Angry at a Virgo

A lot of people on this board will know my story about my virguy doing a disappearing act and not giving me a proper reason for breaking up with me leaving me in trauma for a few months. I met up with him at the end of OCtober and although that allowed me to move on he still was very evasive about what was going on and told me he was moving to bahrain. I recently discovered that he was seeing a girl at work at the end of our relationship which is why he really broke up with me although he was too gutless to come clean. Instead he let me suffer for months when i would have got over the relationship so much quicker if he'd been man enough to be honest. Anyway even though he got away scott free with no one knowing about his cheating except me and a couple of others (even this girl it appears did not know i was still on the scene when they got together) i was willing to let it go. I thought i dont want to give him the satisfaction of being in contact again. Also i cant tell him HOW i know or it will reflect badly on me so i have to sit tight. Now this was all fine until I heard something today that made me SOO angry i want him to know and i want everyone to know, even the girl. He met up with some friends of mine on saturday and was obviously indulging in the fact i had still been pining away for him in october. It obviously gave him a huge ego boost. What he neglected to tell them however was the reason for this was that he did a disappearing act on me as he was a cheating ******* and didnt have the guts to admit it. Hence i was sat pining over him because i was in the dark about what really happened, i naively thought our relationship was salvageable! Finding this out today made me SO angry but what can i do, i can't confront him with it because it will look like i still care and will look bad on me but I really want him to know that i know what he did. Is this a bad idea? Any ideas? Revenge is always a bad idea isnt it hmph.

Take it from someone who's been there. I know exactly what your thinking and feeling.
But my advice, Dont do anything!!
Time is the best revenge.
What goes around comes around, ive seen that time and time again.

when _ read ur previous posts _ thought that cheating would be the reason of his dissapearing.dont take revenge . but u may tell him that u now see the real imperfect , poor guy in him. then , walk away , and never turn back .he doesnt deserve even the energy u will put on to take revenge .leave him with his poor ego and with his poor life .

If you let them, these people around here will tell you how you should feel

That might seem like a nice little shortcut.But trust me, you'll only come to regret it later!

Figure out what's going on inside for yourself, by yourself! and act accordingly.

Sometimes it is about justice on the social level.

There will be no justice when you are not aware of the other side of the story.

then , help us to understand the other sides of the stories. we may need the male virgo view to all these problematic situations.

then , help us to understand the other sides of the stories. we may need the male virgo view to all these problematic situations.

By mentioning the —other side of the story?? I meant her partner side of the story the —Virguy??.

People are different and no two virguy share the same point of view.

If her partner chose to be with someone else then he is already lost cause and there is no point to neither get even nor take revenge because these are products of the weak mind and personalities.

well , 2 virguys may not think the same but its clear and known that males handle and think issues very very different from females. they look at the world and love and s. and rel.s from a different view. sometime what we see black may come white to their eyes.

Nov_scorp Im actually a taurus. Your post is so similar to mine.. right up until the moment I knew it was over he was acting in such a conflicting way, posting me framed photos of us together saying he loved me etc etc.. I think people like our guys thrive off this ego boosting thing. The comment that really got me was when he told my friend that when I saw him in October (8 weeks after we split) he thought I should have got over it by then. That riled me because how are you supposed to get over someone when they don't give you a reason and just disappear on you, course you are going to sit around wondering what happened when the last thing they told you they loved you. As soon as I found out he cheated I thought gees if you had had the guts and told me that straight up I would have got over this in a day!!!

The one good thing about him seeing my friend on Saturday was that it sounds like he was probing to find out if I was still wallowing in misery, my friend said that when she told him I was going to Australia and sorting my career out he seemed really surprised. Now that made me smile a huuuge smile. So maybe the best revenge is to be successful and happy I don't know. He did treat me abysmally though. The only reason I really want people to know is because im angry that this new girl will fall for the same fa?ade I did and he will treat her the same. I want everyone to know what he is like. BUT should I just let people make their own mistakes? I mean I had to learn the hard way and if I did anything I would come across as the psychotic ex rather than someone expressing concern which is what my real intentions are in this.. so I guess I should just let her leanr on her own. It just grates that men like him can get away with doing this again and again and again and they still maintain their good guy reputation!!! Even my good friends are still ambivalent about it even though I have the evidence!

