aqualadyy
@aqualadyy
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 20 · Topics: 2
Social media
I'm beginning to believe you're simply trolling the board now....
I'm waiting in line, so I'll play for a few. How would you describe yourself? What are some of the qualities you have that you believe your Scorp likes? Both serious questions.
I'm waiting in line, so I'll play for a few. How would you describe yourself? What are some of the qualities you have that you believe your Scorp likes? Both serious questions.
Anything you do on social media that would make him angry is something he shouldn't do either. Its disrespectful to you and your relationship. He placates you as if you were a child that needs reassurance and its all manipulation so that you don't challenge him. I suspect you're under 25yo. Don't marry this man. I would consider breaking up because what he did is a form of cheating and he seems to be living in the "single" frame of mind and not serious about your relationship
Posted by PhoenixRising
I'm beginning to believe you're simply trolling the board now....
I'm waiting in line, so I'll play for a few. How would you describe yourself? What are some of the qualities you have that you believe your Scorp likes? Both serious questions.
why do you think she's trolling?
Posted by PhoenixRising
I'm beginning to believe you're simply trolling the board now....
I'm waiting in line, so I'll play for a few. How would you describe yourself? What are some of the qualities you have that you believe your Scorp likes? Both serious questions.
How am I trolling...if you don't like my questions then don't respond? I'm asking for people's input and advice..this is a forum after all.
Posted by VenusStar
Anything you do on social media that would make him angry is something he shouldn't do either. Its disrespectful to you and your relationship. He placates you as if you were a child that needs reassurance and its all manipulation so that you don't challenge him. I suspect you're under 25yo. Don't marry this man. I would consider breaking up because what he did is a form of cheating and he seems to be living in the "single" frame of mind and not serious about your relationship
I am serious about the relationship and I thought he was too. He's introduced me to his family around a year ago and I speak to them quite frequently. He talks to me about his issues and whatever is on his mind. We help each other out and we are there for each other. He tells me things which he's told nobody else. I am 25 and he is 26. When we are together he does make an effort. The whole social media thing were comments made a longtime ago in the past. Not sure if he does it anymore but I just didn't get why he would do it.
The user who posted this message has hidden it.
I am not trying to cause an argument neither am I wanting any drama! I appreciate you trying to help..I don't think I'm insecure..I'm more loyal and honest. That's why I'm confused as to why he did it because I wouldn't do something like that because I'm committed. I want loyalty and honesty in a relationship. Yes I do think he loves me. The qualities you ask about...I'm a family orientated person, thoughtful, he said he admires my positivity, the fact I've helped him so much and been there for him, i speak to his family respectfully, I'm honest and straight to the point, I'm not a dramatic all over the place person, I'm strong and can handle myself, I try to make him happy, I think outside the box... We have a lot in common and have similar goals.
Posted by aqualadyyPosted by PhoenixRising
I'm beginning to believe you're simply trolling the board now....
I'm waiting in line, so I'll play for a few. How would you describe yourself? What are some of the qualities you have that you believe your Scorp likes? Both serious questions.
How am I trolling...if you don't like my questions then don't respond? I'm asking for people's input and advice..this is a forum after all.click to expand
No where did I state I didn't like your questions. I would ignore you outright if I did. My goal is not to argue, but cut through the bullsh*t. Would you like to do that or have pages and pages of speculation about how he feels about you, which none of us know and btw and has less to do with your "dilemma" and more to do with you and how you feel about yourself.
You created a thread asking people to discuss his behaviour----something he has done 2 years ago. And even stated that you do not know if he's doing it now, yet this is a problem. How exactly? When did a relationship mean we stop being who we are/were when we entered into the relationship? You stated that you spoke to him in the past about it and "hope he reassured" you "that he loves me and only me", yet you don't believe that---hence this thread. So how exactly is he suppose to do to reassure you? Which goes back to my questions.
I'm going to approach this as respectfully as I can, but you seem to create unnecessary drama where there is none. You did in your last thread---that argument that you even admitted was ridiculous and now this. I am not suggesting you can not voice your displeasure about a partner's behaviour---but seriously read over what you wrote. How much of this is about your insecurity?
So again, what qualities do you have that you believe your Scorp likes about you. Do you believe he loves you? When you talked to him about it, what was his response?
