gia
@gia
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help my virguy get over his ex
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Also,I'd like to mention - he isnt in touch with her or anything like that.They both blocked each other on social media. Maybe he stalks her on social media through other ways or maybe not.Idk. Neither of them wished each other on their birthdays. I dont want to harbour more negative thoughts. He is loyal to me. He used to be this flirty casanova type guy before but he doesnt flirt with anyone anymore. He openly shows his affection towards me in front of other girls and on social media. Everyone on campus knows about us.He promised me that he'll never cheat on me and if he ever happens to lose feelings for me or develop feelings for someone else he'd straight up say it to me instead of lying and/or cheating. I trust him completely on this regard. It is the part that he still hasn't moved on from her(he gets super mad when i say this) and the fact that he said im "totally new to him" even though its been 6 months being together,is killing me.
@sierra, yes. I did express many a times. Yesterday I ended up crying in front of him saying tht i never want to hear her name again and that it would lead to a breakup. He told me he wont and then we had this talk what i posted above here.
Posted by -sierra-Posted by gia
@sierra, yes. I did express many a times. Yesterday I ended up crying in front of him saying tht i never want to hear her name again and that it would lead to a breakup. He told me he wont and then we had this talk what i posted above here.
then how are things between you now?
what's the ex's sun sign?click to expand
She is a leo. It was her birthday on August 1st week. He told me about it. He also told me he wouldn't wish her because if he did then she'd wish him on his birthday too and she might start crying and want him back. So he decided to not wish her. I would like to trust him on that.
We again fought. I told him I feel cheated so he said he's tired explaining it to me. He said "there's a difference between getting over someone and forgetting someone. And you will never understand that so I'm done explaining. You want to stay then stay and if you want to leave leave I won't force you because I tried my best to explain but you'll never understand and you'll continue to accuse me of having feelings for my ex." When I told him about calling me totally new,he said "yes you're new. Even if we had sex on day 1 I'd still say you're new". He said "if you push me again I'll myself leave".
I'm not sure what to do right now. I have been highly insecure too and that has affected my relationship with him adversely to the point of him wanting a break up now. I really love this guy. We do argue a lot but we share the same core values and I really do love him. He told me i am 1000% insecure and that has eaten up this relationship.
Posted by Commodus
You are a 1000% insecure. You will see that some day. I dont knowww, youre kind of lucky he doesnt have more experience because if you told me to forget everyone I've ever been with, I probably would have dropped you off somewhere and kept driving after the second time.
I never say "forget everyone",really. I accepted his past the way it was. I have been in 2 relationships too. Even my 1st ex cheated on me like his previous ex did. I feel indifferent towards him but i havent forgotten him either. The only difference is that there is a fine line between not remembering and forgetting.
Posted by Commodus
So does he bring her up at random or just when you ask a million times? Either way, he's just being open and honest with you.
I have absolutely no problem when he openly tells me he's still good friends with his very 1st ex.She even likes his photos when he posts a picture of us together on instagram. It's his previous ex who made me highly insecure given how passionate their relationship was and that it lasted for the longest time than the rest of his relationships. He brings her name pretty often in random coversations. For eg. Once we were planning a date at his apartment when his parents were out of town. I was telling him how i'd love to cook his favourite meal for him.Then he started talking about this girl(his ex) and how she once cooked pasta for him and cutely said "oh i burnt it". I tolerated it for a while by patiently hearing it all out but for how long really? On one hand I was happy that he found that comfort zone in me to be able to be open and honest about mostly everything but on the other hand I realized him mentioning her so often is not a healthy sign. It made me think he hasnt moved on from her. He'd talk about her,I'd keep questioning him if he still loves her or hasnt moved on,he'd keep answering "I'd have been with her now and not with you if it were so". Then lately I started questioning him more (only after he'd bring her topic) and it started to irritate him a lot and hence we fought last night and he called me insecure.
Posted by ScorpioTruth
Maybe it’s just my Venus in Virgo but he makes a lot of sense. He sounds like he’s being honest with you and you’re taking a lot of it too personally.
How long ago did they break up?
You're right about him being honest and me taking it personally.
It's actually the highly critical nature of a virgo + mentioning his ex = building insecurity in me.
Had he never been so critical of me,I probably wouldnt have felt that insecure. Although when I asked him a few times that how does he feel I am better than his ex, he said "you are much better than her. She slept with too many men so I love you for your loyalty and nature". They brokeup last year in Jan but she came to him twice,weeping at his door,telling him how great he was in bed and how much she misses him and they ended up having sex. I asked him how could he do that when he knew she cheated on him.He said "because I still had feelings for her then and a crying woman is my big time weakness. Plus she was giving me sex.She came back again the third time and this time I didnt open my door ever again". He had a rebound of 1 month with some girl after they brokeup and hookup of 3 weeks with another girl after that. I asked him why did he breakup with them.He said "because that was a hookup and not love. They were just my rebounds.You are not." They were together for 2 and a half years and that's his significantly longest relationship.They were almost in a live-in relationship as his parents were out of city for those 2 years.
Posted by ScorpioTruthPosted by tiziani
Lol this is why guys should learn to stop talking or keep it to a minimum. His explanations were weird and out-of-place.
Having said that, you come off very guilt trippy yourself.
I actually liked his explanation. At least he tried. It’s refreshing to see a man actually TRY to communicate his feelings instead of expecting the woman to be a mind reader.click to expand
I agree...
Posted by CommodusPosted by giaPosted by Commodus
So does he bring her up at random or just when you ask a million times? Either way, he's just being open and honest with you.
I have absolutely no problem when he openly tells me he's still good friends with his very 1st ex.She even likes his photos when he posts a picture of us together on instagram. It's his previous ex who made me highly insecure given how passionate their relationship was and that it lasted for the longest time than the rest of his relationships. He brings her name pretty often in random coversations. For eg. Once we were planning a date at his apartment when his parents were out of town. I was telling him how i'd love to cook his favourite meal for him.Then he started talking about this girl(his ex) and how she once cooked pasta for him and cutely said "oh i burnt it". I tolerated it for a while by patiently hearing it all out but for how long really? On one hand I was happy that he found that comfort zone in me to be able to be open and honest about mostly everything but on the other hand I realized him mentioning her so often is not a healthy sign. It made me think he hasnt moved on from her. He'd talk about her,I'd keep questioning him if he still loves her or hasnt moved on,he'd keep answering "I'd have been with her now and not with you if it were so". Then lately I started questioning him more (only after he'd bring her topic) and it started to irritate him a lot and hence we fought last night and he called me insecure.
Okay, so I can see why you'd be upset because he keeps killing every moment with you. But you cant take two antonyms and say there's a fine line between the one and not the other one.click to expand
He'll say something related to her and kills my mood and affection.Then he'll hold my hand and pull my cheek to kiss me and i turn away my face or frown because I'm hurt and he feels I am over-reacting.
According to me - talking about an ex = remembering her=having feelings.
According to him - talking about her = simply stating a fact=nothing to do with having feelings.
However, had it been a reverse role,me talking as much about my ex,he'd have brokeup months ago. For eg. He talked about how much he loves writing. One of my male besties (he knows him) is a virgo too so I casually said "yeah xyz is a virgo too and he loves to write too so I guess it's just a virgo thing". AND BOOM!! He totally flipped out shouting how dare I compare him to him. We were travelling in the bus going on a date and he got so mad at me that he got off at the next stop and I had to get off with him and plead and apologize. He thinks almost all my male besties (including the ones in a serious committed relationship) have feelings for me. I find this highly hypocritic. Now tell me if this sn't insecurity.
Posted by Sagicorn
Everything he described is correct BUT he hasn't moved on clearly and he directly told you what he's doing-replackng her with you. If she didn't cheat on him would he have left her? Probably not. He has feelings for her but won't be woth her due to her behavior.
