Questions

Dating a Virgo man for 3 months, no complaints, treated me well, and there was great mutual attraction, interest in one another and respect. Last 10 days he said he's grumpy and not himself, not in the mood to talk, he's detatched from me. It has been difficult for me to deal with the sudden disconnectedness. How much time/space do I give him before realizing he's not interested and moving on myself? I am willing to wait but only if I know he would like to continue with me.

He could be just very busy either with work, or something in his mind that he feels he needs to work out by himself. Give him some time and space but at the same time letting him know that you're there for him in case he needs to talk about something or for emotional suppport. When we get grumpy like that we prefer being left alone till it goes away..all by itself 🙂

That's what I'm trying to do. But, what about if I want to talk to him? What if I want to share stuff about my day, etc and he's not there for me or available? I feel like he's not considering that.

Posted by dietdrpepper
That's what I'm trying to do. But, what about if I want to talk to him? What if I want to share stuff about my day, etc and he's not there for me or available? I feel like he's not considering that.

The reason you are feeling like he isn't considering how you feel is because he isn't .. if he cared then he would continue to communicate with you.


Simple ... if the guy acts like he doesn't care = he doesn't

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by dietdrpepper
That's what I'm trying to do. But, what about if I want to talk to him? What if I want to share stuff about my day, etc and he's not there for me or available? I feel like he's not considering that.

The reason you are feeling like he isn't considering how you feel is because he isn't .. if he cared then he would continue to communicate with you.


Simple ... if the guy acts like he doesn't care = he doesn't

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I agree and get that. But why so suddently? It's just that a few days before he was checking in with me, asking how my day was, taking interest in my work, communicating all the time, etc. I know it's in him because he seemed to cared before. I know when people get depressed they don't even have it in them to talk or show that they care about others.

I wouldnt call it depression though, everyone has their moments (could be one day, or could be 3 weeks) where we're trying to deal with stuff and we're rather left alone. Of course your feelings/wishes do count as well, but we're MEN..we arent as good as your best female friend when it comes to relating, sharing, etc. So keep that in mind.

Just out of curiousity, what's your sign?

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
I wouldnt call it depression though, everyone has their moments (could be one day, or could be 3 weeks) where we're trying to deal with stuff and we're rather left alone. Of course your feelings/wishes do count as well, but we're MEN..we arent as good as your best female friend when it comes to relating, sharing, etc. So keep that in mind.

Yes, maybe I need to learn that although I want him (or if not him, a potential mate to be my best friend) he may not be and I have to also talk to my other friends.

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
Just out of curiousity, what's your sign?

Scorpio, I already know I'm too intense and emotional compared to him. Being a female makes it worse!

Posted by dietdrpepper

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
Just out of curiousity, what's your sign?

Scorpio, I already know I'm too intense and emotional compared to him. Being a female makes it worse!

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Oh and I'm sensitive too.

The thing I'd always advice to Scorpio women dealing with Virgo guys is to relax, but seriously..just take it easy. Things are usually not as bad as you're imagining in that paranoid Scorpio head of yours 😛 hehe sorry.

Its fantastic you want him to be your best friend, however you guys have only been together for 3 months, so real deep friendship between lovers needs a lot more time to develop.

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
The thing I'd always advice to Scorpio women dealing with Virgo guys is to relax, but seriously..just take it easy. Things are usually not as bad as you're imagining in that paranoid Scorpio head of yours 😛 hehe sorry.

Its fantastic you want him to be your best friend, however you guys have only been together for 3 months, so real deep friendship between lovers needs a lot more time to develop.

Thank you, I need to hear that. And I agree about time, however, if he won't even get on the phone to talk lately how can things really ever develop, kwim?

Posted by dietdrpepper

Scorpio, I already know I'm too intense and emotional compared to him. Being a female makes it worse!

That's not an excuse. Just because women are more emotional then men, doesn't give them a right to ignore you .... in fact, it makes it even more wrong.


