Am I feminine enough

Profile picture of HappyCap
HappyCap
@HappyCap
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2
I'm by far young, but thank you. Not offended at all. I'm 39. He is 34.

My chart is:
Sun in Capricorn
Moon in Aquarius
Mercury in Aquarius
Mars in Gemini
Jupiter in Aries
Saturn in Leo
Uranus in Scorpio
Neptune in Sagittarius
Pluto in Libra

His chart:
Sun in Taurus
Moon in Capricorn
Mercury in Taurus
Mars in Aries
Jupiter in Libra
Saturn in Libra
Uranus in Scorpio
Neptune in Sagittarius
Pluto in Libra
Profile picture of HappyCap
HappyCap
@HappyCap
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2
Also, I'm not a game player, so I don't like to do the whole no contact crap, but I don't want to come on too strong either. We didn't talk for a few days, but I'm getting used to that. But, yesterday he messages me with "I'm here. Sorry been busy." Then, "what have you been doing?" I kept it simple. He's on Facebook every hour on the hour, he knows what I've been doing. So, is it my turn to initiate? Just curious.
Profile picture of HappyCap
HappyCap
@HappyCap
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2
No, you're right, I know. He mentions my posts to me a lot, so I know he checks me out. I just don't want to seem pushy because I'm not exactly sure where we stand. I don't want to talk about how I am in a relationship and him think that I'm pushing him, but I don't want to talk about mundane stuff either. I have told him that I'm interested and he has said the same, but I'm not sure where his interest is. I'm just curious about daily conversation basically.
Profile picture of jeane
jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
Posted by HappyCap
@Jeane, we've been talking off and on since June. We haven't took the step in making a commitment yet.
i agree with everyone else. you can't force a relationship and you can't change yourself to make one fit. just be yourself. he obviously likes you enough knowing what he already does about you. i would advise you to stop sweating the small stuff.

i wouldn't worry too much about knowing what you are or where you are headed at this stage either. it's been two months at the most. just enjoy getting to know him and spending time together.

are you sleeping together?
Profile picture of HappyCap
HappyCap
@HappyCap
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2
@Jeane...we have not slept together, although he has asked me about my likes in and out of the bedroom. I was honest with him. He seemed happy with my responses.

I am a little unsure of myself. I spent 10 years in a bad marriage. The dating scene has most definitely changed. Lol. So, I'm not sure what is acceptable and what is not. I'm always myself, no games (don't like them, don't have time for them). But, curious to know how I know if someone likes me for who I am. I don't like change nor do I want anyone to change for me. I like him for who he is. I just wanted to know if maybe he's turned off by the fact that I'm not completely feminine. I'm feminine for the most part, just love football.
Profile picture of jeane
jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
Posted by HappyCap
@Jeane...we have not slept together, although he has asked me about my likes in and out of the bedroom. I was honest with him. He seemed happy with my responses.

I am a little unsure of myself. I spent 10 years in a bad marriage. The dating scene has most definitely changed. Lol. So, I'm not sure what is acceptable and what is not. I'm always myself, no games (don't like them, don't have time for them). But, curious to know how I know if someone likes me for who I am. I don't like change nor do I want anyone to change for me. I like him for who he is. I just wanted to know if maybe he's turned off by the fact that I'm not completely feminine. I'm feminine for the most part, just love football.
i think you should just ask him if you liking an opposing team is a turn off for him. i can't imagine it would be.

how do you know if someone likes you for who you are? god, i don't know. i think i read somewhere that if you last longer than 6 months then you can be fairly confident that they like you for you. in those first few months, people aren't really themselves anyway.

with taurus, they tend to be straight shooters. they are slow moving and cautious in order to not commit themselves too soon or be dishonest in their interactions which would eventually let you down if they reneged at a later stage. i would just allow things to happen organically and set about creating a good solid friendship first.
Profile picture of jeane
jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
Posted by HappyCap
I guess I'm just a little worried that maybe it could be a turn off that I'm not feminine enough. As far as I know, he has been a straight shooter. I'm also a straight shooter. I old and set in my ways and it's better for my potential mate to know who I am from the get go.
so think about the options

* it is a turn off. ok, then? what? are you going to change your behaviour to suit him? you've said you won't.

