Advice about a Virgo women

Hey, I'm a Taurus and dating this virgo girl for almost a month now.. 10 days ago I confessed that I used to have a heavy drinking issue ( not an alcoholic) and I'm over it now.. been sober for 90 days now.. 2 days ago she came up to me crying and wants to end this because she's not comfortable with hearing that I had a drinking issue... I convinced her that it's over, and I'm really happy with the decision I made, she asked me to give 24 hrs to think about it... and again she came up to me wanting to end this but she can't imagine her life without me so she asked me to stay friends, I respected her so much and I agreed to be friends, a day later her sister came up with an idea: to stay away from each other for a week and not to talk at all, so she can make up her mind. Please someone advice about this as I really like her but at the same time I really need some stability in my life and I'm afraid even if she comes back with a positive decision, later she may find another issue and change her mind.. BTW it's my first experience with a virgo.. thanks

Stir it before you'll get hurt and your feelings for her will grow exponentially.

Tell her you've changed your mind and that friendship for you is not enough.

Posted by Palerio
Stir it before you'll get hurt and your feelings for her will grow exponentially.

Tell her you've changed your mind and that friendship for you is not enough.

I believe this is gonna be my reply if she comes back with this friendship relationship as a final decision.. thanks Palerio

Posted by Shady005

Posted by Palerio
Stir it before you'll get hurt and your feelings for her will grow exponentially.

Tell her you've changed your mind and that friendship for you is not enough.

I believe this is gonna be my reply if she comes back with this friendship relationship as a final decision.. thanks Palerio

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I've been there and it was biggest/best mistake of my life.

They're too damn interesting for you not to have a taste of what is like to be with one of them. They can be within a relationship extremely caring and attentive of their partner's needs, the total opposite in a friendship scenario where they fail at realizing how self-absorbed they can become, especially with the other gender.

They will make you feel good in person but their erraticness - especially in texting - will eventually drive you nuts and create in you an unhealthy habit. Trust me, you don't want to go there.

Be blunt and tell her it's her you want and not her friendship, man up basically.

@starwars

I can obviously see how that would bother a Virgo, however I feel like his brutal honesty should be appreciated rather than condemned.

For someone who's had 'heavy drinking problems' 90 straight days of sobriety can be a lot. Admitting such issue is not something most people would do in first stages of dating.

Now, without knowing him personally I can't tell if he's ready for a Virgo yet, but what I can say is that he's at least working to get there. Furthermore, he can't erase his past, he can only move on and better himself.

@starwars

What I see as very problematic is this part:

"I really need some stability in my life and I'm afraid even if she comes back with a positive decision, later she may find another issue and change her mind.. "

They're both unstable/not ready for each other, which is the recipe for a potential disaster.

If they can't accept your past they don't deserve your future, i did drink, i did drugs, i'm not proud of it, but i'm not ashamed of it, i matured because of it and maybe because i tried them so early on is the reason i'm not doing that shit today, so if a person can't take your like you are, he doesn't deserve, you .. 😉 keep on moving on, you'll find someone better.

Posted by starwars

Posted by Palerio
@starwars

What I see as very problematic is this part:

"I really need some stability in my life and I'm afraid even if she comes back with a positive decision, later she may find another issue and change her mind.. "

They're both unstable/not ready for each other, which is the recipe for a potential disaster.

you cant put "heavy drinking issues" and "not alcoholic" in the same sentence. 90 days is a progress and good for him (thumbs up @ OP) but that doesn't mean he's "over it" ...its like he's trying to make it seem as no biggie...he need to say it as it is for her to count that as being honest.

I think they just don't know each other well enough to start a relationship... him saying that "she may find another issue" means theres a lot of things he haven't told her yet, which is alright given that they've been dating for a month.

it seem like they're moving too fast, letting the sparks take over without giving much attention to who each other are... otherwise she wouldn't have asked him to end things but would have been more aware that its been a month and that they're getting to know each other.

her suggesting friendship may be her way to tell him that they need to get to know each other more...which need to be done. however, if he can't do that he shouldn't its unhealthy. he need to be more straight up about it all.

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Well what I mean by heavy drinking is that over the weekends I drink a lot but on weekdays I barely drink that's why I was never classified as an alcoholic which I explained to her briefly.. honestly in the past month I've clearly expressed myself and I've nothing to hide, on the other hand she didn't show much except for liking me, my honesty, my personality, etc... but didn't express herself the way I did. I know they need more that's why I was patient.

Posted by starwars
how is that an issue?

I don't know how you say it or how you have explained it to her , but shes uncomfortable with it. you either reassure her about it, prove yourself or stay friends or leave her.

Exactly it's not an issue maybe she's worrying if I come back to drinking I'll turn to be an alcoholic, and you don't understand the ways I tried to convince her that I'll never be back.. any ways I guess I did my best and honestly I will just move on if she comes back with a final decision of us staying friends because it's gonna hurt both of us..

Posted by starwars

Posted by Shady005

Posted by starwars
how is that an issue?

I don't know how you say it or how you have explained it to her , but shes uncomfortable with it. you either reassure her about it, prove yourself or stay friends or leave her.