Woman are emotional beings .. men are physical.


If a woman NEEDS her man to nurture her emotional .. then this IS HIS job to do. Just as how would the man feel if the woman decided to back off from sex one day and maybe for weeks or months at a time, and he's suppose to just get over it.

His song and dance would change then, wouldn't it? Yep. He thinks the he can pull away from the emotional side of a relationship at his choosing and couldn't care a less that a woman NEEDS this to feel complete ... and woman are suppose to just accept that?


Fuck that .. fuck him.


There's no excuse .. that will never be acceptable. If your man cares about you, then he WILL man-up and be sensitive to your feelings EVERY DAY or he's history ... and you girl, go find you a real man who has the desire and the balls to do his job.

That is something you can openly discuss with him whenever his grumpyness is over (we welcome such conversations!) just not now, now its the moment to give him some space 🙂

Virgo men....I am just getting into a relationship with one (although I've known him 16 years). A few weeks ago I was going through what you were and wondering if it had something to do with me. They are very good at hiding feelings when they are going through stuff. Believe me, when I say it probably has nothing to do with you and eventually he will open up and tell you what is up. I was fortunate in that I was able to get mine to open up to me, however that is only because we've had a friendship built up for years and have always been able to talk. He was going through some stuff, was really busy and was showing a lot of stress, so basically I let him know I was there if he wanted to talk (which he greatly appreciated). If I were you I would maybe give him a friendly card which says "Thinking of you" or a "just to say hi" type of card. Don't bother him or he will push you away.They need their space to think through what ever they are going through. It takes time for these Virgo men to build real trust with someone! A few weeks ago I didn't hear from mine, but I just went about my business and he called every day the next 3 days!!! Deep down Virgo men like the women who get them..meaning respecting their need for space...with no drama! I agree with what BoomShakalakaBoom said. I know it is difficult when you care about him, but me being an Aries..I've learned with Virgos that this is how they roll sometimes 🙂

Virgo men....I am just getting into a relationship with one (although I've known him 16 years). A few weeks ago I was going through what you were and wondering if it had something to do with me. They are very good at hiding feelings when they are going through stuff. Believe me, when I say it probably has nothing to do with you and eventually he will open up and tell you what is up. I was fortunate in that I was able to get mine to open up to me, however that is only because we've had a friendship built up for years and have always been able to talk. He was going through some stuff, was really busy and was showing a lot of stress, so basically I let him know I was there if he wanted to talk (which he greatly appreciated). If I were you I would maybe give him a friendly card which says "Thinking of you" or a "just to say hi" type of card. Don't bother him or he will push you away.They need their space to think through what ever they are going through. It takes time for these Virgo men to build real trust with someone! A few weeks ago I didn't hear from mine, but I just went about my business and he called every day the next 3 days!!! Deep down Virgo men like the women who get them..meaning respecting their need for space...with no drama! I agree with what BoomShakalakaBoom said. I know it is difficult when you care about him, but me being an Aries..I've learned with Virgos that this is how they roll sometimes 🙂

@socalgal, so when you gave him space was here there for you, emotionally? or are you cool with him not being there that way until he is ready? i think this is what i'm struggling with, like i'm supposed to be there for him and change and be flexible according to his mood but then how is that fair to me and my needs?

It's not fair .... you either roll with it or leave.


I've found that the best way around this problem is to plan space time for them each day ... Virgos love plans, it suits their gearing system.

For example, every evening between just after dinner until 8:30 every night you are commited to doing something else, and he will have to fend for himself at that time if he needs something. Tell him not to call you or text you, you are busy at that time. If he doesn't like this, tell him that this can be his time also, to be in his head or do whatever he needs to do.

And then he will commit this to a schedule, and in the future if he needs to have space, he will not only take it at that designated time, he will make mental notes about what he's going to discuss with himself at this time.


