logic vs. feelings

I met a virgo man when I was on business in another state back in June (in the town where he resides). We had an instant connection and talked for hours the first night we met. I was there for the weekend and we spent the majority of the time together. I went home knowing I liked him but for once, as a crab, was the logical one... I didn't think it would go anywhere because we live several states apart. He knew that I am newly divorced and have two small children. Regardless, he (not I) said he wanted to try and make a long-distance relationship work.

The first month or so was wonderful. He flew out to see me, texted me on a daily basis, was there for me whenever I needed him (and vice versa). Gradually, I noticed him pulling away. I figured there was another girl back home he had started seeing. I asked him from time to time if he was sure he was okay with my situation (divorce, kids) and he always said yes, he knew what he was getting into. We eventually broke up in August. He told me that he didn't want a "prepackaged, ready-made family." I get that, from a bachelor's standpoint... who wants a woman who is in my position? But I thought differently because he was constantly reassuring me up until we broke up. So we decided to be "friends."

It's difficult to even be friends with him because 1. I still like him and 2. he makes no effort to be friends. I wait 2 or 3 weeks to contact him (giving him his virgo space), and he rarely replies. I suggested the other night that maybe we just need to exit one another's lives. He replied that it was "probably for the best." I'm not convinced that he doesn't have feelings for me as we just saw each other 2 weeks ago and he was affectionate with me just like before, watching me when he thought I was looking, etc.

I'm very intrigued with virgo's ability to put their feelings aside and look at the "reality" behind the situation. I'm jealous because as a cancer, I have a difficult time doing that. If I like someone, I'll bend over backward to make it work, regardless of the circumstances.

My question for you virgos is, is it possible for him to still have feelings for me yet turn away from the situation simply because it's not practical? ***I'm past having a relationship with him,*** but for someone to want me out of their life completely -- to close all doors to communication forever -- boggles my mind. Can ya help a girl understand?

Yes we tend to think with practicality and logic vs. emotion. However I would chalk this one up to the statistics here. Long distance relationships rarely work.

I think what Shaka was saying, is to put it bluntly, guys talk about women as having baggage and no baggage. Your guy buttered it up, very nicely I might add (Might have to use pre-packaged famiily), and we rarely will ever see another's child as our own, and only want what we create. We are selfish people. 😢

Doing any business in Kansas beautiful? 😛

Thank you both for your honest opinion. It hurts to think that there are no feelings there at all, and I don't know why I care when he's so far away.

OP3CRIMSIN -- funny, when I read your post, I was freaking out because HE lives in Kansas. Weird.....

haha, yeah, that's me! How've you been, long time no talk! lol j/k 🙂

Yeah, thanks for asking now ya jerk! lmao... j/k 😉

Thank you Pandora. Are you a male? Does this sound like a logic over feelings situation to you?

How would he have lost control in this situation? Like in his feelings? Because he had me wrapped around his finger.

Well, dang. So if I did everything right and he started to fall for me, I still lose? 😢

Amen to a Virgo losing it only when they can feel the control slipping away. Unless we're talking about the bedroom. I think your situation was a lose/lose. He probably was truthful about the pre-packaged family bit, the LDR was a bust from the get-go, and he probably reflected one day and saw his life all planned out and the plans didn't go his way. I know he thought you were a knockout and probably had a great time with you, but we've got our own plans. Sadly, you would've probably had to be kidless and closer in proximity. And there are so many levels of "wrapped around your finger" but all of them mean no control for the male. We need to be appreciated, for even the most minute of tasks, given our space, petted, watched, and felt needed. Those were the good words. Not buttered up would be, insecure, self-conscious, control-freak, attention-whore, and sulker. I prefer the former adjectives and verbs. lol

lol thanks, OP3CRIMSIN. I really appreciate ya'll being honest with me. You've hit the nail on the head. Talking about helps as some form closure. He texted me tonight and said he'd call me tomorrow, adding that it was my idea to cutoff all contact. It was really more like a question... like, "Do you honestly want to be friends because I'm tired of being ignored." I don't think a text ever 2 or 3 weeks is smothering him by any means (I try really hard not to do that). Ugh. Why does it have to be so dang complicated.

So yeah, I'll fill ya in on the drama tomorrow. :-/

wow, sorry for all the typos... it's time to hit the sheets!!!

Darn PG-13 Forums. I didn't type attention-just like me, I typed attention-wh0r3

Testing, testing, 1,2,3.