I suppose yeah. He said she's highly unstable and hides many things from him.He knows I have mostly male friends since I was a kid but I chat with them in front of him as I have nothing at all to hide. Also he said I am a lot more intelligent than her so brownie points,yay!!
Posted by Sagicorn
That doesn't help you build trust in him plus things he's telling you about her aren't helping the situation nor is your bringing her up either. I'm with Virgo too and he has never told me any details about his ex at all. Only thing I got from him is that he can't atand Geminis and his phrase "if any women deserved beating ever it must have been a Gemini". What happened and how I have no idea but she clearly must have been impossible to take. Oh and she used to try getting back in touch with him after we started dating but again he said no details whatsoever about her. So past is a past when a Virgo has trully moved on. There's no talking about exes if they're over it. And I'm sure at this cause my bff is also a Virgo and she's exactly like that.
This is what I wanted it to be. No ex talks.Just us.
Posted by Sagicorn
What you can do to help yourself is not talk about her, don't ever bring her up and see how he behaves and if he starts talking at some point about the ex ask him why is he telling you that? Also being new to him after 6 months that's not a big deal cause 6 months really is nothing, specially to a Virgo. They take their time and move really slowlyclick to expand
He complained last night that I'm the one who brings out her topic more than he does and how that makes him remember things with her inorder to answer me. I guess I am at fault too. I am happily willing to stop talking about her.
Whenever we have gone out on weekend vacations or dates,he never mentioned her and we'd only enjoy each other and we never fought. Thats how I wanted it to remain.
Posted by Commodus
Find another virgin to date
Pretty much. Two different worlds. I mean how's she ever to truly accept he had ton loads of sex with his ex while she's still working on being a virgin.
I don't know how old you are OP, and sex isn't everything, but it bottles down to that you have little experience in the dynamics of a relationship once sex is introduced. He does. Therefore you're lightyears apart in how you perceive things and you tolerate the hurt involved, but it must get you down a lot emotionally.
He's right in what he says in his own little way about refurnishing... but the problem is his ex cheated on him thrice, which means he took her back 3 times. Whatever his dysfunction is, it matched hers. He's desperately trying to distance himself from all that and start a fresh, healthier path.. but his heart ain't in it yet. It takes time to get over a douchebag. Even if it's a she.
So after we had our last spat today noon where he said im 1000% insecure and he said he's done with me and is breaking up, he hasnt texted after that. He said I went overboard. It's weird how initially I was the one who was hurt and how he's the one angry and breaking up. I never imagined this talk could take this turn.It was just meant to be a "Never ever bring your ex's name again" talk but it ended up becoming "you're still falsely accusing me of having feelings for her.I cant tolerate you anymore". He said "you'll always keep doing this.I am done with you.We're over.This was my last text bye". I told him how much I hate fighting with him and that my only intention was to not bring a 3rd person name and ruin our moment and only focus on each other and stregthen our bond. Thats all I wanted. I told him that but he wasn't reading it. I sent him long texts explaining why i got angry and admitting i was insecure but for a reason. I also reminded him that it's normal for us to argue and makeup with each other. He read all of it it an hour later but didnt reply. He usually blocks people when breaking up(this has happened to us before) but this time he didnt,surprisingly. Then I again kept texting him telling him how we were destined to meet and how much I love him (we both say I love you everyday without any reservation). I also told him that I'm hoping for him to calm down soon and talk to me again and continue building happy memories together but I also said that if incase he thinks he doesnt love me anymore then I wont force him to stay as i cant force him to love me but I'll always be there for him.
Again,he read it but didnt reply.
I am assuming he talked of breakingup only out of heat of the moment due to anger and didnt actually mean it because he would the most certainly block me and never read any of my texts and it was a breakup worthy reason,really..
I wont text him anymore.I want to give him space to cool down.I hope things get better tomorrow.
Again,he read it but didnt reply.
I am assuming he talked of breakingup only out of heat of the moment due to anger and didnt actually mean it because he would the most certainly block me and never read any of my texts and it was a breakup worthy reason,really..
I wont text him anymore.I want to give him space to cool down.I hope things get better tomorrow.
Posted by enfant_terriblePosted by Commodus
Find another virgin to date
Pretty much. Two different worlds. I mean how's she ever to truly accept he had ton loads of sex with his ex while she's still working on being a virgin.
I don't know how old you are OP, and sex isn't everything, but it bottles down to that you have little experience in the dynamics of a relationship once sex is introduced. He does. Therefore you're lightyears apart in how you perceive things and you tolerate the hurt involved, but it must get you down a lot emotionally.
He's right in what he says in his own little way about refurnishing... but the problem is his ex cheated on him thrice, which means he took her back 3 times. Whatever his dysfunction is, it matched hers. He's desperately trying to distance himself from all that and start a fresh, healthier path.. but his heart ain't in it yet. It takes time to get over a douchebag. Even if it's a she.click to expand
I do understand how sex changes the dynamics of a relationship.We have had our super passionate moments-from making out in the movie theatres to going on overnight weekend trips together but i understand that's still different from sex. He has been impatiently patient(if that makes sense) of me wanting to lose it. We had decided to go on a week's long trip during Thanksgiving break and i promised to him that we'd make love then so he was cool with that.
And about him accepting her thrice- He once went in great detail about their relationship(and i truly appreciated that).He said it went almost smooth for a year until she cheated on him. She left him for some other guy and returned back to him a month later crying and begging him to take her back.He said these exact words "I still had feelings for her so I accepted her back but I was 100% confirmed in my head that I'll never ever marry her as she cheated on me. I couldnt hold myself back because of my feelings and the fact that I loved our sex.She blocked numbers of guys and it went fine for a months and she again cheated on me and I said no.Our relationship had ended for me but she kept begging me so i couldnt refuse the sex and i still did have some feelings for her even though i was sure of not wanting any relationship. Then she cheated again and I decided it's too much already and I didnt let her in at all as she kept banging my door and crying and that was the end of it". He went through major depression.He flunked three papers despite being a sharp guy. She flunked some of her exams too.
He said he has this peace of mind with me knowing I'm not the kind to cheat.He respects my integrity. He said that on one hand it makes him mad that I'm not willing to give in my virginity yet and it's been 6 months but on the other hand he respects the fact that I'm not that sexually keen(the way his ex was). When i asked him if he's sure Im not his rebound,he said "a guy with such a super high libido who used to get sex on a regular basis would never continue with you more than a month on knowing you aren't willing to give in anytime soon-you are not at all my rebound,I love you.".
Posted by SkeletonPosted by gia
So after we had our last spat today noon where he said im 1000% insecure and he said he's done with me and is breaking up, he hasnt texted after that. He said I went overboard. It's weird how initially I was the one who was hurt and how he's the one angry and breaking up. I never imagined this talk could take this turn.It was just meant to be a "Never ever bring your ex's name again" talk but it ended up becoming "you're still falsely accusing me of having feelings for her.I cant tolerate you anymore". He said "you'll always keep doing this.I am done with you.We're over.This was my last text bye". I told him how much I hate fighting with him and that my only intention was to not bring a 3rd person name and ruin our moment and only focus on each other and stregthen our bond. Thats all I wanted. I told him that but he wasn't reading it. I sent him long texts explaining why i got angry and admitting i was insecure but for a reason. I also reminded him that it's normal for us to argue and makeup with each other. He read all of it it an hour later but didnt reply. He usually blocks people when breaking up(this has happened to us before) but this time he didnt,surprisingly. Then I again kept texting him telling him how we were destined to meet and how much I love him (we both say I love you everyday without any reservation). I also told him that I'm hoping for him to calm down soon and talk to me again and continue building happy memories together but I also said that if incase he thinks he doesnt love me anymore then I wont force him to stay as i cant force him to love me but I'll always be there for him.
