My virguy has psychosis

Hello everyone. I posted a few months back asking for advice about a Virguy who I went on a date with. We went on a second date 2 weeks after the first, to the cinema and had such a great time. We talked loads, got on really well and had lots of laughs.

He then confessed to me that he has been having psychotic episodes since he was 15 (he is 20 now) and does not take medication for it. His doctors do know of his situation. It scared me slightly but he's never been anything but normal with me. We carried on with our date and I put it out of my mind. When I arrived home there was a very chatty message waiting for me online, sent online minutes after we had parted. He's never been so quick about stuff like that before. I sent him a message asking him to explain what he told me further and he took a week to do so but eventually sent a very honest message detailing what was going on and how his problems with seeing and hearing things that aren't there has disrupted his life. I feel so bad for him that he has to go through such pain but I also felt very honoured that he trusted me enough to share this with me. I sent him a message back saying that I understood and wanted to see him again. He has not replied and that was a week ago. I sent him a 'how are you?' type text today and he has not replied to that either.

He's always been bad at replying to things and seems to be quite elusive but I am wondering if he is shying away because he feels to exposed in the light of what he has told me. How long before he feels okay about talking to me again? I made sure not to make a big deal of his problems (I told him that there is a history of mental illness in my family and that I understand this stuff quite well).

What do you think? Btw, he has moon in Pisces. Thank you so much for your help.

Right ok. Well he told me that he sees and hears things that aren't there. Mostly faces and images.
I know he's smoked weed in the past but nothing harder than that. His Dad and Uncle are bipolar.

Just because others don't see what he sees doesn't mean it isn't there ... dimensions do exist, by the way .. and not every person is connected.


If a person was experiencing such things, and these things were reported to a head-doctor, then naturally they would be diagnosed as being psychotic ... of course this is what the doctor would conclude and if this man has been told this since childhood then naturally, he would grow to believe that this mental illness exists.


But, just because he was told he is ill .. doesn't mean he is. He might actually be seeing and hearing things on a different plane.


You told him that you understand because you have people in your family who are mentally ill .. but, that isn't really telling him that you understand, you know ... that's telling him that you accept that he's crazy. That's not the same thing.

What he probably wants to hear from you is that you don't think something like that makes him psychotic, for there could be an explanation for it.

That's probably what he wanted to hear from you ... rather than hearing "it's ok if you're sick in the head dude, because I have nut-jobs in my family too"

Posted by masomenos
Right ok. Well he told me that he sees and hears things that aren't there. Mostly faces and images.
I know he's smoked weed in the past but nothing harder than that. His Dad and Uncle are bipolar.

He doesn't know that they aren't there .. if he sees them and hears them, then to him they are there.

don't you believe what you see?


He has been told they aren't there .... big difference.

Wow. Thank you Domino. I was on the brink of putting something angry as a facebook status to let him know that i don't like waiting but I will try to be more patient! The trouble is that I'm in this limbo where I think he's gone off me for some reason and I don't know why. It would be odd if he went off me so soon after being so sweet and talkative with me.

p-angel: I do believe that he's a very spiritual person and SO creative, it is possible that he is connected to higher planes. the trouble is that it makes him miserable, his voices and visions aren't revelatory, they're troubling and they've brought his life to a standstill. it's not so much the psychosis element that bothers me; it's how he's completely shut down and not spoken to me for a week after telling me about it. i think the majority of people would flip out after being told what he told me but i didn't, i tried to listen and understand. but still he's shutting me out.

