Ok Bulls help me help her...

Taurus friend venting again.. But this time it's different.

And I don't want her to take my advice the wrong way.

She has a Virgo boyfriend, been together for about 8 months.. Up and down from telling everyone they know they want to get married, to constantly fighting behind closed doors.

He has a new job and she is starting school, (which of course is causing stress) well continuing because she never finished.

She feels:

He never wants her anymore.

He doesn't spend time with her (he works during the week and trains on the weekends.)

He's a family oriented guy, but his family is overbearing (especially Mom.)

He talks to too many women (he's a trainer, women are mothers of kids/athletes he trains.)

He wants to be with family too much.

He doesn't always do what he says he is going to do.

He nags her about cleaning.

He never talks about his feelings for her.

When he is free, they are mostly spending time with family.

He says snippy things in a moody way that irritate her.

She said he feels:

That he loves her and doesn't understand what's wrong. That everything will be fine.

She wants to break up with him, but she lives with him. She is not close to her family and those she is, don't live in the state she lives in. He pays most of the bills right now. Says she loves him, but if compromise is not made, then she doesn't want to be with him.

She is asking me because we know a lot about each other, been friends for years. It was easier with her ex, that guy was not good to her. This guy, let's just say he either puts on a good show when he's around us or something. He seems like he's into her and wants to take care of her. She also constantly posts online about how happy he makes her. One (girl) friend even told her she would be better off with someone else and she stopped talking to that girl because she said she was just jealous that they want to get married so fast. I'm not, but honestly, she doesn't seem happy. And most of the time I just listen, this time she is asking for advice. What would you say to a friend who you know doesn't seem happy, but also doesn't really seem like they really want to leave the person? *This Virgo/Taurus relationship still boggles my mind.. It's like there's extreme attraction, but something is missing? I don't know...

*I already talked to her about talking to him, they just end up in arguments..

Jane84,

The Virgo/Taurus dynamics is an interesting one.

Consistency vs Inconsistency.

Romance vs Practicality.

Possessiveness vs Restlessness.

Bring in a 3rd Party.

Recommend a good counselor.

Hand her a business card.

I don't want her to dismiss you the way she dismissed her friend.

But in my personal opinion.

I don't think they're ready for marriage.



Virgos are people pleasers.

This includes having difficulties when saying the word "No."

This may be an issue he has with his family members as to why they monopolize a lot of his time.

Bulls are guilty of this as well, but it's only when a family member needs our emotional support (caretakers) or monetary support. But we are not going to spend too much time with our family members.

To get a Virgo to open up emotionally takes time.

She's going to have to be patient.

It's like putting oil into water.

Her Venusian tendencies will have to kick in strong in order for this to happen.

But if I had to take an educated guess, she may hold back from this due to a fear of non-reciprocation.

This will get her nowhere.

Posted by TaurusBull1977
Jane84,

The Virgo/Taurus dynamics is an interesting one.

Consistency vs Inconsistency.

Romance vs Practicality.

Possessiveness vs Restlessness.

Bring in a 3rd Party.

Recommend a good counselor.

Hand her a business card.

I don't want her to dismiss you the way she dismissed her friend.

But in my personal opinion.

I don't think they're ready for marriage.



Virgos are people pleasers.

This includes having difficulties when saying the word "No."

This may be an issue he has with his family members as to why they monopolize a lot of his time.

Bulls are guilty of this as well, but it's only when a family member needs our emotional support (caretakers) or monetary support. But we are not going to spend too much time with our family members.

To get a Virgo to open up emotionally takes time.

She's going to have to be patient.

It's like putting oil into water.

Her Venusian tendencies will have to kick in strong in order for this to happen.

But if I had to take an educated guess, she may hold back from this due to a fear of non-reciprocation.

This will get her nowhere.

Hmm yeah. The counseling thing would probably be a good way to go. She just wants this to work out so bad.

I think you're definitely right about him not being able to say no. His Mom was a single Mom and she and his Grandma took care of him so much growing up, I don't think he will be able to tell her no. They are also Catholic and he grew up going to a Catholic Church. His family would of course love for him to be married in one; but she is not and would not like to get married in one. She wants him to tell them no when it comes to things she would not like. She also doesn't like some of the women he talks to once in a while, but because he works with their kids and that's what he talks to them about, he has a hard time deleting them from his life too.

