Cow Corporations

C a p i t a l i s m

&

B u l l s

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies,
and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.


ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law (or
sister) at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,
leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.


A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.


A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create
clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.


A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.


A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for
lunch.


A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.


A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
storing them.


A HINDU CORPORATION

You have two cows. You worship them.


A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.


AN ISRAELI CORPORATION

So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory,
an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their
calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?


A KENTUCKY CORPORATION

You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

A man takes his wife to the State Fair and one of the exhibits is
that of breeding bulls. They come up to the first pen and there is
a sign that says "This Bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife pokes her husband in the ribs and says "He mated 50 times
last year."

They walked a little further and see another pen with a sign that says
"This Bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife hits her husband and says "That's more than twice a week!
You could learn a lot from him."

They walk further and a third pen has a Bull with a sign saying
"This Bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife gets really excited and says "That's once a day. You could
REALLY learn something from this one."

The husband looks at her and says ......
"Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."