Posted by aqualadyyThe user who posted this message has hidden it.
I am not trying to cause an argument neither am I wanting any drama! I appreciate you trying to help..I don't think I'm insecure..I'm more loyal and honest. That's why I'm confused as to why he did it because I wouldn't do something like that because I'm committed. I want loyalty and honesty in a relationship. Yes I do think he loves me. The qualities you ask about...I'm a family orientated person, thoughtful, he said he admires my positivity, the fact I've helped him so much and been there for him, i speak to his family respectfully, I'm honest and straight to the point, I'm not a dramatic all over the place person, I'm strong and can handle myself, I try to make him happy, I think outside the box... We have a lot in common and have similar goals.click to expand
I hide my last post due to typos...
Okay, so why are you so concerned about what happened years ago? Perhaps I'm missing something and should have asked, when he was doing this stuff were you actually in an exclusive relationship or merely dating at the time? It sounds like you wanted loyalty from the beginning and Scorps generally don't roll like that. Generally, once you have been claimed, we are very committed doing almost anything---within reason--for the person we love. However, that level of devotion and loyalty is not given out easily. At least not with me.
Be mindful though this doesn't mean we change who we are, we adjust. This adjustment only occurs because we love you, not because you've told a Scorp they must.
Nothing you have written sounds all that disrespectful to me--and I am writing this as a person that can be a little possessive of my partner. However I also believe in personal freedom. Do you think it's realistic to see other attractive women and not comment and have some thought about it? Has he rubbed this in your face in some way? Is he flirting with women in front of you?
To be clear, we all have some level of insecurity. No shame in that. I only asked becasue if you're not aware of it you run the risk of doing/reacting to things making trouble where there is none. I've made this mistake. Awareness helps you manage it better.
Jesus I hate typing on this phone...
I suppose one final thing, if you have questions about his commitment to you now discuss it with him. Be honest as to why. Tell him straight up, I've read the past comments you've written on IG and it has me questioning a few things. He can't address a concern you have if he doesn't know it's still an issue for you. If you have already discussed it with him, then that's a different conversation.
You two may have different expectations for this relationship and that should be addressed if you hope to move forward with him.
I suppose one final thing, if you have questions about his commitment to you now discuss it with him. Be honest as to why. Tell him straight up, I've read the past comments you've written on IG and it has me questioning a few things. He can't address a concern you have if he doesn't know it's still an issue for you. If you have already discussed it with him, then that's a different conversation.
You two may have different expectations for this relationship and that should be addressed if you hope to move forward with him.
I think there needs to be a level of respect for your feelings if you have brought it up before and he does it again. Sure, all of us have insecurities, like Phoenix said above, but it sounds like maybe his insecurity leaves him wanting attention from others. I could be wrong.
If he has done it more recently and it bothers you, you could bring it up calmly and lovingly. You could ask him if he would be okay seeing you do the same thing. He may not see it as a big deal, because he loves you. However, if it bothers you, he should also recognize that and stop. Having said that, some of the best advice I've ever heard is choose your battles wisely. A little issue like this can end up being a big deal in a relationship only for you to look back and think it was silly.
If he has done it more recently and it bothers you, you could bring it up calmly and lovingly. You could ask him if he would be okay seeing you do the same thing. He may not see it as a big deal, because he loves you. However, if it bothers you, he should also recognize that and stop. Having said that, some of the best advice I've ever heard is choose your battles wisely. A little issue like this can end up being a big deal in a relationship only for you to look back and think it was silly.
I guess I'm concerned because I just don't want to be taken for granted. I've given my heart to someone and I want the loyalty and honesty back. I don't want to be taken for as a fool. Perhaps you're right..I wanted the loyalty straight away but he wasn't ready yet. It's just, when I see the comments from the past it makes me frustrated. Almost four years now and he must be in love? Otherwise why else would he still be with me?
Of course there are going to be other people out there who are attractive but no he hasn't flirted with anyone infront of me and I wouldn't do that either to him. There have been comments I've seen but I never said anything to him because I don't want the drama.
He doesn't tell me he loves me all the time but I don't need to hear it. We show it through our actions.
I don't want to doubt his love for me..it would be stupid for me to ask him how he feels about me now?
Writing this out has made it more clear about what I think his feelings are...