Of course, all people are different ... but, it works just fine with my Virgo. He never pulls away and leaves me. I see him EVERY day.

Well, in my situation it was a bit different as he had just lost his mom. However, even after he went through that he was still distant at times and didn't call me everyday..which I'm not used to. As I am an Aries I like to be in contact and know what the other person is feeling, thinking, etc but I have learned to back off if I want this relationship to work. Last week, when we were talking, I made a comment in regards to if he wanted to go back to how we were...just friends and he didn't want to. Sometimes, if he is stressing I don't even try to talk about us...I will just make small talk. If I want to talk about our relationship, I have to wait until he is in the right "mode". Btw, how old is he? How often did you guys used to hang out and talk?

My BEST advice to you is NOT TO CALL HIM! Send him a card and let him know you care and that you are there for him no matter what. Don't go overboard and be too mushy as that might push him away. I previously dated a Capricorn for 5 years ...moody to the max, no phone calls for days or even weeks at a time, depressed..you name it and in the long run it really wasn't worth it. Virgos on the other hand...TOTALLY WORTH THE WAIT!!

Also, I want to add..when you least expect it, he will reappear and be back to normal and will say/do something totally sweet and unexpected!!

When his mom died I didn't talk about any issues I was going through at the time. However, when we did get together after that I just kept it light and when he did call he asked me what was going on, how my dr's appt went, etc. Just because he doesn't talk to you, doesn't mean he's not thinking about you...that is if he really cares. Did anything go down between you two before he withdrew—

dietdrpepper, there is some good advice being offered and personally if you really care about this guy I would take it. I'm honestly not being rude but so early into a relationship does he have to meet your needs or you his either? Don't you like space at times? I'm just asking....

Posted by seadream
dietdrpepper, there is some good advice being offered and personally if you really care about this guy I would take it. I'm honestly not being rude but so early into a relationship does he have to meet your needs or you his either? Don't you like space at times? I'm just asking....

Yes, you are right, that's what I want, ADVICE! Though, if we take it further I need to talk to him and he to me, I mean really talk and communicate! I need to look within and see where I can change. Yes, my feelings are a bit hurt (and I will share that with him one day if he allows me to) that he suddenly -- and I do mean suddenly from hot to cold -- shut me out, but he didn't do anything truly "wrong" to me. He has been very kind otherwise and I don't think he's gone forever necessarily. Good thing is that I didn't say or do anything to push him away more, I've left him alone now and told him I hope things get better for him.

I personally, think you are expecting too much for so early on in this relationship. In the end, I tend to take a view that we are all responsible for caring for our own emotional needs, and should not be reliant on anyone else for that. Maybe his taking space is his way of taking care of his own emotional needs, and maybe without that, he might be less capable of being able to deal with yours. Everyone has a different way of dealing with their stresses and strains, and I have found that men do tend to do it quite differently from women, in my experience. Maybe the best thing is to simply trust he will come back, and that he is genuinely needing this time and space for a good reason, and meanwhile to carry on living your own life, as in the end, you do have your own life that should not be completely tied to his.

So how long do you wait/give him "space" before ending things. What is a reasonable amount of time to take a hint that "Virgo is just not into you"? I know I want more regular contact and COMMUNICATION about what is going on in our lives (he was able to do that the 1st 3 months, he was the one that was clingy/needy) so I know he has it in him. It's been 2 1/2 weeks since the cold spell started. I told him I know he has a lot on his plate to let me know if he can see me this Friday when things get settled. He never responded to that. We didn't contact one another for 2 full days after that, and then he sent me a "Happy Mother's Day" text. Then, the next day I texted him, we went back and forth a bit (he's still acting serious, brief answers, no smiley faces like he used to, no asking about me) I asked him how he is, but don't want to probe. Kept it light and said "hey can you talk later". He was not able to call me that night but sent a brief text why (so he is not ignoring me completely). I sent a sad face back, and nothing since then. So, I'm getting ready to send an email that we may not be on the same page anymore and may want different things. I'm just wondering if I should wait a day or 2, or if this a pattern that will come up again. I don't think I'm acting needy/clingy or desperate but I also would like to know where he's at.

