R1g0rM0rT1s
@R1g0rM0rT1s
13 Years1,000+ Posts
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Where to even begin...grab popcorn I guess. S&G..
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Oh dear girl....if you go to change yourself for a man, that is giving away YOUR self respect and power. My God, if he wasn't attracted to you as a lovely curvy girl then he wouldnt have ever pursued you.
There has to be another reason....and he is too pussied to say it.
Im sorry for your hurt. xoxo
There has to be another reason....and he is too pussied to say it.
Im sorry for your hurt. xoxo
Geminize. I'm sorry you have to deal with that 😢 If you are making changes, I hope you are truly doing it for yourself and not him. In fact, I'm sorry for saying this but I have to... I hope to gawd you quickly find someone more deserving, who will make you happier and who is genuine. There are other guys out there who know how to shower a woman with love and affection... consistently!
I think his side of the story would be interesting. But nonetheless, if it's not working it's not right. Now where do you go from there? To a beach and go swimming.
hmmmm.....i think seraph is right. kinda hate to say it though, lol. there has to be more to it than this.
my nephew is getting married to a larger lady. when they met at university, her weight was an issue for him at first...it was the first thing he mentioned when he spoke about her....but he found her personality so compelling and attractive that before long, it became something he truly celebrated. this is the woman he loves and this is how she's packaged right now. obviously, at first, he was concerned about peer pressure and how she was outside the acceptable 'norm' in that landscape...but the lure of her beautiful personality was too much for him to resist and they make a damn FINE couple!! 🙂
what happened in your situation was arse about face. you've been more or less the same size since you've been dating him and NOW he has an issue—
and WTF is all that you WERE beautiful shit—? you still ARE beautiful. it's his expression of concern over your weight that is the UGLY thing in this picture.
you have to change your attitude to yourself. my nephew's woman is super confident in her skin and she always said to him, this is the way i am and if you don't like it? jog on!! THAT in itself is a super dooper attractive quality and it comes from within gf...so reach in and find it 🙂
my nephew is getting married to a larger lady. when they met at university, her weight was an issue for him at first...it was the first thing he mentioned when he spoke about her....but he found her personality so compelling and attractive that before long, it became something he truly celebrated. this is the woman he loves and this is how she's packaged right now. obviously, at first, he was concerned about peer pressure and how she was outside the acceptable 'norm' in that landscape...but the lure of her beautiful personality was too much for him to resist and they make a damn FINE couple!! 🙂
what happened in your situation was arse about face. you've been more or less the same size since you've been dating him and NOW he has an issue—
and WTF is all that you WERE beautiful shit—? you still ARE beautiful. it's his expression of concern over your weight that is the UGLY thing in this picture.
you have to change your attitude to yourself. my nephew's woman is super confident in her skin and she always said to him, this is the way i am and if you don't like it? jog on!! THAT in itself is a super dooper attractive quality and it comes from within gf...so reach in and find it 🙂
uh-oh...it actually sounds as though he struggles with depression.
Posted by Geminize
Everything I am I gave him...and things were amazing.
.... showered him in affection and love and gifts. Things were absolutely perfect.
... the man I was in love with
Posted by Geminize
All we wanted to do was be together.
Our sex life and the affection
click to expand
A huge problem here, in which is quite common ..... you are viewing his side according to your scope. In all the quotes above, you indicate that both of you are feeling this on the same level .. when in reality, you are the one feeling these things, and have yourself blinded by it.
You gave him everything, showered him with affection, love and gifts, which makes you feel like things were perfect/amazing .. however, those are YOUR feelings, and not his. You have conflated how you feel with falsely believing that he is feeling the same .. when obviously, he is not.
There's no point in wallowing in this. Even if you got him back, and you may have for I didn't read any further ... it doesnt' matter because you never had him in the first place .. not on the level in which you described when you kept saying that BOTH of you thought this was great.
He's a tosser, so make sure you keep that fact close to you.
But, what you can do is learn from it. Just because you are happy in a relationship doesn't give permission to wrap the illusion around your mind that just because you feel it, it means he feels it ... because when you do this, as demonstrated here, you become completely oblivious to the truth.
Truth meaning ... there was no suddenly to it. There had to have been signs, but, you were so wrapped up in what YOU believed was true for him, that you missed the signals.
If you don't learn from this .... then suffer as you wish
In summation .. he didn't do a 180 on you ... you were blinded by your feelings and merely thought he was someone that he wasn't.
Im going to say it too. You gave him way too much in the beginning. Six months isn't enough time. If it was me he would be eating popcorn still that I burned in the microwave. No one is getting five star treatment until we are super serious. I don't do all that. Why did you let him move in? JFC. Girl get rid of him. He's like you're fat. And then moves in? Please don't be upset but what im about to say is crappy. You have zero self esteem. ZERO. I would have told him to shove it up his ass and take a motherfucking hike. The fact that he told you, you were unattractive and you let him move in? Fuck his ass. Put him out on the street like a damn hobo. And you joined a gym? Why so you can change for a guy that didn't want you?