Of course there are going to be other people out there who are attractive but no he hasn't flirted with anyone infront of me and I wouldn't do that either to him. There have been comments I've seen but I never said anything to him because I don't want the drama.
He doesn't tell me he loves me all the time but I don't need to hear it. We show it through our actions.
I don't want to doubt his love for me..it would be stupid for me to ask him how he feels about me now?
Writing this out has made it more clear about what I think his feelings are...
Sorry it got posted so many times!
Posted by aqualadyy
I guess I'm concerned because I just don't want to be taken for granted. I've given my heart to someone... I don't want to be taken for as a fool...
I can understand that. They are valid concerns to have in general and you need to ask yourself if they are valid and apply to your relationship.
Posted by aqualadyy
I want the loyalty and honesty back....
1) how are you defining loyalty exactly?
2) how has he been dishonest? IG is a public forum. Not exactly hiding anything from you.
Posted by aqualadyy
Perhaps you're right..I wanted the loyalty straight away but he wasn't ready yet. It's just, when I see the comments from the past it makes me frustrated.
Of course there are going to be other people out there who are attractive but no he hasn't flirted with anyone infront of me and I wouldn't do that either to him. There have been comments I've seen but I never said anything to him because I don't want the drama....click to expand
The problem I am having here is you're floating between past concerns with present concerns. I may be wrong, but it reads like you have some resentment. May I ask, did you feel like you were chasing him or like the relationship was one sided in the beginning?
You stated that he "wasn't ready yet", meaning past tense. Okay, is he ready now? That is what is important. You also stated when you see comments from the past you get frustrated, then you state you see comments (I'm going to assume presently), you haven't said anything. If there is something happening now, then have a conversation. You can talk about the concerns you have now without creating drama, it's all in the approach.
For example, dragging up 2 year old comments as though thy are relevant now when yo've just stated he has shown you through action he loves you = drama.
Informing him that he is doing something now makes you feel uncomfortable and you address it with him in a way that will resolve the issue and does not come off as an attack or like you are trying to be controlling =/= drama.
^^^cont
If there is some resentments because of past issues, you need to address that also. As much as you're trying to ignore them it seems to be coming up in other ways (e.g. how secure you feel in the relationship).
It really isn't. As I've stated we all feel some insecurity. Checking in with our partner is needed sometime. Being honest about your fears and having your partner respond builds intimacy. He can't respond to concerns he doesn't know about though.
If there is some resentments because of past issues, you need to address that also. As much as you're trying to ignore them it seems to be coming up in other ways (e.g. how secure you feel in the relationship).
Posted by aqualadyy
I don't want to doubt his love for me..it would be stupid for me to ask him how he feels about me now?
It really isn't. As I've stated we all feel some insecurity. Checking in with our partner is needed sometime. Being honest about your fears and having your partner respond builds intimacy. He can't respond to concerns he doesn't know about though.
Why is this such a big deal ?
If this is bothering you, just talk to him about it. You don't have to bring up what he did in the past. You can just metion it in the conversation as if your friend's bf comments on other girls pics etc on social media and how you think it's just wrong in a serious relationship (such as yours) and ask him what he thinks about it. If he says it's ok, you can tell him he shouldn't do it if he really wants to marry you 😉 Or you can say how you're happy that he never does this.
No matter what, bring it up. There were things bothering me about my bf years ago during the first year of our relationship and I kept them all to myself because I didn't want to sound controlling and I was insecure(I thought he might break up with me if I told him) which later led to bigger disappointments.
There is nothing worse than keeping things to ourself in a relationship. But don't exaggerate either.
If this is bothering you, just talk to him about it. You don't have to bring up what he did in the past. You can just metion it in the conversation as if your friend's bf comments on other girls pics etc on social media and how you think it's just wrong in a serious relationship (such as yours) and ask him what he thinks about it. If he says it's ok, you can tell him he shouldn't do it if he really wants to marry you 😉 Or you can say how you're happy that he never does this.
No matter what, bring it up. There were things bothering me about my bf years ago during the first year of our relationship and I kept them all to myself because I didn't want to sound controlling and I was insecure(I thought he might break up with me if I told him) which later led to bigger disappointments.
There is nothing worse than keeping things to ourself in a relationship. But don't exaggerate either.
