I can't quite figure out if we're friends or what

Hi, new here. Just wanted to ask regarding my Virgo guy friend at work. First off, I'm not quite familiar of cusp and other stuff but to give you an idea about him..his birthday is on September 11th. He's actually quite a people person, brilliant guy, witty, simple and caring. Everyone in our office are charmed by him. Very surprising because I'M a Virgo too and I'm the "usual" shy, introvert, very reserved type compared to him.

I do initiate the first move to get to know him because I like him..but then I don't always get him into a conversation or approach him or push myself to him, I always give him space to breathe and do his things. I make an effort to say hi, wave at him, and make him see how I'm having fun like whenever everyone at the office go out for drinks and karaoke nights. He loves singing btw, has an amazing voice. I have a good voice too and I'm glad that he's impressed. I'm the one who start small talks which terrifies me just so I could talk to him. I'd open up Game of Thrones which apparently his favorite series too. He responds like a nerd most times, but his treatment towards me is different from the others. Like, we've known each other for a year and yet he seems different towards me. Only to me. I understand the cold treatment because I have those moments too. He does that stare, always, even from afar. He'd always walk past my cubicle even if it's not an easy route to the pantry, but whenever I wave, he'd look and say nothing. It makes me feel like he really doesn't treat me as a friend, just a colleague. But I try to be a friend, still. Since then I always think "what did I do?" Or "did I do something wrong to him?" Or "he thinks I'm boring"..funny we are both Virgo but even I couldn't get what's up with him. Most times he'd catch the same elevator I'd take and he'd ignore me. When I'm with someone, he'd greet that person only. I'm like air all if the sudden, it's sad.

Sometimes when I talk to someone about my favorite music, he'd walk by and sing. Quite a tease. He'd sing some of the songs of bands I happily share to my friends at the office sometimes. At group bar hoppings I'd catch him staring at me, and I'd feel scared but then I'd recover after having a smoke and smile back. He'll just look away. A friend at the office told me something about him. She asked, "you like teasing her (me) to other guys huh, what if she likes you more than those guys?" He just stared at my friend and fell quiet, finished his coffee, that's it

My friend is so persistent in asking a lot to him. One time she asked if he'd date a girl who smokes and he said a solid yes because he thinks it's quite cool. He said he'd date a girl who like to read, artistic, simple, and interested to learn new things.

Last month he left the country for a new career opportunity. I gave him a present and he totally like it, said he'd always wanted to get one. I wasn't expecting anything in return, but he got someone to phone me just to invite me over for a little party he's having. I found out that he personally invited others except me. He asked another guy to invite me. I got confused. Then at the party, he didn't talk to me. I was hoping this time he's comfortable with me even a little bit. But he just sit next to me, having fun with everyone. I'm like a boulder in there, gosh. The whole night we didn't talk. Always his habit, sitting/standing near me and ignoring me. He'd walk behind me, stare, be quiet. But to others he's a freakin firework. But then I always show interest in a tactful way possible and not minding how he responds. Although it worries me if we're even friends.

I just want to know if he likes me. I feel like I'm growing very very fond of him and it sucks haha 🙂 I don't want to freak him out so I take careful steps when approaching him, even if it's breaking my introvert nature.

I think he's playing mind games with you. I'm not exactly sure what he's trying to achieve here. He probably just wants you to fall for him. Beyond that, I don't think he has any plans. One response could be to ignore him; that will frustrate him and he might be more forthcoming.

Tbh, I think he is trying to be civil to you. You try too hard to be his friend and I think it makes him run for the hills. You're obviously not friends or you'd talk a lot and there would be a lot of Virgo banter. I just think he isn't into you and since you both work into the same place, he's trying to be civil to you. It feels like you're chasing him.

As a Virgo woman, I never had to doubt a Virgo guy's interest in me. They are on the same level of assertiveness as Aries Men when it comes to me. He would tease you and banter with you and ask you out.

Posted by yazlan
I'm not exactly sure what he's trying to achieve here. He probably just wants you to fall for him

Uhm..

He doesn't talk to her, doesn't initiate convos and doesn't invite her at the party. Despite inviting everyone else.

Maybe this unfathomable "what he's trying to achieve here" is just a guy who likes his work space drama free and civil, so he acts polite to a coworker. Nothing more than this.