I don't think they are ready for marriage also. She wants him to open up, but like you said she sure as hell won't if he won't. They seem to avoid more than actually discuss, which is not a great path to be in when you are married to someone. Like I said I would tell her this MORE than the little I have, but I mean I already explained how she treated one friend when she did. If it was any other guy, I don't think she would have reacted that way, but there's something about this guy...that makes her see things differently. With things that have already happened between them, what you said makes a lot of sense. Thanks!

@tiziani, what happened in the end? What was his decision?

@idgaf2

Posted by tiziani
I had a friend who was in a very similar position recently, from my perspective. He came up with a laundry list of reasons to break up with his fiancee. But, when it came down to it, it didn't seem like the problems or faults he was coming up with even existed when you saw them together. So either she was putting on her best behaviour, or he was just in two minds about his life direction and looking for the nearest scapegoat.

Nothing about them together seemed disingenous, so I think it was just the latter. He was at a crossroads in his life. I told him you cannot make decisions based on fear of missing out. You can't leave someone just because you fear missing out on a life elsewhere, and you can't stay with someone just because you fear missing out on a life together. My advice to him was to use himself as a measure of his own success, and ask himself which path is going to push him to new levels of strength. Which is the most challenging? It seemed to be what he needed to hear, but I wouldn't know if that advice really applies to your friend or to women in general.

Hmm I wouldn't have thought of it in that way? Thanks for adding to this.

It does seem odd like I said because on the surface it doesn't seem as bad as her conversations. But how can I judge I'm not around when they argue. When I am around, they seem great? The not sleeping together is a valid reason to be frustrated though..

Posted by TaurusBull1977
Jane84,

The Virgo/Taurus dynamics is an interesting one.

Consistency vs Inconsistency.

Romance vs Practicality.

Possessiveness vs Restlessness.

Bring in a 3rd Party.

Recommend a good counselor.

Hand her a business card.

I don't want her to dismiss you the way she dismissed her friend.

But in my personal opinion.

I don't think they're ready for marriage.



Virgos are people pleasers.

This includes having difficulties when saying the word "No."

This may be an issue he has with his family members as to why they monopolize a lot of his time.

Bulls are guilty of this as well, but it's only when a family member needs our emotional support (caretakers) or monetary support. But we are not going to spend too much time with our family members.

To get a Virgo to open up emotionally takes time.

She's going to have to be patient.

It's like putting oil into water.

Her Venusian tendencies will have to kick in strong in order for this to happen.

But if I had to take an educated guess, she may hold back from this due to a fear of non-reciprocation.

This will get her nowhere.

Disagree about "getting the virgo to open up emotionally" they withhold their emotions-consistently. And as far as they are concerned-for good reason...and they like you to be the same. On top of that the not doing what they say they will do is something one should also get used to. People say Libra are people pleasers-Virgos please to a drastic fault.

Posted by LibraLovesHim

Posted by TaurusBull1977
Jane84,

The Virgo/Taurus dynamics is an interesting one.

Consistency vs Inconsistency.

Romance vs Practicality.

Possessiveness vs Restlessness.

Bring in a 3rd Party.

Recommend a good counselor.

Hand her a business card.

I don't want her to dismiss you the way she dismissed her friend.

But in my personal opinion.

I don't think they're ready for marriage.



Virgos are people pleasers.

This includes having difficulties when saying the word "No."

This may be an issue he has with his family members as to why they monopolize a lot of his time.

Bulls are guilty of this as well, but it's only when a family member needs our emotional support (caretakers) or monetary support. But we are not going to spend too much time with our family members.

To get a Virgo to open up emotionally takes time.

She's going to have to be patient.

It's like putting oil into water.

Her Venusian tendencies will have to kick in strong in order for this to happen.

But if I had to take an educated guess, she may hold back from this due to a fear of non-reciprocation.

This will get her nowhere.

