My Bull Changed his Mind.

I am deeply heartbroken. I have been dating my bull for 7 months now and everything has been perfect. He used to tell me that he would always be there for me and never leave, and that he would stick to my side through anything. This means a lot to me since i recently was diagnosed with synovial sarcoma, a type of cancer.. and had to go through radiation treatments n such. He knows how much his support means to me. Anyway, he said a lot of things that made me trust him. one night while he was drunk, almost told me he loved me, but stopped because he said i deserve better. He had been writing in these " journals" he said for me that he would eventually give me when the time was right that im positive he would tell me he loved me. Anyways, i can emphasize enough, we both were so happy together and spoke of it openly.

The last 3 weeks though, he has been super depressed and hes unsure why. He told me he doesn't want to be in Pittsburgh anymore and needs to get out. We had made plans to move together and travel once i had a year in at my job ( tihs coming decemeber) and had a year of clear scans ( have to stay a little for health insurance) ...So anyway, 2 days ago.. he tells me that hes moving to Mississippi ( his moms house) for 6 months to a year. His mother is going to Afghanistan in aug so he wanted to see her while she was home and he was going to leave in june.. im totally fine with that.. but he wants to stay down there and watch her house..for a year! and he basically made this decision without even consulting me. He told me he doesn't know who he is anymore. he seeks no pleasure in anything he does and he feels he needs to do this. which makes me feel inadequate because i no longer make him happy. I asked him what was in Mississipi and he said nothin really.. its just the concept of having no plans.. he is very vague when he talks about the " whys" he is leaving, but he told me he was uncertain of us and uncertain of everything. That its not just me, its his whole idea of himself, and he can't be there for me because he doesn't have his head on straight. I am heartbroken. i feel completely abandoned during these hard times for me, and completely lead on that we were a team. And hes a taurus so i know he wont change his mind. So right now its awkward. i dont know how to act because he isn't leaving for for 2 1/2 months. I need some input on this situation please. I feel completely lost.

oh and i told him i loved him whenever he told me that.. because i felt it was over anyway.. and he didn't say it back.

Elena warned me of his gemini moon and venus.

Oh goodness, my tauruses venus is in gemini, but I'm a gem so it evens out right?

I'm scared...

first of all, to the OP: the fact that your health is not great right now is the main concern. Work on getting yourself better, rest, relax, go easy on yourself and focus on your own wellbeing. This guy seems to have his own agenda entirely so let him get on with it. If he's not being here for you when you're ill, what kind of future would you have with him? Best to move on, you'll find someone else who truly cares for you.

A word on moon in air: I have my moon in aquarius and I'm very stead-fast and not flighty at all. I also have my venus in mutable sagittarius but it really doesn't fit me at all. I don't understand why but despite having all air and fire in my personal planets, I'm much more like a water or earth sign in my actions.

This is just not the right guy maybe?
Forget astro for a second, he said things and you trusted him based on talk?... did he actually show trust? don't actions speak louder?

i thought he was the right guy, his actions showed he was into me.. we were glued to the hip the last 6 months.. then out of nowhere this happens. It really is out of character for him. I really want him back 100% , and im unsure what exactly i can do to persuade him or make him rethink it. My thing is im just going to ignore him and try my best to get over him until he comes to me and tells me what i want to hear. When he contacts me im just breif and kinda standoffish. He has been texting and emailing as of recently but not saying anything substantial. i either ignore him or say something incredibly brief back. I am trying to distance myself from him so he understands the loss. He called me yesterday just to see " how i was doing" he knows im a wreck.. but i just said fine.. and then he said i still feel the same way as before.. like shit.. ( insinuating his minds still the same on the situation)

😢 ughn. i feel so lovesick.
and i have to get shit back from him and im totally dreading it.

"He is really trying to show you that he is done with the relationship but want to end things on a friendly note, instead you are hanging on thinking his feelings are going to change when he's making it crystal clear that his mind is made up and its over. He's no longer emotionally attached to you and has more than likely become attached to someone else which is more than likely the reason for his 'sudden' change in behavior towards you and his change of heart. Move on and forget about him trust me he wants you too because he knows he no longer have any genuine feelings towards you and you're going to end up getting more hurt trying to hang on to him."

I asked him to be clear of his intentions- if he saw us not together then i would go on my merry way. he told me hes not sure about anything right now- he said he doesn't want to give up. I asked if there was another girl- and he laughed and said no i can assure you theres nobody else. This is where im torn- if hes really depressed, should i be there for him and help him through it.. and maybe its just his depression reflecting on me/ everything.. or do i just say fuck you you wasted 6 months of my time on being fickle and to now not be sure of me? I really love him a lot- and i just want to help him.. but im guessing distancing myself is the only answer. He is receptive to me being around and wants me around.

6 months is not really long enough though, is it?
isn't that still getting to know you stage?

so i know i can't force a bull to love me.. but i am giving him this letter and moving on.. should i give him this letter?

