SCORPIO WON'T DEFINE RELATIONSHIP! (Page 2)

Posted by R24
But I'm still basically a loner.. And I am fine with that

Off topic, but your comment made me think of a question: do Scorps liked to be asked to go do things? What I mean by that is, I tend to be loner type too, and am also fine being by myself (enjoy it often, actually). But I find that when someone asks me to go do something (even just a friend that says, "hey wanna meet up for a drink?"), it has a tendency to break me out of my "I like being by myself/go places on my own" box more often than I might on my own. Even if I decide not to go, it's nice to be asked. Do Scorps tend to respond similarly, or would you rather be totally left alone until you want to initiate (assuming you're being asked by someone you know, and not a total stranger or someone you're on bad terms with)?

Posted by ellessque


I also like things that are spontaneous so I don't go into the "dread" zone. Call and say you are on your way and we're gonna hang out at starbucks or take a walk...DON'T give me a choice.....and see how fast I can move to get ready to go...LOL. I move faster than speedy gonzales on crack 😛

This is really funny to me because my ex was very much this way. He used to say he lives his life 5 minutes at time. 🙂

I also wondered if he felt like he was the only one to initiate things back when we were dating, so I asked a few times and was turned down, so I stopped asking. Who knows the reasons for him not going though.

Posted by R24


Ellessque, you're so articulate

+1

I feel like I'm usually pretty good at understanding people, but dating a Scorp had me thoroughly confused. But I suppose if you've never come across someone with a personality and approach to life that is so different from your own (and anyone else's I've come across for that matter), you don't know how to even begin seeing things from their point of view. I've learned to look at people in general (not just Scorps) from an entirely different angle thanks to what I've learned here. I always find ellessque's posts particularly insightful and easy to understand because they ARE articulated so well.

Dang, I got all deep there for a minute.

I do understand your point, I simply don't agree. My only point is, stating you are with someone tends to be more about your (not you specifically enfant or even the OP) insecurities and making you feel like you're a part of something. If *we* know what we have why does it need to be defined to the rest of the world? Oh, that's right, so everyone knows I belong to you and so you feel secure when I leave the house. Okay. If a man approaches me do I need to state I am in a relationship to make it clear I am not interested? Better yet, does my declaration to you guaurentee I won't cheat? No and no. A label has nothing to do with it. My committment to you has nothing to do with what I say I am, but what I do to demonstrate it, without the fancy label. If I make you feel like you are my everything based on my actions, my attention, my affection, why do you need the label too? Words really don't mean as much to a Scorpio as actions do. Someone pointed out we are fixed. Well with that being said, your lady may only dig her heels in further not because she doesn't love you or wants her options to be open, but simply because you're pushing the issue. Just my humble opinion.

I agree with this. A label does not a commitment make.

aurora: yeah, but there's no right or wrong in this instance really. i agree that her behaviour is sending a message to him that perhaps she doesn't want to commit but that is HIS perception of her behaviour. from her point of view, she might be feeling that he should trust her enough to not think she's banging any tom, dick or harry (pun alert) and that she is with him because she CHOOSES to be.

so is he wrong for needing that validation? or is she wrong for not supplying it?

the way i see it is that this could be a really sweet relationship for all we know but now it's under pressure from both sides and it's unnecessary.

the only resolution is compromise. he's not gonna stop wanting her to commit by title and she's not gonna stop wanting to be with him as an independent woman and so if they want to move forward, they have to meet in the middle somehow.

lol....i have no CLUE what the middle ground is though. perhaps she could agree to be his gf when spoken about 'in absentia' but when they're together, they stick to their names!! LOL!!

when i first got married back in the jurassic period, i LOVED being a 'wife' soooooooo much and i LOVED having a 'husband' LOL. we already had the kid but that's another story of course. it was just the tag i liked but before long i HATED it....wife, mother, daughter, sister.....I HAVE A NAME PEOPLE!!!

Posted by enfant_terrible
Women share all kinds of shit with eachother.... bed skills, dick size, social status....

Posted by enfant_terrible
...but when they finally meet someone they SHOULD be talking about, it's all suddenly OFF LIMITS, lol!

click to expand

Sounds like someone likes to have his ego stroked. If it's all about you and YOUR lady, who the hell cares if OTHER women know about you? Yeah, but this is about your relationship with HER. Okay.