Again,he read it but didnt reply.
I am assuming he talked of breakingup only out of heat of the moment due to anger and didnt actually mean it because he would the most certainly block me and never read any of my texts and it was a breakup worthy reason,really..
I wont text him anymore.I want to give him space to cool down.I hope things get better tomorrow.
I know you love him, but fuck that guy.click to expand
Hmmmmmmmm looks like i am getting treetrunked instead.
Posted by tiziani
Sounds like your typical power struggle really. Pretty common for 6 months.
Right.Power struggle it is. He loves the fact tht he has me under control but I never let that go too far.
I cant believe what ended up happening.He replied to me today.He said he doesnt love me anymore and all his feelings and love are dead for me.
He said he is extremely hurt with my reaction and the fact that he feels i blamed him for saying "Im totally new" and the fact that i reacted so insecurely when he talked about the only way you replace your ex is by creating memories better than you shared with her. I am not disagreeing with him.I did over-react. He said he has lost all his feelings for me because I'm not the same person anymore as i used to be. The same person with whom he had the best connection with.He said he feels the opposite now and can only think of all our fights and arguments so far and cant recall any of our happy moments. He said i have become highly insecure now and i over-react to every little thing and argue and get short tempered.
He said i used to be so light hearted before and i used to know how to have fun but now i've become overly serious in our relationship that i over-read and overthink every little things he says and blame him for saying something he doesnt even remember what he said to me because he didnt mean it.
He said that i dont understand him anymore and that i accuse him talking about his ex for him cheating on me and not getting over her. He said he's such a guy who can talk to an ex yet feel absolutely nothing for her so i need to stop accusing him.
He said he is extremely hurt with my reaction and the fact that he feels i blamed him for saying "Im totally new" and the fact that i reacted so insecurely when he talked about the only way you replace your ex is by creating memories better than you shared with her. I am not disagreeing with him.I did over-react. He said he has lost all his feelings for me because I'm not the same person anymore as i used to be. The same person with whom he had the best connection with.He said he feels the opposite now and can only think of all our fights and arguments so far and cant recall any of our happy moments. He said i have become highly insecure now and i over-react to every little thing and argue and get short tempered.
He said i used to be so light hearted before and i used to know how to have fun but now i've become overly serious in our relationship that i over-read and overthink every little things he says and blame him for saying something he doesnt even remember what he said to me because he didnt mean it.
He said that i dont understand him anymore and that i accuse him talking about his ex for him cheating on me and not getting over her. He said he's such a guy who can talk to an ex yet feel absolutely nothing for her so i need to stop accusing him.
I begged and pleaded,like how it usually goes. I admitted that I have been too insecure lately and my increasing aggresive and short-tempered behavior stems from my insesecurity.
My insecurity stems from two things- him pointing out my flaws most of the times(he does compliment me too though when I look sexy) combined with him talking about his ex.
I told him this is something I can and need to fix. I promised him that I'll work on it.After a lot of discussion and stubborn breakup talks, i had us reach one final solution.
I told him that i have full faith in our relationship so I want us to give us a last chance. I told him that let's continue this till 31st October. If he feels he still loves me by then so we'll continue our relationship and if he doesn't have feelings for me again by then,so he's free to leave and I wont stop him this time. He agreed to it,surprisingly and thankfully.
He told me that we both have to remain natural and I shouldnt be fake just for the sake of holding our relationship for a few days longer. He said if we fight even once during this period before 31st,he's leaving and I had to agree to it.
My insecurity stems from two things- him pointing out my flaws most of the times(he does compliment me too though when I look sexy) combined with him talking about his ex.
I told him this is something I can and need to fix. I promised him that I'll work on it.After a lot of discussion and stubborn breakup talks, i had us reach one final solution.
I told him that i have full faith in our relationship so I want us to give us a last chance. I told him that let's continue this till 31st October. If he feels he still loves me by then so we'll continue our relationship and if he doesn't have feelings for me again by then,so he's free to leave and I wont stop him this time. He agreed to it,surprisingly and thankfully.
He told me that we both have to remain natural and I shouldnt be fake just for the sake of holding our relationship for a few days longer. He said if we fight even once during this period before 31st,he's leaving and I had to agree to it.
Posted by -sierra-Posted by gia
I cant believe what ended up happening.He replied to me today.He said he doesnt love me anymore and all his feelings and love are dead for me.
He said he is extremely hurt with my reaction and the fact that he feels i blamed him for saying "Im totally new" and the fact that i reacted so insecurely when he talked about the only way you replace your ex is by creating memories better than you shared with her. I am not disagreeing with him.I did over-react. He said he has lost all his feelings for me because I'm not the same person anymore as i used to be. The same person with whom he had the best connection with.He said he feels the opposite now and can only think of all our fights and arguments so far and cant recall any of our happy moments. He said i have become highly insecure now and i over-react to every little thing and argue and get short tempered.
He said i used to be so light hearted before and i used to know how to have fun but now i've become overly serious in our relationship that i over-read and overthink every little things he says and blame him for saying something he doesnt even remember what he said to me because he didnt mean it.
He said that i dont understand him anymore and that i accuse him talking about his ex for him cheating on me and not getting over her. He said he's such a guy who can talk to an ex yet feel absolutely nothing for her so i need to stop accusing him.
i'm so sorry 😢
but he's manipulative, mean and unfair.. you deserve so much better than that stupid hoetardclick to expand
Actually,honestly speaking,the only reason I fought to keep our relationship alive is because he's right in many ways. I really did change mentally after we got in a relationship. I used to be this strong independent woman who'd laugh freely,who wasn't THIS sensitive, who was 99% of the time cheerful and who'd take things light-heartedly and never really fought much. This is something which made him fall in love with me.
Now I get angry and mad over tiniest of things. Not just with him but with many. I have stopped taking jokes lightly.
I get mad at him very easily and that affects the rest of the people in our friend circle too. Lately we have had too many fights. We have fought more than loved. This has all built up and that's why he exploded.
Even my mother(the person I'm closest to in this world) had pointed out several days ago that I've become too aggressive and short-tempered and that I need to regain my equanimity. I didnt take her too seriously then. His breakup blow made me realize I've indeed gone too far with overthinking and over-analyzing things and all this has arised from my insecurity. My insecurity has eaten up my personality and that has eaten our relationship. So I really need to figure out how to work on this because it's too bad. My insecurity is because of his criticism and whenever he talks about some other girl and appreciates her dressing sense or hair or whatever.I take it wayy too personally and this is something he kept pointing out that complimenting some aspect of someone doesnt mean he's belittling me.
Posted by halalbaePosted by gia
I begged and pleaded,like how it usually goes. I admitted that I have been too insecure lately and my increasing aggresive and short-tempered behavior stems from my insesecurity.
My insecurity stems from two things- him pointing out my flaws most of the times(he does compliment me too though when I look sexy) combined with him talking about his ex.
I told him this is something I can and need to fix. I promised him that I'll work on it.After a lot of discussion and stubborn breakup talks, i had us reach one final solution.
I told him that i have full faith in our relationship so I want us to give us a last chance. I told him that let's continue this till 31st October. If he feels he still loves me by then so we'll continue our relationship and if he doesn't have feelings for me again by then,so he's free to leave and I wont stop him this time. He agreed to it,surprisingly and thankfully.
He told me that we both have to remain natural and I shouldnt be fake just for the sake of holding our relationship for a few days longer. He said if we fight even once during this period before 31st,he's leaving and I had to agree to it.