I've done a lot of reflecting, and I know none of this is your fault; your intentions aren't to hurt me, but right now I know that you cannot give me the attention I deserve because you have to re-establish yourself. By re-establishing yourself, I mean regaining your autonomy and independence. After being intimate and close with me for 6 months, I understand you gave a lot of yourself to me which I undyingly appreciate. But I know now you need time to sit back and remember the real you, and I encourage this for you more than anything. When someone is close to someone else for a long time, they almost lose sense of themselves, in which they need to pull away and regain space and remember; I understand that being in a relationship is very self sacrificial.
.
I just want to emphasize I loved every moment you spent with me and you helped me through a lot. Your support for me and my stressful dealings have been selfless and truly recognized... I can honestly say I was 100% satisfied with you and love and accept you for everything that you are.

I also empathize with the fact that you have a real problem that you're unsure of, and you don't want to talk about it, but solve it on your own. I am confident that you will figure things out. I know right now this is a period for you to self reflect , so I just want you to know that I am going to respect that and not take it personal.... Also, I do not want to add to your problems, therefore I'm going to do my own thing, and regain my happiness in other ways which I have been. So please don't worry about me or if I'm unhappy or whatever. After having cancer, I feel I have received a glimpse of life that a lot of people haven't seen,.. a kind of —no bullshit?? perspective??_ and part of that is to find truth in all situations and to let them go for what they are, instead of forcing things to be a certain way. Life is too short to really try and get water from a dry well, as silly as that sounds its true. And I know it doesn't benefit me or you to be begging, or being in your space to get you to change your mind. Anyway, I just wanted to wish you good luck.

Love and Empathy.

MY NAME

Tiki above just gave the absolute best advice. Listen to her. I was in a similar situation with a Taurus man and sent him a similar email and boy do I regret it. In retrospect it made things so much worse and made me seem desperate.

I think the style of your letter is lovely, but to be honest it just sounds really desperate. I would definitely not send it. You sound like you are trying to bow down to everything he says. I would not respect someone who sent me that. I tell you this not to insult you, but because you seem like an awesome person and you deserve someone who will meet you equally and who you don't have to send this kind of letter to.

When I finally stopped contacting my Taurus - say two months later he wrote asking if I was OK and what had happened. Absence does make the heart fonder.

Good luck. Go and find a guy who will be a fire in your life rather than someone making you think less of yourself than you really are.

XX

Ariescorp, please listen to the other ladies. I think we as women get so caught up in wanting love we forget we hold the key. Never chase a man, it does kill attraction. Men are hunters by nature and they will always want what they can't totally have, not what is sitting and waiting. One of my best friends (a guy) told me men want to even chase their girlfriends, men only want someone totally available when they are married. Sitting waiting for your guy to let you know what plans you two have or when he wants to spend time with you is a no-no, the key is to have the opportunity to spend time with a man but decide to do other things, this says I like you but I have other interests that I want to explore too. Thus the chase begins.

This is a really good piece of advice. When something went wrong in my previous relationships (they all ended badly), I always sent long emails to my love, trying to explain to my SO thoroughly my feelings... it never worked and they never came back to me.

I split from a Taurus in February because it seemed to me like a "friends with benefits" thing, I wanted a real relationship. He said that he didn t have sufficiently feelings for me, but Im sure he has feelings for me. So I ended it over the phone after his statement "Im not in love with you, but I like to be with you". Nearly two months have gone by and I haven't contacted you and I dont plan to.

I think he will come back... I hope at least. Do the same... if you want him, let him work through his issues alone.

i know all of you told my not to send it, but i did. at this point this letter really helped me let go of a lot of things in a positive light. I dont want to go out and be remembered as the naggy bitchy girlfriend, i think i was more than nice to him. Especially since before he broke up with me he expressed feelings of inadequacy with me. This is my last contact with him.. i make clear in the letter im not " sitting and waiting " around. This letter is not meant to " chase" but it is closure for me.

". Also, I do not want to add to your problems, therefore I'm going to do my own thing, and regain my happiness in other ways which I have been. So please don't worry about me or if I'm unhappy or whatever. After having cancer, I feel I have received a glimpse of life that a lot of people haven't seen,.. a kind of —no bullbutter?? perspective??_ and part of that is to find truth in all situations and to let them go for what they are, instead of forcing things to be a certain way. Life is too short to really try and get water from a dry well, as silly as that sounds its true. And I know it doesn't benefit me or you to be begging, or being in your space to get you to change your mind. Anyway, I just wanted to wish you good luck."

I dont think i've given him an i'm so desperate and needy for you message here. I'm basically telling him i believe he can fix his problems, i understand as much as i can what hes going through, but im not gonna waste anymore time - im going to focus on my happiness- and dont worry about me.

Maybe sending the email in itself seems " needy " or whatever.. but to me its just closure.. im done. And i wanted to make my last contact a positive one.

what im trying to say is.. i did this for myself.. not to get some type of reaction out of him.

