entertainment like this
you just can't pay for entertainment like this
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
i can totally see your point enfant but i feel you represent HIS attitude in all this cos he's surely thinking that cos she doesn't issue a press release stating she's his gf, she doesn't want to be. i understand where you're coming from but the logic doesn't resonate with me. for me, love isn't about making grand gestures...i don't even believe in marriage (any more, lol)...in fact, grand gestures after 5 months of knowing someone would freak me out big time!!
i think he should just quit pushing her on the issue and take her at face value. that's the most upsetting thing from her point of view i imagine....that she is having her feelings for you questioned because she doesn't yell it from the rooftops. if you need that kind of validation from her, you're looking in the wrong place and at the wrong sign, lol.
+1. I truly thought I was the only one that felt this way about marriage. Trust me just because a Scorpio doesn't declare they love you verbal doesn't mean they do not love you and wouldn't move heaven and earth for you. But word mean sh*t, it's in what we do that matters.
Posted by enfant_terriblePosted by PhoenixRising
And because this is something YOU would do we are to assume these are her motives? Reaching.
Look, if you're comfortable being where you are then you shouldn't have a problem labelling it and marking your territory, in fact you will want to scream it out so that the whole world knows. Nobody is truly happy living as undefined, we all have that need to label things, I don't care how mysterious you think you are.
So sooner or later she's going to have to be more specific, but by then the specifics may be that she doesen't want a relationship with him. You know that relationship they weren't having....
click to expand
I do understand your point, I simply don't agree. My only point is, stating you are with someone tends to be more about your (not you specifically enfant or even the OP) insecurities and making you feel like you're a part of something. If *we* know what we have why does it need to be defined to the rest of the world? Oh, that's right, so everyone knows I belong to you and so you feel secure when I leave the house. Okay. If a man approaches me do I need to state I am in a relationship to make it clear I am not interested? Better yet, does my declaration to you guaurentee I won't cheat? No and no. A label has nothing to do with it. My committment to you has nothing to do with what I say I am, but what I do to demonstrate it, without the fancy label. If I make you feel like you are my everything based on my actions, my attention, my affection, why do you need the label too? Words really don't mean as much to a Scorpio as actions do. Someone pointed out we are fixed. Well with that being said, your lady may only dig her heels in further not because she doesn't love you or wants her options to be open, but simply because you're pushing the issue. Just my humble opinion.
Aside from saying anyone 'needs' to label things, I've come to the understanding that labeling things is something society tells us we have to do. Talking about this relationship or others to people who aren't involved in it will reinforce the stereotypical beliefs of the community.
You need to decide what YOU want (not need) and move forward living that way.
The relationship (whatever it may be) is yours and hers alone. No one else's. That is special.
If she decides (or you for that matter) to change the dynamic of your interaction that is a decision and an outcome that will be addressed if it happens.
I can't say this enough, the best thing I've learned from 'my' (haha-I use that term loosely) scorp has been to live in the moment. Time spent worrying is energy wasted. You can't control or change anyone but yourself, so use that info to empower yourself.
You need to decide what YOU want (not need) and move forward living that way.
The relationship (whatever it may be) is yours and hers alone. No one else's. That is special.
If she decides (or you for that matter) to change the dynamic of your interaction that is a decision and an outcome that will be addressed if it happens.
I can't say this enough, the best thing I've learned from 'my' (haha-I use that term loosely) scorp has been to live in the moment. Time spent worrying is energy wasted. You can't control or change anyone but yourself, so use that info to empower yourself.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by enfant_terriblePosted by PhoenixRising
And because this is something YOU would do we are to assume these are her motives? Reaching.
Look, if you're comfortable being where you are then you shouldn't have a problem labelling it and marking your territory, in fact you will want to scream it out so that the whole world knows. Nobody is truly happy living as undefined, we all have that need to label things, I don't care how mysterious you think you are.
So sooner or later she's going to have to be more specific, but by then the specifics may be that she doesen't want a relationship with him. You know that relationship they weren't having....