Oh, and since I can't get him on the phone, I'm going to have to send him an email 'breaking up' with him, how lame 😢

Posted by Grael1975
I personally, think you are expecting too much for so early on in this relationship. In the end, I tend to take a view that we are all responsible for caring for our own emotional needs, and should not be reliant on anyone else for that. Maybe his taking space is his way of taking care of his own emotional needs, and maybe without that, he might be less capable of being able to deal with yours. Everyone has a different way of dealing with their stresses and strains, and I have found that men do tend to do it quite differently from women, in my experience. Maybe the best thing is to simply trust he will come back, and that he is genuinely needing this time and space for a good reason, and meanwhile to carry on living your own life, as in the end, you do have your own life that should not be completely tied to his.

I like this post a lot! So true but can be so tough at the same time.

For the original poster I would say that 2 1/2 weeks is a long time. It may not be the end for him but you have to do what is right for you. If you aren't happy with this and he isn't trying to reconnect by now then you may need someone more suited to your needs. I am sorry b/c it's a hard thing when you have found a connection with someone and it seems mutual and then 'poof' they are not into it anymore. Maybe he does take this long to go through his 'stuff' and he is still interested...who knows? But the question still remains for you that if he still wants to continue, do you?
I have had a FWB relationship with a Virgo for a year and a half and he definitely 'disappears' but I have fully realized that is just how our friendship is and I do the same. When we do reconnect he is wonderful, respectful, sweet, fun and we get on fabulously even on a spiritual level but I know where we stand together and I am totally fine with it. In the beginning I was not though and I was on a roller coaster but when I realized we weren't right for each other in an actual more traditional relationship then I realized that I like what we have. We both disconnect when we are seeing another person and then when that has ended we start seeing each other again.
Good luck though and I hope it doesn't make you give up on Virgos b/c they are such great people!

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^^^I may be wrong on this, but... upon sending the email you will most likely expect a response of some sort and hope that it is something that you want to hear (i.e., "I don't want to break up") or, at minimum, a more in-depth explanation of his behavior. But, keep in mind, if you send him an email that you are both not on the same page anymore and want different things he will certainly agree with you and the doors will be closed for good! Careful what you wish for...

(personally, I wouldn't send the email, I'd just go on my merry way)

Posted by lildol
^^^I may be wrong on this, but... upon sending the email you will most likely expect a response of some sort and hope that it is something that you want to hear (i.e., "I don't want to break up") or, at minimum, a more in-depth explanation of his behavior. But, keep in mind, if you send him an email that you are both not on the same page anymore and want different things he will certainly agree with you and the doors will be closed for good! Careful what you wish for...

(personally, I wouldn't send the email, I'd just go on my merry way)

Yes, you are right and I have considered this...why do I want to send the email because I want an answer back or because I'm doing the right thing for me? I cannot have expectations of what he will do. It's so stupid that I have to send an email to tell him what is on my mind, well I could do it in text but I think email is better if I want to write a lot.

I am on the fence about saying to completely end things because he is not completely ignoring me, he responds to my texts and like I said he did send me a text on mother's day plus the other night to tell me he couldn't call. So, there has to be SOME interest left. But is it enough? I hate guessing 😢

Still very strange, I sent him a text after 3 days, I figured what do I have to lose and maybe he is the kind of guy who wants to see if I'll contact him, or who knows maybe he misinterpreted something I said. So, as usual he reponds pretty quickly, but his "tone" is so different, no words like calling me beautiful, sexy, no smiley faces in text. Very serious and courteous and matter-of-fact you could say. But, basically he has shown he has not time for me (I asked once again if he could talk and he said maybe tonight), so I'm going on a date tonight and he can wait.