What would you Scorp gals do?

'k, bear with me here....need to recap before i ask my question

was seeing this Taurus guy - first few wks were awesome, spent loads of time together (mostly initiated by him), made me feel like i was his woman (which i thot i would hate, but i loved). just when i started to feel like it was turning into a relationship...he put the brakes on.

i asked him if he was seeing other girls. he said is he's not seeing anyone seriously currently. (he didn't say yes or no, so i assumed that meant yes.) said he is enjoying our time together but he wants to take things slow, his life goes so fast that this part of it he wants to enjoy. he doesn't want to commit to anything right now.

he is very career oriented, and has a lot of ambitions. maybe that has something to do with him not wanting to get too involved right now, coz it feels like he wants to have his life in order first, before looking for someone to share it with. since our first few weeks were pretty intense think that he realized it was getting too serious too quick and this was not part of the plan.

so we saw each other less frequently before he left for a month. he's due back Labour Day. before he left he said he'll see me when he gets back, and all i said was, have a great trip. he said, be good, and i said have a great trip. i didn't want any broken promises, and figured that if that's where things ended, then i enjoyed our time together, had a lot of great memories, and thanks for letting me know what i want. what i want is what we had, before he put the brakes on.

so here's my question - i'm torn between 2 options. IF he contacts me when he gets back:

Option 1: keep things the way they are for a few months to see if anything changes, then end it if it doesn't

Option 2: tell him that i have no problem taking things slow, but not casual. i want us to be exclusive.

seems like Option 1 is the slow death option, but don't want to kick myself later for not giving it a chance. the 2nd option feels like an ultimatum and should be prepared to lose him now. at least it won't hurt as much.

i was going to do the wait and see what happens, but now that the time is getting closer i feel the need to be prepared.

sorry for the long story, i posted this on Taurus board as well, hoping for some Taurus male input. thanks in advance 🙂

What's the problem with these guys—
How annoying!
Well scorp5, I?m not a scorp (I?m a gemini), but if you don?t mind my sign, I?ll tell you what I think. I would wait to see how you feel about all of this after he comes back and you see each other again.

In fact, it all depends on how you can cope with the situation. Can you go with him in a casual manner and see if anything changes in a couple of months or will this bee too much? From my experience, if you do what a man suggests, he?ll just take it as a sign that that?s what you want as well and will not change unless pressured a bit. He wants to keep his options open and have you also, he wants to have it all. If you think this is the man of your life, than play the game (it may backfire though), if you?re not sure, then give him the ultimatum (you?ll also save your pride). Personally, I'd go for option 2.

Hey Scorp. I'm not a Scorpio girl, I'm a Taurus - but I dated a Taurus as well, so let me share something with you:

Taurus men can have two personalities - one that craves stability and solidity in one relationship and the other is a ladies' man. Unfortunately, the one I think you're dealing with is the one who thinks he's a ladies' man.

A mature Taurus male tends to gravitate towards wanting to form a solid foundation with one woman and work to secure it in place.

What it sounds like with this Taurus guy is he is still playing the field is not wanting/willing to settle down just yet. I will also let you in on something else: many Taurus men lie by omission...meaning they will be very sneaky with how they answer questions so that they don't have to necessarily lie to you completely but word it in such a way that they conceal the important parts.

I would be careful with this guy. Perhaps just be friends with him and nothing more.

Hi Nina, i know, it's so annoying....how easy it would be if i could just sacrifice my pride already and just tie him down and force an answer out of him 🙂

I've no problem taking it slow - i've had 2 long term relationships that were platonic for a year or more before they turned into anything. This Taurus thing was accelerated though coz the pull was too strong.

Also since all I've had are LTRs I thought I would try something different. I thought I was strong enough emotionally to experiment with casual, unfortunately this was not the right person to try that with, as I'm finding out.



Hi HP - thanks for your insight. Maybe you're right, he thinks of himself as a ladies' man. However, you know that intuition you get when you think the person you're with has even looked at someone else? I haven't gotten that feeling (yet - maybe different when I see him). I think he wanted to keep his options open because of the whole Europe trip. I even told him, I know you want to enjoy Europe and not feel obligated. You should have fun. And I meant it at the time.

Now that he's coming back and we're probably going to see each other again I do feel the need to say that i don't want this to continue on a casual basis anymore. Maybe Nina's right about how males are complacent and won't act unless there's a little pressure...

But before I scare him off - you said that a mature Taurus male gravitates towards firm foundation with one woman. Am curious about this coz I've also heard that Taurus takes a long time before deciding on a 'mate'. He's mentioned to me several times he wants to buy a house next year, is that the first sign he may be ready to start settling down?