And guy aren't stupid .. they know that if they give fat girls attention, then these fat girls rush in to give the man any/every thing he wants.
Guys know that ... it's sad that the fat girls don't because they are the ones who are being made fools. You'd think they would WANT to be aware of the game. But, they don't appear to be aware .. they are so desperate for attention due to being fat making them have low self esteem, that they will eagerly jump at any opportunity to feel special.
It's really sickening, actually .... because it's all media. If a girl isn't beautiful then she isn't worthy of womanhood, as the programming would so dictate. When there are actually a lot of men who like big women. So, instead of closing a blind eye to you being fat, which causes you to allow yourself to be tricked by needy men who just want to be catered to .. you should actually change your perspective of yourself, and realize that you are perfect just the way you look.
Guys know that ... it's sad that the fat girls don't because they are the ones who are being made fools. You'd think they would WANT to be aware of the game. But, they don't appear to be aware .. they are so desperate for attention due to being fat making them have low self esteem, that they will eagerly jump at any opportunity to feel special.
It's really sickening, actually .... because it's all media. If a girl isn't beautiful then she isn't worthy of womanhood, as the programming would so dictate. When there are actually a lot of men who like big women. So, instead of closing a blind eye to you being fat, which causes you to allow yourself to be tricked by needy men who just want to be catered to .. you should actually change your perspective of yourself, and realize that you are perfect just the way you look.
P-Angel - I think this is the first time I will agree with you. Very well said.
It's really sickening, actually .... because it's all media. If a girl isn't beautiful then she isn't worthy of womanhood, as the programming would so dictate. When there are actually a lot of men who like big women. So, instead of closing a blind eye to you being fat, which causes you to allow yourself to be tricked by needy men who just want to be catered to .. you should actually change your perspective of yourself, and realize that you are perfect just the way you look.
That right there is very true. I used to be overweight a long time ago but when I chose to lose it, it wasn't for some dumbass guy.
It's really sickening, actually .... because it's all media. If a girl isn't beautiful then she isn't worthy of womanhood, as the programming would so dictate. When there are actually a lot of men who like big women. So, instead of closing a blind eye to you being fat, which causes you to allow yourself to be tricked by needy men who just want to be catered to .. you should actually change your perspective of yourself, and realize that you are perfect just the way you look.
That right there is very true. I used to be overweight a long time ago but when I chose to lose it, it wasn't for some dumbass guy.
Posted by Geminize
Let me clear something up...everything I gave? Was in response to him. I'd never met a man more attentive, protective, passionate, giving or loving. Sometimes.what I did felt inadequate, to be honest. Whatever I showered him with I was already getting x10. Which is why it was so jarring to have it all suddenly yanked out from under me. The loss of it was devastating. He moved up here after our talk, and he lived here temporarily. He has his own place.
And even now that he has made it known that he doesnt' want you .... you still defend him in saying that he gave care to you.
You're not hearing what I'm saying. He wasn't giving his care to you, he was decieving you, to trick you into catering to him.
A man who sincerely cares about you, doesnt' do a 180 ... and you are failing to believe that.
Of course you were responding to him, but, you were responding to the game he played deliberately.
::: sighs :::
It looks like you are just like all the other women in the world, who actually WANT to suffer in your emotions .. because even when the truth of him not really wanting you is right in front of your face .. you will still have every excuse there is, and say it isn't true .. so you can continue to be in emotional pain.
Sobeit ... I'm finished trying to help you then ... suffer as you wish
Posted by P-Angel
And guy aren't stupid .. they know that if they give fat girls attention, then these fat girls rush in to give the man any/every thing he wants.
Guys know that ... .
When I was 12 years old my father who prided himself on "Keepin it Real" before it was the in thing to say or do sat me down and said I need to tell you something... Fat Girls are Easy. I said "huh" he said guys know that fat girls don't get a lot of attention and because of this they will prey on them over and over again. Gotta love my Papa. LOL always lookin out for me. Nonetheless, I had to learn the hard way over and over and over again. It's true, sad but true. I don't know if he loved you or not but I do know that love is not supposed to hurt your feelings and make you cry. If he is concerned about your health that is one thing but it doesn't sound like he is.
There is nothing wrong with being overweight if you are comfortable with it but it doesn't sound like you are. I know plenty of "chubby" girls who would have put a foot up his ass and then ate a donut in his face".
Now, stay in the gym. I don't care what got you in there. It doesn't matter your reasons whether it be to show him or not just stay there. You will feel better when you lose the weight and possibly look better too. While you are walking on the treadmill read some self esteem or self help books. You are on the right track.
The next time he sees you ...YOU BETTER look SMOKIN and when he tries to say something to you simply say KISS MY ASS and keep it Movin.
