Virgo son of Narcissistic Mother

Okay I’m a Pisces with a Virgo bf. His mom is also a Pisces(she’s a feb fish, I’m march they’re diff imo) He’s an only child and very close to his mom. She’s clingy, territorial, and messy. Because she spends a lot of time in his space( as do I) I cross paths with her often.

A few years ago I moved in with him for a few months. His mother was living with him at the time. Of course, in the beginning she seemed warm and caring, always lending a helping hand. But over time her “ helping hand” began to come off as intrusive and offensive. She started washing my clothes. I would come home to find my dirty laundry hamper empty, with the clothes washed and folded on the bed. ( I don’t feel comfortable with another grown woman washing my dirty laundry, as I didn’t ask) Then I would notice my personal items missing like, baseball caps, perfume, nail polish etc. Even my deodorant once. It got so bad after that, my bf and I would come home to find her in our room laid across the bed watching tv or just rambling about thru our things. Every time we would leave out the house together to go on a date she’d be waiting on the couch wanting to go too. When either one of us would come in from the day she would follow right up behind us to our room and sit down and babble on. It got so bad, we used to have to sneak out of the house to avoid her trying to “3rd wheel” I reached my breaking point when my bf and I were naked in bed and she just stormed in holding a conversation early in the am. When, I politely asked her to at least let me get dressed to leave our bed room she insisted, “No it’s okay” and stayed until her son, my bf put his foot down. He finally talked to his mom about invading my privacy and attempted to set boundaries. Things only got worse after that. She got upset because she’s couldn’t control the situation in her way and started talking about me negatively to any and everyone that would listen. I even caught her rambling thru my personal papers trying to dig up dirt on me. She just began doing underhanded low down rude things. Like putting the latch hook on the door so I couldn’t get in the house. Talking inappropriate pics of me behind my back to body shame me and sent them to her family members to mock and make fun of me. She even went so far as to accuse my mom of stealing her silverware when she came over to dinner once. Just outrageous things to get me out of the picture. Needless to say I’ve moved long since then, and she has her own place as well now but she’s disturbingly clingy to her son and she uses her age and the fact that my bf is her only child to justify her actions. We had a talk with the three of us and she broke down in tears and said I was trying to take her son away. She narcissistic and extremely manipulative. With my bf being the savior type, he passes it off as she old and just ignore it. I love him dearly and we have evolved into a great couple besides this. She does everything she can to pull her weight and underhandedly shade me when I’m around. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want him to choose I just want to find a medium. Whenever she’s confronted she cries and puts on a fake front. She even ran away his last wife, and it resulted in a physical altercation. I’m not trying to put my hands on a 70 year old woman but I can see how she may have provoked his ex.

And the thing is, she’s very slick and does none of these things around my Virgo bf. He’s finally just put 2 and 2 together bc he said these same issues came up in his previous marriage and his mom led him to believe it was all his ex. I don’t mean to ramble on soo.... Thoughts anyone on how I can respectfully confront and counter his mother’s actions without just straight losing it on her and reading her like a Stephen King novel? Bc u know us Pisces has it in us to do it... Help!!!

Hello PrettiPisces,

Wow this was intense. I am not a Pisces, but a Virgo Man (much like you boyfriend). As a Virgo we can be a navy group of people, but usually with the best intentions. Another thing many of us prioritize is logic and reason. What I would recommend is perhaps having a gathering in which you discuss your feelings and explain why you feel the way that you do. Apologize (Even if you don’t mean it. This is to simply keep the peace), then perhaps ask her why she does the things she does. There may be a reason that she originally started invading you and your boyfriend’s private space in the first place. I would recommend doing this with your boyfriend present and, again, try to set some boundaries with both of you present. If she continues the behavior I would recommend you and your boyfriend finding an alternative living arrangement for her. Perhaps explaining to him the reasons why this is difficult for you, and why alternative living arrangements must be made (if he doesn’t already know). If HE refuses to help you find alternative living spaces then he may not be the right person for you. Realistically is it fair for you to continue to live with a man who will prioritize what his mother is saying over you guys’ collective needs and comfort? If he’s choosing her over you now, then he’ll be that way down the road which may be less than ideal. Alternatively you could just flip on her and this I believe would be very effective as well, however your bf may not be very appreciative of this.