Option 2 would protect my heart, but not let possibilities develop. And I don't want to cut off any chance we may have had and wonder about it later.

aaaargh.....sorry, am still bouncing around. I know that if I lead with my head I should be listening to your good advice and just cut him loose. My heart feels there's a lot there though, geez, if he went around and was that intense with all the ladies i don't know where he would get all that emotional energy from...and maybe, just maybe, with a little patience.....

Hi Scorp5 🙂

I am a female Scorpio and the situation you described is quite the tough one. Honestly though you should listen to what he said to you. If he told you he does not want to get serious right now I would listen. Mainly because sometimes men don't really have an idea of what they want.They don't hesistate to put the brakes on something if they feel it is getting to intense and that sounds like exactly what he did. I would feel him out when you see him again. Casual relationships are not what Scorpio's are really about. At least not the women. Talk to him and if he is still giving you the same thing about not wanting to be serious I would walk because realistically you are gonna be the one who gets hurt not him. Tell him you respect his answer but you still want to be friends and just take a step back. Trust me ma...it's for the best. I am in a similar situation. It is going to hurt but you can never force a man to do something he doesn't want to do. I learned that the hard way.

BTW how old are you two?

Taurus replies also mostly say Option 2....oh man, i'm gonna have a hard time with it 😢
but i think everyone's right, it needs to be done

Karima, I'm 35 and he's 30 - we've got the older woman/younger man thing going on. I'm a wee bit embarrassed ... but he was the one who approached me, knowing how old i was so it hasn't been an issue with us, just kinda embarrassed to tell people.

oh and OMG - this guy must have radar or something. just as i'd already accepted that it's going to be over, i got a pleasant surprise this morning. he'd sent me an email from Tuscany to say hello and that he'll see me soon.

i wasn't expecting any contact at all while he was gone - don't worry, i am trying VERY hard not to get any hopes up. but i can't seem to stop smiling so am going to enjoy the feeling for at least a day or two before i let it go...

There's nothing wrong with younger men! My Scorp is 30 and I'm 32. 🙂

Thanks, HP 🙂

Thanks, Scorp-in-law 🙂

my gut tells me that it was getting too serious too fast for him, which is why he wanted to slow things down. he's still uncertain, which is fine. i guess for me though i tend to only see 1 person until i eliminate them from being 'the one' then move on, rather than multidating. i think the best way to get to know someone better is one-on-one.

"But when they are finally committed to someone, they are unshakeably faithful."
that's good to know coz that's definitely important to me 🙂 although will he tell me when he's dropped those other girls?

"Predicted glitch: Taureans can be very jealous. If you decide that you want to casually date others while he makes up his mind, he'll probably back way off."

see, this is the funny part. i asked him, so if you're seeing other girls, then i can see other guys. his answer: you do what you gotta do. not "yes, that how it works", which is what you would think he would say. so i said, ok, am not used to doing things this way, but i'll try it, but only till i can't handle it anymore. to which he said, fair enough.

since then, he's asked me several times in a roundabout way if i'm dating anyone else - like, so what's new, any action news, whatever, and i just go huh? and change the subject. the way i look at it, unless he wanted to change things he doesn't need to know the answer to that question. if he asked me straight out though, i would tell him that no, am not seeing anyone else.

you're right though - i definitely get that feeling that if i told him i was out with someone else, he'd be gone. but that's such a double standard...

'k, ppl.... now that i've decided on option 2 and letting him know what i want - i've never had to have this 'exclusive' talk before so i need some advice:

how to bring it up without coming off so heavy?

and when should this happen? do i bring it up the first time i see him when he gets back?

i was going to wait a few dates and feel him out (like Karima said) but he'll probably wonder why we're not being intimate, or why am not being so receptive...he might feel am withholding it to get what i want. not true - i just can't go there coz my feelings are too exposed; feel too vulnerable.

any suggestions would be appreciated ... thanks

" physical intimacy seems a little premature right now"
OOPS!!!! 🙂

we've already been there....not to sound defensive, but we have been seeing each other since May. the first few weeks he was contacting me daily, and we were spending time together pretty much every other day, so that's what i mean when i feel like things were accelerated between us. even after the slowdown, we still communicated everyday, but only saw each other once a week before he left.

Scorp-in-law - thank you for the advice, i do want to wait a few dates to see if anything has changed. and i like the idea of the public setting, i had been thinking of having the talk during one of our long walks.

i also am aware that i may come across as being demanding, so that's why (like you said) i need to practice what to say ahead of time...it's the content of the talk and how to say it so it doesn't backfire on me that i need more help with...

Scorp-in-law gave you some great advice.