I saw a couple of Cancer placements in your chart so letting go of this is going to be damn near impossible BUT TRY YOU MUST (In my Yoda voice).
Good Luck and Chubby girls are the BUSINESS we are very very soft. !! IJS.
I'm not in a freaking coma. And I don't appreciate being talked down to as if I've never had a relationship before this Scorpio. I have. And believe me, when things were good with him? Angels sang, wept, all that prattle. He was Mindblowingly incredible in the sack.
I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. I'm trying to communicate as much of the information as I'm able so that you can give informed advice.
Has he been an dackwad? You bet. Has he put me second? Yup. Do I feel like a priority in his life anymore? No. BUT niether am I catering to him, feeding him grapes and fanning him as he lounges or jumping when he says so. The break we are on is for ME. To see if I have it in me to do what needs to be done. For ME.
I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. I'm trying to communicate as much of the information as I'm able so that you can give informed advice.
Has he been an dackwad? You bet. Has he put me second? Yup. Do I feel like a priority in his life anymore? No. BUT niether am I catering to him, feeding him grapes and fanning him as he lounges or jumping when he says so. The break we are on is for ME. To see if I have it in me to do what needs to be done. For ME.
I need to let him go.
Posted by Nala13
... and when he tries to say something to you simply say KISS MY ASS and keep it Movin.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
yeah...you need to let him go...you need to throw him very far away from you actually.
some of the sexiest most attractive women i know are what others would perceive as being fat...i would call them rubenesque personally. i'm on the other end of the food chain and am continually trying to put weight on and that's just as much of an issue sometimes. it's all about self-acceptance.
if you are completely happy in your skin and someone has a criticism of your appearance, you don't even hear it cos your self esteem is such that both positive and negative remarks have little affect on how you feel about yourself.
P's right though...you talk about YOUR feelings in this by way of explaining HIS feelings and the two are clearly polar opposites.
don't let him pull your strings. no-one is trying to make you out to be weak or pathetic in this...they're trying to give you strength to do what you need to do.
some of the sexiest most attractive women i know are what others would perceive as being fat...i would call them rubenesque personally. i'm on the other end of the food chain and am continually trying to put weight on and that's just as much of an issue sometimes. it's all about self-acceptance.
if you are completely happy in your skin and someone has a criticism of your appearance, you don't even hear it cos your self esteem is such that both positive and negative remarks have little affect on how you feel about yourself.
P's right though...you talk about YOUR feelings in this by way of explaining HIS feelings and the two are clearly polar opposites.
don't let him pull your strings. no-one is trying to make you out to be weak or pathetic in this...they're trying to give you strength to do what you need to do.
This is why you don't date gamers you met online. They can be really immature and socially retarded. There's a reason they choose to play games so much.
I just don't get WHY you let him move in after he said all that bullshit. No wonder he's stringing you along. He's being a manipulative asshole to get his way and he knows he can do it because you let him move in after he was a dick to you. Also, if you're the one who initiated both break ups, WHY are you allowing him to weasel his way back in and refuse to accept you aren't putting up with his shit? So not only did you allow him to move in with you, you also let him prevent you from following through with TWO break ups.
Boot up the ass and be done with it. I know it sucks and it's that stupid "what happened??" bit that will stick in the back of your mind, but seriously? Write it off as the guy is a spoiled, immature ass. You're allowed your mourning period and wondering what happened, but do NOT let him back into your life. He's just being a spoiled little bitch at this point. He's whining to mommy until he gets his way and it keeps working.
I just don't get WHY you let him move in after he said all that bullshit. No wonder he's stringing you along. He's being a manipulative asshole to get his way and he knows he can do it because you let him move in after he was a dick to you. Also, if you're the one who initiated both break ups, WHY are you allowing him to weasel his way back in and refuse to accept you aren't putting up with his shit? So not only did you allow him to move in with you, you also let him prevent you from following through with TWO break ups.
Boot up the ass and be done with it. I know it sucks and it's that stupid "what happened??" bit that will stick in the back of your mind, but seriously? Write it off as the guy is a spoiled, immature ass. You're allowed your mourning period and wondering what happened, but do NOT let him back into your life. He's just being a spoiled little bitch at this point. He's whining to mommy until he gets his way and it keeps working.
Posted by seraph
However, elle's post goes quite a ways in showing that we're getting only partial information from the OP.
NO.
Elle's post is 100% speculation, with no shred of truth or reality.
Posted by ellessque
... as we have seen EVEN on dxp, a small comment can be taken out of context ...
Case in point ... see Elle's fabrication above
Ask me anything. I know there's a lot missing, and that it's from my point of view, which I can't help. I'm not asking to be coddled, just asking not to be lashed out at either.
Posted by Geminize
We've had numerous talks about what I could do to make things better, make things right ....
I asked for this break so that he could decide what he needs.
Of course .. because you're the fat girl desperate to have attention.
