Will the freeze out ever thaw? (Page 2)

Thanks CanTaur 🙂 I appreciate you.

Kathleen, maybe you're right. He's fixing to see how much I will put up with. I am pissed!! I shouldn't have sent the email. Just trying to be nice. See where that gets me—? The thing is...and I don't know if this is a Libra thing or my Scorpio rising...but I have incredible patience and will overlook a bunch in the name of friendship. When it becomes the norm, the relationship is over and there is no going back, there is no do over. When I'm done, I'm done. No where on my chest does it say WELCOME. I am no ones door mat.

Libra Carrie,

Just for the record, I don't think that we should ever be the first ones to text or call (unless you have a specific reason for it). I think it is very important for the man to set the pace of the relationship. What I'm saying is that when he does call and text contact him back right away so that he doesn't have to feel like an ass for contacting you and always let him know you are glad to hear from him. This makes him contact you more because he wants to feel that positive energy of you around him and he will get addicted to it. You have to give him that to keep him feeling secure but if you let him set the pace he doesn't see you as being needy.

My opionion is that you should have not texted him especially to tell him that you missed him. That is just too much pressure for him if he is confused by his feelings. That pressure will make him pull away further. If their was any way possible you should have just tried to run into him somewhere. I also don't agree that when he finally does contact you that you should ignore him. He will already be so afraid of the rejection and if you play that game he will get pissed at himself for being weak and contacting you in the first place and then that anger will be transfered onto you. If he calls you should answer the phone and just talk to him like he is a long lost friend. He will be expecting you to be angry and bitter so don't give him that. For one it will show him that he still has you and in that moment he will be regretting that he called at all if you give him a hard time. Just tell him that there is no hard feelings if he apologises for not calling and don't act all hurt that it has been so long since you have heard from him. You should act like it didn't bother you at all (that way he will see that you didn't like him as much as he thought you did) and just talk about how busy you have been and ask him questions about what is going on in his life. Let him do most of the talking. Do not ask to see him, but be open to seeing him if he asks you. If he asks you out for that night politely say no and give him an alternative night in the next few days that you can see him and treat it like he is just an old friend that you are meeting for coffee or something. When you do meet him act like you are back to the very first date. Do not sleep with him. Let him go back to the chace. Just be your charming self and remind him of all the reasons that he was attracted to you in the first place.

Well thank you Ferdy :-)

"now, I'm being ignored again, so I will ignore him."

The only way to stop the cycle is to be the bigger person and don't ignore him. Let him think he has won the power struggle.

Now that my scorp has finally figured out that I'm not clingy and needy and taking away his life he is back to contacting me 3 or 4 times a day like he did in the beginning. The only effort I have to make is to be cheerful and happy everytime he contacts me which is super easy to do.

I will now have to do a little damage control though because he called me last night and asked me to come over the next night and I kind of rejected that idea and didn't give him a definite answer or positive feedback so guess what. I didn't hear from him this morning on his way to work like I always do. Now I will suffer for that because he will pull away slightly until he gets completely secure again.

What I should have done is excitedly said, Oh baby I would so love to because I miss you, but I am supposed to be meeting my friend Friday morning to go exercise and I would be such a bad friend to cancel on her. Then I should have said, how about Friday night instead?

I know that this sounds like I am coddling him and spoiling him, but I get what I want in the long run and I'm only doing what I would want him to do. If it was the other way around and I had asked him to do something I would hope that he would say no to me in a way that I don't feel rejected or stupid for asking.

Hmmm!! Well maybe I was wrong about my saying the wrong thing to him last night. Either that or he needs some reasurrance. I just got a text message saying.

"How are those sexy lips 2day."

I texted him back:

"desperately missing yours."

LOL!!!

"My opionion is that you should have not texted him especially to tell him that you missed him. That is just too much pressure for him if he is confused by his feelings. That pressure will make him pull away further."

LOL That was me GS, Carrie e-mailed if I'm not mistaken. Anyhoo, my text worked. He was pissed at me because I unintentionally made him feel rejected so I let him brew for a good 12 hours & then just texted him "I miss you" just to let him know that I did & that I wasn't mad, a couple hours later the silent treatment ended & all is well in the life of this scorpio/taurus couple..........for now! LOL

CanTaur!! Yay!! I'm glad that things are back on track with you and your guy. I do think it was O.K. in your case to text him because you were just doing some damage control for something that you did and it was only a few hours. I thought I was going to have to do some of that myself this morning after what I did last night. Now that you are back in his good graces though go back to letting him take the lead and set the pace and just be cheerful as hell when he contacts you.

My opinion still stands for what I said about Carrie's e-mail though even though I got mixed up and thought it was a text :-)

You all are the best!! Thank you so much for trying to help. I'm not so pissed now, I just feel hurt. If I possibly can, I will follow your advice. Right now...I'm just not ready. I think they just suck the emotions right out of you. It's like a roller coaster and I'm afraid of heights.

What you said GS made so much sense. I shouldn't have emailed him. I need to be tougher. Of course being pissed really helps that along!! LOL Maybe I should go back to being mad.. 🙂

"I shouldn't have emailed him."

Don't worry, this might actually be a good thing eventually. Even though it may have set him back a while from contacting you at least you let him know that you would be open to the contact when he does contact you again. It would be good if there was some little subtle reminder of yourself that you could do somehow every once in a while. For example, I send out a monthly newsletter for the business that I have and it has my picture right on it. I had put my ex on that e-mail list when we were dating and I just never took him off when he suddenly broke up with me and broke my heart. After a whole year of recieving the newsletters he finally contacted me one day after reading the newsletter and pretended to have a client for me. I was very nice to him and acted like I was very happy to hear from him and he asked me out for dinner. I was so damn excited and thought that maybe now that time had passed that he would be over his issues and we would live happily ever after. Well, we went out. He got extrememly drunk. He told me that he had another relationship after me that didn't work out and now realised he loved me. He had more issues than ever, tried to sleep with me and beg me back. Guess what?? My attraction for him was completely gone and I didn't want him anymore. I am so glad I had that closure though. I think I would still be thinking about him til this day always wondering what if—

If there is a way for you to run into him somewhere or if you have a mutual friend that just happens to mention you in passing every once in a while. Something very subtle that will keep you in his mind. I have a friend that had her ex on her joke e-mail distribution list and she just acted like she forgot to take him off her list and she would every once in a while strategically send him an e-mail along with a bunch of other people on her list. He of course finally called her a few months later and they are now married and have 2 kids. But it has to be VERY subtle!!

GS, you just give the best advice. I loved that story.

You know, the funny thing about freeze outs is that it gives us time to chill. I am looking at him now wondering if I can trust him to be there the way I need him to. Is it always gonna be games? We once had the ability to finish each others sentences. Where do you go once you've been to Oz?

Now, I can say that with conviction...but as soon as I chat with him and he calls me that pet name that he has, then the smile will spread across my face, my heart will beat faster and for the rest of the day I will think of him. He gets into my soul...and I like it.

And if he has decided to move on, I don't wish him well. I will wish that each night I creep into his dreams and haunt his ass and leave him wondering...what have I done?

"Being Miss Straightforward that I am, I don't understand the hiding part..it's different."

LOL Well, that's because everything about Scorpio, and all water signs, really, is pretty much the exact opposite of straight-forward. 😉