I do understand your point, I simply don't agree. My only point is, stating you are with someone tends to be more about your (not you specifically enfant or even the OP) insecurities and making you feel like you're a part of something. If *we* know what we have why does it need to be defined to the rest of the world? Oh, that's right, so everyone knows I belong to you and so you feel secure when I leave the house. Okay. If a man approaches me do I need to state I am in a relationship to make it clear I am not interested? Better yet, does my declaration to you guaurentee I won't cheat? No and no. A label has nothing to do with it. My committment to you has nothing to do with what I say I am, but what I do to demonstrate it, without the fancy label. If I make you feel like you are my everything based on my actions, my attention, my affection, why do you need the label too? Words really don't mean as much to a Scorpio as actions do. Someone pointed out we are fixed. Well with that being said, your lady may only dig her heels in further not because she doesn't love you or wants her options to be open, but simply because you're pushing the issue. Just my humble opinion.click to expand
post of the day!
Posted by emerald6633
Aside from saying anyone 'needs' to label things, I've come to the understanding that labeling things is something society tells us we have to do. Talking about this relationship or others to people who aren't involved in it will reinforce the stereotypical beliefs of the community.
You need to decide what YOU want (not need) and move forward living that way.
The relationship (whatever it may be) is yours and hers alone. No one else's. That is special.
+1
Posted by Ellybean
I'm sure I'm probably interpreting this wrong but are this many dxpers against calling someone a boyfriend or girlfriend?
I didn't think this conversation was such a huge and passionate issue for people in general or maybe just those here. Lol.
idk, I've never had this conversation. It's always just kinda happened but yes, the label makes me nervous. Could be the Venus square Uranus tho..
I tend to be more unhappy with where I am, when I compare things to my friends/family's ideas of what is best for me. And this is the case for anything! Not just with a lover.
Its been the best and hardest lesson I've had to learn.
Its been the best and hardest lesson I've had to learn.
Look ladies, call it whatever the hell you want, what I want to know is (a) do you love me, and (b) are we exclusive? I think both parties should be able to answer those questions at some point in their 'undefined' relationship. There are so many screwballs these days who cannot seem to communicate with eachother, instead they prowl around on internet forums asking questions about what their boyfriend/girlfriend wants.... and I think I undestand why now. Lack of communication. The golden rule here seems to be: When in a relationship, talk around it not about it. It's more mysterious that way. Yawn!
I think I'm gonna have to come back to this one when I have more time, I'm suppose to be writing an essay.....
I think I'm gonna have to come back to this one when I have more time, I'm suppose to be writing an essay.....
elly: personally, i'm not against the girlfriend tag at all but if i'm being asked if i define myself as such after 5 damn months of knowing someone, i would feel it was too soon.
when you first start dating someone you should just enjoy hanging out with each other, getting to know eachother and fitting in as much jiggy jigs as you can cope with. in fact, the incessant jiggies delays the getting to know eachother part, lol....so 5 months is just way too soon to realistically decide if you're in it for the long haul.
if you're concerned about how to introduce your woman to your friends you should try the novel approach of introducing her by her name!!! yeah, i know......CRAZY concept lol but then your friends will get to know the individual and not the woman in the context of being your girlfriend.
ffs...i don't even know why you're confused about this OP. you are obviously insecure to the nth degree to have this need for her to define herself as being your gf. you either don't trust her or don't know your own value. either way, it comes off as needy imo.
i said I.M.O.!!!!!
when you first start dating someone you should just enjoy hanging out with each other, getting to know eachother and fitting in as much jiggy jigs as you can cope with. in fact, the incessant jiggies delays the getting to know eachother part, lol....so 5 months is just way too soon to realistically decide if you're in it for the long haul.
if you're concerned about how to introduce your woman to your friends you should try the novel approach of introducing her by her name!!! yeah, i know......CRAZY concept lol but then your friends will get to know the individual and not the woman in the context of being your girlfriend.
ffs...i don't even know why you're confused about this OP. you are obviously insecure to the nth degree to have this need for her to define herself as being your gf. you either don't trust her or don't know your own value. either way, it comes off as needy imo.
i said I.M.O.!!!!!
