EVEN THOUGH..

I am here again not to fight or argue with everyone. even tho i dont even know you in the personal or encountered outside the internet, i still wanted to apologize for the destructive that i had made from the past.. I cant handle this guilty feelings that lingering inside of me.. I just need your deepest understanding, i dont know if i should take this seriously or not but as a person who grow up with religious family and always be kind to people way is what i stand, and i should no matter what.

that time, i was in extremely confusion and having an emotional turmoil. the strong feelings that tap and defeated my mind, i was looking for an explanation coz i had no one that i could talk too, seemed like everything is out of control to me that time, everything is loose without control. ive never had or felt this before. I used to be in control of my feelings and doesn't care about what people say until i experience this. i become someone who i was not supposed or used to be. i did my best to recover and fought against that feelings. i look around to comfort myself through internet or any site. i am no good at expressing myself by words with details , that is the reason why no one can understand me perhaps.

The things that scared me off is that something in me that is awaken by the experienced, like: my intuition or senses increase, (i can see right through persons behind their exterior) like i become the version of Scorpio, my sexuality increase (i become the epitome of horny whore), i have seen a lot of vision that turn into reality either negative or positive, grounded my thoughts ( my mind always here and there i cant focus in one object or subject, the vibration that coming down in me is very powerful, my head spinning, i couldn't sleep or eat,

I was energetic and i don't feel tired at all, i become obsessed of anything and everything. I run away from this man that i was talking about because i couldn't handle the intensity. i can barely talk coz my tongue twisted, my body get so cold and shaking, my head gets numb and vibrating. I get a therapist for me expecting that they can explain to me about this, but they cant even understand me. what i did is to went back to school so i had an outlet to pour out all the intense energy, joined different religion and mingle with different facets. I had difficulties to focus in everything yet i am grounded. I hurt everyone around me as well without intentions. I wasn't like this before. I was quite and antisocial but i become the opposite now. I stopped my studies again to be with my families in my country to find me.

I sincerely apologize. whatever you are going to say i don't mind at all. despite of the pain i went through i know that nothing can hurt me anymore....

in 5 years of having this experience I finally find the answer. Everything happens for a reason. This experienced reminds me of my Child Dreams that forgotten through the circumstances.I saw ME. i even see my soul grieving ( call me crazy or delusional) asking me to stop fighting. Just let go. I know what i am talking about, i know what i saw...

this experienced with him bring out the worst and best of me... i did fought and did try to control because i dont like the things that coming out from me ( the evil side)... This man is a capricorn , if this is a coincidence why i experienced this with him? I even once called a psychic , she said that we had a relationship from the past...

this man doesn't believe that god exist, he is a military/airforce and so his background family... opposite of mine who grew up in spiritual real not care much about reality...

spiritual realm**

Posted by Impulsv
No body is perfect it's a growth process. Was this man the catalyst of this change n was it for the best?

i guess yes! i can be myself around him and so is he i feel complete and calm in his presence things that i didn't feel with anyone even with my family.. sometimes i feel the pain but i dont know which part of me has been hurt, is it from me or from him? so many times that i could feel him.. i was scared.. i almost losing my mind because i cant reach the words to explain this.. sometimes it seemed like i project someone that isn't me.. it was painful that lead me to tears and holding on tight to god to never let me go...

I am now on another healing process emotionally, mentally and spiritually. the fog has been clear i can clearly see now the things that i dont like ( used to gave a lot of compromise before towards the things that against my will in sub conscious level) and things that i really like...

it was chaotic this experience with him... I know that i gave him trouble in his life as well and broke his heart because all i want is to ran away from him and get rid of him. but i feel like he keep following me and watching me wherever i am until i got tired and faced him to pushed him harder, eventually we lash out and both gave up. We are like a swing, what i did is what he does. This is not just between me and him , there is a lot of people got involved between us, the last people who got involved between us are the people who fall us apart... 😢 I will never forget him but we cant be together is not the right time.