Rae91
@Rae91
14 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 41 · Topics: 1
What is up with this Virgo man?
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Sorry for the lack of information! But thank you for the welcome!
Well.. he's not exactly my boyfrined. We met on match.com. (Yes I was that desperate.. haha!)
When we first started talking online, things seemed great. He called me almost everyday and the most we've stayed on the phone was for about two hours. After about two weeks of communicating online, we finally decided to meet in person. I don't think either of us wanted to wait any longer. We were eager, you see. 🙂
Our first date was at a movie theather. The whole time on the date I honestly felt like he wasn't interested in me. He just wasn't making any moves I guess you could say. When the movie was over we walked over to his car and he asked me if I wanted to go have dinner. I agreed but i couldn't let go of the thought that he was acting strange. At the end of our dinner, he drove me back to my car and that's the ONLY time I encountered ANY form of interest from him. We had one of those prolonged hugs and he said "You're something else" I wasn't sure at the time if he was being sarcastic or not. He also suggested that we should hang out next week.
The following week the contact between us decreased. I even text him telling him that I felt he was being distant. His excuse was that his class was taking a state wide exam and that he was wrapped up in that. I understood where he was coming from, but a heads up would of been APPRECIATED!
Two weeks passed by and we barely spoke. I just let it go because I'm not the type of girl to chase ANY man.
A few days ago he text me telling me that his classes where he tought were over and he was free.. so I went over to his place (Story listed already)
I don't know where to go with this confusing man!
He is 26 years old and I'm turning 20 in July. He's never had a real girlfriend. He's even hesistated telling me that he's been on match.com for over a year. I CLEARLY understand why now.. because he probably acted the same way to ALL of his dates that never worked out! Online and on the phone he treats me GREAT.. but in person it just goes downhill. Completley different experiences.
I am a Cancer nonetheless. 🙂
Well.. he's not exactly my boyfrined. We met on match.com. (Yes I was that desperate.. haha!)
When we first started talking online, things seemed great. He called me almost everyday and the most we've stayed on the phone was for about two hours. After about two weeks of communicating online, we finally decided to meet in person. I don't think either of us wanted to wait any longer. We were eager, you see. 🙂
Our first date was at a movie theather. The whole time on the date I honestly felt like he wasn't interested in me. He just wasn't making any moves I guess you could say. When the movie was over we walked over to his car and he asked me if I wanted to go have dinner. I agreed but i couldn't let go of the thought that he was acting strange. At the end of our dinner, he drove me back to my car and that's the ONLY time I encountered ANY form of interest from him. We had one of those prolonged hugs and he said "You're something else" I wasn't sure at the time if he was being sarcastic or not. He also suggested that we should hang out next week.
The following week the contact between us decreased. I even text him telling him that I felt he was being distant. His excuse was that his class was taking a state wide exam and that he was wrapped up in that. I understood where he was coming from, but a heads up would of been APPRECIATED!
Two weeks passed by and we barely spoke. I just let it go because I'm not the type of girl to chase ANY man.
A few days ago he text me telling me that his classes where he tought were over and he was free.. so I went over to his place (Story listed already)
I don't know where to go with this confusing man!
He is 26 years old and I'm turning 20 in July. He's never had a real girlfriend. He's even hesistated telling me that he's been on match.com for over a year. I CLEARLY understand why now.. because he probably acted the same way to ALL of his dates that never worked out! Online and on the phone he treats me GREAT.. but in person it just goes downhill. Completley different experiences.
I am a Cancer nonetheless. 🙂
lol do you know anything of Virgo men?
You are coming off like a Libra with some very set expectations of men and how they should behave. Virgo men are not your everyday cup of tea Miss!
You are coming off like a Libra with some very set expectations of men and how they should behave. Virgo men are not your everyday cup of tea Miss!
Posted by Cajunspirit
lol do you know anything of Virgo men?
You are coming off like a Libra with some very set expectations of men and how they should behave. Virgo men are not your everyday cup of tea Miss!
I've read quite a bit about them. My venus in Virgo might explain my high expectations!
She said shes turning 20 in July, so that would make her a Cancerian (or Leo) cajun cajun, you disappoint me 😛
I'll be short.
You demand emotional leverage right from the beginning, which is understandable since you're a woman and a Cancerian on top of that! Guys (and mostly immature ones, which Im afraid your guy is one of) usually can't display the level of emotional interest you're looking for before they have figured out what they want out of you, whether you are long-term material, a fling, etc, they need to decide that for themselves in their own terms.
If he's not what you're looking for at this moment in your life then you shouldnt waste more time on him before you get really attached.
You demand emotional leverage right from the beginning, which is understandable since you're a woman and a Cancerian on top of that! Guys (and mostly immature ones, which Im afraid your guy is one of) usually can't display the level of emotional interest you're looking for before they have figured out what they want out of you, whether you are long-term material, a fling, etc, they need to decide that for themselves in their own terms.
