Next move for dealing with an upset Virgo man?

Hi guys! I'll try to keep it short. I'm a Gemini woman who was seeing a Virgo man. We were seeing each other for about a year. About 3 weeks ago we had an argument about his ex who he was with for about 9 years was reaching out to him and writing flirtatious comments on his wall and him liking them. It wasn't a heated argument, but since then he hasn't been the same with me. We usually go on dates about once/twice a week and since the argument we haven't been on any dates and he no longer speaks to me on a daily basis. Just recently he started to slowly go back to old habits of adding xoxo at the end of his texts which has given me some hope that he is warming up to me.

I was unexpectedly asked by a mutual friend to attend an event where I knew he would be and was hesitant in going since I didn't wan't to surprise bomb him, and it wasn't until I was informed that he knew I was going to be there and seemed ok that I was going that I decided to go. I go and he smiles and says hi when he sees me. Throughout the night he looks over and winks and smiles and jokes around. I was excited until a woman came over and teasingly massaged his shoulders and placed a hard long kiss on his cheek. I made no signs I was upset (I did feel a little hurt*) and let it be being that I wasn't exactly sure what their relationship was towards each other. He hangs around and sits by me and we all catch up until he has to leave and offers to pay for my drink. We hug and I don't hear back from him until I casually write to him. Our conversation is very short, I tell him goodnight and he ends it by calling me by my pet-name which he hasn't called me since the argument "Thank you, _______". I was so happy, and desperately wanted to say something but left the conversation end right there since I already had said goodnight. But here's where I lose hope all over again.

I haven't spoken to him since the pet-name goodbye which is about two days ago. I really am tempted to text him and invite him to lunch, but I'm hearing from other people that he's been openly inviting other women to lunch, events etc. Has he already moved on? Is there any hope for us? Let it go and move on? I really care for him, and miss him terribly.

We are (were?) seeing each other.

The way you have described your position, leaves your viewing audience to believe that he is an interest of yours, in whom you'd like to have a relationship with.

There doesn't appear to be a connection beyond just you being interesting in having him as a boyfriend.

It may be that you think you are seeing him, but, you don't describe your actions which indicates that you actually are seeing him ... rather, you're still standing in the shadows waiting to get his attention.

A year? How bizarre that you are this unaware.

Surely, he realizes how absent you are and so just plays along, probably due to boredom.

Posted by P-Angel

The way you have described your position, leaves your viewing audience to believe that he is an interest of yours, in whom you'd like to have a relationship with.

There doesn't appear to be a connection beyond just you being interesting in having him as a boyfriend.

It may be that you think you are seeing him, but, you don't describe your actions which indicates that you actually are seeing him ... rather, you're still standing in the shadows waiting to get his attention.

A year? How bizarre that you are this unaware.

Surely, he realizes how absent you are and so just plays along, probably due to boredom.

I would love a relationship with him.

About the year, I figured him being a Virgo this was just him taking things slow. I guess I was wrong in that sense.
"Standing in the shadows waiting to get his attention." I think you described it best. I couldn't put it into words, but you hit it right on the head on how I feel at this moment. To be honest I thought I was being patient, but I see how that can be taken as someone being absent.

Virgos are not initiators, they follow a lead.

You sit there waiting for something that will never happen because you are both a like. You both wait for the other to make a move.

You're not compatible with a Virgo, who needs to be on a strong and steady lead, that is confident and a decision maker.

That doesn't sound like you. You sound like the type who is waiting to get approval from a partner. That's not going to happen with a Virgo. It isn't in their nature to value your worth for YOU. In fact, if you don't know your value, then it's a turn off for them.

Now, they will put value on your worth to them. But, that value isn't going to be much, if you aren't sure of yourself.

All/any emotionally weaklings need not even stop ... just keep it moving, because Frankly, the Virgo find emotional weakness a total turn off. And seeking validation is weakness.

I suggest you go find a person who is demanding. You would probably fit right in since you are waiting to be told where you should stand.

Gemini's are compatible with Aries .... he'll tell you what to do, since that is what you seek.

Again, it's so bizarre that it's been a year, and you seem so unaware.

You don't even appear to know him enough to make a phone call to him ... like, you rely on messages being told to you from other people.

And it's not that this is so minor of a relation you have with him that is bizarre ... it's that you don't know it, and believe it to be way more than it is.


You don't know it. Do you even know his last name?

"You're not compatible with a Virgo, who needs to be on a strong and steady lead, that is confident and a decision maker."

I was more like this at the beginning of meeting with him when I didn't know or care if he were a Virgo. Then I found out his sign and started reading more and more about them, psyching myself out on how I should be with him. As weird as that sounds that's honestly what I did.

I started overthinking and over analyzing my actions and words, becoming more of this weakling like you've described.
Me posting here also backs that claim up proving to me that I would rather address strangers then give him a call and directly address the issue with him.

I may get buried to the ground for asking this, but oh well...

Is he looking for me to go back to how I was when I was just being myself not caring how people perceived me?

Posted by busyeyes88
@OP. I totally agree with P-Angel. I too can't believe it's 12 months you have known this guy and it sound like you have only just started dating! I thought gemini's were more assertive than that!!

Me to!

SUN:GEMINI
ACENDANT: PISCES
MOON: AQUARIUS

P angel said it right. Virgo and Gemini don't mesh well. At all.

5 1/2 months with a Virgo exhausted me. Hot then cold. Talkative then quiet. There then gone.