A woman of convictions who actually has confidence in herself would never be his rug ... EVER
You have thoroughly described yourself as placing yourself in a position of being less, while not understanding why you are being treated as less.
There's nothing anyone can say to help you ... you are quite positive that he felt the same as you, but, has suddenly changed. There's no convincing you that a man who cherishes his woman actually actively acts like it.
Anytime anyone tries to help you .... you defend him.
sobeit ... suffer as you wish
Seriously get rid of the hobo and order you some pizza and ice cream. Hell yeah. I'd be like ok you have to get out cause Im going to go be fat. Jackass bitch. You need to put your foot down. I still can't believe you let him move in. Does this look like a charity case? Hell to the no. Don't ever, EVER date guys you meet in a video game.
And Xin he doesn't live with me. He transitioned for a month and then found his own place. That was 4 months ago.
Oh thank god. Still get rid of his ass. I would dump him and start working on yourself because even thin you will still have the same frame of mind. Get your mind right first overweight or not.
IS -- I'm not blaming him. Call bullbutter all you like. But don't be a troll just because you can 😢
Posted by Geminize
. And by the way, he never said I was fat, ever.
Yes he did. I was on your side but now I am thinking maybe you are hearing what you want to hear and see what you want to see.
Why would P calling you fat bother you? She has never ever laid eyes on you. I really think you need to work on some esteem building before entering into another realtionship.
The 2 of you had talks on what you could to make things better, if it was my fault.
I asked for this break so he could decide what he needs? We were a Love Super Couple, What on Earth is a Love Super Couple?
Yea, You don't love yourself, how do you expect him to? Learn to love yourself. Once you do this, men will be lining up to get at you.
Disregard the loonies, m'dear. There are some here that love to make up a ton of shit and twist the facts when you're merely presenting your side of things in hopes for insight to better understand what happened. I can't believe someone just stood by total speculation as any sort of valid reasoning or fact. Are you fucking kidding me??
Stop entertaining such bullshit. You already got your advice.
Stop entertaining such bullshit. You already got your advice.
Posted by ellessquePosted by Geminize
I wanted him to come with me...we went everywhere like that. It was just a look on his face when I turned around. And I never once mentioned to him that I noticed him pulling away. I was as lovey as ever. But I still observed, and reserved saying anything until we were face to face. I'm not a badgerer, regardless of my sign.
Just a look on his face and it told you everything, right?
smh
scorpio moon. enough said.
we have several lovely evolved scorpio moons among us on this site and they can tell you what a "look" can do to them or has done to them when their moon was more unevolved.
sometimes a look is just a damn look and means nothing. his balls could have been tangled in his trousers at that moment and the look had NOTHING to do with YOU at all.click to expand
Scorpio Moon here !! A look cost me about $ 1100.00 in 3 months. But in my defense the "look" was HOTT !! 😛
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
gem: can you please tell me what actual discussion you may have had with your scorp about your weight? what was actually said and what prompted that conversation?
i ask cos my gem sister was with a scorp for a few years and he slowly demolished her confidence. HOWEVER. she didn't have any in the first place and as i was able to see their relationship from a different perspective...talking to both parties independently...i knew it was a mixture of her ASSUMPTIONS that every change in his behaviour was because of her weight or cos she talked to much or cos she tried too hard to please him and HIS inability to ever say anything that would resonate enough with her to make her feel less insecure than she already was.
it's like the typical 'does my bum look big in this' question. however the man answers that question will be WRONG if the woman already thinks her butt looks huge in what she's wearing.
as a side note...i saw a spanish woman wearing a t-shirt with 'does my ass look big in this' printed across her chest! i felt like saying i wasn't sure about her ass but her tits were mahoosive, lol.
also...'nother side note...*no* irritating *use* of *asterisks* to *emphasise* words in MY comments, *LOL*
gem: can you please tell me what actual discussion you may have had with your scorp about your weight? what was actually said and what prompted that conversation?
i ask cos my gem sister was with a scorp for a few years and he slowly demolished her confidence. HOWEVER. she didn't have any in the first place and as i was able to see their relationship from a different perspective...talking to both parties independently...i knew it was a mixture of her ASSUMPTIONS that every change in his behaviour was because of her weight or cos she talked to much or cos she tried too hard to please him and HIS inability to ever say anything that would resonate enough with her to make her feel less insecure than she already was.
it's like the typical 'does my bum look big in this' question. however the man answers that question will be WRONG if the woman already thinks her butt looks huge in what she's wearing.
as a side note...i saw a spanish woman wearing a t-shirt with 'does my ass look big in this' printed across her chest! i felt like saying i wasn't sure about her ass but her tits were mahoosive, lol.
also...'nother side note...*no* irritating *use* of *asterisks* to *emphasise* words in MY comments, *LOL*
Posted by Geminize
*headdesk* I'm not asking for attention, ffs. I'm asking for insight. I get jumped on no matter which way I turn. I've been reading dxp for months and I really thought you guys could give insight without judgement. YES I could stand to lose a few pounds. I am not a pixiestick. NO he never called me fat, he out and out said YES it was my weight that bothered him. He would never hurt me like that. YES I am sensitive about said pounds. NO I don't let it rule me. I DO love myself. That doesn't mean I run around saying how awesome I am and how awful he is. I only said that the first 6 months were the best I've ever experienced. And I wish we were that couple. What I meant by Super Love Couple was that we had this cocky, cozy "we are so awesome together" vibe going on mutually. It's tongue-in-cheek. Again, I'm not asking for coddling but please, watch the level of venom in your sting. Please?
