Sticky Taurus situation question

Hello all, its been quite a few years since i have been on DXP-- Hope all has been well with everybody! Ok, so I want to say right from GO is that I am not looking to be judged. I just want a little insight is all & sometimes it's better to look outside the box.

Me: I'm an unhappily married cancer sun & pieces moon woman. I cannot get divorced because I have 2 special needs children who require a lot of time, money & care. My husband and I exist as friendly roommates. we have no sex life and sleep in different rooms.

Him: a married taurus man with a Gemini moon. I do not know his situation as let's face it anybody can say anything. Based on his story he is unhappily married but due to family obligations cannot get divorced. Again, who knows the truth.

Situation: so we have worked together for 7 months. I didn't know he was interested until one day he bluntly told me he liked me. I explained to him that although I found him handsome I cannot risk my family in any way shape or form. My boys need me. He understood & stated the same.

Night one- we fooled around. We made out & I gave him a BJ (which was quite fun actually) but would not let him do anything back to me as I wanted to asses the situation with him first. I initiated the BJ. Over the past couple of weeks we started sending fun, flirty & naughty texts to each other at work. What can I say? It made the long work days fun. A few days later it was Night two: he left work & I stayed behind to finish reports. The next thing I knew he came back in and we had repeat of night one again initiated by me. He asked me if we could get a hotel room as he wanted to "return the favor" but it was late & I said another time HOWEVER I did make it a point to clearly state how amazingly sexy & handsome I think he is & can't wait to actually have sex with him. Over the next couple of days (things started slowing valentine's day weekend) the sexting has stopped & now when we are at work we act same way as we did before we fooled around but he does pop in my office or friendly text me here & there to see how my day is going & whatnot.

Now: He is acting like nothing ever happened & I am doing the same. How do I get back to where we left off without (1) looking desperate, crazy obsessed or (2) leaving myself open to rejection. I really just want a FWB's. nothing more.

smh

When I said "risk my family" I meant more like leave my family. I'm not moving out & neither is my husband. We have an agreement in that respect. We don't ask questions or discuss our private life with each other.

I do understand your "smh" Damnata. looking back i could never imagine myself married and in the situation i am in. sometimes life isn't always black & white. I took him at his word about his marriage because I know how my marriage is. When it comes to your children you will give up anything and put them first. For my husband and I that means putting our personal life on the back burner for now. We agreed to get divorced once the kids are older and able to care for themselves a little more.

LOL he wanted to but I wanted to wait. To me (and everybody is different) that is a very private thing. So no, a BJ was no biggie. Like I said-- it had been years and I had fun.

Yes, he does his thing and I do mine. He works days when I work nights and vise versa. There are some things a marriage can't recover from. Ours were our fights, the lack of sleep, his blaming my family genes...

When you have a baby you expect that baby to be a perfect angel. Nobody tells you what happens when they are not. that being said i wish you healthy and happy babies when you all decide to have them.

A Leo.

Posted by CluelessCancer
You must be a white girl to be saying Bj is no biggie. Y'all funny with that shiet.

You so funny with your racism.

Funny you said that because that's exactly what I was thinking.

Damn! I was so happy to finally find a fun, sexy and ?_ber handsome FWB's. this totally stinks!

I'm so pieced now! Damn. If he's backing off for guilt I can't bring myself to say or so anything to try and sway him To me THAT is wrong.

Even tough I really, really, really want to play with him... Did I say really? LOL

Is it best to just back away from this handsome, sexy and VERY well equipped man and continue to act as tough nothing happened between us? Let him figure himself out? Damn! He's Italian just like me too! LOL!

Question: If he's interested as a taurus will he make another move or is it possible my acting like nothing happened that could be throwing him off?

I was thinking of doing that exact thing as I look about 28-29 and I'm actually 41! I get asked out by kids all the time LOL. It's hard though. I'm not a young girl LOL and honestly I just really like a sexy italian man. It's what I've grown up with, what my family is-- I find that so sexy!

