Calling all Virgals... I need your advice...

Hey girls, I really need your advice regarding something very close to my heart...

There's a virgal... she's my friend. We've known each other for about a decade but it's only in the last 12 months we've actually gotten to know each other and hang out and learn about who each other really are and in doing so, Ive fallen for her... HARD!

So anyway, we started taking notice of each other during the midst of my breakup last November (2011), I was in a really bad state and she was kinda like a guiding light that helped pull me out of the hole I was in and bring me back to reality. Over the months we started spending our lunchbreaks together, visiting each other at work, lots of little comments and likes on Facebook back and forth (to the point where even other people started taking notice of it - people like my ex... jealous little Cancer haha!) and I couldn't help get the sense that she liked me a bit too... anyway, in May/June she dropped a bomb on me... she was moving to Perth (for those uninitiated with Australian geography Perth would be LA and Sydney, where we are would be New York) so total cross-country relocation to be with her ex from a few years ago who she'd remained close with... at this point she was totally unaware of my feelings for her. It hit me hard BUT, I didn't flinch. I took it in my stride and decided to let it be what it was, and let her go and follow her own heart and see what came of it. She left at the end of July in a teary farewell at the local club (mind you, Im a metalhead so it wasn't my thing, which she knew but she invited me anyway and was VERY appreciative that I was there...). A week after her birthday (September 17) she was back... her ex dropped her like a brick. Since she's returned she's obviously been very heartbroken and very closed off (which ive come to find is very much a Virgo thing...) and it's taken until about the last two weeks of text messages and just little reminders that I care about her and wish she was happy and that I wanted to see her back on her feet for us to make face-to-face contact again...

First contact again I walked past her shop randomly, not expecting her to be there but she was... so I raced in and infront of a few customers (she wasn't actively serving them) gave her a huge hug and a kiss on the forehead and told her how much I'd missed her and how beautiful she was and how happy I was that she was back and smiling. Before I left she asked me for another cuddle... and when she cudd

...cuddles you, she cuddles TIGHT! Since then we've seen each other a couple of times in passing and we've always had smiles and waves and hugs. We're in contact almost every second day via text (im usually the one who initiates it) and I feel as if things are slowly turning back to how they were earlier in the year when it first started taking off...

In all this time, my feelings and affections for her have never faded... in the couple of months between her leaving for Perth and finally getting to see her again in recent weeks, my feelings never faded away, they stayed just as strong as they had been...

What I need to know and the advice I seek is... if you Virgals had a male friend who had feelings for you, feelings that you may have a slight inkling of but aren't 100% about and then he opened up to you and told you exactly how he felt and how much you meant to him, what would you do? I'm terrified that I may damage something by telling her how I feel. I want to, I need to... she has a right to know and I have a responsibility to tell her... if she doesn't feel the same, I accept that, I can't change that... but im terrified of something much worse and not having her friendship at all...

What would you other Virgals do? what would you think? I'm really soul-searching at the moment because this woman is really special to me, I care about her dearly and would do anything for her... what are the chances of this exploding in my face—

:s

I say tell her, but don't tell her and then nag or become sad or depressed or act in a way that would make her feel guilty about not having an answer right away. Personally, I never think of anyone romantically unless they tell me they're interested in me that way. maybe a humility thing, not wanting to make assumptions about anyone's attraction towards me?

So, once they do it makes me think of them more..run through scenarios, weigh good and bad qualities of the person and our current and possible future relationship, most of all the good memories and nice things he has said to me. All in an attempt to figure out if i can trust him. If i find I do or can, then i think in practical terms. lol, it then usually becomes a long process. But sometimes I can throw caution to the wind and jump in, it's rare though. Usually though, when i'm ready to take a chance and return the feelings, things would change with the guy that would change my mind. For instance, he would communicate with me less, so I would doubt his feelings were still there and end up holding back or give up or just forget it altogether.

I say tell her and keep the path to you lighted =)

As I virgo I am scared of losing friends, I hate dating friends as I dont want to end up losing a friend and a lover at the same time. Choose your approach wisely and dont try to scare her. Just let her know you just wanna clear the air and let her know how you feek as its worth the shot. Dont get mad or angry if she acts strange towards it as sometimes we tend to act that way.

Thankyou everyone for you advice and wisdom.

Whatever comes of this, all I wish is for our friendship at it is at the moment to remain intact. I am fully prepared for her to not feel the same feelings, and should that be the case, that is something that I and I alone my face and work through on my own. I could never hold anyone in contempt or anger for not feeling something in their hearts... what sort of a monster would I be? She's a wonderful person and I will still revere her as such whether we become more or not.