Disagree about "getting the virgo to open up emotionally" they withhold their emotions-consistently. And as far as they are concerned-for good reason...and they like you to be the same. On top of that the not doing what they say they will do is something one should also get used to. People say Libra are people pleasers-Virgos please to a drastic fault.

click to expand

Yeah I'm not close to many men with his placements.. In general she seems very frustrated and overwhelmed.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by jane84

Posted by tiziani
I had a friend who was in a very similar position recently, from my perspective. He came up with a laundry list of reasons to break up with his fiancee. But, when it came down to it, it didn't seem like the problems or faults he was coming up with even existed when you saw them together. So either she was putting on her best behaviour, or he was just in two minds about his life direction and looking for the nearest scapegoat.

Nothing about them together seemed disingenous, so I think it was just the latter. He was at a crossroads in his life. I told him you cannot make decisions based on fear of missing out. You can't leave someone just because you fear missing out on a life elsewhere, and you can't stay with someone just because you fear missing out on a life together. My advice to him was to use himself as a measure of his own success, and ask himself which path is going to push him to new levels of strength. Which is the most challenging? It seemed to be what he needed to hear, but I wouldn't know if that advice really applies to your friend or to women in general.

Hmm I wouldn't have thought of it in that way? Thanks for adding to this.

It does seem odd like I said because on the surface it doesn't seem as bad as her conversations. But how can I judge I'm not around when they argue. When I am around, they seem great? The not sleeping together is a valid reason to be frustrated though..

Your friend's situation could be completely different and my post might be irrelevant to her situation. It just reminded me of something I witnessed with my own friend, recently. In his case, he was basically not separating his individual issues from his relationships issues and just mixing them all together. Blaming his relationship was a way to stall for time on getting on with some key decisions.

click to expand

Well I bet that guy is glad he has a friend like you in his corner. 🙂

Posted by jane84

Posted by TaurusBull1977
Jane84,

The Virgo/Taurus dynamics is an interesting one.

Consistency vs Inconsistency.

Romance vs Practicality.

Possessiveness vs Restlessness.

Bring in a 3rd Party.

Recommend a good counselor.

Hand her a business card.

I don't want her to dismiss you the way she dismissed her friend.

But in my personal opinion.

I don't think they're ready for marriage.



Virgos are people pleasers.

This includes having difficulties when saying the word "No."

This may be an issue he has with his family members as to why they monopolize a lot of his time.

Bulls are guilty of this as well, but it's only when a family member needs our emotional support (caretakers) or monetary support. But we are not going to spend too much time with our family members.

To get a Virgo to open up emotionally takes time.

She's going to have to be patient.

It's like putting oil into water.

Her Venusian tendencies will have to kick in strong in order for this to happen.

But if I had to take an educated guess, she may hold back from this due to a fear of non-reciprocation.

This will get her nowhere.

Hmm yeah. The counseling thing would probably be a good way to go. She just wants this to work out so bad.

I think you're definitely right about him not being able to say no. His Mom was a single Mom and she and his Grandma took care of him so much growing up, I don't think he will be able to tell her no. They are also ried in one. She wants him to tell them no when it comes to things she would she would have reacted that way, but there's something about this guy...that makes her see things differently. With things that have already happened between them, what you said makes a lot of sense. Thanks!

click to expand

the lack of trust is a red flag to me. the not wanting him to spend so much time with his family is another. no solid long-lasting relationship can be founded without trust and love, both of which she seems to lack. compromise and communication are the biggest keys to me and my virgos relationship. the communication part can be hard as we argue easily. but the compromise HAS to be there. it doesn't sound like she's ready to marry him, or anyone really. you marry a man, you marry into a FAMILY. it's important to support those relationships as they've been there longer than her and will probably be there after. people also die, so it's important to spend what reasonable time with them you can. or keep connected in some way. she'd regret pulling him away from them and they needed him. and they will. that's his mom! I realize some mom's can be overbearing, but as an adult, healthy boundaries can be set so that all parties can receive his time and love.

professional help may be your only way to get thru to her.

I just realized I made a lot of typos earlier.. Trying to do too much at once..

@AbbyNormal

I see what you are saying. My ex was super close to his Mom and I loved it because I wished my family was that close because you're right every day is one day you can never get back. I try to tell her it could be a great thing and there has to be interaction with family, especially since they are so close....