And the eyebrow is raised because not everyone shares that stuff with their friends--perhaps it's just me, but no one needs to know about who I've taken to bed. It never gets shared. Status is a different thing if asked.

Posted by ellessque
speaking for myself....

social status means absolutely nothing to me. *true story*

(you can pick yourself up off the ground now, leo)


intimacy and loyalty are huge for me in a relationship and that is between myself and that other person...my friends, his friends and our friends do not going to just default to getting the same "intimacy and loyalty" rewards.

I do not talk about "bed skills, dick size, social status" with any of my friends. I actually don't talk about those things with anyone (that goes hand in hand with "intimacy and loyalty") I think the only time I even came close is on this board when asked about mars signs but I don't equate that to the same thing you are talking about.

Good to know I am not the only one, but I really didn't think I was.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by enfant_terrible
...but when they finally meet someone they SHOULD be talking about, it's all suddenly OFF LIMITS, lol!

Sounds like someone likes to have his ego stroked. If it's all about you and YOUR lady, who the hell cares if OTHER women know about you? Yeah, but this is about your relationship with HER. Okay.

click to expand

So when a guy requires validation it's simply about ego strokes? When a woman requires an attentive partner it's natural, there is no talk about "is he wrong for needing that validation? or is she wrong for not supplying it?"... But when a guy wants the same treatment it suddenly becomes a question of "different perspectives".

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by enfant_terrible
...but when they finally meet someone they SHOULD be talking about, it's all suddenly OFF LIMITS, lol!

Sounds like someone likes to have his ego stroked. If it's all about you and YOUR lady, who the hell cares if OTHER women know about you? Yeah, but this is about your relationship with HER. Okay.

So when a guy requires validation it's simply about ego strokes? When a woman requires an attentive partner it's natural, there is no talk about "is he wrong for needing that validation? or is she wrong for not supplying it?"... But when a guy wants the same treatment it suddenly becomes a question of "different perspectives".

click to expand

You are making this a male vs female thing. My comment was directed towards your specific statement, not men. When a PERSON needs to have their partner talk him OR her up to their friends yes, it is about an ego stroke. What does her friends knowing about your existence have to do with the strength of your relationship? If she loves you, respects you, is your friend, does everything on you laundry list of "must have" to be in a relationship with you then why do you need to be bragged about to her friends? The context of your statement was about bragging about sexual acts, dick size, etc no? So let's run with this for a minute. You are amazing, make her toes curl with every stroke--you're pleasing the woman you want to be with. You're pleasing your woman ensuring that she will stay around (among other good qualities). So how does her chatting you up keep her any more interested in you? You are building something with HER, why does the whole world (exaggeration here) need to know what the hell you do in bed or for that matter that you are her "boyfriend"? Who the f*ck cares?! And to answer the other question you asked, there is nothing wrong with wanting validation. That is a conversation between you and I (e.g. I love you baby, you are amazing--you have a huge dick--whatever you fancy). HOWEVER, your statement was that you wanted to receive validation by her declaring who you are, and what you do for her to her friends--that is about ego. Plain and simple.

I'm still waiting for this guy to say what his sign is...

And I'm honestly baffled that so many scorpios are this strongly against titles.

I didn't think it was such a big deal. LOL

Posted by cheekyfaerie

Posted by PhoenixRising
And the eyebrow is raised because not everyone shares that stuff with their friends--perhaps it's just me, but no one needs to know about who I've taken to bed. It never gets shared. Status is a different thing if asked.

For the record, I didn't mean intimate details. That'd be weird. That said there was a guy we nicknamed Gonzo because his member beared an odd resemblance to... nevermind.

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LOL! No I understood.

Plus isn't this about comfort, reassurance? Would Scorpios really deny their partner reassurances just because of some notion that the partner "shouldn't" feel a need for it?

Posted by enfant_terrible
I don't know, I just think it's a little weird being together all that time yet keep talking AROUND that fact. It just adds to a sort of barrier where you're not suppose to "talk about it". How's that for tension, especially when it popps up in conversation with close friends. It's all the more awkward because it kind of undmines the meaning of "close friends".