Did you say your sign and I missed it?
I don't think this is a big deal, however, the responsers seem to have pounced on it, which means it is a big deal, afterall.
I don't think this is a big deal, however, the responsers seem to have pounced on it, which means it is a big deal, afterall.
Posted by IntriguedScorp
LOL LOL LOL too funny. DO NOT HAVE THE TALK. NOPE. lmao
I misread the original post - apparently, he's already HAD "the talk", I read too fast and thought he was posting what he wanted to say to her, not what he already said. He told her how he felt, she didn't agree, now it's up to him to either deal with it or walk. Pretty simple as far as I can see.
I understand from posts here that Scorps don't like to talk about feelings, but if something's bothering your significant other, what else is your significant other supposed to do other than say something to you (this is a general question, not necessarily about the OP's specific situation)? Or is it pretty much cut and dry, "don't date a Scorp at all unless you are willing to never discuss your feelings out loud"? Not trying to sound snarky, I really am interested in the answer.
Posted by yourekillinmesmallsPosted by IntriguedScorpI understand from posts here that Scorps don't like to talk about feelings, but if something's bothering your significant other, what else is your significant other supposed to do other than say something to you (this is a general question, not necessarily about the OP's specific situation)? Or is it pretty much cut and dry, "don't date a Scorp at all unless you are willing to never discuss your feelings out loud"? Not trying to sound snarky, I really am interested in the answer.
+1
i had this really uncomfortable impromptu 'talky' thing with an aqua out of necessity earlier this year. we hadn't actually been out before he was telling his friends about his new gf and when eventually we did go out (which turned out to be a one-off), he introduced me as his gf to absolutely everyone! it was H-O-R-R-I-F-I-C!!!
and so a 'talk' of some description hit the top of my agenda.
it lasted an eternity and almost made me break out in hives and tbh, i may as well have pissed in the wind for all the use it did. he said he wanted to make me aware that he wanted a relationship with me and not (as was in fact the case) that he was just after a quick fuck (aka jiggy jigs elle).
i said to him i couldn't understand how he could know he wanted a relationship with me when we'd not actually been out socially EVER before!!!!
anyway. waste of breath. that was in april. i finally let him know i wasn't interested in august up until which time i was still his fantasy girlfriend and he called me daily, lol. he actually wasn't a very nice man and so i don't feel bad about not having the guts to just tell him to fuck off cos believe me....i tried diplomacy but he was too thick to get it.
some people are more concerned about being in a relationship than they are the actual person they have it with.
and so a 'talk' of some description hit the top of my agenda.
it lasted an eternity and almost made me break out in hives and tbh, i may as well have pissed in the wind for all the use it did. he said he wanted to make me aware that he wanted a relationship with me and not (as was in fact the case) that he was just after a quick fuck (aka jiggy jigs elle).
i said to him i couldn't understand how he could know he wanted a relationship with me when we'd not actually been out socially EVER before!!!!
anyway. waste of breath. that was in april. i finally let him know i wasn't interested in august up until which time i was still his fantasy girlfriend and he called me daily, lol. he actually wasn't a very nice man and so i don't feel bad about not having the guts to just tell him to fuck off cos believe me....i tried diplomacy but he was too thick to get it.
some people are more concerned about being in a relationship than they are the actual person they have it with.
Posted by ellessque
I can't speak for everyone, but everyone knows my vitals
if something's bothering your significant other, what else is your significant other supposed to do other than say something to you -
Nobody said you can't talk about your feelings. Just don't have a script in your mind of what you want us to say. Share if you want to share. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, you sharing may help us to be more open with ours.
You may catch us at a moment where....
we want to share
we clam up because we don't know what to say or how to say it
we think you may be a little emotional and clingy and will wait it out for when you are more logical
Or is it pretty much cut and dry, "don't date a Scorp at all unless you are willing to never discuss your feelings out loud"?
I like when people discuss their feelings, honestly. Probably because I'm scared to death to do so.
but do it because it's something you want to do and not because you want something from us.