The last line of your OP said "now what do I do?" so people are telling you what to do or at least what they think you should do and it seems you are taking up for the guy. Hey I get it, I understand. The penis is a powerful weapon one that should never be underestimated.
However, it is no match for good old fashioned common sense.
I said penis and not love. I know you think you were in love but you were not. Here is the secret equation...Love-Gives and Lust-Takes. All he ever did was take from you. Your Kindness, Your Self Esteem, Your Apartment, Your Time and he is still taking...
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
gem: can you please tell me what actual discussion you may have had with your scorp about your weight? what was actually said and what prompted that conversation?
I'm going to go look at some of our conversations leading up to Thanksgiving, ok? We talked on google chat, and I still have them. Just give me a few moments. And I'll also think about that night, too.
Posted by JynjaPosted by Geminize
I need to let him go.
*Hugs* It won't be easy, we all know that. And after so long with all the wonderful times, you'll likely cry several boxes of kleenex, and that is alright, too.
But you've reached the right place for help and support. I imagine there are some lovely ladies on the Gemini board that you could even bond with for deeper support. As it seems the consensus here is, "it's time to let him go"
It's not easy when you keep thinking if you'll find someone else, and sometimes you even think you'll die from the thought that you could be alone for the rest of your life. Happened to me - no shit. But when I let go of the Taurus after he dumped me, who better than an EAGLE to find me and raise me from that mess?? Yes.
I wish your scorp the best luck. I have heard some grey lizards can find themselves and magically transform into amazing men. For now, he needs to find himself and you need to move away from any toxins to ensure your mind and body are in tandem with the plans you have.
You're a strong girl... I feel it all the way here. It takes a strong girl to hold a strong man down, and you did that till he got weak and slimy. But you're still a real woman, and a real woman needs a real man.
And a real man is never too far. We just don't see him there ready to help. When you dry your tears and step out in new confidence, he'll be the one willing to make you his queen.
(Tiki's gonna be so proud 😛 )click to expand
+1
+1
this is way to personal for such a massively general subject. this is a common issue in relationships and stems from insecurities on either side and has nothing to do with astrology. i think every single one of us struggles with insecurities at some stage in our lives and people don't usually step into their confidence until they're 100 years old like me, lol.
it usually boils down to lack of communication between the two people IN the relationship and too much communication with outsiders ABOUT the relationship. god knows i spent most of my 20s huddled together with girlfriends getting smashed and slagging off my man, lol.
this is way to personal for such a massively general subject. this is a common issue in relationships and stems from insecurities on either side and has nothing to do with astrology. i think every single one of us struggles with insecurities at some stage in our lives and people don't usually step into their confidence until they're 100 years old like me, lol.
it usually boils down to lack of communication between the two people IN the relationship and too much communication with outsiders ABOUT the relationship. god knows i spent most of my 20s huddled together with girlfriends getting smashed and slagging off my man, lol.
This is guy has mentally ill written all over him.
Posted by seraphPosted by Geminize
*headdesk*
Well you can't say you didn't get responses.
On the bright side, at then end of it all, your problem will have been dissected from every possible angle, even the ones you didn't think existed. 😉click to expand
i am laughing for the first time in days. ya'll are maddening, helpful and kind of awesome. thanks.
This is the beginning??_
—eventually one thing led to another and we had a 14 hour straight phone call, which was our defining moment. He came to visit me a few weeks later. SPARKSFIREWORKSSHANGRILA!!! We visited each other every 3 weeks like clockwork and texted for hours and spoke on the phone for just as long every day...The intensity and focus were like nothing I'd *ever* experienced before and at first it scared me. I pulled away, and he called me on it..I was terrified, but eventually we worked through it together and I completely gave in. Everything I am I gave him...and things were amazing. —
Slow decline??_
—6 months later, I'm with him for an extended weekend, and his birthday. I made him my family Irish stew from scratch, his favorite dessert from back home as a surprise and showered him in affection and love and gifts. Things were absolutely perfect. Except for this one moment. I needed an ingredient that I had forgotten to pick up for the dessert, so I threw on a (snug) hoodie and my hair in a ponytail w/jeans and flip flops. He looked at me strangely, but...I let it go. In the store, things were...flat. Almost...I don't know. FLAT is the best word I can come up with. —
It's over??_
—I get home...and it's as if the man I was in love with was...gone. No more sweet, heartwrenching texts. More perfunctory, if you will. No sweeping intensity, no more calling me the special name he had for me. it's as if someone had siphoned all the love he had for me off the top and left politeness. —
That is a pattern of men with ISSUES, narcissism, mental issues and the pattern typically is the same with all of them. There is a honeymoon period, a cooling down period and a then the grand exit and of course he can't just exit her life on good terms, he has to make sure she understands she's the reason why he's leaving, they all exit the same exact way, make sure the target know she's NOT GOOD ENOUGH--IT??S ALL HER FAULT before I exit because of course it's not me so it has to be you, it's you and he??ll make sure she know it before he get the hell out of there.
