Capricorn/Virgo FWB

We've been good friends for 3 years now, met in college. We became friends with benefits after a year of knowing each other. Okay not gonna lie, we still sort of are FWB.
I have great love for him though, and he has told me the same.

We've never defined what we were, we just always went with the flow of things. Which was a huge mistake on my part because I couldn't really handle it. I knew he was dealing with other women but I tried to trick myself into thinking I could handle it. Simply because I didn't want to lose the friendship. So I rarely confronted him about it, and I reinforced his behaviors. I wasn't his girlfriend so I didn't feel it was my place to try and stop him for involving himself with other women. He's single and so am I. **We also live an hour away from each other so the most we'll see each other is once a month, if that. We saw more of each other when we were in college but once we graduated, we drifted apart.

It's been a very messy situation and I honestly don't know how to get it back to how things were - without the sex involved. I don't even know how to address these type of things with him, yet I want to build a more solid friendship with him. I'm aware that my actions have taught him to mistreat and disrespect me, and the damage is probably irreversible. But I'm hoping that it's not too late.

We've had brief talks about how the sex has ruined the friendship, yet we continue to do it. I don't know how to tell him no and I always end up reaping the consequences because I feel empty afterwards.

I've tried distancing myself but every time I do, he pulls me back in or he'll ask me how my day is or how I'm feeling....you know, simple cute things that shows he cares (a little bit). Last time we hung out together, he was super concerned about me eating and kept asking me if I wanted something. He's never done that in the past. It just felt kinda good, kinda different. But perhaps I'm reading too far into it. And the other day, he told me I rose a new level of attraction for him. But since then, it's been like 4 days of no contact. I'm just so confused at his hot/cold behavior. It's always been like this but I can't tell where he's at emotionally.

Looking at this from the outside, it may sound like he's playing/using me. But I see the good in him. I honestly don't think he'd do that to me, intentionally at least. Because we were good friends before any of the sex was involved. I think it's more so my fault because I haven't spoken up about it or tried to stop it. I've been secretly hoping that someday our friendship would blossom into a monogamous relationship (LOL). But I think I already ruined the chances of that happening. He told me a year ago that I'd make a great girlfriend. Unless that was just bullshit. I've been holding onto that dream for a while now.

Do you guys think I should just throw in the towel? What does his hot/cold behavior mean and how do I keep him from doing that? Where to go from h

You keep repeating that you haven't told him your wants, or thoughts at the time. Communicate with him. Don't keep the fantasy of being his gf alive if you can't even admit to your friend that you like him as more.

What are you afraid of?

The worse that will happen is he'll tell you that he doesn't feel the same and the fwb is where it's at. You'll be back right where you started, only this time you won't be stringing yourself along with 'what-ifs senerio's.

Who knows? Could be he's secretly wanted more himself but you never indicated otherwise so he stuck with the status quo rather than risk loosing what sex you would throw at him.

Or could be he's been laughing with his buddies that he has you 'dick whipped'.

Seriously. Talk to him.

You need to talk to him about how you feel, and what you want. If he doesn't want the same, you need to accept that and stop making up stories in your head about what the relationship would/could be. This isn't healthy for a Cap.