- how big of a turn off? one where he wants you to change? he hasn't asked you to change so far and he is still hanging around. ok, so that is unlikely.

- a small turn off? well, i'm sure if it is something that will become a big problem in the future, then it is better you know now.

* it's not a turn off at all. winner winner chicken dinner.

the fact is none of us can tell if it is a turn off for him. if you want to know the answer, you will have to ask him.
Profile picture of jeane
jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
happy, i think you might be interested in a response TaurusBull1977 gave in another thread about caps

"I think Capricorns are highly misunderstood. Despite their fierce determination, impeccable work ethic, and dominant nature lies a soul with many insecurities, constant need for validation, terrified of rejection, and having their kindness exploited for weakness. People's opinions of them matter. But this doesn't mean their fake...just a validation that their reputation remains intact, and their hard work, personal appearance, and everything else should not go unnoticed. Caps work very hard at this.

I will have to agree with TLS in regards to the mask. This does rub Bulls the wrong way. I see conventional whereas the rest of the world sees leadership. I see generosity and thoughtfulness, and the rest of the world sees financial security. Cracking the shell of a Cappie can be quite challenging. Despite seeing through the facade, I think most Bulls will prefer the Cappies just simply remove the mask. It's too cold. Too unyielding.

It's a shame. I think Caps are wonderful people!"

i might give you a little insight into how to deal with your current question.
Profile picture of HappyCap
HappyCap
@HappyCap
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2
I asked him how he felt about me liking football. He said he was fine with it and asked why I asked. I told him that it was for future reference. I explained that I was asking because I was worried that I might not be feminine enough and that if our friendship ever turned into anything else, I know he likes his girl to be feminine. He shut down and didn't answer. He's been answering me all day. So, I took that as a sign that he maybe felt I was pushing. I should've just waited to see where things were headed. I was really wanting to know because I thought maybe that's why he was avoiding commitment. 😢
Profile picture of lnana04
lnana04
@lnana04
15 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 8822 · Topics: 132
lol, cappies don't take advice.