Thanks for the replies! 😄

@Damnata oh I didn't know I came out too strong 😢 one more thing, ever since my first few days at work, He didn't really talk to me. As if he selectively done that? I'm not sure how to explain but yeah ever since I started working in the office, felt like a stranger and so I decided to talk to him to be nice. I don't wanna ruin everything as a new girl on my first few months not talking to people, need to overcome shyness because communication is importannt in the company. I only tried talking to him when in office night-outs and it happened like 3 times the whole year. We barely talk at work about work because we usually have different projects. To sum all up, our time spent talking in a year is just equal to a month. He only teased me during those night outs, he teases me to other guys like we're close friends talking about crushes, that kind of fun. So, I didin't know he was that sensitive.. 😢 maybe he doesn't acknowledge me as pary of the group because I'm still new or something? And I'm not flirting btw, not like those ladies at the office hanging around with him..

@yazlan Thanks for your reply as well! 😄

Ah, the mind games part..he definitely likes that. The falling for me thing, I dunno, feel like he hates me but surprisingly he's not avoiding me or avoiding situations when he and I are involve. Like I said, we only get together at night outs and that's the only time I talk. I'm super quiet at work when I'm focused on my tasks, going out to lunch in groups talking about interesting and smart stuffs helps me overcome my shyness 🙂 Just weird that he asked someone to call me to really go to his party. And yea he invited people personally, but not everyone in the office, just his close colleagues. So..he doesn't hate me then haha

I don't always talk to him but I always talk to our colleagues and have fun with them. If he ignores me, I don't mind. Most times I ignore him too because, we rarely work together depending on the project so there's no point of talking work-related all the time..and it's a rare moment to be with him, I figured I take the chance to make small talks..so I can say I'm not at all flirting or anything. Just saying hi and trying to be friends with everyone in a simple way. Because also, our company requires communication..I can't be quiet all the time..

Posted by faceroll
if he ignores you why do you care about where he's at with you? i'm not trying to be mean... but... if he wanted to be your friend he would do things to show you he wanted your friendship. if he liked you as more than a friend he would make the effort to show you how interested he is because he wouldn't want you to find someone else instead.

i get that you're in your feelings. but think logically.

someone who does the things he does, including ignoring you, isn't concerned about your feelings and aren't trying to be your friend let alone anything more.

what are you hoping to accomplish by asking the virgos questions?

you seem pretty honest with yourself about his actions beyond attaching significance to him "staring" at you. that's usually a delusion a woman is attaching significance to because they're grasping at straws wanting a man to be more interested than he actually is. his actions are telling you otherwise. the fact he looks at you sometimes is the least significant thing in all of this.

Oh I know how to use a quote now 🙂 thanks for the inputs faceroll

And no you're not mean, I respect your answer for that so thank you! He only did something before like sharing good music, when he found out the bands I like and that he found out that I have a great voice too, that's it. And tv series as well. I have two other Virgo friends, a man and a lady, and we just clicked you know. I'm having fun having friends interested in the same things I'm into. As for him, maybe I'm just pressured to get to know everyone at the office cause I feel I'm still that new girl? Maybe because I'm just interested to get to know him because I already know almost everyone and they are such friendly people even though I'm a quiet type. And he's a challenge. Part of me wants to stop and let him be..so I'm considering that plan too.

He's making small talk since you are work colleagues. Don't start spinning a fantasy based on that.

You're there to work. This isn't a close gathering of friends, it's your place of employment. It seems like you treat it as a social event. It's good that you're going out of your shell and talking to people but remember where you're at and keep it brief and professional.

I'd throw a guess there that the reason he asked someone to invite you to the party and didn't do it himself is that he realizes you're into him. He didn't want to ostracize anyone from work by not inviting them but knew you'd probably get your hopes up if he called you himself so he asked someone else to do it. He had no problem in inviting the rest because the rest of the people don't hang onto his every word or stare thrown their way.

I don't understand this pressure people have to befriend other people. It happens organically or it doesn't.

Posted by Damnata
He's making small talk since you are work colleagues. Don't start spinning a fantasy based on that.

You're there to work. This isn't a close gathering of friends, it's your place of employment. It seems like you treat it as a social event. It's good that you're going out of your shell and talking to people but remember where you're at and keep it brief and professional.

I'd throw a guess there that the reason he asked someone to invite you to the party and didn't do it himself is that he realizes you're into him. He didn't want to ostracize anyone from work by not inviting them but knew you'd probably get your hopes up if he called you himself so he asked someone else to do it. He had no problem in inviting the rest because the rest of the people don't hang onto his every word or stare thrown their way.

I don't understand this pressure people have to befriend other people. It happens organically or it doesn't.

Thanks again Damnata, appreciate all your opinions on this. And yea I'd agree with your guess about the invitation thing.

Got no other questions on this anymore, thanks for all the answers! 🙂

If you have to ask if you're friends then you're not. But asking about if he's interested in you then it seems he's just playing games... And since he left the country... Why do you even care?