Those 14 hours was him learning everything he could so he could dump and discard her in a way that plays on her INSECURITIES, he stalked her through the guise of potentially loving her and now he's done and he wants out and he has to exit with clean hands so yeah use the YOUR FAT excuse, that is such a low blow way of exiting a relationship.
—eventually one thing led to another and we had a 14 hour straight phone call, which was our defining moment. He came to visit me a few weeks later. SPARKSFIREWORKSSHANGRILA!!! We visited each other every 3 weeks like clockwork and texted for hours and spoke on the phone for just as long every day...The intensity and focus were like nothing I'd *ever* experienced before and at first it scared me. I pulled away, and he called me on it..I was terrified, but eventually we worked through it together and I completely gave in. Everything I am I gave him...and things were amazing. —
Slow decline??_
—6 months later, I'm with him for an extended weekend, and his birthday. I made him my family Irish stew from scratch, his favorite dessert from back home as a surprise and showered him in affection and love and gifts. Things were absolutely perfect. Except for this one moment. I needed an ingredient that I had forgotten to pick up for the dessert, so I threw on a (snug) hoodie and my hair in a ponytail w/jeans and flip flops. He looked at me strangely, but...I let it go. In the store, things were...flat. Almost...I don't know. FLAT is the best word I can come up with. —
It's over??_
—I get home...and it's as if the man I was in love with was...gone. No more sweet, heartwrenching texts. More perfunctory, if you will. No sweeping intensity, no more calling me the special name he had for me. it's as if someone had siphoned all the love he had for me off the top and left politeness. —
That is a pattern of men with ISSUES, narcissism, mental issues and the pattern typically is the same with all of them. There is a honeymoon period, a cooling down period and a then the grand exit and of course he can't just exit her life on good terms, he has to make sure she understands she's the reason why he's leaving, they all exit the same exact way, make sure the target know she's NOT GOOD ENOUGH--IT??S ALL HER FAULT before I exit because of course it's not me so it has to be you, it's you and he??ll make sure she know it before he get the hell out of there.
Those 14 hours was him learning everything he could so he could dump and discard her in a way that plays on her INSECURITIES, he stalked her through the guise of potentially loving her and now he's done and he wants out and he has to exit with clean hands so yeah use the YOUR FAT excuse, that is such a low blow way of exiting a relationship.
Men like him are so predictable because they typically all do the same thing, over and over again, it's you, your fat, your too this or too that, I lost attraction and because I lost attraction it must be you not me.
Throws hands up!
Run...Run for your life, change your number, get off the gaming website, SAVE YOURSELF.
Throws hands up!
Run...Run for your life, change your number, get off the gaming website, SAVE YOURSELF.
Posted by ellessque
out of the arms of one and into another.
that is all that's going to happen. no worries, we'll all still be here 😛
god forbid if someone looks within and figures out themselves, their needs, who they are, what they are made of because that usually means self-love and we just don't have time for that. It's easier to pull other people into our drama and much more exciting that way. let's just figure out that everyone else is nuts and we are perfect 😄 that's sounds like much more fun. at least it keeps the threads active.
Fun hmmmm interesting, it must be fun or it wouldn't be happening so much 🙂
Save yourself,
Some (certain type) of people think it's fun to shatter you while they are walking out of your life.
Some (certain type) of people think it's fun to shatter you while they are walking out of your life.
You know, I'm beginning to wonder if Scorps are even capable of taking blame for anything? Always deferring the blame to someone else or something else. The times I've read threads where there have been issues with a Scorp, so many jump in and defend the Scorp's fucked up actions or try to twist the blame on the OP. :/
Posted by seraph
This still isn't making any sense. And if he *did* use that reason, I'm just not buying it.
Agreed.
Posted by Jynja
Sigh. I think this might sound bad, so forgive me in advance...
It seems to me you got complacent in your relationship. You let him have way too many privileges in the beginning and now he has the upper hand so he's manipulating you. Making you go to the gym so he you can attain a certain weight and he can show you off (assuming he has a Leo moon), while he's keeping tabs on you and making sure you're not getting new offers from other men.