Her thing is that they see them every week, sometimes 2 times a week and that his Mom calls him often. She wanted him to go to her Church and he said yes.. But when his Mom asked for him to go to the family Church because it was a mass dedicated to a family member, he told my friend that he no longer wanted to go. He didn't want to go to either in order to not upset either person? But ended up upsetting both? She said she doesn't want him to not see his Mom, she likes them, but she wants him to set some boundaries. She said she doesn't feel like he's compromising at all.

In my situation, I've never been at odds with a Mother of someone I dated or was married to. In her case it's already happened twice where there were issues with the family, so I don't know what to tell her. Like I said, I only know her side and she seems very frustrated with it all. I agree with you that they shouldn't get married. They should first understand each others' needs and be able to compromise for each other.

So your relationship seems to be going well though, that's good! 🙂

Posted by jane84
Taurus friend venting again.. But this time it's different.

And I don't want her to take my advice the wrong way.

She has a Virgo boyfriend, been together for about 8 months.. Up and down from telling everyone they know they want to get married, to constantly fighting behind closed doors.

He has a new job and she is starting school, (which of course is causing stress) well continuing because she never finished.

She feels:

He never wants her anymore.

He doesn't spend time with her (he works during the week and trains on the weekends.)

He's a family oriented guy, but his family is overbearing (especially Mom.)

He talks to too many women (he's a trainer, women are mothers of kids/athletes he trains.)

He wants to be with family too much.

He doesn't always do what he says he is going to do.

He nags her about cleaning.

He never talks about his feelings for her.

When he is free, they are mostly spending time with family.

He says snippy things in a moody way that irritate her.

She said he feels:

That he loves her and doesn't understand what's wrong. That everything will be fine.

She wants to break up with him, but she lives with him. She is not close to her family and those she is, don't live in the state she lives in. He pays most of the bills right now. Says she loves him, but if compromise is not made, then she doesn't want to be with him.

She is asking me because we know a lot about each other, been friends for years. It was easier with her ex, that guy was not good to her. This guy, let's just say he either puts on a good show when he's around us or something. He seems like he's into her and wants to take care of her. She also constantly posts online about how happy he makes her. One (girl) friend even told her she would be better off with someone else and she stopped talking to that girl because she said she was just jealous that they want to get married so fast. I'm not, but honestly, she doesn't seem happy. And most of the time I just listen, this time she is asking for advice. What would you say to a friend who you know doesn't seem happy, but also doesn't really seem like they really want to leave the person? *This Virgo/Taurus relationship still boggles my mind.. It's like there's extreme attraction, but something is missing? I don't know...

*I already talked to her about talking to him, they just end up in arguments..

He sounds like someone who has a good family life and decides to work towards goals that he has set for himself...to make sure his future is taken care of.

Because "your friend" is completely focused on him and doesn't have things outside of work or family to tend does NOT mean he should put those things to the side because she feels ignored.

That's not fair to him.

Posted by jane84
I just realized I made a lot of typos earlier.. Trying to do too much at once..

@AbbyNormal

I see what you are saying. My ex was super close to his Mom and I loved it because I wished my family was that close because you're right every day is one day you can never get back. I try to tell her it could be a great thing and there has to be interaction with family, especially since they are so close....

Her thing is that they see them every week, sometimes 2 times a week and that his Mom calls him often. She wanted him to go to her Church and he said yes.. But when his Mom asked for him to go to the family Church because it was a mass dedicated to a family member, he told my friend that he no longer wanted to go. He didn't want to go to either in order to not upset either person? But ended up upsetting both? She said she doesn't want him to not see his Mom, she likes them, but she wants him to set some boundaries. She said she doesn't feel like he's compromising at all.

In my situation, I've never been at odds with a Mother of someone I dated or was married to. In her case it's already happened twice where there were issues with the family, so I don't know what to tell her. Like I said, I only know her side and she seems very frustrated with it all. I agree with you that they shouldn't get married. They should first understand each others' needs and be able to compromise for each other.

So your relationship seems to be going well though, that's good! 🙂

It takes constant work lol but thank you!