Thanks ellessque. So is it fair to say it's fine for someone to initiate "the talk" or whatever you want to call it in order to share their feelings/tell you something that is bothering them, provided they don't go into it with any expectations on what your reaction/response will be?
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
some people are more concerned about being in a relationship than they are the actual person they have it with.
Agreed.
im no scorpio, but i can relate to her. titles seem very limiting and boxy and suffocating. i personally have no interest in being called someones girlfriend. it seems like that would immediately put a damper on everything.
on the flip side, and the part where it gets confusing for even me. i could not see myself ever having sex with someone whose role i cant even define. this is usually where the guy gets pissed because the flow has been a waste of time.
i think titles are important, although i want none, because how are you to know this "flow" isnt happening, or there is no opening for it to happen with anyone else?
on the flip side, and the part where it gets confusing for even me. i could not see myself ever having sex with someone whose role i cant even define. this is usually where the guy gets pissed because the flow has been a waste of time.
i think titles are important, although i want none, because how are you to know this "flow" isnt happening, or there is no opening for it to happen with anyone else?
it's like watching an awesome sunset. your breath is taken away by what you see but although you can describe it in terms of what it looks like....it's harder to communicate what it FEELS like to be watching it.
and when you do try and describe it with cliches, it all sounds rather cheesey and insincere.
so the moral is: shut the fuck up and enjoy 😄
that's my simile for the day. i'mma go sleepies now. buenas noches mis gentes.
and when you do try and describe it with cliches, it all sounds rather cheesey and insincere.
so the moral is: shut the fuck up and enjoy 😄
that's my simile for the day. i'mma go sleepies now. buenas noches mis gentes.
elle: i can so identify with the 'episode' you had when feelings were mentioned, lol. i've experienced this in other contexts too. the awkward moment where you know you're sposed to be saying something significant but you just can't form the words. i find that happens more when i'm pretty sure i wouldn't be saying what i think the other person wants to hear. i find it very difficult to be blunt sometimes...spesh if it's all a bit close to the bone...people pleasing libra methinks.
A bit late to the conversation (only read the first couple of pages) but I am a scorp who usually avoids defining relationships right away and I'll tell you why I personally do it...
The reason why I hate defining it first and foremost is because I am an EXTREMELY private person. I hate talking about relationships with other people, because from the moment you mention you have a boyfriend people get all nosy "Oh, how long have you two been together for? How did you meet?" etc. None of your business! Apart from close friends and family, most other people/acquaintances want to know those details to be nosy and gossip. It cheapens something special between two people so I'd rather just not use the label at all. Even though I'm faithful and loyal to that person and consider myself "taken" I don't like to go and announce it to other people.
Secondly, I am not a fan of all the stuff that comes with boyfriend/girlfriend such as anniversaries, facebook statuses, pressure to meet the parents. I'd rather all that fall into place naturally without forcing it because you have put a label on the relationship. Doesn't mean I'm not in love you, I just find a lot of that stuff unnecessary especially when you are still getting to know one another.
Eventually, I will start calling that person my boyfriend and whatnot but for the first part of the relationship I'd rather it just be about "him and me" rather than doing all those things that come with the label. And I don't ever do this to keep my options open, I've never dated more than one person at once, even casually.
Hope this gives you some insight (venus in capricorn by the way)
The reason why I hate defining it first and foremost is because I am an EXTREMELY private person. I hate talking about relationships with other people, because from the moment you mention you have a boyfriend people get all nosy "Oh, how long have you two been together for? How did you meet?" etc. None of your business! Apart from close friends and family, most other people/acquaintances want to know those details to be nosy and gossip. It cheapens something special between two people so I'd rather just not use the label at all. Even though I'm faithful and loyal to that person and consider myself "taken" I don't like to go and announce it to other people.
Secondly, I am not a fan of all the stuff that comes with boyfriend/girlfriend such as anniversaries, facebook statuses, pressure to meet the parents. I'd rather all that fall into place naturally without forcing it because you have put a label on the relationship. Doesn't mean I'm not in love you, I just find a lot of that stuff unnecessary especially when you are still getting to know one another.