4ss: ass
4ssh0l3: asshole
4nus: anus
4sshat: asshat
b1tch: bitch
b4stard: bastard
bl0w m3: blow me
b(_)mf1ght: bumfight
c0ck: cock
c(_)nt: cunt
cookiemonster: cookiemonster
cr4p: crap
d1ck: dick
d1ckfore: dickfore
d(_)mb4ss: dumbass
d0(_)che: douche
d0(_)cheb4g: douchebag

d0nkey r4p1ng sh1t 3at3r: donkey raping shit eater
d0rk: dork
dyk3: dyke
d1ld0: dildo
durk4 durk4: durka durka
f4g: fag
f4gg0t: faggot
f(_)ck: fuck
f(_)ck3d: fucked
f(_)ck1ng: fucking
f4rt: fart
fl4m3r: flamer
f3llat10: fellatio
f(_)dg3p4ck3r: fudgepacker
g4y: gay
g0dd4m: goddam
g00ch: gooch
h0m0: homo
h0m0s3x(_)al: homosexual
j4ck4ss: jackass
l3sb1an: lesbian

mcf4gg0t: mcfaggot
m(_)ffd1ver: muffdiver
n(_)ts4ck: nutsack
p3ck3r: pecker
p3n1s: penis
p00st4bb3r: poostabber
p0rn: porn
p(_)55y: pussy
p4nsy: pansy
p0l3sm0k3r: polesmoker
p00n: poon
pr1ck: prick
p(_)rpl3 h3ad3d y0g(_)rt sl1ng3r: purple headed yogurt slinger
q(_)33f: queef
q(_)33r: queer
r1mj0b: rimjob
scr0t3: scrote
sh1t: shit
sh1th3ad: shithead

sl(_)t: slut
sn4tch: snatch
t4rd: tard
t3st1cle5: testicles
th(_)nd3rc(_)nt: thundercunt
t1t: tit
tw4t: twat
tw4tw4ffl3: twatwaffle
v4g1na: vagina
v4jayjay: vajayjay
wh0r3: whore
w4nk3r: wanker

Mr. Hollands An(_)s: Mr. Hollands Anus
Fl0r1Bama G4ng B4ng: Floribama Gang Bang
Al4bama H0t P0cket: Alabama Hot Pocket
Gl4ss B0tt0m B0at: Glass Bottom Boat
Ch1lli R4inb0w: Chilli Rainbow
C4nad1an T0p H4t: Canadian Top Hat
Angry Dr4gon: Angry Dragon
Bl(_)mpk1n: Blumpkin
D(_)tch Ov3n: Dutch Oven
A1r B1sc(_)it: Air Biscuit
R(_)sty Tr0mb0n3: Rusty Trombone
B4by Sea1 Cl(_)bb3r: Baby Seal Clubber
4ss Sp3l(_)nk3r: Ass Spelunker
D1rty S4nch3z: Dirty Sanchez
C0ck J(_)ggl1ng Th(_)nd3r C(_)nt: Cock Juggling Thundercunt

well okay then! lol

1f u c4n r34d th15 u r34lly n33d 2 g3t l41d

log in and turn off the language filter, it fixes all the "buttery" "treetrunking" random words that get replaced.

my thread totally got hijacked! :-s

Welcome to dxp, thread derailing is common.

No relationships are ever easy - short or long distance. It is clear, however, that in one month he had peaked. When he flew out, when he was texting every day etc was the peak of it all; he knew a few things deep down. Firstly - he didn't want a "pre-packaged family." Though, he was busy assuring you otherwise. Which was unfair on you because as you stated in your post, you had asked if he was fine with the situation several times. Secondly, he knew that he couldn't keep that sort of level of effort or commitment up. That is why he pulled away. He was never actually committed to it.

In the end, sometimes it's better to fully break away from a situation like this and move on. The main thing to remember is that you deserve to be treated with more respect and you deserve honesty. Least we forget that your time, feelings, commitment and effort are all important, and all should be valued, not be taken advantage of.

Thank you, Aquaguy. I can't tell you how much that means to me to read that. I do feel like I got the short end of the stick here. I hate the way it ended. I guess it's a lesson learned...

I've learned alot from reading this thread. My experience with Virgo followed a similar pattern. Intense, then some reflection, not so intense. Then little contact, then I step back, then he steps toward me. But very little contact.

It was a very clear case of losing control in the beginning, and he admitted that to me. I didn't know Virgo well enough to know what to do with that info. Alot of what was in his heart just came flooding out. I was overwhelmed, amused, suprised and felt very warm, that this person would be feel so strongly so soon.

It was the after-thought "OMG, What have I done, this isn't practical....." response (not verbal, just in actions) that kind of hit me for a loop.

It's how to deal with it now, that is hard.

I really appreciate the comments above that state "Your time and energy and commitment is worth something."

I think that's the way to focus and be able to move on.
That your time, and my time, is worth something. That your heart and my heart deserve to be treated with respect, and not just left to sit and languish.

So you move forward, step by step.
And I'll move forward, step by step.