I am a Virgo male and would not dream of revealing something so deep about myself. If I suffered from such a problem I would not reveal it unless I had some sort of episode in your presence that made explanation necessary. This would be something I dealt with once we were on our way to a committed relationship. Virgo males are for the most part very concerned with how they are perceived so revealing something like this at such an early stage seems strange to me. It is my opinion the information may even be false though true or not I believe it was designed to scare you off, once that did not work he opted to simply ignore you. If you reconnect with him ask specifics about his treatment and medications, last episode, and general outlook on living his life with this illness and look for holes in his story. I know it's hard to see now because his actions and story make him seem mysterious which creates polarity and builds attraction but this is not an individual that you want to build a future with and please understand I do not say this due to the possibility of him having mental problems it is the fact that he is ignoring you, no male of any sign who is genuinely interested in someone would leave her hanging like that, he is either extremely insecure and or mental ill, hiding something, or playing games, none of these scenarios bodes well for a healthy relationship. I would suggest approaching from a friendship basis from now on and take it from there.

leave...get out now while your still mentally stable

This guy needs to deal with his disorder before he can ever think about a relationship. Kudos to him for warning you but this could be a lifelong issue (adjusting medications, getting the proper diagnosis) and is very difficult for family members much less a girl he just met.

As far as communicating on other planes, what if one of his communications is with God who tells him repeatedly that you are the devil and must be killed? He himself admitted he was having delusions not an artistic sensitivity or psychic ability so take his advice and don't go looking for rainbows in the dark.

The delusions can be definite signs of schizophrenia. It's mainly a biological disorder, and if his dad and grandfather have also suffered from some sort of mood or personality disorder, then it's very possible that he could be too. Marijuana usage could have just made him more susceptible to it. He definitely needs help before he can think about anything serious. From what I've read, a lot of delusions can be spiritual/religious in nature. You can definitely stick by his side and support him in any type of help that he needs, but abandoning him, pushing/forcing him to do things, ect won't be helpful at all. No one is forcing you to be completely understanding of his issues because no one really understands what he's going through except for himself and people who have suffered the same thing. Like others said, be more patient with him and go to him when he needs you most.

Him not replying is just a Virgo thing.
Which decan is he?
1st [August 23rd-31st]
2nd [September 1st-10th]
3rd [September 11th-22nd]

I have found Virgos with Moon in Pisces to be very confused and challenged people. The battle between logic and emotion would be terrible.

He took a big step in letting you know this early, it will take a bit longer to learn more.

urbanjedi - thanks for your response. To be honest, despite my misgivings about some of the things he does I don't believe that he's lying to me. He asked me out twice and on both dates he was sweet and kind and flirty; why would he do this if he was trying to scare me off? An easier, more direct way to do it (and to show he only liked me as a friend) would be to talk about some other girl he liked. But he didn't do this. After having told me on the second date, he went back to being all lovely to me and paid for dinner.

mistery - i had the same worry myself about him developing bad delusions relating to me, especially if we were emotionally involved. Much as i like him, I don't want to put myself in danger.

candeh - thank you for your very sympathetic response, you're very kind.

buttercup - i know that i am very strong and i believe i could handle this stuff as i have had experience with it before. thank you.

cajun - hello again! he is third decan, september 15. do you think he could be retreating because he feels he let me know too much too soon? I was surprised when he told me not only because of the nature of the information but because it is so personal and it was only our second date. I believed virgos were more private than that. I agree that his sun opposed his moon is very difficult for him to deal with.

Thank you everyone for your help, I appreciate it.

The main problem is getting him to talk to me. When we're together he's very chatty and responsive but when we're apart it takes him a long time to talk/respond to anyting. And now with what he's told me he's become even more distant.

Posted by masomenos

cajun - hello again! he is third decan, september 15. do you think he could be retreating because he feels he let me know too much too soon? I was surprised when he told me not only because of the nature of the information but because it is so personal and it was only our second date. I believed virgos were more private than that. I agree that his sun opposed his moon is very difficult for him to deal with.

He's not retreating... he's just pacing. He's given a lot out and needs to recharge for a while.

Who doesn't retreat after a mental spew? That was quite brave of him to lay that all out on the table. And here comes the doubt at acceptance. Natural segue to make. Give him time. Let him regroup.

Okay. When you said a month back that I would need to be patient with him I think I underestimated it! I thought that dating someone involved talking to them every day/every few days not once every couple of weeks. Is that normal for a Virgo? I've never had anything go this slow before, it takes some getting used to.