Eventually, I will start calling that person my boyfriend and whatnot but for the first part of the relationship I'd rather it just be about "him and me" rather than doing all those things that come with the label. And I don't ever do this to keep my options open, I've never dated more than one person at once, even casually.
Hope this gives you some insight (venus in capricorn by the way)
yeah but the trouble is that there ARE people who like to get you 'locked-in' a relationship. usually the motivation is all wrong though.
Posted by IntriguedScorp
Why does it have to be "the talk"? Why can't it just be part of the conversation? This is the part I hate. Backing me into a wall with "the talk". yuck.
I don't really like the term "the talk", and I'm not even a Scorp! 🙂 If you're in a relationship, shouldn't talking just happen on a regular basis (on all subjects)? I'm with you Intrigued, If I have a concern, or want to discuss something with my significant other, I just bring it up in the course of normal conversation. There were a couple of times when it just turned into a more serious "talk" from there, but I don't like the whole formal, intervention style "hey, we need to talk" kind of talk. It sets things up to be confrontational.
Posted by ellessquePosted by seraph
Why does there need to be any spoken or written definition? Shouldn't you already *know* where you are?
It's actions, and either more of the same or less of the same, defines the relationship.
They've had nothing to base their knowledge on with exception to watching family members, friends and the countless number of "self help" articles/books/references you can find.
Doesn't necessarily mean any of it works for "them". Some will forever be trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
Hence, how you see people play out the same thing over and over and over again.....using these boards as an example.
I might be going off topic but it's all relative to the OP's topic. *He* needs validation. He's not going to find it from the scorpio in the medium he requires. He can accept this and swallow that "void" or he can come to a realization she cannot fulfill his needs because of "who" she is.
I don't think enough people take time for self reflection and find out what they require for themselves to be "happy" nor create the standards for themselves to figure out how to negotiate their specific "needs".
So, they forever "act" like they think they should (based on societal conditioning and how realationships "should" work) and base expectations on what they've witnessed never really validating their own needs and standing strong in having them really come to fruition.click to expand
+1 ^^^^^^^^^^^^ post of the day! *the Scorp ladies are on fire*
Posted by shellshockerPosted by ellessquePosted by seraph
Why does there need to be any spoken or written definition? Shouldn't you already *know* where you are?
It's actions, and either more of the same or less of the same, defines the relationship.
They've had nothing to base their knowledge on with exception to watching family members, friends and the countless number of "self help" articles/books/references you can find.
Doesn't necessarily mean any of it works for "them". Some will forever be trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
Hence, how you see people play out the same thing over and over and over again.....using these boards as an example.
I might be going off topic but it's all relative to the OP's topic. *He* needs validation. He's not going to find it from the scorpio in the medium he requires. He can accept this and swallow that "void" or he can come to a realization she cannot fulfill his needs because of "who" she is.
I don't think enough people take time for self reflection and find out what they require for themselves to be "happy" nor create the standards for themselves to figure out how to negotiate their specific "needs".
So, they forever "act" like they think they should (based on societal conditioning and how realationships "should" work) and base expectations on what they've witnessed never really validating their own needs and standing strong in having them really come to fruition.
+1 ^^^^^^^^^^^^ post of the day! *the Scorp ladies are on fire*click to expand
Aggrrreeeeeeeeed! People aren't always comfortable going against the grain. Takes strength to live for yourself.
Spending six pages of stating the same thing over and over is very suspect.
Are you sure you are trying to convince him of this and not yourself?
I don't know, I just think it's a little weird being together all that time yet keep talking AROUND that fact. It just adds to a sort of barrier where you're not suppose to "talk about it". How's that for tension, especially when it popps up in conversation with close friends. It's all the more awkward because it kind of undmines the meaning of "close friends".
When I was dating my ex she had a friend who would constantly show up at gatherings with this guy but no one ever dared to address "the subject" with them. We all definitely though they were weird. So it's not just me. Of course your friends are intereseted in your personal life, if they're not then what kind of friends are they?