Only, you don't owe him anything...nada, zilch. Stop beating yourself up every time he brings up the good old times, it doesn't change a thing. You don't owe him shelter, food... nothing. You still love him and all, but he's not your concern so wish him well and turn the tv up loud and fart freely, its your world. Try it for a day, it's really good therapy. 😉
I say cry it out really hard and then take a trip outta town for a weekend. Just disappear. Don't say a word to him, just plan and go off like you used to when you went to see him, only find something exciting to look forward to that is not him. Go out and shake your tail feather. Or sit at the beach - maybe a nude beach (cause big can be gorgeous, too). Do something other than sit in Hades' bottom drawer. If you can't find anything to do, come on dxp and read old interesting threads like I am. My man thinks I'm way across town having fun with the girls. I'm across town with the girls alright, but he'd never guess I drank my Aliz? alone in my hotel room. 😉 It's all in the mindset.
Posted by JynjaPosted by Geminize
No...I understand what you're saying. Now I do. Heck of a lot of effort to put into an act..mind boggling actually. And contrary to what you think I've stated, I don't want to suffer. I want to understand. If I were content to suffer I wouldn't be searching for answers. I don't want to be fiddled here, or told what I want to hear. I'm trying to work through the last 8 months of our relationship so that I can move forward. And I'm not defending him. I'm being truthful in what he gave. If it was all to the end result of "lay her right the first time and you can walk all over her..." Well that doesn't ring true for me. And that's logic, not emotion. Don't dismiss me as another silly female, or someone who looks like Precious. I am niether. What I am is a woman in love with a lie, a chameleon, or someone shutting himself off due to his own issues.
Bullshit! Sorry, Taureans - HORSE SHIT!
This man won't even talk about his "issues" with you - no communication. Instead, you get so flustered as though you never saw a man before. You place him on a pedestal and expect us to do the same. Sorry love, so many women here have dealt with perhaps more colorful scorpios who made the sex bring down the singing angels - we're not that impressed. *shrugs*
If you ever want to understand the joy of womanhood, perhaps you'll get sisters here to help you work that out. In the meantime, trying to get us to see Mr. Amazing through your eyes is not working.
You know where to find friends, yeah? Dial dxp when you wake up from your little coma. 🙂click to expand
I'm sorry, but I have to agree with this. As well as what Angel P had to say. It sounds, based on what you presented here, that he's playing some game. Feelings don't "suddenly" changes, especially for a Scorpio. He has you where he wants you. "He's moved in temporarily but has his own place" Why exactly? *sigh* I apologize. I don't think I am in the place to give sound advice because I am moody mess today, but I had to at least chime in here. Carry on all.
Posted by rockyroadicecream
This is why you don't date gamers you met online. They can be really immature and socially retarded. There's a reason they choose to play games so much.
I just don't get WHY you let him move in after he said all that bullshit. No wonder he's stringing you along. He's being a manipulative asshole to get his way and he knows he can do it because you let him move in after he was a dick to you. Also, if you're the one who initiated both break ups, WHY are you allowing him to weasel his way back in and refuse to accept you aren't putting up with his shit? So not only did you allow him to move in with you, you also let him prevent you from following through with TWO break ups.
I believe that is what people meant when they said you were "catering to him". I really don't think anyone was assuming you were/are running around like a pansy "yes baby, no baby, high can I jump for you baby" *eye roll*. I would suggest you keep your space to sort out what you need and want for your life---not for you and him. If it includes him (Lord knows why it would be, but eh) then so be it. Since he has his own place then tell him to keep his ass there. "Yes, keep your rolly polly manipulative, semi-depressed , judgmental ass home". Do the gym thing, if you feel you need to, but exercise your mind as well so you are strong all around.
Posted by ellessque
Unless this guy has some majorly flashy placements....that is what I see. Blast me if you want, I forgot to care.
LOL. And here I was trying to contain my moodiness to avoid the drama. Sookie sookie, here we go. It was inevitable I guess.....
Some people are just more willing to point out bullshit behavior when it's apparent. This doesn't take a level of dogging out to do, it's called being observant.
He knew what she looked like before he got involved with her. Is she fat? Maybe but I'm sure within a 6 month time span she couldn't have put on that much weight.
Did he use her flaws real or contrived to exit the relationship apparently (least in my opinion he did), I'm making an observation on his pattern with her, I don't care if he's a douchebag or if he's a bad man, my opinion isn't based off of him being bad nor is it based on her weight.
So you see it's not really about the weight because clearly if she gained weight or lost weight it wouldn't have mattered because he still left, even after she joined a gym and changed her eating habits he still left which he wanted to leave PERIOD and the weight was a CONVENIENT excuse to get out, whether she gained weight or lost weight he left because he wanted to leave, people break up all the time without having to proclaim a flaw before walking out the door. A simple it's not working out for me is suffice.
He knew what she looked like before he got involved with her. Is she fat? Maybe but I'm sure within a 6 month time span she couldn't have put on that much weight.