If he's not what you're looking for at this moment in your life then you shouldnt waste more time on him before you get really attached.
I agree with with Shaka. One thing about Virgo men (and Virgos in general) is that it takes time for us. What you might think is a long time is nothing to us. Add to the equation that he is inexperienced and you probably need to prepare yourself for a long wait for him to be fully comfortable with you, especially when it comes to showing any emotion. My first and only boyfriend was a crab and I know how sensitive you guys are, so you have to know that this will be a process for him and you must have patience. Begin a true friendship with him and find a way to be a part of his routine (it's working for me) and he'll ease his anxiety about being around you. Just give it a chance and don't rush; we never do.
The biggest problem wasn't even the push-pull part of it. It was the cold/not acting interested part.
He may be older but you're right about the immature part of it.. He comes off as a child in most cases. Perhaps that is why he didn't know what to say or do around me. He was like a man going through a teenage awkward stage! Sigh.
I've learned that I really can't follow my heart or gut. My gut told me that him and I would of went somewhere. We didn't.. this just makes me pessimistic about trusting my gut once more.
He may be older but you're right about the immature part of it.. He comes off as a child in most cases. Perhaps that is why he didn't know what to say or do around me. He was like a man going through a teenage awkward stage! Sigh.
I've learned that I really can't follow my heart or gut. My gut told me that him and I would of went somewhere. We didn't.. this just makes me pessimistic about trusting my gut once more.
Virgo4 life, Does that mean that I would be the one having to initiate? This could cause a potential problem for me as i'm very shy and timid. It takes a while for me to even get to the point of kissing someone.. ha. I feel like I would need someone to help me step by step in getting me to get comfortable around them so I can see the disaster in the horizon. -___-
Posted by Rae91
The biggest problem wasn't even the push-pull part of it. It was the cold/not acting interested part.
He may be older but you're right about the immature part of it.. He comes off as a child in most cases. Perhaps that is why he didn't know what to say or do around me. He was like a man going through a teenage awkward stage! Sigh.
I've learned that I really can't follow my heart or gut. My gut told me that him and I would of went somewhere. We didn't.. this just makes me pessimistic about trusting my gut once more.
He looks like the type of guy who wants to take his time to get to know you without giving you any hopes for long-term commitment in the process. You seem more willing to go faster and know where you two are heading two right from the start, so what are you going to do? will you adapt to his ways? or do you expect him to adapt to yours? If you want the second one, you should talk to him about it at some point.
It was a first date and you expected him to be pawing all over you? I'd say it was very respectful. And he definitely expressed interest by asking you to join him for dinner after the movie. And then even asking to see you again. Rae, men don't need to be pawing on you to be interested in you, if they're pawing on you that soon, it's not "YOU" that they are interested in!!
Posted by Rae91
Virgo4 life, Does that mean that I would be the one having to initiate? This could cause a potential problem for me as i'm very shy and timid. It takes a while for me to even get to the point of kissing someone.. ha. I feel like I would need someone to help me step by step in getting me to get comfortable around them so I can see the disaster in the horizon. -___-
Virgos are also shy by nature, and usually it isn't until we've matured to a certain point of self awareness and acceptance that we come out of that. He obviously hasn't matured enough in this area, and maybe not with himself enough to take the lead. That's why I suggest working on your friendship. It will help both of you come out of your shells. Stop worrying about romance right now because you're probably not gonna get it the way YOU want it. Just do fun things with him based you both your interests. Will you have to initiate it? Probably at first. And then let him know you enjoy doing those things with him, which will let him know you've opened the door to him asking you to engage in other activities without the fear of rejection. That is a huge problem for us, moreso than a lot of other signs. We keep people at a distance until we're absolutely sure we can trust you. And you said you're 20, right? He might be thinking you want a fling or might not be that serious because of your age. He's mentally finding all sorts of ways he could get hurt, and yes, that's his issue. But that's why I'm telling you to build a solid friendship first and the relationship will come if meant to be. And remember, during the friendship process, you might find out he's not the right guy for you. That's why it's OK to take a little time.
Posted by BoomShakalakaBoomPosted by Rae91
The biggest problem wasn't even the push-pull part of it. It was the cold/not acting interested part.
He may be older but you're right about the immature part of it.. He comes off as a child in most cases. Perhaps that is why he didn't know what to say or do around me. He was like a man going through a teenage awkward stage! Sigh.
I've learned that I really can't follow my heart or gut. My gut told me that him and I would of went somewhere. We didn't.. this just makes me pessimistic about trusting my gut once more.