What? Friends are suppose to pay interest in your social status only when it's time for you to get married? :-/
I understand the need for privacy, in fact that's one of the reasons I love Scorp women. I have that need too. Intimacy with loyalty are two things that I rate the highest if a relationship is to have any real chance of working.
BUT, come on now, where and when you met is hardly a question of privacy, and neither is the fact that you ARE dating. That's just being shy... and socially awkward, kind of :-/
When I was dating my ex she had a friend who would constantly show up at gatherings with this guy but no one ever dared to address "the subject" with them. We all definitely though they were weird. So it's not just me. Of course your friends are intereseted in your personal life, if they're not then what kind of friends are they?
What? Friends are suppose to pay interest in your social status only when it's time for you to get married? :-/
Posted by apricot
The reason why I hate defining it first and foremost is because I am an EXTREMELY private person. I hate talking about relationships with other people, because from the moment you mention you have a boyfriend people get all nosy "Oh, how long have you two been together for? How did you meet?" etc. None of your business!
I understand the need for privacy, in fact that's one of the reasons I love Scorp women. I have that need too. Intimacy with loyalty are two things that I rate the highest if a relationship is to have any real chance of working.
BUT, come on now, where and when you met is hardly a question of privacy, and neither is the fact that you ARE dating. That's just being shy... and socially awkward, kind of :-/
Women share all kinds of shit with eachother.... bed skills, dick size, social status.... but when they finally meet someone they SHOULD be talking about, it's all suddenly OFF LIMITS, lol!
Posted by cheekyfaerieBut if I sense something is special, my instinct is to keep it close to my chest.
+1
A relationship involves two people, it's a sacred bond of privacy and intimacy. Talking about your partner behind his/her back or spilling intimate details of the relationship to your friends (and I don't care how close friends they are) is a break of that bond!
Posted by ellessque
I do not talk about "bed skills, dick size, social status" with any of my friends. I actually don't talk about those things with anyone (that goes hand in hand with "intimacy and loyalty") I think the only time I even came close is on this board when asked about mars signs but I don't equate that to the same thing you are talking about.
Of course not, you're a Scorpio.. with the social tact and the 'less is more'... 😉
Posted by R24
I didn't share details about the butter you described that women share with one another unless it was a past relationship.
As I said earlier on the thread, I matured out of most of the tendencies.
Well... but that's still betrayal isn't it? (Lol, welcome to Leo land!)
Think about it, you're in a relationship with someone you should be able to trust. You share everything with that person and God forbid, things don't work out... suddenly all the personal things you've entrusted them with are shared with other people like it's a gossip column. I don't think that's cool. I for one never talk about my ex and her issues with other people. I have kind of touched the subject in here, but since I'm anonymous and none of you are a part of my life, I don't count that as betrayal.
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Lately though, it's been making me feel uneasy as I realise that this reluctance to define us may be a way for her to keep the backdoor open, or perhaps she's still weighing up her options. Hard to tell as we all know how mysterious and secretive asked our scorpios can be!I do believe that she loves me, and she knows how I feel for her. So I asked her very casually the other night if I was her boyfriend. Again, she got very cold and annoyed that I had asked her again. Silly idea to push maybe but the fact is that after 5 months of me giving her my all, of us being very much in love and having learned and grown so much together, I think it is very reasonable for me to ask for a little reassurance. She must realise that, although she may not believe in defining things, I do and it is quite important to me that she can say to me, I am yours and yours alone and I want you to be mine and mine alone. The smallest measure of committment. I feel I deserve it, but I am very aware that pushing will not help. She is being evasive but I think she did say she understands how it must be hurtful to me when I can't answer when someone asks if we are an item. That shows a little empathy (uncommon) which is a good sign. She says she needs time to think about it because she finds it difficult sometimes to understand the feelings of other around her and how these things affect me.
Anyway, that's the story so far. I suppose I'd like any insight that you can offer me. I truly do love and respect this woman, she is the best thing to ever happen to me, a woman of extremes that keeps me on my toes! I need to know how to make it clear to her how important this is to me without pushing her away. She needs to respect my wishes, I don't want it to sound like an ultimatum but I am very aware that I could be being led along here.