Posted by MilkySoft
He might not have the same arrangement with his wife that you have with your husband. If that is the case, then at any moment he could come to his senses and pull away. It's a complicated situation so expect complicated behavior.

I mean, it sounds like you have a mutual understanding of with your spouse but for all you know the guy at work is just cheating...

That's what I was thinking. To go from fire hot to luke warm over a period of 2 days seemed strange. It's probably also the reason why he is still being friendly when he sees me. We talked about the FWB situation & he agreed and not he can't do it. He probably feels guilt all around.

It's not a fact but I will not dispute it further.

CancergirlInlove,

nice fun,but sorry.. He doesn't love you. He can have your bj if he wants.. but now, he is gone.

you can't have fun with him anymore. Taurus can distinguish a love and a lust.

now, you are in love with him yet you portrayed yourself just fun. Then have fun with other men

if his absences bother you.. after all it's just fun. really.

Posted by M143

CancergirlInlove,

nice fun,but sorry.. He doesn't love you. He can have your bj if he wants.. but now, he is gone.

you can't have fun with him anymore. Taurus can distinguish a love and a lust.

now, you are in love with him yet you portrayed yourself just fun. Then have fun with other men

if his absences bother you.. after all it's just fun. really.

Thank you for the response M143-- no, I am quite certain I do not love him. I mean as a friend and a coworker yes but he would never be somebody I would consider (a) leaving my family for (b) leaving my family for LOL.

I just really want a fun guy, who lets me do anything I want and come & go as I want. I don't want any drama or nonsense. God knows I have enough at home.

Posted by M143

CancergirlInlove,

nice fun,but sorry.. He doesn't love you. He can have your bj if he wants.. but now, he is gone.

you can't have fun with him anymore. Taurus can distinguish a love and a lust.

now, you are in love with him yet you portrayed yourself just fun. Then have fun with other men

if his absences bother you.. after all it's just fun. really.

That's the other thing-- I told him it was lust and he agreed. This is why I am confused. LOL we had an agreement LOL.

I actually am picky. In my situation I have to be. I have an entire vetting out process. I won't just do anything with anybody.

you can deny all you want.. that you don't love him and don't want to risk your family etc
but you're still after him and saying you're picky, you don't do this to just any one.

if you don't have feelings for him, why bothered if he doesn't want to have sex with you
he clearly knows better than you, it's just a lust. if he's out, he's out
you're the one who can't see this clearly. you should just let it go and get over it

Ok, I think I may be on a different page-- or did not express myself properly.

Bluntly put-- I want to have sex with him because (1) he's well equipped (2) I can tell he knows what he's doing (3) it's been about 2 years since I have had sex. Yes, I want a F-buddy.

I am confused because I was under the impression that he was into the idea. It started out that way. We discussed everything very matter-of-factly & laid out the ground rules.

It's bugging me because yes, I am a little greedy & I want what I want. I want to keep my family in tact, have sex with him but still be free to do whatever I want.

Cancer women are like this. Deep inside we are anyway. We feel deeply but mostly-- cancer women are greedy, want what they want and like to "collect" people. It doesn't sound very pleasant-- but very true.

I'm confused because I don't understand what could have changed over a weekend. It seems strange to me.

Like I said: at work everything between us is like nothing happened.

He went from boiling hot to luke warm and I haven't the slightest idea why.

I know I seem a little too blunt. Sorry about that. I'm usually not at all-- i mean NOT AT ALL-- but it's easy to be here as one can hide their true identity from the public.

I guess I'm just asking for a little Taurus thinking insight.

I don't want to be the first one to make a move if I'm going to be rejected.