Too many games. Gems like a leader. Virgo does too. We are open most Burgos are very closed up.

See other people. Find your happy. Don't dwell. Whatever will be, will be.

bullshit

Posted by P-Angel

bullshit

I shit you not. I didn't give two shits at the beginning. But then I became one of those who lost their backbone thinking my loud mouth and crazy ways would drive him away so I decided to calm myself down and keep my mouth shut.

Virgos don't play games.

You are obviously very deceptive, and a head-gamer.

You will always find yourself stepping in the same pile of shit.


Suffer as you wish.

Posted by P-Angel

You are obviously very deceptive, and a head-gamer.

You will always find yourself stepping in the same pile of shit.


Suffer as you wish.

My intentions were more to appease than to deceive. I agree with what she had said about me being an Air sign and I was simply crushed by an Earth.

Posted by pchanny

Posted by P-Angel

You are obviously very deceptive, and a head-gamer.

You will always find yourself stepping in the same pile of shit.


Suffer as you wish.

My intentions were more to appease than to deceive. I agree with what she had said about me being an Air sign and I was simply crushed by an Earth.

click to expand

if you are not dominant earth yourself, you will be crushed. You need alot of earth to understand earth.

Posted by dontgetmewrong
^^^ appease him?...that's still playing games to me though.

Got it...I never really saw it that way. I really cared about him, and just wanted him to be happy.

Posted by VirgoFlirt
ok so all of yall are not wrong...

high wore off?

Posted by busyeyes88
@OP. You changing to be someone smacks of weakness and insecurity two things Virgos hate!!! Virgo need someone who is strong. The air signs always seem to get crushed by the "earthlings" 9/10 times anyway! Not a good match!

Total BS! I'm a Gemini and I've never gotten crushed by any Virgo, male or female. I'm strong, independent and very confident in myself. Which is why virgo's are drawn to me. I certainly don't go out of my way to pull them in either. While Geminis and Virgo share Mercury and we both analyze, I don't say one thing then do another. I've had a handful of experiences with Virgo's saying one thing to you in person or in writing, then doing the complete opposite when you're around them; especially if they are with mutual friends etc.

This notion that some of you have posted that Gemini's are weak and need someone to lead them is so utterly wrong. I have no idea where you come up with that garbage. Every Gemini I know (about 20 including friends and family, two who share the share my birthday) are all strong, confident and intelligent people who know who they are and what they want. NONE of them want to be lead; if anything we are the leader. We embrace other confident people because weak minded individuals who are insecure repel us.

RE: the comments that Virgo's don't play games? that's not been my experience. I've had several who could write a book on "mind games."

In fact, someone who I had a 34 year strong bond/friendship just pulled the biggest mind game of all on me last year. And he has yet to explain his actions.

Not all Virgo's play games or are insecure. But I've found the ones who do play games lack confidence and that's why they are drawn to confident people who can express themselves intelligently and hold an opinion.

Virgo's and Gemini's aren't a good match imho because Virgo's are too damn critical and want you to change for them. Gemini's don't want to be told they suck at something etc, especially when the Virgo is lacking in the same area.

In my personal experience the ONLY Virgo's I've been able to maintain a healthy, lasting friendship are the ones who have learned to control their critical nature and can appreciate that differences in people is what makes us unique. Gemini's will respond to someone who comes from a positive place rather than a defensive, pessimistic one.

Im a Virgo in a relationship with a Gemini (6 months now) and I do agree with the last bit by Gem64. My Gemini and I mesh incredibly well, in part because I simply do not like criticizing even though its something that comes natural to me, as a Virgo. If she does something that I dont like or that I need to give my opinion about, Im honest about it but also take her feelings into account at the same time so she doesnt get the feeling Im attacking her, which Im not (the one or two times that I've been the annoying critical Virgo to her, I regretted it, its not worth it, its better to be kind about things being said, Geminis respond well to kindness. Everything is open for discussion in our relationship though, absolutely everything, we have great communication and Im really happy about that, we love each other madly, shes my soulmate.

So yeah, Im the living proof that Virgo M and Gem F can work amazingly well, if Virgo can tone down the criticizing and Gemini can be just a tiny bit more consistent/grounded (we learn so much from each other as well, its a very satisfying relationship in the sense that the differences dont necessarily have to be a source of tension, but also provide us with an endless opportunity for discovery and evolution for both, it keeps the relationship interesting and alive, its really exciting!)

So I wanted to update you guys on the situation. After writing here and taking in what you guys said I decided that I needed to go back to my roots as a Gemini and just be me and stop with the mind games (Which I honestly didn't think I was doing until you guys pointed it out*) So I had reached out explaining to him that I needed some time for myself which he understood. Made no contact and was just doing me. I knew something big came his way and I wished him luck, mirroring his answers (Short answer, short reply. Long answer, long reply) Super short convo. Then hours pass and boom! With no warning he sends me a long text explaining over everything he's been going through. I stay true to myself talking to him for the first time in a long time as we did in the beginning during our friend stage . He wanted to see me today, but I told him that I wasn't free until early next week. Says he'll text me Sunday to see how my week is looking like and hopefully be able to get together for dinner. I'm not going to over think it, and whatever happens happens, but I wanted to thank you guys for the advice and giving me a cold hard reality check on how I was behaving. I haven't felt myself for a while and now I'm starting to and boy does it feel great!