Posted by INTJBull
He commented "you're awesome" on a picture of hot chocolate 2 years ago & this made you question his loyalty, honesty & feelings for you?
That's not good but it doesn't have anything to do with him. It has to do with your own insecurity. I agree with Phoenix. I get the whole loyalty & trust thing because those are important to me. I can even understand being possessive to a degree because I can be that too when it's warranted but commenting on a picture of a beverage is not.... at all. I'm not a Scorp so maybe it wouldn't bother them (& if it wouldn't that explains a lot lol) but for me, a Taurus with a lot of air, just reading that made me panic. That's feels very suffocating to me. 😢
hi there...im not concerned about the picture but how he was talking to the girl...it was the kind of things he used to say to me before he asked me out...and then a year or two later hes using those lines on some random girl..maybe he wanted attention or he wasn't committed. I'm not sure. Around that time, I was undergoing a lot of stress and sadness with my family and I recall he was quite depressed with work. This could perhaps factor towards wanting attention or something I don't know? He was quite immature back then and obviously I didn't know he was writing comments to other girls. If I had known then I would of asked him about it. My chart is dominated by Capricorn, some scorpio and a little aquarius..so I take things quite seriously and I am a little intense..Me wanting committment and loyalty is not a bad thing. I was surprised when I saw the comments. Its not like I am saying to him he can't talk to girls...that was the past and I'm just trying to understand why he did it. It might not be a major thing for some people. I haven't asked about these comments from two years ago to him as its the past. But, to be fair I don't keep an eye on him. When I have asked him he says to me back then he was an idiot, or your the only girl I want and love. I trust him 100%
Posted by PhoenixRising
^^^cont
If there is some resentments because of past issues, you need to address that also. As much as you're trying to ignore them it seems to be coming up in other ways (e.g. how secure you feel in the relationship).
Posted by aqualadyy
I don't want to doubt his love for me..it would be stupid for me to ask him how he feels about me now?
It really isn't. As I've stated we all feel some insecurity. Checking in with our partner is needed sometime. Being honest about your fears and having your partner respond builds intimacy. He can't respond to concerns he doesn't know about though.click to expand
Response to your previous post....when we first started going out he was taking the lead. It was all very fast paced then he started gettin quite depressed due to a close member of his family passing away and he was upset with work as he wasn't enjoying it. I was going through my own stress. Out of nowhere he was quite distant, our phonecalls stopped and it was like he was very cold towards me. He wasn't giving me his all...like I mentioned in the other post, he probably wanted attention and thats why he messaged girls. Even if it was something stupid or random. We had our ups and downs. The last year, things have turned around completely. We ended up having an argument because he thought I was cheating! Not sure where that came from?! We spoke about it and he changed. He let go and it was like he was in love with me all over again.
'If there is some resentments because of past issues, you need to address that also. As much as you're trying to ignore them it seems to be coming up in other ways (e.g. how secure you feel in the relationship).' You're correct, I do try to ignore it but I don't want to have doubts or insecurity in this relationship so I end up pushing it away and focus on the now.
Asking how he feels about me...I don't want him to think I am questioning his love for me because I know deep down he is sensitive. How can I ask without making him feel awkward?
Posted by tiziani
I must say I learnt a great deal at the back of my mind from reading PheonixRising's responses alone. Thank you both for the thread.
I think the two most positive solution-oriented questions you could ask yourself were posted:
What qualities do you think he appreciates in you?
How are you defining loyalty?
It's good to answer these even just alone in private.
Hi there...yes I agree, Pheonix has been a great help. It's made me think a lot about this whole situation.
In a previous post (probably on the first page), I did mention the qualities which I think my other half likes. In terms of loyalty, I would say it is about being faithful and committed. Also, being there for one another and showing each other support through the hard and good times. Kind of like ride and die lol.
Posted by aqualadyyPosted by INTJBull
He commented "you're awesome" on a picture of hot chocolate 2 years ago & this made you question his loyalty, honesty & feelings for you?