When I was dating my ex she had a friend who would constantly show up at gatherings with this guy but no one ever dared to address "the subject" with them. We all definitely though they were weird. So it's not just me. Of course your friends are intereseted in your personal life, if they're not then what kind of friends are they?

What? Friends are suppose to pay interest in your social status only when it's time for you to get married? :-/

Posted by apricot
The reason why I hate defining it first and foremost is because I am an EXTREMELY private person. I hate talking about relationships with other people, because from the moment you mention you have a boyfriend people get all nosy "Oh, how long have you two been together for? How did you meet?" etc. None of your business!

I understand the need for privacy, in fact that's one of the reasons I love Scorp women. I have that need too. Intimacy with loyalty are two things that I rate the highest if a relationship is to have any real chance of working.

BUT, come on now, where and when you met is hardly a question of privacy, and neither is the fact that you ARE dating. That's just being shy... and socially awkward, kind of :-/

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I see where you are coming from. The point I'm getting at is that my good friends understand that I am taken because I talk to them about it and what is happening between us. They don't need to hear a label, they know first hand from me what is going on... I don't need to spell it out for them with a label. They're not that daft lol! These are people I talk to because they genuinely care about my happiness. Its not some big awkward secrete between me and all my friends. I'm talking about the other people that I see once a year from high school or the people at work where once one person knows something, everyone knows, it is really none of their business. Especially in the work place where it is supposed

Posted by enfant_terrible
I don't know, I just think it's a little weird being together all that time yet keep talking AROUND that fact. It just adds to a sort of barrier where you're not suppose to "talk about it". How's that for tension, especially when it popps up in conversation with close friends. It's all the more awkward because it kind of undmines the meaning of "close friends".

When I was dating my ex she had a friend who would constantly show up at gatherings with this guy but no one ever dared to address "the subject" with them. We all definitely though they were weird. So it's not just me. Of course your friends are intereseted in your personal life, if they're not then what kind of friends are they?

What? Friends are suppose to pay interest in your social status only when it's time for you to get married? :-/

Posted by apricot
The reason why I hate defining it first and foremost is because I am an EXTREMELY private person. I hate talking about relationships with other people, because from the moment you mention you have a boyfriend people get all nosy "Oh, how long have you two been together for? How did you meet?" etc. None of your business!

I understand the need for privacy, in fact that's one of the reasons I love Scorp women. I have that need too. Intimacy with loyalty are two things that I rate the highest if a relationship is to have any real chance of working.

BUT, come on now, where and when you met is hardly a question of privacy, and neither is the fact that you ARE dating. That's just being shy... and socially awkward, kind of :-/

click to expand

I see where you are coming from. The point I'm getting at is that my good friends understand that I am taken because I talk to them about it and what is happening between us. They don't need to hear a label, they know first hand from me what is going on... I don't need to spell it out for them with a label. They're not that daft lol! These are people I talk to because they genuinely care about my happiness. Its not some big awkward secrete between me and all my friends. I'm talking about the other people that I see once a year from high school or the people at work where once one person knows something, everyone knows, it is really none of their business. Especially in the work place where it is supposed

Argh cut off!

Where it is supposed to be a professional environment and aside from my good friends there, I don't want it to be circulating. These people don't care about my happiness, they just want to be able to tell their friends. I am guilty of being nosy about peoples relationships, but thats the scorpio's double standard of wanting to know everything about others but not reveal a thing.

And if I am holding his hand and acting like a couple on the social scene, why do people need to confirm that with a label? If we act like we're together, we're probably together, and we're probably at the point where I've started to call him my boyfriend anyway.

I don't bite peoples head off when they ask, but if Miss I-cant-remember-her-surname from my high school math class that I've spoken to maybe 5 times since school finished years ago asks if I'm seeing someone.... I'll just be vague about it. I am good at being tactful about it. Its just none of her business.

As long as your close friends and family are kept in the loop and the guy is feeling secure (in my experience this has never been a problem, but I understand it is with the OP which is why I am trying to give him an insight into why some scorpio women may do this).

Lots of people are probably reading this and thinking what the big deal is. I just like my new relationships not being open for discussion by nosy people. It is a "space they cannot touch" until it is 100% rock solid.