P.s. I could never actually use the evidence because although what he did is very wrong, what I did is not strictly above board?reading his emails ( I wish I had checked months ago!)!!

leokitten i LOVE your story -hilarious and what a great revenge!! I have reached the conclusion there is no point trying to out my virguy he is too clever and devious he would out match me for sure. If i outed him it would make me come across as a psycho ex for reading his emails.

He is so very sneaky.. i had wondered why two of his good friends had deleted me off a social networking site. I had got on well with them and there was no real acrimony in the split. When i read his messages it emerged that they had deleted me after he had messaged them saying "hey guys could i ask you a favour, rescueme is really struggling to come to terms with the split, would you mind deleting her off **** i really think it would help her get over this so i am not popping up on your pages all the time". Now this made me so angry because yet again he boosts hes 'mr nice guy image' to meet his own hidden agenda.. the REAL reason he wanted them to delete me was because he knew they would add photos of him and the new girl (which i have seen) from a party they had just had. They would have thought he was being kind to me following the split when he was actually just trying to cover his tracks! There are so many other instances like this that im sure he would have a cunning plan of how to make this back fire on me. I doubt the new girl even knew we were still together when they met, she seems lovely and very sweet.. not the type to steal some other girl's guy. Im guessing he probably spun her some story too, i already know he lied to her about when he met up with me in october, he told her he went to play poker with some friends. Well i know full well where he was!!

You can't let him get away with this. It doesn't matter if you don't care about him anymore - You can't be walked over like this!
He might rethink doing this type of Sh*t again with the next girl.... but then maybe you lack the finesse for doing the 'revenge' just right.... it's got to be just the right thing.
At least you have to let him know that you know, and that you might even let his g/f know.

Take that or leave it, but it might sit in your soul for along time if you don't get rid of it - and I mean the angst,the anger, and any remorse you have that you were ripped off.

Anyway, that's coming from a concerned Scorp 🙂

dogsbody, i am starting to come around to this opinion myself that time really is the best revenge. I can already see a pattern emerging and i dont doubt he will repeat this behaviour in future relationships so im sure it will bite him in the bum eventually! Hopefully he will look around in 10 years and he will have a string of painfully ended relationships behind him whilst i will be happy in a 'real' relationship. He already seems vexed i am going to Australia which amused me so much. I really think he is so egotistical to think i cant achieve anything on my own but i am actually more determined than ever to be happy, independant and successful! I have also made a conscious decision to enjoy being me for the next year and focus on my career and sorting my life out without men. I think that in itself says a lot more for me, he is gutless and jumps from one relationship to the next without even ending the last one properly. He cant be on his own, he cant deal with his emotions. Unlike him i AM able to be on my own, i dont need my ego boosting by the latest person i am sleeping with.

Thanks lovely tune and i appreciate your concern 🙂
Actually whilst i havent let him know i know, a friend messaged him on Wednesday and said he owes me and his new girl an apology for what he did and that we are both far too good for him etc etc.. so what did he do... ignore it!! And i didnt expect anything else. This is a guy who thinks if he ignores things they go away and for him they really do!

Theres no way i could let him and new girl know, i dont live in the same city, it would mean sending an email or a phonecall and you have to remember he controls all of this. Whatever i write or say on the phone he will just warp behind my back so i am better off saving face.

theskys i totally agree he does have a 'perfectionist' image of himself and i really think he has brainwashed himself into thinking he has done nothing wrong. I think he thinks if noone knows then he hasnt really done it. Our mutual friend who met up with him on saturday said it seems he is in a little bubble about it all especially from the comment "i thought she should have got over it by now". Our mutual friend replied "well you did disappear with no reason what did you expect her to do!" to which he didnt know what to say apparently. Made me chuckle, i mean what could he say, how could he argue with that! It is him all over, dont respond to things that are too tricky to answer and it's like the person never asked you!