Exactly it's not an issue maybe she's worrying if I come back to drinking I'll turn to be an alcoholic, and you don't understand the ways I tried to convince her that I'll never be back.. any ways I guess I did my best and honestly I will just move on if she comes back with a final decision of us staying friends because it's gonna hurt both of us..

yeah do what is best for you, if you cant be friends with her then don't.

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Thanks 🙂

Posted by Shady005

Posted by starwars
how is that an issue?

I don't know how you say it or how you have explained it to her , but shes uncomfortable with it. you either reassure her about it, prove yourself or stay friends or leave her.

Exactly it's not an issue maybe she's worrying if I come back to drinking I'll turn to be an alcoholic, and you don't understand the ways I tried to convince her that I'll never be back.. any ways I guess I did my best and honestly I will just move on if she comes back with a final decision of us staying friends because it's gonna hurt both of us..

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So your "heavy drinking issue" is not an issue? You didn't even say "drinking issue" you said "heavy drinking issue" and now suddenly it's not an issue at all?

And when you said earlier that she may be afraid that you may "go back to drinking" it sounds much more severe than casual weekend drinking. But that's just my interpretation of it.

And then you say: "over the weekends I drink a lot but on weekdays I barely drink"

So you did drink on weekdays too, after all.

Look, I'm not trying to put you down here - I'm just worried that you may not take this seriously enough. Please be really really careful - it's your health we're talking about.

Please take care!

Posted by Shady005
Hey, I'm a Taurus and dating this virgo girl for almost a month now.. 10 days ago I confessed that I used to have a heavy drinking issue ( not an alcoholic) and I'm over it now.. been sober for 90 days now.. 2 days ago she came up to me crying and wants to end this because she's not comfortable with hearing that I had a drinking issue... I convinced her that it's over, and I'm really happy with the decision I made, she asked me to give 24 hrs to think about it... and again she came up to me wanting to end this but she can't imagine her life without me so she asked me to stay friends, I respected her so much and I agreed to be friends, a day later her sister came up with an idea: to stay away from each other for a week and not to talk at all, so she can make up her mind. Please someone advice about this as I really like her but at the same time I really need some stability in my life and I'm afraid even if she comes back with a positive decision, later she may find another issue and change her mind.. BTW it's my first experience with a virgo.. thanks

She's a Bitccchhh man

Forget her ass if she's already backing up at petty ish like this, imagine how she'll handle more serious stuff.. her sister is a bish too wtf it's not even her business.

How old are you guys??

I mean seriously.

Idk. I'm not a virgo woman, virgo is however my second dominant sign. Alot of 6 th house ish all in my chart.

Nobody is perfect, and I know im not. Even though I have an idea of what a perfect man is to me, it's not the average perfect. I would never judge someone based on their past, let alone freak out like that. What is she? Some kinda prude ? Foh. I can't stand people like that. In fact, I like to hear someone's past no matter how "unpleasant " right from the start.

Most virgo people I know will stick with someone they love through thick and thin, and in some cases I've seen them stay longer than they should..

That's petty. I say move on.

Weak ass female.

Patience. You will find out what this girl is about soon enough. You confided in her a part of yourself that is private and complexly emotional and she wigged. Now in all good turn everyone is allowed to like or dislike someone for anything they choose. However my view on this situation reads red flag. A Virgo generally will probe and talk with you over something they deem important til they have all the facts they need to look at it from every angle. If she hasn't sat down and really talked to you about it, then I'd be worried she is flighty and not likely to be understanding. If you two have really talked about it to give her all she needs to consider, you can bet she is taking her time to go over every little bit of it before continuing. Hope this helps. Best of luck, and congrats on changing your life for the better.

So you told her this basically two weeks into the relationship? Why feel the need to tell her in the first place, especially if you are "over it", and why so soon?

It's good you were open and honest, but I wonder if you were trying to either sabotage this, or prepare her for what's to possible come...meaning you possibly going back to your old ways.

Maybe she sense that you are kind of warning her and letting her know what's possible, which is the reason for her reaction.

Idk, but I wish you luck.

Posted by lnana04
So you told her this basically two weeks into the relationship? Why feel the need to tell her in the first place, especially if you are "over it", and why so soon?

This. I mean I don't get it. But it's too late now. I say let her go, You are friend zoned now, which means she's looking to keep her options open for someone else.

Virgos don't like ppl with serious issues

And it's totally okay for her not to want to be with you because of this

She has a right to decide if this is okay for her to deal with

Bottom line is this, Virgos pride themselves on having a decent life and staying away from negative or bad things

If I met a guy and he told me he had a severe drinking problem in his past

No I would not consider him as a potential mate

No offense but that character trait is not something I want to deal with in any capacity

And I have a right to decide that

Doesn't make me a bad person

Wish you well in your sobriety but I have a right to decide what I will or will not expose myself to or who I want to build a relationship with

Let it go. She's already judging you. Props to you for being honest from the get. Good luck in your sobriety.

It's a protection mechanism from her side. Tell her what you just told us. You really like her and ask her to give you a chance to prove it to her. Good luck!!

Ladies & gents, it's over.. I gave her a week to think properly and she came up with this shitty friend zone bullshit and I refused.. honestly I'm happy this way.. thanks everyone, appreciate your comments and advices