It seems to me Happy sabotaged it due to uncertainty. She got impatient with not knowing her position so she grabbed at anything(football/feminity) to check herself out a situation she wasn't sure about. Even if he said he liked that she liked football, his overall level of interest in her is just not satisfying enough. I think thats just her bottom line, so eventually another issue would have surfaced. I guess its a different version of "are you into me or not?" You can ask that directly, but if the guy says "yes" yet you dont feel it, there's still no comfort within. Unfortunately what we feel about your feelings is just as important as what you say your feelings are, or heck, what you even feel. She may not realize it, but imo, this was sabotage, a way of exiting.
Profile picture of HappyCap
HappyCap
@HappyCap
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2
Good morning, forum. I am only here to clear some things up. This thread was pointless and not for the reasons you may think. It's not that I don't appreciate nor not take advice. It's that I simply laid down, closed my eyes and thought deeply about this. First you say Caps have a shell that must be cracked and peeled away slowly. HA! There's a reason I don't read my horoscope...it's a broad generalization. Myself and the 10 other Caps I've been fortunate enough to get close to, have NO problem whatsoever speaking our minds and saying what we feel immediately. None of us are intimidated by much. In fact, if we are intimidated by you, consider yourself lucky that you're not in a corner licking your wounds as all 11 of us are labelled as "mean." Very generous, but mean. If we do get intimidated, we tend to get backed in a corner. Back a goat into a corner and see what happens. We will head butt and kick our way out until your a bloody mess. Now, I was a smidgen intimidated by this bull. When I asked you advice, I asked for what I was intimidated about. There's where one of you were wrong. If I ask a question, that's what I want an answer to. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Of course I have insecurities, I'm human. But, if I can spend a decade trying to tame a lion, then I must not be too insecure. If I tell you how I feel and you run, then imo you have more issues than I do. Now, imagine a goat. You see a big beautiful mountain. You see that goat climbing it and you'll see that goat reach the top without a whole lot of problems I might add. Now, you're looking at Stonehenge. Those things pretty much stand at a 90° angle. You might see a goat standing there, but he's only eating the grass. Why? Because he has enough common sense to know that, no matter how stubborn or hard working he is, there's no way he's going to be able to climb Stonehenge. This Taurus I was interested in reminds me of Stonehenge. I'm not going to waste my precious time waiting for Stonehenge to fall over. What I will do is use my horns to get it to lean a little bit. If I can get it to lean far enough over that I can climb, then I will reach the top and it will be a downhill walk the rest of the way. But, if I use enough determination and perseverance and that rock doesn't budge, I will simply go find a mountain to climb. You ran because I was a little insecure about myself because I'm trying to make sure there are no obstacles in our path on the way to the top, then you aren't
Profile picture of HappyCap
HappyCap
@HappyCap
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2
Worthy enough to make that climb with me. Come on now, we both have horns and hooves, let's do it. No. Ok. Peace out, then. I stood my ground with said Taurus and now he knows he and everyone else who doubted me had me twisted and was confusing me with other pussy ass Caps. Please don't underestimate the Cap. We are determined and hard working, but we also have enough common sense to go on to bigger mountains that we can climb. You can't broadly generalize any Cap. You must go by our entire chart. The ones you know may be insecure, but it means a particular person made us that way. Thank you all and have a great day!
Profile picture of lnana04
lnana04
@lnana04
15 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 8822 · Topics: 132
On another note, I dont think theres wrong with showing a guy your insecurities. I dont really think there's anything wrong with what she said to him. I let whatever I feel come out of my mouth and things, admittedly, get ridiculous. I think its good to let a person see you.

I just think the reasons why it was done was because she was uncomfortable with the situation in general.
Profile picture of HappyCap
HappyCap
@HappyCap
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2
No, I'm sure about the person I am and every other Cap I know..).but, maybe it has nothing to do with being a Cap. Maybe I just have a zero bullshit tolerance. I will generally give a guy a certain amount of time to get it together. If you just say how you feel, then I'm usually good (or show how you feel, because some just aren't as verbal as I am.) I mean, really though, running because I doubted myself a bit. Then, no, not worth my time. Not every guy runs when you doubt yourself. I've doubted myself before at times and the man stuck because he knew eventually I would figure it out and it wasn't because they were Pisces. I think this particular Taurus is a coward because he just dropped without a word. I don't take kindly to that. So, I hind kicked him the rest of the way out. It's not worth my time and energy. Oh I did like him, don't get me wrong, but not that much. If I did, I would've lost sleep. Fortunately, I slept like a baby. My pain lasted until I managed to tell him off. If he's the coward I believe he is, there is no way he'll come back whether he wants to or not. I usually only get duped once. Don't think I'll give you a chance to dupe me again. You'll have to be pretty special to get a second chance.

I do give my opinion and it's generally quickly. I don't need to hide behind astrology. I know exactly who I am.
Profile picture of lnana04
lnana04
@lnana04
15 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 8822 · Topics: 132
See, you admit to sabotaging it with the set up lol.

I mean, if these were genuine concerns then its good you showed them, but the ulterior motive on the flip side is a little unnerving. I still think you were not satisfied, so these little tests/insecurities would have continued to pop up. You cant really bash him if theres a high possibility that whatever he did or showed would not have been enough for you.

You think its him, but maybe its you, or was just that dynamic. Maybe no one is the blame.


Profile picture of HappyCap
HappyCap
@HappyCap
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2
Posted by lnana04
On another note, I dont think theres wrong with showing a guy your insecurities. I dont really think there's anything wrong with what she said to him. I let whatever I feel come out of my mouth and things, admittedly, get ridiculous. I think its good to let a person see you.