That's not good but it doesn't have anything to do with him. It has to do with your own insecurity. I agree with Phoenix. I get the whole loyalty & trust thing because those are important to me. I can even understand being possessive to a degree because I can be that too when it's warranted but commenting on a picture of a beverage is not.... at all. I'm not a Scorp so maybe it wouldn't bother them (& if it wouldn't that explains a lot lol) but for me, a Taurus with a lot of air, just reading that made me panic. That's feels very suffocating to me. 😢
hi there...im not concerned about the picture but how he was talking to the girl...it was the kind of things he used to say to me before he asked me out...and then a year or two later hes using those lines on some random girl..maybe he wanted attention or he wasn't committed. I'm not sure. Around that time, I was undergoing a lot of stress and sadness with my family and I recall he was quite depressed with work. This could perhaps factor towards wanting attention or something I don't know? He was quite immature back then and obviously I didn't know he was writing comments to other girls. If I had known then I would of asked him about it. My chart is dominated by Capricorn, some scorpio and a little aquarius..so I take things quite seriously and I am a little intense..Me wanting committment and loyalty is not a bad thing. I was surprised when I saw the comments. Its not like I am saying to him he can't talk to girls...that was the past and I'm just trying to understand why he did it. It might not be a major thing for some people. I haven't asked about these comments from two years ago to him as its the past. But, to be fair I don't keep an eye on him. When I have asked him he says to me back then he was an idiot, or your the only girl I want and love. I trust him 100%click to expand
well you should be able to trust him. it's a public forum?? instagram?
but him commenting on girl's photos, if they're hot, is toooo weird and strange.
and this was years ago. You should hae confronted him years ago on it. Y?_u can't lug these kind of heavy feelings around like a
Y?_u can't lug these kind of heavy feelings around like a weight on your shoulders before marrying him. It's gonna make you not trust him during your marriage either and you're Always gonna suspect him checking out sexy photos of women and commenting on them. lol
Men look see gorgeous women all the day longgggg. at work, on tv, at events, everywhere. You can't be so insecure that he's thinking he's gonna go get some.
he might as well stay single if he's gonna be like that. (bachelor forever and he can enjoy himself all he wants).
Men look see gorgeous women all the day longgggg. at work, on tv, at events, everywhere. You can't be so insecure that he's thinking he's gonna go get some.
he might as well stay single if he's gonna be like that. (bachelor forever and he can enjoy himself all he wants).
Posted by lisabethur8
Y?_u can't lug these kind of heavy feelings around like a weight on your shoulders before marrying him. It's gonna make you not trust him during your marriage either and you're Always gonna suspect him checking out sexy photos of women and commenting on them. lol
Men look see gorgeous women all the day longgggg. at work, on tv, at events, everywhere. You can't be so insecure that he's thinking he's gonna go get some.
he might as well stay single if he's gonna be like that. (bachelor forever and he can enjoy himself all he wants).
Thanks for your comment. I understand where you're coming from..but I didn't mention anything about sexy photos. There are attractive men and women everywhere. I trust him and he trusts me. We talk about celebrities who we find good looking so I'm not bothered about how attractive or sexy people are. I just found it quite sneaky and I don't get why he had to do it. Maybe that's just how he works? I never was on Instagram when he was using it back then so god knows what he was doing on there and who is was talking to. If I had known about these comments before, of course I would of mentioned it back then, that's not the case though. He says to me he takes love seriously. I don't think he's lying about that. It's been almost four years now..if he wasn't interested he would of left..
Posted by aqualadyy
'If there is some resentments because of past issues, you need to address that also. As much as you're trying to ignore them it seems to be coming up in other ways (e.g. how secure you feel in the relationship).' You're correct, I do try to ignore it but I don't want to have doubts or insecurity in this relationship so I end up pushing it away and focus on the now.
Interesting. Would this thread exsist if that was a strategy that was working for you? The thing is, people often think ignoring a feeling or "pushing it away" does something with the emotion. All you've done is pushed it deeper inside until something triggers it again.
It will only go away if you address it. Keep in mind, I do not believe every issue we have necessarily needs to be dumped in our partner's lap. We need to learn how to figure out which issues are our "stuff" as individuals vs our "stuff" due to the partnership. "Addressing it" could mean doing personal work and some self reflection, communicating to our partner "hey my feelings are crazy right now because xyz brought up past issues I haven't resolved" so they can support you as you lose your mind for a week or two, or it could be "babe, what you did/doing is really f*cked up. It makes me feel xyz", so your partner gets a clue and stop acting like an idiot. How you address it will vary depending on the issue and the nature of your relationship. Bottom line, deal with it and stop tucking it away to blow up later on.