Gahhh this is ATROCIOUUUS
One thing about mercurials, they are riders so we will forgive many things and many times as long as you communicate openly and effectively with us without all of your mind games. Our strength is our mind but because we are mutable your mind games will cause us to burn out, become restless and stress us out to the point where we dont want to deal with you ever again
With Virgos, when you play with their mind they will really rub your nose in the mud in the process of forgiving you for not communicating with them in a responsible manner. They will forgive but then you really have to walk on eggshells
Matter fact, letting him control you like a puppet will bore him so this relationship is already over. He will start to get tired of being the responsible one. Use the time to detach yourself from himclick to expand
Naaaaawww,im gullible but not to the point of letting him or anyone have 100% control over me.We wouldnt have fought so much had that been the case. I personally cant respect someone if that person lets me control him/her completely. What he complained about is that I never understand him and there's no point if your partner doesnt understand you. It makes sense I'm going to have to work on that.
Posted by ScorpioTruth
To put some things into perspective, my ex of 10 years NEVER talked about his ex. In fact he kept their relationship kind of a secret from me. So imagine my surprise when I saw a text message from her and did not realize they were still friends.
My point: I imagine it wasn’t the most comfortable thing to hear him talking about his ex. But open communication in a relationship is healthy. If you are his safe haven, I can see why he felt comfortable talking to you about his ex. I agree with him that it doesn’t necessarily mean he still is in love with her, but when something or someone has taken up a considerable amount of time in our lives, whether it’s a job or a person, it’s unrealistic to just erase them from our memory. I haven’t read all of your posts so I don’t know the extent of how much he talked about her, if it was everyday I’d agree that that is excessive. But I don’t know that I agree that it was fair of you to say “NEVER bring up your ex again”. Essentially, that’s like telling him to “shut up” about his feelings or memories. I can understand why he was pissed off. When we enter relationships with people, we enter relationships with a WHOLE person. That includes their past as much as their future. I am not the most emotionally secure person either, but I don’t feel that it’s my right to tell someone they’re not allowed to discuss a piece of their past with me. Instead, I would take it as a compliment that they trust me enough to share that piece of themselves with me.
It sounds like he genuinely does love and care for you. Lucky for you, virgos typically don’t shy away from hard work and don’t mind getting their hands a little dirty in relationships. But keep in mind you cannot control people, you can only control how you REACT to people. It’s one thing to let him know that his actions hurt you and let him respond accordingly. But it’s another thing to outright tell him to never talk to you about her again. You just burnt a bridge that could have brought the two of you closer and could have given you more insight about what he values in a relationship, what ways he likes to be treated etc. We learn from our significant others exes all the time.. we learn what they liked AND what they didn’t like. It seems you only wanted to hear and learn from how she cheated and how she hurt him, but not how she built him up and made him happy.
Invaluable input.Thank you. It's just that I always felt that discussing an ex in front of you means that person is direspecting you. Sometimes he would always talk about their sex life. During the breakup talk he said I dont understand him at all and simply keep blaming him and that has killed his feelings for me as theres 0 understanding.
I want to sincerely work on that.
We both are talking normal now. He was going through our photos together and pictures of me which he had clicked and saved. We seem to be normal now. It might time a while for him to develop feelings for me again but I feel positive. I am really novice. I have a lot of learning to do in relationships. He's an eye opener for me. I just need to learn how to understand him,his virgo criticisms & him mentioning his ex and not taking any of them personally and let my insecurity arise again.
Posted by ScorpioTruth
Is your moon in Leo, Gia?
My moon,venus and mars are in Aquarius.
and just for an additional info - his venus is in scorpio and i find that really hot for some reason lol
Posted by -sierra-Posted by giaPosted by ScorpioTruth
To put some things into perspective, my ex of 10 years NEVER talked about his ex. In fact he kept their relationship kind of a secret from me. So imagine my surprise when I saw a text message from her and did not realize they were still friends.
My point: I imagine it wasn’t the most comfortable thing to hear him talking about his ex. But open communication in a relationship is healthy. If you are his safe haven, I can see why he felt comfortable talking to you about his ex. I agree with him that it doesn’t necessarily mean he still is in love with her, but when something or someone has taken up a considerable amount of time in our lives, whether it’s a job or a person, it’s unrealistic to just erase them from our memory. I haven’t read all of your posts so I don’t know the extent of how much he talked about her, if it was everyday I’d agree that that is excessive. But I don’t know that I agree that it was fair of you to say “NEVER bring up your ex again”. Essentially, that’s like telling him to “shut up” about his feelings or memories. I can understand why he was pissed off. When we enter relationships with people, we enter relationships with a WHOLE person. That includes their past as much as their future. I am not the most emotionally secure person either, but I don’t feel that it’s my right to tell someone they’re not allowed to discuss a piece of their past with me. Instead, I would take it as a compliment that they trust me enough to share that piece of themselves with me.
It sounds like he genuinely does love and care for you. Lucky for you, virgos typically don’t shy away from hard work and don’t mind getting their hands a little dirty in relationships. But keep in mind you cannot control people, you can only control how you REACT to people. It’s one thing to let him know that his actions hurt you and let him respond accordingly. But it’s another thing to outright tell him to never talk to you about her again. You just burnt a bridge that could have brought the two of you closer and could have given you more insight about what he values in a relationship, what ways he likes to be treated etc. We learn from our significant others exes all the time.. we learn what they liked AND what they didn’t like. It seems you only wanted to hear and learn from how she cheated and how she hurt him, but not how she built him up and made him happy.
Invaluable input.Thank you. It's just that I always felt that discussing an ex in front of you means that person is direspecting you. Sometimes he would always talk about their sex life. During the breakup talk he said I dont understand him at all and simply keep blaming him and that has killed his feelings for me as theres 0 understanding.
I want to sincerely work on that.
We both are talking normal now. He was going through our photos together and pictures of me which he had clicked and saved. We seem to be normal now. It might time a while for him to develop feelings for me again but I feel positive. I am really novice. I have a lot of learning to do in relationships. He's an eye opener for me. I just need to learn how to understand him,his virgo criticisms & him mentioning his ex and not taking any of them personally and let my insecurity arise again.
well, you've decided to try again
your past threads really made me very sympathetic with you coz you seemed to have had hesitations in entering into one in the first place only to end up being in one with a lot of.. trials
i hope that things do get better for you guys
i'm also a virgo dating a pisces man for almost 6 years nowclick to expand
You know it so well,Sierra. And 6 years is a long long time. I'm sure you have learnt a lot about my piscean breed too by now xD.
Posted by ScorpioTruth
It’s important to never lose ourselves or lose our voice in relationships. And it can be tricky at times, trying to improve ourselves and our relationships without losing sight of who we are. Always be true to yourself above all else. So please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that you should bottle your feelings go and not confront him.. but actually address your feelings head-on and before reacting in a way that you might regret, ask yourself WHY am I feeling this way?
I can understand the feelings of insecurity and feeling inadequate, at this point, she has invested more into him than you have. But she also had more time to do so, she had 2 years, so it seems she has a head-start. You’ve only had 1.. but the good news is, you still have time. You can’t compare your chapter 1 to her chapter 10. It took time for him to reach that level of emotional attachment with her, and it’s going to take him time to reach that level of emotional attachment to you. I understand completely what he was saying about the empty house. It was NOT meant as an insult. Instead I took as him saying he sees his relationship with you as a clean slate, a new beginning. Perspective is everything.
Another invaluable input. Thank you. This is what I needed to hear.
These were his exact words
He: "I have been with her for 2 and a half years so you are totally new to me. Like if u shift from one place to another
it takes time to adjust. For eg.I used to get all these things in that house but currently there are some problems in this house but we will fix it later with time. That house had an AC and this house doesnt so I have to install one.
That house didnt have a TV but this house has it. That house had all shops nearby but this house has them bit far so I'll have to walk a bit or order them online. Are you understanding what am I saying?"