The last thing I would ever try to do is scare her, humiliate her or make her feel guilty. I couldn't live with myself. I have way too much of a conscience for that and it would seriously eat me to pieces knowing ive caused her any distress. I'm thinking about taking her out to dinner, something very casual, nothing completely over the top and gently easing into it during conversation... this isn't something I want to just confront her with. I want this to be healthy and good for us both, no matter the outcome. If she ends up telling me "yeah, no... just wanna be friends" then that is what we shall remain and I'll sort out my heart on my own... my greatest fear though is that she will feel awkward around me knowing how I feel and start to distance herself from me... but, that's the risk I know I may need to take...

I adore her and am more than happy to go with her flow if that's how it pans out. I don't believe in pressuring someone for answers or feelings that don't exist. I also don't expect a straight out answer and I'll tell her that... I want her to be 100% comfortable with my feelings, with her own and with our friendship... to be honest, if she isn't somewhat aware of my affection for her she's very naive... I've dropped hints along the way for months and months and even other people have noticed "something" there... the time is coming very soon where I'll have to pull out the old heart and pin it on my sleeve...

Thankyou for the advice everyone 🙂

PM, if you met her you'd know exactly why... she has one of the most beautiful souls on this earth... as cliche and corny as it may sound... "if there were more of her in this world, there'd be no need for heaven... we'd already be there..."

And the most alluring eyes I've ever looked into...

Hahaha... im tragic... lol

Posted by SapphireGem
PM, if you met her you'd know exactly why... she has one of the most beautiful souls on this earth... as cliche and corny as it may sound... "if there were more of her in this world, there'd be no need for heaven... we'd already be there..."

And the most alluring eyes I've ever looked into...

Hahaha... im tragic... lol

Awwww you're sweet.

I have never been in that situation before where a friend confessed & professed to me, but I know how it is to harbor love feelings for someone & not say anything. I think you should just tell her because I'm sure it eats you up inside. Like whenever she's talking you just want to grab her face & kiss her...lol. 😛

But yeah, just tell her your feelings but in a way that doesn't seem pressured, forceful. Just say what's in your heart but be sure to bring your brain along. 😉. Use those sharp Gemini instincts. Be sure that she is upbeat & not still within the stages of hearbreak. I do believe you bring comfort to her & the best relationships start from friendship.

Don't say you like her or you love her or you want to date her.. tell her how much you care for her that's it, any of the other stuff might scare her away, and I don't think that's a risk you should be willing to take. Compliment are good too^-^ Most likely of her eyes, body type, hair. If you get any inkling that she is sad, distant, or upset the day you want to tell her hold of, worry about her it may be a sign that she is falling away so focus on her but again, no clingy..
By the way this is adorable personally you have no problem getting her back I think you already have her, but I don't know so it's your call(:

I think... I may have fucked it all up... 😭

Aw what happened?

Ok... so...

I had a lot of people telling me I should go for it and tell her. I wanted to. And I did. Our communication has pretty much always been either in person or text, we don't usually call each other... and since our schedules don't match up much, getting a good time to tell her in person wasn't going to happen anytime soon... so anyway, I messaged her and told her that I really liked her, I have for a long time and Ive been afraid to tell her but I wanted to be honest and upfront and let her know. I also told her I had no expectations of her (ie: no obligations to say, do, or feel anything she didn't).

Her reply: "I just see you as a my good friend. I really don't know where to go from here".

I told her I was sorry, if she wanted me to back off I would without any arguement. I told her I didn't wish to hurt her or upset her, I apologised if I already had and I said it was something that I would have to work out inside myself. I wished her goodnight and sweet dreams and she replied: "it's ok. I understand".

It's the "I really don't know where to go from here" part that terrifies me. I'm cool with everything else... but this terrifies me... what is it? what does it mean? have I destroyed this friendship? I'm worrying myself sick here... what the hell have I done!? I feel like those impenetrable virgo walls have just doubled in thickness and height... I have no idea what to do other than step away...

I really messed shit up didn't I 😭

I think as long as you continue to act as a friend things will be okay. For some friends I've had in the past that had different feelings for me than I had for them, the problem was that they would act on it and make it obvious (flirt, try to get touchy feely, give expensive gifts etc) but not say it. Which would make things really awkward for me because I wouldn't be sure if I should just tell them I don't feel the same way or just kind of ignore it until they said any actual words. I would end up trying to keep my distance because I didn't want to lead them on.

I would say for you, going forward, make sure to keep things platonic and don't do something that she could misinterpret as you trying to pursue her. If you notice she is being different towards you just tell her something feels different so you want her to know you are still her friend but don't make a big deal out of it.

Even though you didn't get the reaction from her you would've liked I think it's still better that you told her. Maybe if your feelings started to become obvious without you officially being open about them she might've started going distant on you in order to not encourage them.