I think that depends on the man masomenos. Some men think nothing of letting days and longer swallow them up then they breeze back in like they've never left, others you'd think it would be akin to tearing off an arm to leave your side for a second. You're dealing with a double hit because ( by his own admission ) he's having mental issues. Take a deep breath in, slowly let it out and RELAX. If you don't get word, then accept that's his choice, and move on.

Posted by masomenos
Okay. When you said a month back that I would need to be patient with him I think I underestimated it! I thought that dating someone involved talking to them every day/every few days not once every couple of weeks. Is that normal for a Virgo? I've never had anything go this slow before, it takes some getting used to.

you talk about this guy like he's a normal guy...he is not, dating someone with a mental health disability is not your typical guy, he's not the kind that will play by typical dating rules, he pretty much is taking care of himself every second on the second and some people (most people) especially romantic relationships will feel neglected, he only has so much energy for himself, it's him him him, all about him...Why would you even consider being romantic with this guy I dunno but you are in for a long roller coaster ride mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically. Actually what you thought ( dating someone involved talking to them every day/every few days not once every couple of weeks.) isn't inaccurate it's just that in this case it doesn't apply to him...throw out everything you ever thought about what's normal when dating b/c it won't work with a guy like this...He has his own timeline, he's constantly monitoring and tending to himself, recharging and who knows when that will end, he will get back to you when he has the energy and the focus to share himself with you. The best thing you can do is not worry about him, don't push via text, phone calls and email out of the blue, leave him alone and he will appreciate the effort and understanding and will soon come back to you if he's still interested.

Not only is the process slow, it's arduous, it's frustrating, it's sometimes annoying, it feels hard being romantic with a man with mental illness, everything is ass backwards and you have to be super independent emotionally or he will hurt you not so much intentionally but their is a certain level of selfishness on his part that comes with this kind of guy, your not just dating him, your dating his illness and the illness typically comes first before anyone else...You have to be beyond patient to deal with this kind of guy.

I think someone said be his friend..I would caution you to take his advice

Wow tiki, I'm practically crying here. I am not in love with this guy at this point but I do feel very attached to him. It's so disappointing to learn that there's this big thing between us that is going to make everything more difficult; I do feel like I have put a lot of effort into my interactions with him and have been quite emotionally invested in making it work. I was so delighted when he finally asked me out.

I did think that we could work through his illness and it wouldn't get in the way. But I'm worried that you may be right and it might just be too hard to date someone with this illness, especially with us both being so young and generally inexperienced with both life and relationships.

I don't meet people like this guy very often. He struck me as different the very moment I met him and we get on like no other guy I've ever known, not even the guy I was in love with a year ago. I don't want to use the word 'heartbroken' because it's so strong but I feel so let down and disappointed.

masomenos you seem like a very loving, nurturing person and typically that's the kind of women that are strongly drawn to men with mental illness, the nurturers, the co-dependents, the low self esteem women, women that are lost, naive, a healthy woman would never stay with a man with mental illness at the risk of losing her own damn mind, her life, her identity...

Per my own experience (yes I'm a reformed nurturer and many moons ago I have dated a couple of guys with mental issues such as schizophrenia/bipolar/depression etc)it was exhausting on every level, mentally, emotionally, physically....You have to be careful b/c these kind of men are addictive and some have addictive personalities, not sure if he's a drug user or impulsive but those are things you need to know, does he have high risk sex, do drugs, womanizer (get high off of new women) I could go on and on but make sure you fully understand how his illness will effect your whole life...IMO they are needy but usually have a way of turning it around and making everyone else needy, oh the mind games, gotta figure out if that's part of his illness (projection is a muthaf*cka with these kind of men) It's good when it's good but when it's bad OMG just dig a grave already and get some rest....I won't discourage you from pursuing this but the energy you have already expended on this guy is just the beginning, just the tip of the iceberg, it's only just begun, wait until you get knee deep, can't leave b/c your addicted to his addictive personality, the part of him that is normal will always be the part your striving to keep around, that's a struggle in and of itself...