Maybe I should just leave it be and see if he changes his mind. I think if he want to play-- with me anyway-- he'll have to be the first to bring it up.
((Sigh))
I wish I could just sign a contract and lease a man LOL

what's the confusion here? I don't get it.
you both agreed it's just a lust, and therefore he can change his mind anytime he wants
that's why he stopped. or you expect more out of it?
what do you expect from him anyway, he doesn't owe you anything.
like I said, if he decided come and go, it's up to him, becuz you both "agreed"

you wonder why he changed? who cares, he just did. simple as that
and if you keep digging, you're just putting yourself in a mess, which is the opposite of what you want
so why do you bother?

and if you want sex that bad, just go to one of the hook-up websites
im sure there are plenty of "well-equipped" choices for you to pick

I'm a Taurs Sun/Gemini Moon

My emotions are more intact in regards to romantic relationships.
I'm more observant, analytical, and a born problem solver.

My emotions are rationalized according to the situation and the way it's presented.

FWB = No committment. No gray areas. No explanation.

P ---> Q

If I'm married and have no desire to leave my SO.
Then it's only logical to give a FWB an expiration date.

If he's a stereotypical Taurus Sun/Gemini Moon

He may feel your liberal carefree attitude is simply just a facade, and that there are way too many stipulations. He may have assessed you to be a sexually inept basketcase.

Chances are, he's very observant. Major emphasis on your contradictory nature. He's caught it.

If you're torn between both worlds.

Choose a side and own it.

He will be much more receptive this way.

Oh wow.

Posted by Tavrine

Posted by Cancergirlnlove
Ok, I think I may be on a different page-- or did not express myself properly.

Bluntly put-- I want to have sex with him because (1) he's well equipped (2) I can tell he knows what he's doing (3) it's been about 2 years since I have had sex. Yes, I want a F-buddy.

I am confused because I was under the impression that he was into the idea. It started out that way. We discussed everything very matter-of-factly & laid out the ground rules.

It's bugging me because yes, I am a little greedy & I want what I want. I want to keep my family in tact, have sex with him but still be free to do whatever I want.

Cancer women are like this. Deep inside we are anyway. We feel deeply but mostly-- cancer women are greedy, want what they want and like to "collect" people. It doesn't sound very pleasant-- but very true.

Alright, then this Taurus not the right one for you to F because he's now holding back of having guilt trip. Better to have a guy with Sagittarius, they ARE horny bastards.

click to expand

I was thinking a sag might be a better choice.

Posted by TaurusBull1977
If he's a stereotypical Taurus Sun/Gemini Moon

He may feel your liberal carefree attitude is simply just a facade, and that there are way too many stipulations. He may have assessed you to be a sexually inept basketcase.

Chances are, he's very observant. Major emphasis on your contradictory nature. He's caught it.

If you're torn between both worlds.

Choose a side and own it.

He will be much more receptive this way.

Thank you for the response Tarusbull. Your response seemed a little mean but I put it out here when I posted for advice so that doesn't leave me much of leg to stand on.

Contradictory nature... No, I don't think I've failed to be inconsistent. I think I did chose my side. I am very picky because of my family situation.

The bull text me today. He gave me a heads up about a competitor of mine. He got very mad at the person. When I said thank you for the heads up and asked him not to tell anybody he looked out for me at work he text "I didn't tell anybody I gave you a heads up. It's just another one of our secrets".

I didn't respond because I was thinking it over.

I think he reopened the door.

That is an open door right? If so I am going to happily walk right through.

Cancerinlove.....

Picky + Stipulations + Obsessive Thinking = Caution.

Caution does not equate to a Carefree Attitude.

As I stated earlier....

Pick a side and own it, he will be much more receptive.

Posted by Cancergirlnlove

Cancer women are like this. Deep inside we are anyway. We feel deeply but mostly-- cancer women are greedy, want what they want and like to "collect" people. It doesn't sound very pleasant-- but very true.

A FWB is no strings attached sex. You don't own him, his emotions, his thoughts, or his feelings.
Just access to his genitalia temporarily until he patches things up with the wife.

There is nothing to collect. You will never be a permanent fixture in his life.

He didn't change the rules. You did. Most Bulls can be quite fixed and consistent.

The stipulations, your finicky behavior, the over-thinking....

If he's a Taurus Sun/Gemini Moon, his radar is on point.

It's no fun when it's a facade. Your membership has expired due to fraudulent activities.

Not to be harsh, just a reality check.