Me: "yes.In short- that house was better "
He: " In short- when i went with her initially that time it was the same as it is for me with you now. It was a new home but after 2.5 years it got furnished. Now you're totally new to me. Non furnished. It will get furnished with time"
And i flipped out because my insecurity played its ugly part. Maybe I was jealous that he shared so much with her. I am not ashamed to admit that. I have to work on understanding this a lot.
I don’t like how he has you thinking you’re the only one at fault here.
Wasn’t he the one bringing up his ex during the birthday celebrations out of nowhere?
You are insecure but not without reason. Next time he mentions her again out of nowhere, don’t try and reason with him, disengage from him until he gets the fucking hint.
Cuz I can bet you if you try to talk to him about it he’ll spin it into you being problematic again.
Wasn’t he the one bringing up his ex during the birthday celebrations out of nowhere?
You are insecure but not without reason. Next time he mentions her again out of nowhere, don’t try and reason with him, disengage from him until he gets the fucking hint.
Cuz I can bet you if you try to talk to him about it he’ll spin it into you being problematic again.
Posted by -sierra-
does he comfort you over your insecurities or when you're hurt?
do you push him away?
He immediately understands with one look at my face that I am hurt. He'll immediately ask me what happened and if i'm okay. He does ask but I'm too grumpy when I'm mad at someone or sad. I look like a typical grumpy cat then and he used to say he finds it cute and that annoys me.
I don't speak up easily at that point so it gets annoying for the other person to pester me much. I withdraw all my affection from him that time and that's when he tries to cuddle me or kiss me the most to cheer me up but I frown at him or push him away and he gets mad and hurt in return.
About comforting my insecurities, he'll either say "i didnt mean it.I don't even remember what I said" or "i pointed out a fact. It was no way personal so stop taking it personally and misinterpreting me and blaming me for something which isnt true" and then few minutes later he'll try to caress me,cuddle me or kiss me and I frown and push him away and we end up fighting. Thats why he said my insecurities and ability to misunderstand him has eaten away his feelings for me..
Posted by AneemA04
Oh God, instead of feeling hurt I would be totally pissed off, so much so I would tell him to go get his ex back.
Deal with that yourself, bruh. I'm sorry I just won't put up with that. He should just go back to his ex.
He is such a waste of time
Geez!
Like this example: I was telling him how i'd love to cook his favourite meal for him.Then he started talking about this girl(his ex) and how she once cooked pasta for him and cutely said "oh i burnt it".
Shit! He is so lousy at appreciating you for cooking for him! That dude was insane. It would be such a turn-off for me, I wouldn't care to even talk to him for a good few days
This one too he talked about how she gifted him a shirt and everyone complimented her choice.
Bruh, then go get her to buy you something for your birthday *this year*. Coz I'm so not going give you any presents now, sorry
For this one, "That house had AC but in this house I'll have to buy and put an AC.That house didnt have a good TV but this house already has one.That house had all shops nearby but in this house i'll have to walk a bit to reach places or I'll have to order stuffs online."
Yeah but then again, what if both houses have become unavalaible for you to live in? You forget that possibility now, docha, love?
It sucks to be homeless, you know that?
"what's my fault if all these have happened with me? you havent been in such a relationship so you wont know what am I talking about. It takes time.You cant just forget someone. Even if they cheated on you, you'll still remember the times they made you feel special.If we are to ever breakup,will you never remember the times I did something special for you? Will you forget everything?".
Oh yes how special is that? Woohoo!
When was it again? Oh sorry, I am at the present moment, what about you, bruh. I wanted to make sure we are on THE SAME TIMEFRAME ffs
"You are totally new to me right now so you are non-furnished."
What is this crazy talk. Oh so you can actually furnish me? But wait, how come the furnitures aren't coming up til now. Bruh, really. Just forget about us.
Goodbye.
ahahaha I like the way you talk. I kinda rapped when I read this out loud xD
Posted by Mhmmm
I don’t like how he has you thinking you’re the only one at fault here.
Wasn’t he the one bringing up his ex during the birthday celebrations out of nowhere?
You are insecure but not without reason. Next time he mentions her again out of nowhere, don’t try and reason with him, disengage from him until he gets the fucking hint.
Cuz I can bet you if you try to talk to him about it he’ll spin it into you being problematic again.
I agree with you. I've never ever been an insecure person.
My insecurity stems from 2 reasons 1) his typical virgo nature of critizing 2)bringing up his ex's stories.
The only reason why I chose to fight for us instead of letting him breakup is because I do realize my shortcomings.
My insecurity got way too intense and I really never tried making an effort to understand him. I need to work on not taking things personally and try my best to understand him. If it still doesnt work,then of course.
We had all this talk over text as it's a weekend,we'd be meeting on tuesday in college. Clarifying things through texts can be highly notorious and i'm highly experienced in this matter. So, I decided that when we meet in college on Tuesday,I'd talk to him seriously. I dont want to blame him because that's one of the main reasons he's hurt.
I just want to tell him that when he fell for the highly secure me ,he never ever brought up his ex's stories nor criticize me as much. I want us to have an open honest talk about what we like and dont like about each other and if the bads are something we can work upon together. I'd address the fact that I dont want to hear much about his ex and i want him to only focus on us. I'll also make it a point to never ever mention her name. I'll make it clear that I want BOTH of us to work to make things better between us.
I hope this talk goes well.
PS- he just texted me a meme of a grumpy cat which says "When you trying to be mad at bae but you realize he's a good dude and you just a lil crazy at times"
Posted by giaPosted by Mhmmm
I don’t like how he has you thinking you’re the only one at fault here.
Wasn’t he the one bringing up his ex during the birthday celebrations out of nowhere?
You are insecure but not without reason. Next time he mentions her again out of nowhere, don’t try and reason with him, disengage from him until he gets the fucking hint.
Cuz I can bet you if you try to talk to him about it he’ll spin it into you being problematic again.
I agree with you. I've never ever been an insecure person.
My insecurity stems from 2 reasons 1) his typical virgo nature of critizing 2)bringing up his ex's stories.
The only reason why I chose to fight for us instead of letting him breakup is because I do realize my shortcomings.
My insecurity got way too intense and I really never tried making an effort to understand him. I need to work on not taking things personally and try my best to understand him. If it still doesnt work,then of course.
We had all this talk over text as it's a weekend,we'd be meeting on tuesday in college. Clarifying things through texts can be highly notorious and i'm highly experienced in this matter. So, I decided that when we meet in college on Tuesday,I'd talk to him seriously. I dont want to blame him because that's one of the main reasons he's hurt.
I just want to tell him that when he fell for the highly secure me ,he never ever brought up his ex's stories nor criticize me as much. I want us to have an open honest talk about what we like and dont like about each other and if the bads are something we can work upon together. I'd address the fact that I dont want to hear much about his ex and i want him to only focus on us. I'll also make it a point to never ever mention her name. I'll make it clear that I want BOTH of us to work to make things better between us.
I hope this talk goes well.
PS- he just texted me a meme of a grumpy cat which says "When you trying to be mad at bae but you realize he's a good dude and you just a lil crazy at times"click to expand
I get where you are coming from, but where is his effort in making it work? A relationship takes two to tango and there is no need for him to bring up his ex if you’re uncomfortable with it, period.
Your story struck a nerve with me as I’m a Pisces married to a Virgo man. We met when I was a similar age to you, and had similar issues.
Fighting for a relationship is good, working on yourself is good (and I do think you have to work on your communication and insecurity), but it should go both ways. His attitude right now is that everything is your fault which is simply false. I will give him some leeway as I think he’s probably young and not all that emotionally intelligent, but he should be smart enough to know not to bring up his ex if it’s a sore point for you. There is no need for it, no ifs or buts. That’s basic respect.
Please hold him to account, because a Virgo man will only respect you as much as you expect him to.