I dunno, I wouldn't do it again, your young and maybe you can handle it better than I could, for me it was just too much emotional drama, too much mindfucking and too much about him and his life, him him him...You gotta find a way to hold onto yourself, take care of your needs and know when to just let it go and go take care of you no matter how much you want to be around him and fix things and make him happy...it's all consuming so make sure it's what you want to do, it's not something you can take lightly and treat normally.

basically it's hard, very very hard...so please don't take this lightly, your already putting a ton of energy into a man that is hardly around, hardly their for you when you need him and it only gets worse. I won't judge you for going forward but make sure you have your own valid reasons for dating this guy, real reasons not the la la land I love him, he's cute reasons, it has to be deeper than that and always allow yourself an OUT, always give yourself permission to leave if you have to without guilt, romantic relationships are very hard to maintain with men like your virgo.

Posted by masomenos
The main problem is getting him to talk to me. When we're together he's very chatty and responsive but when we're apart it takes him a long time to talk/respond to anyting. And now with what he's told me he's become even more distant.

It's perfectly normal for a Virgo to pull back like this. If you would go into the history of this board, you will find these same testimonies again and again ..... once the Virgo becomes emotionally involved, they run.


Don't fear .. he's doing enough of that for the both of you.


Relax, your Virgo is only doing what he's suppose to do.

tiki - i do realise that it's a very big thing I'm getting myself into here and I will definitely take it very slow. If I met great guys I liked all the time then I might feel easier about letting it go but I just can't. To bring it back to astrology a little, we actually have Venus-Conjunct-Pluto in Scorpio so I feel EXTREMELY attached to him and it's going to take a long time for me to get away. He's got his hold on me and me on him.

ian - i do appreciate you taking your time to tell me your story but I do feel that it is akin to me asking for a recipe for a cake and you telling me you once baked some cookies and everyone got food poisoning and died. I came to this forum looking for practical relationship advice about an issue which I know is a lot bigger than me and my experiences; I'm not being naive about it so I don't need to be given shock-tactics like horror stories. This guy is not some knife-weilding maniac I met in the woods, I met him through mutual friends, all of whom gave a great testament to his character. He's had a very difficult, unusual life and is clearly dealing with the emotional impact of that life. He (despite the large gaps in communication) has always been kind, sweet and respectful towards me. I'm just trying to create a situation where we can both function healthily and not get hurt (or experience the normal amount of hurt that goes along with any relationship, lol).

p-angel - thank you for your help! I'm waiting it out and trying to learn some patience.

masomenos the thing is you will and can get hurt...EXPECT IT....You have to have minimal expectations and be realistic, there is no room for la la land love can conquer all type of mentality or you will get very hurt, also the deeper you get with him, occassionally you will have to remind yourself that he's the one with the mental illness as to not take on the blame of any issues that may come up...I didn't have anyone like myself to talk to, to be fairly warned what I was getting myself into, I walked in without a clue and walked out with a plethora of understanding, acceptance and knowledge...These kind of relationships don't thrive off of chemical attraction but it will keep you latched onto a man that may not be good for your mental health. You seem a bit naive in what our getting yourself into...Slow down, read read read read and find a forum or group that can help you deal with it all, your going to need a support system, it's not something you can really use astrology on b/c astrology isn't taking into account that he has this psychosis going on...You got your mind made up so the least you can do is talk to a therapist/psychiatrist, find a support group/forum and be very very very patient.

That Chad was just flat out, bats in belfry, picking off classmates in the belltower NUTS. Reading that gave me chills Ian. GUH.

I have to say Ian keeps it real, he's not scaring you, the reality is, this guy could hurt you unintentionally, you really can't have romance longterm with a man that has mental issues without risking your own mental health/sanity.