LikeBrad im taurus not scorp, i see what your sayign about getting a victim mentality if i dont get revenge, earlier on in the week i would have agreeed... i was getting so angry thinking about him and his lies! BUT i did actually look up some anger management tips, like everytime i have a bad thought doing breathing exercises or thinking something like "it's wrong it hurts but it's not the end of the world and I am moving forward". Ive been trying to do this because it's not good to carry these things around with me.

lbr i agree and that is why i am reluctant. Any energy i channel into him will be wasted energy and i have wasted enough!!

p.s. for confirmation he is moving to Bahrain still. So im not sure what he plans to do about his relationship with this new girl. I suspect this long distance relationship will suit him VERY well indeed, until she wants more of a commitment that is...

Rescueme .. why are you still bothering to even care about him?

He clearly isn't bothering to even care about you .. so, why exactly are you giving him any concern like this to even think about him, much less talk about him to people?

I dont care about him, it's just i know there are a few people on this board who would be interested to know the latest update in this situation. Particularly those people who told me he was a player months ago and i was too blinded to see it. I only discoverd this latest occurence last week and i would have let it sit if he hadnt then aggravated me by saying what he said to our mutual friend. If someone was making you look bad behind your back when in fact it was them who had been in the wrong wouldnt that make you care just a little bit? It's a natural human instinct to feel anger when someone has wronged us, it's fight or flight. Now my first instinct was to fight but now i have got over the initial anger at hearing how he is reacting in all of this i realised it is better to let it be. I am talking about it on this board stil lbecause i think it is really interesting to hear about people who have been through similar experiences and what other people's reactions would be.

I see.

Well, I wouldn't care.

Think of this from a different position, from your friend's position. If you were the friend, and you knew this person, and you knew this lady was a good person, and you knew for yourself that this lady isn't like what the ex-man said she was ...... would it change your view of her?

People make their own assessments ... normally, they aren't so gullible and impressionable, based on observations that aren't their own. I didn't read all of this, so I don't know what he did or said to your friend ... but, I do know that if your friend is one, then whatever he said doesn't matter as to how you are regarded to your friend.

If it does matter how you are regarded by your friend ... then this means that this person isn't one.

Got to them first?

So, if these people loyalties as friends is dependent upon a keeping of score ... then they aren't really friends.

If these people deleted her ... then they aren't even worth being upset over.

"why two of his good friends"


If your intentions are to move on and be free of this man ... then why be concerned over people who are HIS good friends, in keeping an impression going about yourself?

They're his friends.

See I thought you were talking about YOUR friends.

His friends are going to be loyal to him, Rescueme .... and what do you care? If you want to win his friends over to your side, then this indicates to me that you are still trying to win the Virgo over by getting in good with his friends for acceptance purposes.

Worry about your own friends ... those are who deserve your effort.

sorry i think i confused things. There were two separate things i was talking about, the first was that i was annoyed he was trying to make me look bad to our MUTUAL friend (who i met him through in the first place). This i am not bothered about as she knows the whole situation and is a true friend of mine and so knows he is out of order for saying what he said. He doesnt know she knows the truth either. It just annoyed me that he is trying to make me look bad, isnt what he's done to me already bad enough and now he is trying to rub salt in the wound just to alleviate his guilty feelings.

The second thing was HIS good friends deleting me off a social networking site.. now i have no wish to stay friends with them, they are afterall his friends not mine. I was a little hurt as i got on well with these guys in the past however them deleting me is something to be expected. What annoyed me was the way he manipulated the situation yet again to meet his own ends. Im frustrated to find that there are people walking around the planet who are so god damn selfish.