You approached this the wrong way.
Instead of reasoning with him that always having her name in his mouth means he’s still has feelings for her. You should’ve taken the stance that each time he brings her up it hurts you. Talking about her, comparing her to you is hurtful and harmful to your relationship. And if he cared about your relationship and what you are building together he would make an effort to change his behavior.
Instead you made it about him and he imploded. Honestly he would have lost his shit if you spent 30% of the time talking about an ex and all the wonderful gifts and thoughtful gestures they made. Only your a virgin right so you don’t have a prior relationship to shove under his nose.
Must be why your willing to put up with this shit. Let me put it this way for you, there are a million other guys out there that are better suited for you. The first relationship never lasts. Or the second. Or the third. On average it takes seven failed relationship before you find ‘the one’. Congrats! You have one down, six to go.
Let this guy go. Never beg someone to stay when they no longer want you. Right now your competing with the ghost of a girl, and losing. Let him keep himself warm at night with his memories if that’s what he wants.
Instead of reasoning with him that always having her name in his mouth means he’s still has feelings for her. You should’ve taken the stance that each time he brings her up it hurts you. Talking about her, comparing her to you is hurtful and harmful to your relationship. And if he cared about your relationship and what you are building together he would make an effort to change his behavior.
Instead you made it about him and he imploded. Honestly he would have lost his shit if you spent 30% of the time talking about an ex and all the wonderful gifts and thoughtful gestures they made. Only your a virgin right so you don’t have a prior relationship to shove under his nose.
Must be why your willing to put up with this shit. Let me put it this way for you, there are a million other guys out there that are better suited for you. The first relationship never lasts. Or the second. Or the third. On average it takes seven failed relationship before you find ‘the one’. Congrats! You have one down, six to go.
Let this guy go. Never beg someone to stay when they no longer want you. Right now your competing with the ghost of a girl, and losing. Let him keep himself warm at night with his memories if that’s what he wants.
Also I want to add, comparing you to a House is fucking vile. I’m not an object asshole, I’m a person with emotions and feelings.
Firstly,thank you all for your amazing input!! You all have been super supportive and awesome and I wholeheartedly appreciate it.
Secondly, I agree it has been a lot to put up with him talking about her. I did my ugly bit too by mentioning her a few times. Also,I 100% agree that he'd have been 1000000000000000000times more hurt than me had I spoken as much about any of my exes(been in 2 relationships...just never had sex). Weirdly my bf(currently on hold) thinks all my male besties have feelings for me and hit on me.Once I casually spoke about one of my male best friends(my bf hates him) and he thought I was comparing him to him and he got so mad that he still brings that up when we fight. When I told him that hows's it okay if he talks about his ex but not okay if I talk about my bestie,he said "She is my past.I have 0 ties with her and I have nothing to do with her anymore. He is presently with you and he hits on you".He did hit on me 6 times so I understand where is he coming from but still,whatever.
I am definitely not going to let this take any more wrong turns where he thinks he can threaten a breakup if i dont meet all his demands, or purposely torture me again by talking about his ex. He even said this today "I never thought you'd be so weak. If i ever end up taking her name again by any chance and just once,you'd get all depressed and start crying assuming I want her back.". So,I have decided that when we meet this tuesday,I'd have a long serious talk with him and tell him that talking about her is not acceptable by me and he has to stop if he wants us to build something fruitful. He has to make a choice. I want his response in a yes or a no. If he says no,I wont look back I'll leave. If he says yes, then all good. I am purposely holding this talk for Tuesday as I dont want to do in texting as it would ruin things even more.
Secondly, I agree it has been a lot to put up with him talking about her. I did my ugly bit too by mentioning her a few times. Also,I 100% agree that he'd have been 1000000000000000000times more hurt than me had I spoken as much about any of my exes(been in 2 relationships...just never had sex). Weirdly my bf(currently on hold) thinks all my male besties have feelings for me and hit on me.Once I casually spoke about one of my male best friends(my bf hates him) and he thought I was comparing him to him and he got so mad that he still brings that up when we fight. When I told him that hows's it okay if he talks about his ex but not okay if I talk about my bestie,he said "She is my past.I have 0 ties with her and I have nothing to do with her anymore. He is presently with you and he hits on you".He did hit on me 6 times so I understand where is he coming from but still,whatever.
I am definitely not going to let this take any more wrong turns where he thinks he can threaten a breakup if i dont meet all his demands, or purposely torture me again by talking about his ex. He even said this today "I never thought you'd be so weak. If i ever end up taking her name again by any chance and just once,you'd get all depressed and start crying assuming I want her back.". So,I have decided that when we meet this tuesday,I'd have a long serious talk with him and tell him that talking about her is not acceptable by me and he has to stop if he wants us to build something fruitful. He has to make a choice. I want his response in a yes or a no. If he says no,I wont look back I'll leave. If he says yes, then all good. I am purposely holding this talk for Tuesday as I dont want to do in texting as it would ruin things even more.
I am 99% positive he'd agree to it. He knew i won't give in my virginity so soon yet he has been with me for 6 months. We've been on overnight outtings and stayed in 6 hotels so far and he has never forced me to have sex. Neither am I too great looking. I am a simple nerdy woman who doesnt maintain herself but with some curves he loves. We have had plenty fights in these 6 months as virgo and pisces are total opposites but we never left each other. Ours has been a sweet sour relationship like a blue raspberry lemonade. So I know he does love me. He said he doesnt love me anymore given our last spat and my change in behavior but I know he internally does else he wouldnt have accepted my request of giving us a last chance. He'd have straightaway blocked me and disappeared instead. He said that he doesnt want to put any pressure on me to change something about me but just wants me to understand him a little and I think that's 100% fair as long as he takes care of his part. We've been talking normal now like we were 2 days ago.
I pray the Tuesday talk goes as positively as I'm hoping. *fingerscrossed*
I pray the Tuesday talk goes as positively as I'm hoping. *fingerscrossed*
My two cents
I’m a Virgo, and yes ur new...we mostly take a while to make a real connection with someone and that does take time for us.the fact that he’s even with you and willing to go through this round about arguing with u says he has strong feelings for you to me. I would have just said “ ok so this isn’t working goodbye”
Now about the ex thing. Yes if we truly loved someone and was forced to leave becuz we felt we had to, we have a harder time totally letting go of that person. We analyze why it didn’t work, could we have done something different,and why our partner did wat they did....we will do this over and over until we finally let go!!!!!
I understand how him bringing her up could make you feel upset, but honestly I think ur handling this situation of her “ death” ( Virgos move on by emotionally killing) the wrong way when it comes to a Virgo. I would have given the advice to remind him of all the painful times with her, ask him to tell you about the bad things, let hIm vent THAT out. Make urself his safe place Cuz if you force us to stay in our minds when we want someone we trust to help us release it- it all last longer. This is just most of our process.
Now finally you having a outpouring of emotions about the situation and having continual deep conversations about it 😂😂😂 sorry but WTH!!!!
Virgos do not like constant emotional talks, we don’t like to be drilled on the same thIng over and over. He gave you honest answers you should have taken that information and done Watever was best for you ( leave-stay) but once the conversation was talked about openly...shut up about it. Might sound brutal but ur dating a Virgo so u should be accustomed to directness.
Now I know I’m going against wat most would say here but idk
You sound way to emotionally insecure, unaware, and draining for a Virgo.move on find someone whose less in touch with reality. Someone less devoted where they can breakup a major relationship and after 6 months not even think about their ex.
My prediction is both of you will end up hurt if y’all stay together....