I hope you reconsider and walk away from trying to be a lovemate with this guy, friend yes/possibly anything else and your risking your mental health, your life.

ian - please don't swear at me. i know it's real life but the truth is that a lot of real life is shit. does mean that you run away at the first sign of something being difficult? or do you at least try to face it? 1 in 4 people have mental health issues. it is VERY common. do you cut people out of your life because they suffer with something that is beyond their control?
ad did you even call the police in this situation you were in? did you take any steps to get this guy sectioned or something? what he clearly needs is HELP. even if that help is putting him in an institution. you can't just cut people off once you learn something about them you don't like. isn't it better to be there for them and help them before they hurt themself or someone else?

tiki - i've not made my mind up about anything yet. all i know is that i feel strongly about him so i can't make the decision to just forget him because, emotionally, that is not possible. but i've definitely not made any decisions about keeping him in my life or not. i'm still weighing up everyone's advice and my own thoughts.

i do still want to be his friend, definitely. but i am undecided about pursuing a relationship with him.

if someone's making serious threats and is physically showing you the weapon they intend to commit the crime with, the police should be notified. it's not your personal responsibility but you could take steps to try and help someone. if someone was threatening to kill you/someone close to you, wouldn't you wish that the people who knew about it had notified the police or made the authorities aware? or would you rather those people stood at your grave saying 'damn, i wish we'd said something'? seeing as you didn't notify the police or take it further i'm guessing you didn't think he was that dangerous in the first place and just needed to pop a pill.

i don't know, i'm not trying to tell you what to do but humans have a responsibility to look after one another whether they know each other properly or not. it's like giving to charity. do you say 'i don't know this cancer patient/disadvantaged child/earthquake victim so they're not getting any or my time, money, sympathy or support?' or do you exercise some compassion?

wow, we've gone way off topic.

Damn Ian, your Bull is walking proud tonight.

yes, i'm sure his problems do stem deeper than that which is why he needs HELP from people. and why he needs medical intervention that clearly no one around him is getting. you seem like a smart guy and are recognising this stuff yet you don't want to do anything about it. i don't blame you and i'm not trying to spin anything. what you do is up to you and, seriously, what do i know? about you or your life? you're probably a very compassionate person. but don't try to "spin" this into me being a totally naive fool for giving this guy my time and attention. he actually is in my life, unlike the guy you speak of and so i do feel a little responsibility to do right by him and not just cut him out and turn him into an anecdote that i can dine out on for years to come.

sorry if i came across as disrespectful but i was just giving back was i was being given.

don't get me wrong, i am grateful for all the help everyone has given me but there are scales of compassion. it's a lot easier to help out some faceless stranger on the internet that you're never going to meet than it is to help a dangerous person with a weapon who's standing right in front of you. that is a huge stretch of compassion. i didn't say you weren't compassionate at all, i'm just saying that you can show compassion to someone no matter what their situation or circumstance. but sometimes it's hard to do and i understand that.

you never said i was a naive fool but it was pretty much implied. if you didn't think i was dense you wouldn't share such a story to drum it into my head.

you're just taking the attitude that everyone takes of 'i'm not going to deal with it because it's not my problem and it might cause me problems.' like you said yourself, that's life. life is full of problems. whether you want to run away from them and leave other people (ie. the guy he was threatening to knife) at risk or face them and try to dissolve them is up to you.

"like i said the guy never really threatened us, he only told us that he was going to cut someones face off..." just because he didn't threaten YOU doesn't mean he didn't threaten anyone at all. he is threatening someone. but, whatever, look out for number 1 and all...

by doing both?

that's the most intelligent thing you've said all day.

i'm not trying to butt heads with you at all. we were just having a really interesting conversation. just because we disagree doesn't meant i'm trying to take you down. i really do appreciate the help and advice you've given me and i don't wish to be ungrateful or rude. i was just trying to express my opinion.

see dude, we can have differing opinions and not hate each other! it's all gooooood.

oh lord.