Did he use her flaws real or contrived to exit the relationship apparently (least in my opinion he did), I'm making an observation on his pattern with her, I don't care if he's a douchebag or if he's a bad man, my opinion isn't based off of him being bad nor is it based on her weight.
So you see it's not really about the weight because clearly if she gained weight or lost weight it wouldn't have mattered because he still left, even after she joined a gym and changed her eating habits he still left which he wanted to leave PERIOD and the weight was a CONVENIENT excuse to get out, whether she gained weight or lost weight he left because he wanted to leave, people break up all the time without having to proclaim a flaw before walking out the door. A simple it's not working out for me is suffice.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by rockyroadicecream
This is why you don't date gamers you met online. They can be really immature and socially retarded. There's a reason they choose to play games so much.
I just don't get WHY you let him move in after he said all that bullshit. No wonder he's stringing you along. He's being a manipulative asshole to get his way and he knows he can do it because you let him move in after he was a dick to you. Also, if you're the one who initiated both break ups, WHY are you allowing him to weasel his way back in and refuse to accept you aren't putting up with his shit? So not only did you allow him to move in with you, you also let him prevent you from following through with TWO break ups.
I believe that is what people meant when they said you were "catering to him". I really don't think anyone was assuming you were/are running around like a pansy "yes baby, no baby, high can I jump for you baby" *eye roll*. I would suggest you keep your space to sort out what you need and want for your life---not for you and him. If it includes him (Lord knows why it would be, but eh) then so be it. Since he has his own place then tell him to keep his ass there. "Yes, keep your rolly polly manipulative, semi-depressed , judgmental ass home". Do the gym thing, if you feel you need to, but exercise your mind as well so you are strong all around.click to expand
+1 especially@exercise your mind
Posted by Geminize
Okay...I looked thought all of our chats. We didn't really start having problems until his move. And what happened that night...As best as I can recall, okay?
We were on the couch and candles were lit. We were talking and snuggling but he wasn't there. Preoccupied. That's when I untangled (we were pretzled) and I sat up and asked him to be straight with me. That I noticed he'd been distant, and I was feeling it and distancing a little too. I asked if it had anything to do with my weight. He prefaced by saying he didn't know how to tell me, that it was kind of an issue. That he didn't want to hurt me, I told him I knew that. We were both crying. I said that I wanted to be healthier, but it's so easy to play video games all day, you know? Things got better after the talk. Maybe I didn't start working on my weight quick enough.
Anyways, things started to really get bad when he was packing up on his own to come here. He was trying to train people for his job, packing into the late hours and didn't have time for himself. I offered so many times to fly down and help him pack, etc. And also said if $ $ was tight that I wanted to help out. There were times that he snapped at me. Sometimes I want to help so much that maybe it got on his nerves. I've felt that way about people offering help too much, myself.
When we were living together (temporarily) we both kind of felt...trapped is probably the best way to describe it. Not used to living, even temporarily, with anyone else. Visit vs. every day was rough. Especially since he didn't get room to breath between moving and starting the new job.
You got all of this was in the google chat ? I am really trying to be respectful, but after listening to people bullsh*t all day in my office I can smell it even on a screen. I say this because you have been asked pretty much the same question every different way from Sunday and you have avoided a few things from the first post. Yes you sort of answered some questions directed to you, but you would always gloss over the ACTUAL question (review this thread if you think I'm wrong). So you then say, okay I'm gonna go back and review some chats and you come back with this "setting" (e.g.
(e.g."We were on the couch and candles were lit"). "mood" (e.g. "We were talking and snuggling but he wasn't there. Preoccupied. That's when I untangled. We were pretzled....I noticed he'd been distant, and I was feeling it and distancing a little too.) and then tada, the "dialogue" (e.g."I sat up and asked him to be straight with me. I asked if it had anything to do with my weight. He prefaced by saying he didn't know how to tell me, that it was kind of an issue. That he didn't want to hurt me, I told him I knew that. We were both crying. I said that I wanted to be healthier, but it's so easy to play video games all day, you know?") And all of these details magically came to you from a google chat? Really? Can you see why someone may think you are fabricating this story, not being upfront or perhaps leaving out info? I'm don't if you are or aren't, but at the end of the day you asked for advice on what to do. Based on your responses you got that advice. That's wasn't adequate. Okay, lets play. You are asked for more details. You give selective answers (again review your responses). You are given advice based on this new information *thread goes left* and here we are with the "truth" behind what was said. I would recommend you review your own thread instead of doing these knee jerk response to what people are throwing at you. The answer you seek for both for personal growth and self reflection in terms of this relationship was answered a while ago. If it is still not adequate, I seriously think you need to take the time and the silence to listen to your own voice and live with the consequences (good or bad) of the choice you make. If you make a mistake, you make a mistake. Live and move on. But do something other than arguing back and forth on here because I don't think you are gonna get any closer to an answer that way.
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