Good luck 🤷🏽♀️
I’m a Virgo, and yes ur new...we mostly take a while to make a real connection with someone and that does take time for us.the fact that he’s even with you and willing to go through this round about arguing with u says he has strong feelings for you to me. I would have just said “ ok so this isn’t working goodbye”
Now about the ex thing. Yes if we truly loved someone and was forced to leave becuz we felt we had to, we have a harder time totally letting go of that person. We analyze why it didn’t work, could we have done something different,and why our partner did wat they did....we will do this over and over until we finally let go!!!!!
I understand how him bringing her up could make you feel upset, but honestly I think ur handling this situation of her “ death” ( Virgos move on by emotionally killing) the wrong way when it comes to a Virgo. I would have given the advice to remind him of all the painful times with her, ask him to tell you about the bad things, let hIm vent THAT out. Make urself his safe place Cuz if you force us to stay in our minds when we want someone we trust to help us release it- it all last longer. This is just most of our process.
Now finally you having a outpouring of emotions about the situation and having continual deep conversations about it 😂😂😂 sorry but WTH!!!!
Virgos do not like constant emotional talks, we don’t like to be drilled on the same thIng over and over. He gave you honest answers you should have taken that information and done Watever was best for you ( leave-stay) but once the conversation was talked about openly...shut up about it. Might sound brutal but ur dating a Virgo so u should be accustomed to directness.
Now I know I’m going against wat most would say here but idk
You sound way to emotionally insecure, unaware, and draining for a Virgo.move on find someone whose less in touch with reality. Someone less devoted where they can breakup a major relationship and after 6 months not even think about their ex.
My prediction is both of you will end up hurt if y’all stay together....
Good luck 🤷🏽♀️
I wrote my response after reading just the first page...
Now that I’ve read more I just wanna say
“ told you so”🤷🏽♀️😂😂😂😂😂😂
Now that I’ve read more I just wanna say
“ told you so”🤷🏽♀️😂😂😂😂😂😂
Posted by Earthy
My two cents
I’m a Virgo, and yes ur new...we mostly take a while to make a real connection with someone and that does take time for us.the fact that he’s even with you and willing to go through this round about arguing with u says he has strong feelings for you to me. I would have just said “ ok so this isn’t working goodbye”
Now about the ex thing. Yes if we truly loved someone and was forced to leave becuz we felt we had to, we have a harder time totally letting go of that person. We analyze why it didn’t work, could we have done something different,and why our partner did wat they did....we will do this over and over until we finally let go!!!!!
I understand how him bringing her up could make you feel upset, but honestly I think ur handling this situation of her “ death” ( Virgos move on by emotionally killing) the wrong way when it comes to a Virgo. I would have given the advice to remind him of all the painful times with her, ask him to tell you about the bad things, let hIm vent THAT out. Make urself his safe place Cuz if you force us to stay in our minds when we want someone we trust to help us release it- it all last longer. This is just most of our process.
Now finally you having a outpouring of emotions about the situation and having continual deep conversations about it 😂😂😂 sorry but WTH!!!!
Virgos do not like constant emotional talks, we don’t like to be drilled on the same thIng over and over. He gave you honest answers you should have taken that information and done Watever was best for you ( leave-stay) but once the conversation was talked about openly...shut up about it. Might sound brutal but ur dating a Virgo so u should be accustomed to directness.
Now I know I’m going against wat most would say here but idk
You sound way to emotionally insecure, unaware, and draining for a Virgo.move on find someone whose less in touch with reality. Someone less devoted where they can breakup a major relationship and after 6 months not even think about their ex.
My prediction is both of you will end up hurt if y’all stay together....
Good luck 🤷🏽♀️
“Help me gain a better self esteem, to walk away from idiots and assholes” would be a better title to this thread.
Posted by Earthy
My two cents
I’m a Virgo, and yes ur new...we mostly take a while to make a real connection with someone and that does take time for us.the fact that he’s even with you and willing to go through this round about arguing with u says he has strong feelings for you to me. I would have just said “ ok so this isn’t working goodbye”
I agree. And the same goes for me too.
Posted by Earthy
Now about the ex thing. Yes if we truly loved someone and was forced to leave becuz we felt we had to, we have a harder time totally letting go of that person. We analyze why it didn’t work, could we have done something different,and why our partner did wat they did....we will do this over and over until we finally let go!!!!!
but she CHEATED on him.Not once,not twice,but THRICE. Even I have been in 2 relationships before and my first ex cheated on me. Initially I cried and sulked when we brokeup as he blamed me for falsely accusing him.However, 2months later when I confirmed his cheating story, it took me a fraction of a second to kill all my emotions for him and move on gladly. I thought cheating is such a killer that this is how it'd be for everyone but I guess not.
Posted by Earthy
I understand how him bringing her up could make you feel upset, but honestly I think ur handling this situation of her “ death” ( Virgos move on by emotionally killing) the wrong way when it comes to a Virgo. I would have given the advice to remind him of all the painful times with her, ask him to tell you about the bad things, let hIm vent THAT out. Make urself his safe place Cuz if you force us to stay in our minds when we want someone we trust to help us release it- it all last longer. This is just most of our process.
What mad me even more mad is this hypocrisy. When one of my male best friends(again a Virgo) proposed to me 6 times and I said no, he(my bf) used to get mad whenever his name came up. And guess what, it was never me who'd bring out his name. My bf used to take his name with some shitty excuse and get mad. He outright told me to forget him and never think about him. I accepted it. Now when he talks about his ex and I get mad about it, I become the insecure one. Does this sound right to you?
Posted by Earthy
You sound way to emotionally insecure, unaware, and draining for a Virgo.move on find someone whose less in touch with reality. Someone less devoted where they can breakup a major relationship and after 6 months not even think about their ex.
My prediction is both of you will end up hurt if y’all stay together....
Good luck 🤷🏽♀️click to expand
We make each other happy overall thats why we still remain together despite all the trivial-major arguments.
Normally people leave easily but the fact that we both are still together(and despite the fact that he's not getting sex from me anytime soon either) means something.
I recognize my flaws - my emotional insecurity and insecurity in general which have recently creeped up. He has played a role in this too so I'm going to have an open talk with him on Tuesday but it's something I need to work on and get back to becoming the person I was before-the girl he fell for. Likewise, I'm going to have to point out his mistakes too and he needs to agree on working on that. If both mutually decide to work on becoming better,then it's always worth a try. That's how I see it.
Posted by hippiecrite
“Help me gain a better self esteem, to walk away from idiots and assholes” would be a better title to this thread.
Probably many will hate me or turn against me after readin this but I'll still say it regardless..
You know, all relationships have problems - some major ,some trivial.
I wanted an opinion on how to handle my insecurity,how to understand him better from a virgo's perspective and what to do to make things better.
There are two types of people:
1) who get a new car when their old car's painting wears off
2) who repaint the old car and make it good again.
I believe in the 2nd one. Relationships are not something which is dispensable.
There will be problems - big,small,biggest but you dont just dump that relationship away unless neither are willing to try,then of course.
Had he not accepted to try one last time,then sure,I wouldnt have said anything more as there's no point.But he did agree and we are talking normal like how we always do. Isnt that suppose to be a positive thing?
Posted by giaPosted by hippiecrite
“Help me gain a better self esteem, to walk away from idiots and assholes” would be a better title to this thread.
Probably many will hate me or turn against me after readin this but I'll still say it regardless..
You know, all relationships have problems - some major ,some trivial.
I wanted an opinion on how to handle my insecurity,how to understand him better from a virgo's perspective and what to do to make things better.
There are two types of people:
1) who get a new car when their old car's painting wears off
2) who repaint the old car and make it good again.
I believe in the 2nd one. Relationships are not something which is dispensable.
There will be problems - big,small,biggest but you dont just dump that relationship away unless neither are willing to try,then of course.