I agree with Tiki, writing the letter for yourself to get it out of your system, is closure and possibly would make you feel better. The true closure is when he said he didnt want to be committed anymore, you writing the letter and actually giving it to him shows that you are hurt and still want him, those type of letters always say the hidden message "I still want you" because if you were really finished you wouldnt waste the time to actually send the letter. If he comes back, I think he will treat you like crap because you've shown him you are still in love with him .

I'm a woman I know how a woman feels and I know how we think and we want to feel it and put it out there and all I'm saying is that is not the most effective thing we can do for ourselves in these situations especially if we want him back, it's not in our best interest to panic and throw our emotions out there as if someone deeply cares b/c he wouldn't break up if he cared about anyones feelings but his own, most times unfortunately our ex boyfriends just want OUT and don't care at least not at the moment it's going down.

but it's obvious by reading her letter she wants him to come back, that is why I said to wait it out and allow him to figure it all out for himself so things will be BALANCED and not this I love him more kind of vibe, it's clear she's hurting and she doesn't want him to leave and in your case you were done and couldn't care less for the exception of your eternal love.

Yeah I like Star, didnt read the letter and then I went back. It's almost like a guilt letter, thats the way I took it. Like she's trying to guilt him into feeling bad and coming back. I just hope her heartache doesnt last too long and that if she does allow him back he wont be the typical male and try to treat her like crap. Nothing's worse then pouring your heart out and taking them back only for them to treat you like they know you'll accept whatever they dish out.

he probably didn't read it either...oh well d:

Tiki,
Actually he did read it, AND responded.
it went like this..

ARiescorpisces,
I've really been soul searching lately. Isolating myself has helped a little when I can. That was probably the best thing ive heard...your understanding...really baffles me. To be honest, after reading the email...it made me feel good for a second. While im still in the dark about so many things, you put some things to me in a different perspective. I really appreciate you and what youre trying to do for me. I dont deserve it. You are truely an amazing person. I miss you. Im not saying that to throw you through loops. I just want you to know that. I think you deserve to know that. Im really trying to understand everything right now. I still feel unsure about so many things.
I wanna kick the shit outta myself daily for being so wrapped up in myself that im too weak to be here for anybody else. I got your voicemail from over the weekend yesterday. It actually made me smile and hurt at the same time. Youre making such an effort...and although i feel im trying i know its not enough. I cant take it. I care about you so much...this kills me. Im so happy that you are finding happiness in other things. I worry about you. Nothing is going to change that.
I havent gotten anywhere with myself.
I dont have time to continue this at this moment...so ill try and write you again later.
Or better yet I will try and call you. Honestly right now, after what you just said...you might be the closest to understanding what im going through...at least for as much as i understand.
I have so much to say...no time.
I apologize for being so open ended.
I hope you have a good day.

and yes i am STILL moving on.. thank ya very much

worddd starfish
always stay true to yourself
fuck the game.

there was no closure, he's just as confused as he was before you wrote that letter (his word:baffled), he know he's taken you for granted and all that letter did was show him that he hasn't been the best toward you and you made him feel desperate and guilty, granted he responded but there is no closure, I read confusion and he's baffled, he's being polite and PRESSURED now he feels he has to call/email to keep in touch, men don't like to feel like douche bags for dumping a person....

yet if you needed that, you got your response and I stand by what I say, if you had given him time to figure it all out for himself without that desperate letter he would have appreciated that more, given him time to miss you he would be back even stronger, nothing was resolved for him or for you, he just felt guilty and pitiful. Maybe I'm seeing things wrong, I hope I'm wrong...

He did communicate to her that it was over, that letter was just uncomfortable and I can sense that by his response, men just need time, we women push, the letter was pushy, his response was half assed and anyone can tell he felt coerced by her letter and forced to reply and TRY to email or call later, try is operative for I really don't want to call or email but I feel forced to not act like an asshole jerk, when a man is attracted to a woman he will throw it all away to have her in his life, this guy clearly isn't interested in rebuilding yet he doesn't want to feel like an asshole over dumping a good woman. Even so, glad she has the closure she needs

he never said it was " over" he just said.. hey im moving away.. for 6 months.. cuz i can't stay here. at first he wanted me to go.. then changed his mind.. he claims he " doesn't want to give up"

everything that your saying.. is exactly how i presented myself in the letter i sent to him.. i told him i understand where hes coming from.. i told him i appreciated him when he was good to me.. and said im going to use my time to make myself happy and for him to not worry about what i do.. i also said that im not going to waste time getting water from adry well.. saying ITS POINTLESS for me to beg you and try to get you to change you mind for the both of us.. so TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK... it was my closure letter.. to leave on good terms.. its not manipulation.. thats fact.. everythin i said i meant.. he knows im letting go of this and i wont be contacting him anymore after that email. if he needs to talk so bad he can talk to me.. but im getting into my space to take care of myself.