Value of independence/self-reliance

The Virgo I've been hanging out with typically starts is phone calls asking me am I ok, is everything ok and asks if there is anything he can do for me. But, there is nothing I need from him and no favors to ask of him. Even when my water heater broke and he offered to call a friend and I insisted I could do it myself. I sensed he was a little miffed or slighted so I called him back and thanked him wholeheartedly for the offer and told him if I can't do it myself then I would take him up on his offer - his tone changed and he just wanted me to be careful.

So, upon successfully fixing the water heater he basically responded that it was a job that was beneath me and that I really should have had someone else do it - just go ahead, knock me down!! pfftt

Anyway, it's said that Virgos like to serve (albeit for selfish reasons), given that statement, what are your thoughts in general about how Virgos view independence/self-reliance of others?

You don't help you, I help you.
You don't help me, I help me.

I don't think my reasons are selfish. I enjoy helping people, I feel fulfilled when I do.

Basically what CJ said. I don't help people for personal gain; most of the time it's just because I really like to help out if someone needs it. When it comes to me, I help myself unless I ask for it.

Posted by Cajunspirit

I don't think my reasons are selfish. I enjoy helping people, I feel fulfilled when I do.

Doing it for your own fulfillment is the selfish reason .... you are suppose to do it for the other persons fulfillment .. numbskull.

tell him you like the challenge of doing things yourself and the thrill of doing it right, that it makes you feel really proud...you can even mention how being challenged is good for brain health (which it is)...how can virgo argue with your desire to keep yourself sharp as you age. then if you want to him to feel needed, ask him to check to be sure you're doing it right (when you're totally sure you are doing it right). maybe be like "i'm not sure if i should do this or that. the instructions are a little confusing." then he'll let you know that you're on the right track.

or you could say that you want to do it yourself, but is he able to stop by the hardware store to get you some little thing you need to do it. so he can feel helpful for that.

jeez...the guy wants to feel useful, like you need him. some guys make all sorts of excessive demands and don't do much of anything for a woman. here you have a guy who mostly wants you to let him do things for you. let him. not all the time. just enough that he doesn't feel redundant. don't you care about him at all.

i don't care what any of you want to say about libra-virgo. my libra grandma is one of the most self-reliant, capable people i've ever known. but she knew how to make him feel like he mattered. of course he did matter, but not for the reasons he wanted to matter. so she told him what he wanted to hear. because she loved him.

if he isn't worth the occasional harmless compromise, you should probably just end it.

Posted by P-Angel

Doing it for your own fulfillment is the selfish reason .... you are suppose to do it for the other persons fulfillment .. numbskull.

I don't do it for my fulfillment and you must remember, no matter how hard you try a lot of people refuse to be "fulfilled".
You can't make everyone happy and often time my "help" is refuted or just unappreciated.

Lot of the time people don't know what's good for them or are too immature to realise where they are going wrong.

The definition of fulfillment in this context is that both the helped party and myself have gained mutual understanding and they are content with the help I have provided for them.

Virgos were created to serve. Serving others is just a natural part of how we function and we derive so much pleasure from it because fullfills that ongoing innate desire.

Sorry for the above. Meant to say "because it fullfills that ongoing innate desire".

Posted by Cajunspirit

Posted by P-Angel

Doing it for your own fulfillment is the selfish reason .... you are suppose to do it for the other persons fulfillment .. numbskull.

I don't do it for my fulfillment and you must remember, no matter how hard you try a lot of people refuse to be "fulfilled".
You can't make everyone happy and often time my "help" is refuted or just unappreciated.

Lot of the time people don't know what's good for them or are too immature to realise where they are going wrong.

The definition of fulfillment in this context is that both the helped party and myself have gained mutual understanding and they are content with the help I have provided for them.

click to expand

"The definition of fulfillment in this context is that both the helped party and myself have gained mutual understanding and they are content with the help I have provided for them".

Bingo! How is it selfish if you are fullfilling someone else or making them happy and you yourself are happy or feel fullfilled that they are happy or fullfilled in the process? It's a win-win.

Sorry for the tongue twister!