Posted by aqualadyy
Asking how he feels about me...I don't want him to think I am questioning his love for me because I know deep down he is sensitive.click to expand
Well that's what you are doing, aren't you? At the very least you're questioning his loyalty and honesty. For some Scorps that may be worse. Whatever the case, own your stuff.
cont.
ke the time to figure out why you're asking the question you're about to ask your partner. I mean look at this:
Posted by aqualadyy
...like I mentioned in the other post, he probably wanted attention and thats why he messaged girls. Even if it was something stupid or random.... The last year, things have turned around completely. We ended up having an argument....We spoke about it and he changed. He let go and it was like he was in love with me all over again.
You have yet to state what he is doing now to cause you distress. You confirmed he hasn't disrespected you. He has shown in actions that he loves you. You even stated you do not doubt he loves you, so....really look at why you have an issue with this and own what is yours.
If you come at him with "why were you making random comments on women's pictures 2 years ago? Why would you do that?!" If you make it all about him, how do you think that will go?
Posted by aqualadyy
How can I ask without making him feel awkward?click to expand
Hmph. That's not how Scorps work. We can't be spoon fed lines because it comes off as disingenuous and like...well frankly a bunch of lines, so I can't help you create a script. It really won't work in your favour in the long term. The best way to communciate with a Scorp is to "feel" them out and follow their emotional lead. This is your man. Own that sh*t. Are you telling me after 4+years you don't know how to communicate with him? How he tics? What words soothe him or opens him up and support a conversation vs shutting it down? Words that allow him to feel heard and loved while addressing your needs?
What I will say in general, acknowledge his effort and love and put your concerns out there---as your concerns.
Posted by PhoenixRising
^^^Really take the time to figure out why you're asking the question you're about to ask your partner. I mean look at this:
Posted by aqualadyy
...like I mentioned in the other post, he probably wanted attention and thats why he messaged girls. Even if it was something stupid or random.... The last year, things have turned around completely. We ended up having an argument....We spoke about it and he changed. He let go and it was like he was in love with me all over again.
You have yet to state what he is doing now to cause you distress. You confirmed he hasn't disrespected you. He has shown in actions that he loves you. You even stated you do not doubt he loves you, so....really look at why you have an issue with this and own what is yours.
If you come at him with "why were you making random comments on women's pictures 2 years ago? Why would you do that?!" If you make it all about him, how do you think that will go?
Posted by aqualadyy
How can I ask without making him feel awkward?
Hmph. That's not how Scorps work. We can't be spoon fed lines because it comes off as disingenuous and like...well frankly a bunch of lines, so I can't help you create a script. It really won't work in your favour in the long term. The best way to communciate with a Scorp is to "feel" them out and follow their emotional lead. This is your man. Own that sh*t. Are you telling me after 4+years you don't know how to communicate with him? How he tics? What words soothe him or opens him up and support a conversation vs shutting it down? Words that allow him to feel heard and loved while addressing your needs?
What I will say in general, acknowledge his effort and love and put your concerns out there---as your concerns.click to expand
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If so, What were the difficult parts of dealing with them? What were the bonuses?
A nurse asked me if I was a scorpio today, completely unprovoked - she wasn't even my nurse. I was taken aback and said
I see that he comments on random girls pictures. It looks like he is being flirtatious yet sarcastic if that makes any sense so that's why I'm unsure how I feel about it. For example there is this picture I found he commented on which is on a girls profile. It is just of a hot chocolate she made yet he was saying how amazing it is and that she is amazing. He made these comments two years ago so it was the beginning of our relationship but I just seen them now. Also other things I seen is he commented on a girls pic of her face saying wow!! That was a couple of months ago. And also another example of a girl showing her abs and he said show off! I have spoken to him in the past about it and I hope he reassured me that he loves me and only me but I don't know what to make of it. Most of the comments are from two years ago like I mentioned which was the starting of our relationship. But why would he still have to comment on girls photos even if its just something random. Do scorpios do this? Are you into social media and do this even if you're in love with someone? I thought he was serious about me. I don't know if he still does it now and what to make of it. Please advise. I would really like to hear your thoughts on this