Had he not accepted to try one last time,then sure,I wouldnt have said anything more as there's no point.But he did agree and we are talking normal like how we always do. Isnt that suppose to be a positive thing?click to expand
You’ve been together six months and you’re already in save the relationship mode. It shouldn’t be this hard.
Posted by giaWhen I told him that hows's it okay if he talks about his ex but not okay if I talk about my bestie,he said "She is my past.I have 0 ties with her and I have nothing to do with her anymore. He is presently with you and he hits on you".
0 ties with her except for the part where she's tied to his tongue. Man gtfoh with that nonsense.
Posted by giaPosted by hippiecrite
“Help me gain a better self esteem, to walk away from idiots and assholes” would be a better title to this thread.
Probably many will hate me or turn against me after readin this but I'll still say it regardless..
You know, all relationships have problems - some major ,some trivial.
I wanted an opinion on how to handle my insecurity,how to understand him better from a virgo's perspective and what to do to make things better.
There are two types of people:
1) who get a new car when their old car's painting wears off
2) who repaint the old car and make it good again.
I believe in the 2nd one. Relationships are not something which is dispensable.
There will be problems - big,small,biggest but you dont just dump that relationship away unless neither are willing to try,then of course.
Had he not accepted to try one last time,then sure,I wouldnt have said anything more as there's no point.But he did agree and we are talking normal like how we always do. Isnt that suppose to be a positive thing?click to expand
Repainting a car looks HORRIBLE. Not advised.
Also not advised... remaining in a car that refuses to deploy its airbags and keep you feeling safe. An unsafe car should not be driven, no matter how much you like the paint color.
"help my virguy get over his ex" is the tittle of the thread. You can't help someone get over an ex. Thats on him.
But what you can and have done is beg and plead with him not to leave you even though he's the one disrespecting you. Your setting a precedent to be his doormat. He know knows how far he can take it.
But what you can and have done is beg and plead with him not to leave you even though he's the one disrespecting you. Your setting a precedent to be his doormat. He know knows how far he can take it.
Hello fellas!! Just got done with my day.
I am not disagreeing with anyone.
I have an update to share.
So we met today after all that which happened.
I was sitting alone in my class and he came and kissed my forehead the way he always does.
I didn't react to it at all. He behaved absolutely normal with me like nothing so major ever happened. I had a WTF expression throughout the day. My best friend(our mutual friend) was absent today so that gave us more privacy.
He realized how this has affected me as I wasn't talking to him at all as I was hurt deep down with his "i dont love you anymore". So he started the talk of his own. He apologized and said he was extremely mad at that moment so he lost his calm and behaved that way. He said he purposely overdid and overstretched it because he wanted to see how far i'd go for wanting him and us. When i gave him the "You've gotto be kidding me.Ill break your bones" look, he said that given his experience of being cheated on,he felt scared that he'd invest so much of him on me and I'd end up leaving him someday too. He said that he trusts me completely now.
I told him it was a horrible thing he did and he apologized and said he really needed to see. He said everything is like before for him and then he took me out for an icecream to cheer me up.
This is how it is as of yet. Hope it continues *touchwood*
I am not disagreeing with anyone.
I have an update to share.
So we met today after all that which happened.
I was sitting alone in my class and he came and kissed my forehead the way he always does.
I didn't react to it at all. He behaved absolutely normal with me like nothing so major ever happened. I had a WTF expression throughout the day. My best friend(our mutual friend) was absent today so that gave us more privacy.
He realized how this has affected me as I wasn't talking to him at all as I was hurt deep down with his "i dont love you anymore". So he started the talk of his own. He apologized and said he was extremely mad at that moment so he lost his calm and behaved that way. He said he purposely overdid and overstretched it because he wanted to see how far i'd go for wanting him and us. When i gave him the "You've gotto be kidding me.Ill break your bones" look, he said that given his experience of being cheated on,he felt scared that he'd invest so much of him on me and I'd end up leaving him someday too. He said that he trusts me completely now.
I told him it was a horrible thing he did and he apologized and said he really needed to see. He said everything is like before for him and then he took me out for an icecream to cheer me up.
This is how it is as of yet. Hope it continues *touchwood*
He’s an ass and I would dump him.
The fact that she cheated is big too.
He’s going to leave you instead of making you comfortable and seeing your Perspective even a lil bit? He doesn’t care about you that much. Especially him saying you’re new after 6 months? It won’t get better. Let him use someone else to get over his cheating ex.
The fact that she cheated is big too.
He’s going to leave you instead of making you comfortable and seeing your Perspective even a lil bit? He doesn’t care about you that much. Especially him saying you’re new after 6 months? It won’t get better. Let him use someone else to get over his cheating ex.
Posted by gia
I'm not sure what to do right now. I have been highly insecure too and that has affected my relationship with him adversely to the point of him wanting a break up now. I really love this guy. We do argue a lot but we share the same core values and I really do love him. He told me i am 1000% insecure and that has eaten up this relationship.
Gaslighting is abuse.
Also who cares if he breaks up with you? Let him! He’d be doing yoi a favor since you can’t end it yourself. He’s made you insecure and now he’s blaming you? Wtf
Posted by gia
Hello fellas!! Just got done with my day.
I am not disagreeing with anyone.
I have an update to share.
So we met today after all that which happened.
I was sitting alone in my class and he came and kissed my forehead the way he always does.
I didn't react to it at all. He behaved absolutely normal with me like nothing so major ever happened. I had a WTF expression throughout the day. My best friend(our mutual friend) was absent today so that gave us more privacy.
He realized how this has affected me as I wasn't talking to him at all as I was hurt deep down with his "i dont love you anymore". So he started the talk of his own. He apologized and said he was extremely mad at that moment so he lost his calm and behaved that way. He said he purposely overdid and overstretched it because he wanted to see how far i'd go for wanting him and us. When i gave him the "You've gotto be kidding me.Ill break your bones" look, he said that given his experience of being cheated on,he felt scared that he'd invest so much of him on me and I'd end up leaving him someday too. He said that he trusts me completely now.
I told him it was a horrible thing he did and he apologized and said he really needed to see. He said everything is like before for him and then he took me out for an icecream to cheer me up.
This is how it is as of yet. Hope it continues *touchwood*
And also,forgot to add, I had an open detailed discussion with him. I told him that the reason why i had become insecure was because of his constant criticism and comparison to other girls plus his talks about his ex. He said that he'll completely stop the comparison and ex talks if it disturbs me that much. He said the criticism is only so i look my best. He ended with how he always knew i'm a wife material and not a girlfriend material. I dont understand that statement much but I'll leave it at that.
Posted by gia
I begged and pleaded,like how it usually goes. I admitted that I have been too insecure lately and my increasing aggresive and short-tempered behavior stems from my insesecurity.
My insecurity stems from two things- him pointing out my flaws most of the times(he does compliment me too though when I look sexy) combined with him talking about his ex.
I told him this is something I can and need to fix. I promised him that I'll work on it.After a lot of discussion and stubborn breakup talks, i had us reach one final solution.
I told him that i have full faith in our relationship so I want us to give us a last chance. I told him that let's continue this till 31st October. If he feels he still loves me by then so we'll continue our relationship and if he doesn't have feelings for me again by then,so he's free to leave and I wont stop him this time. He agreed to it,surprisingly and thankfully.
He told me that we both have to remain natural and I shouldnt be fake just for the sake of holding our relationship for a few days longer. He said if we fight even once during this period before 31st,he's leaving and I had to agree to it.
Where’s your parents? mother or father? Older sister or cousin? What would they say about you begging for a man? Never beg a man let alone another person. He literally told you his feelings are dead and you bargained yourself respect to get him to come back? This isn’t right. Why do you feel the need to beg for a man?
He’s pointing out your flaws, ie: negging. And gaslighting you. This isn’t right. And your running back to him begging for more abuse. Ask yourself why you put up with this.
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