By the way, I think you're awesome for having the guts to be a man and come right out and take care of your business like that —
That's how you get where you want in life.

Hi there,
This is a tough situation... As I Virgo girl, I can grow close bonds with guys as FRIENDS, as a matter of fact, my best friends are male. BUT I know that if one ever mentionned the fact that he had feelings for me, I would totally freak out, and "wouldn't know where to go from there" either (happened to me once).
It would be really hard for me to keep behaving like a friend, knowing that my "friend" is expecting more.

Honnestly, I think the best way to go back to where things were is to give her space so that she cools off, and keep things friendly and platonic, so that she doesn't feel like you're chasing her. For example, next time you meet her, avoid intimate situations, make sure there are always other people with you (in the beginning, until she gets more confident about the situation), have fun, laugh a lot, and don't mention your feelings again !

Good luck, this might take a while, but there's hope !! I know I have great Gem friends, they make me laugh and I LOVE to talk with them about anything and everything.

If I was that girl I would definitely want some space to get my head around it.

Then I'm not sure how I would feel about the friendship.

I have an ex who is a really really nice guy just not the guy for me, and he tries to stay friends. Texts me a couple of times a week, tries to initiate time together and is just generally friendly to me. But the fact that I know he still wants more makes all that just annoying to me. And when I do meet up with him occassionally I am the oe who makes it awkward. I am moody and unwelcoming to him and I cant even help it. I just become withdrawn and unresponsive.

So I'd say back right off for a good long while.

Ivy

Ok, so here's an update to the situation...

So I backed off completely after telling her about my feelings. I stopped going to see her at work, I stopped messaging her everyday, I just took a step back to let her breathe and get a grasp on the situation. I didn't make any attempt to contact her or annoy her but I wished her a Merry Christmas and she replied with the same and the reply was rather lovely and heartfelt. Since then we haven't seen each other in person but we've kept in touch once or twice a week and it's been good 🙂 so this week, she posted a couple of sad statuses on Facebook, and me being me, being her friend I asked her what was getting her down and she opened up to me more than she has in recent months. She's still really cut up about what her ex did to her when she relocated (which is something she hadn't given any indications of until now) and that she's having a lot of trouble focusing on anything and she's just all over the place at the moment... so we talked and I offered her my thoughts on the situation and whatnot and I told her that the answers she seeks, she'll find in time and she thanked me for it.

So we're still in contact, she hasn't run away, she hasn't cut me off... I've given her space and she seems to have accepted my feelings for her and isn't letting them affect our friendship, which puts my heart at ease... this is what I was terrified of losing and thankfully, I still have it 🙂 But now I have new questions... such as: when I told her my feelings and she rejected them, was it because of me? or because of her ex? She's opened up to me about something she was very guarded about until now... Virgo's really only do that with people they trust... does this mean that me telling her my feelings has somehow knocked down a bit of the "Virgo Wall"?

I'm a Gemini... I think too much... lol

I am a Virgo and I suggest you should let her know how you feel. For me, I highly appreciate people that are there in hard times and I would never forget this, not in a lifetime.

If there she has any romantic feelings for you or she could see herself developing them, believe me she will let you know after you told her straight forward how you feel.

Give her time to think about it and definitely don't push it. I admire you for being so understanding and respectful towards her and I am sure she appreciates it and you very much. I personally like a mediocracy of my man showing his emotions intensely but at the same time giving me space whenever I need to.

I wish you all the best!

I just saw your update. Great to hear that your friendship is more intense than it was. Give it some time and see how things go. I know its so hard if all you want the person to be yours but be patient may pay off in this situation as she seems like she is dealing with a lot of pain. In the meantime do your thing and let things flow.

Awww SapphireGem . I am a virgo and i have read through your posts and knew exactly how i would feel if i was the person you had interest in .

The thing is when we have tried and put a lot into a relationship and it hasn't worked we tend to look at ourselves being the problem . I was in a long relationship and when that ended it smacked me like a ton of bricks how stupid i had been to hang around and move mounatains to try and make it work when it was clear that it wasn't going to . I threw myself into doing everything i could to clear my own insecurities and issues and i am still am two years later . Don't get me wrong i have had my fun but if someone tried to get emotionally attached to me i would go like ice , not because i am horrible simply because i need to heal and feel that i am happy enough personally to enjoy a relationship and give it my all .

Be this girls friend . I am sure if you shared such a connection before she left then she will come around to your way of thinking in the end .

Best of luck ! 🙂

Posted by SapphireGem
when I told her my feelings and she rejected them, was it because of me? or because of her ex?

I think it was because of you. I think she sees you as her friend.

I think I lost her... 😭