I just think the reasons why it was done was because she was uncomfortable with the situation in general.
I appreciate that. My filter is broken as well. Unfortunately saying what I feel does sometimes get jumbled and misunderstood. But, if you run because I have a little doubt, I don't need you. Uncomfortable with the situation, probably a little. I really was just worried about that one thing. He never had said anything negative about it before, but that doesn't mean it wasn't in the back of his mind. I do believe he would've let that one thing hinder a relationship together, but never would've been bold enough to say anything. So, I would've either stayed in the friend zone or moved around. Either way, it's his loss. I'm an excellent girlfriend and when I'm a wife, I'm even better.
Profile picture of HappyCap
HappyCap
@HappyCap
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2
Posted by drxpxfJupiter
Posted by HappyCap
. I really like him 😢 darn!
click to expand

gotta love the cap pretenses after getting hurt. *sigh*

Oh well. Some things don't change.

Good night thread.

So, it's a bad thing that we go to ourselves and ponder and then we tell ourselves that we're bad ass and nobody is worth our pain and so we bounce right back? If that's the case, then maybe, in the zodiac, Caps aren't the problem. I guess we've missed the memo about feeding ourselves Ben and Jerry's and wallowing in self pity. Well, I guess I just didn't have time to read that memo. Sorry folks, better luck next time. Sit down with a Cap and really get to know them. Stop thinking that they're weak and insecure. Again, you're drawing a broad conclusion about us. Most of us don't really give a shit what anybody thinks anyway. Just love to argue is all or I do, anyway. I have enjoyed this thread very much actually. I love to hear things about Caps from people who aren't Caps. On the Cap thread you will see the answers. Caps are simply misunderstood. My favorite is: hard working, bossy, bitches who have no feelings. I like that one. That generalization is wrong...we have feelings.
Profile picture of HappyCap
HappyCap
@HappyCap
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2
I'm not mad at him at all. In fact, if he does come back, we have enough in common to be the best of friends. I just won't let him back in my heart is all. And yes, you're right, if I'm taking time out of my day to let you know how I feel and you still don't budge even a little, then yeah I get to wondering. The feminine thing was the only possible explanation as to him not at least saying or showing something. Everything else fit together. As long as you're honest and don't play games, we're good. No, I wouldn't have changed, but it would've been nice to know where I stood. I went ahead and finished it because there's no use wasting each other's time. Insecurities happen. It's a fact of life. If he would've said, yes that's the problem, I would've simply said ok and would've looked forward to watching the season together and bashing each other's team. On the flip side, if he would've said, no that's not it, I would've said ok, when you figure it out, let me know. I would've simply chalked it up to him being unsure of his feelings or just too scared of rejection.
Profile picture of HappyCap
HappyCap
@HappyCap
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 37 · Topics: 2
Ok, let me try this again. This last message is a booger.

Look, just because I like a guy doesn't mean I can't bounce back from the hurt. If I scream an insecurity or whisper it and he runs, he's not worth my time anyway. Yes, I have insecurities, but I'm secure enough to show them because I'm human and every human has an insecurity at some point. If you don't, you're lying to yourself. And he was looking to run anyway or he wouldn't have. I'm not lying to myself or anyone else about my feelings over the situation. I liked him, but I'm moving on. You said yourselves, it's only a short time of being with him. I left my husband after 10 years with only a day's worth of tears. As a matter of fact, he's getting remarried and I'm attending the wedding. Love his fiance to death. She's a gem. So, why should I spend my hard earned money on a couple of ice cream makers who have enough money because of crybabies. It's simply not me. Not living up to Cap standards, I guess. Maybe if we would've slept together because isn't that when we're supposed to fall in love for life? Nope. That isn't it because apparently I missed that memo too. Not in love with anyone I've slept with. I guess maybe the broad generalization is correct: we're hard working, bossy bitches who have no feelings. Well, darn. You ein. Peace out! You're all lovely.