He looks like the type of guy who wants to take his time to get to know you without giving you any hopes for long-term commitment in the process. You seem more willing to go faster and know where you two are heading two right from the start, so what are you going to do? will you adapt to his ways? or do you expect him to adapt to yours? If you want the second one, you should talk to him about it at some point.
click to expand
I don't see how he wants to take his time to "get to know me" if he doesn't even TRY to start any kind of interesting conversation with me when we are together in person. No, I don't think I will adapt to his ways. I didn't join a dating website to play games or to have a ridiculous amount of patience.. sigh. Another things that goes against me is my inability to communicate.. ha! I communicate better when somone else asks me the questions.. it opens me up more. I'm terrible with words any other way.
Posted by lildol
It was a first date and you expected him to be pawing all over you? I'd say it was very respectful. And he definitely expressed interest by asking you to join him for dinner after the movie. And then even asking to see you again. Rae, men don't need to be pawing on you to be interested in you, if they're pawing on you that soon, it's not "YOU" that they are interested in!!
I completely agree with what you are saying.. I didn't mean that I wanted him to be all over me but he could of been i guess more.. affectionate. He could of made more eye contact with me. We discussed having dinner beforehand so at that point I felt like he was just following through with plans- even if he didn't truly want to.
Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
She said shes turning 20 in July, so that would make her a Cancerian (or Leo) cajun cajun, you disappoint me 😛
Only now seeing that post, post time had a difference of 36 seconds.
I still got her bracket though, Cardinal.
You expect too much, too soon.
He needs to warm up to you, he will take things nice and slow how Cancers like it. Stop projecting your expectations on him.
he must be like raj from big bang theory and cant deal with women very well. maybe give him some alcohol...
Posted by Virgo4LifePosted by Rae91
Virgo4 life, Does that mean that I would be the one having to initiate? This could cause a potential problem for me as i'm very shy and timid. It takes a while for me to even get to the point of kissing someone.. ha. I feel like I would need someone to help me step by step in getting me to get comfortable around them so I can see the disaster in the horizon. -___-
Virgos are also shy by nature, and usually it isn't until we've matured to a certain point of self awareness and acceptance that we come out of that. He obviously hasn't matured enough in this area, and maybe not with himself enough to take the lead. That's why I suggest working on your friendship. It will help both of you come out of your shells. Stop worrying about romance right now because you're probably not gonna get it the way YOU want it. Just do fun things with him based you both your interests. Will you have to initiate it? Probably at first. And then let him know you enjoy doing those things with him, which will let him know you've opened the door to him asking you to engage in other activities without the fear of rejection. That is a huge problem for us, moreso than a lot of other signs. We keep people at a distance until we're absolutely sure we can trust you. And you said you're 20, right? He might be thinking you want a fling or might not be that serious because of your age. He's mentally finding all sorts of ways he could get hurt, and yes, that's his issue. But that's why I'm telling you to build a solid friendship first and the relationship will come if meant to be. And remember, during the friendship process, you might find out he's not the right guy for you. That's why it's OK to take a little time.click to expand
Do you think this Virgo will try again? In his mind he probably things that there's nothing there (chemistry wise) I base that off the last time we saw eachother. I think focusing on the frienship would be best.. but i don't know what to do after out last disaster. Part of me doesn't even want to try because i don't know if he wants me to. I'm not sure if he thinks i only want a fling because again i WAS on match.com.
normally 6 years difference have less successful relationships than successful relationships
you must be born in the year of horse
horse has successful relationships than successful relationships with rat
he might be a little bit worried about the fact you are still 20
you must be born in the year of horse
horse has successful relationships than successful relationships with rat
he might be a little bit worried about the fact you are still 20
Posted by zeoblade
normally 6 years difference have less successful relationships than successful relationships
you must be born in the year of horse
horse has successful relationships than successful relationships with rat
he might be a little bit worried about the fact you are still 20
My sister and her fianc?e are 8 years apart. So there must be a chance! Ha. And the age thing.. well.. I wouldn't be the first one to say he acts his age.
in chinese zodiac 8yrs apart and 4yrs apart are the same sign
+/- 4yrs and same age have the most successful relationships than unsuccessful relationships. 6yrs has the most unsuccessful relationships than successful relationships
+/- 4yrs and same age have the most successful relationships than unsuccessful relationships. 6yrs has the most unsuccessful relationships than successful relationships
Posted by zeoblade
in chinese zodiac 8yrs apart and 4yrs apart are the same sign
+/- 4yrs and same age have the most successful relationships than unsuccessful relationships. 6yrs has the most unsuccessful relationships than successful relationships
And 7 years? Wouldn't we technically be 7 years apart? Since he turns 27 this year and i turn 20
if you are 1991 you are sheep
if he is 1984 he is rat
sorry, much more unsuccessful relationships than successful relationships because of the 7yrs difference
if he is 1984 he is rat
sorry, much more unsuccessful relationships than successful relationships because of the 7yrs difference
Posted by zeoblade
if you are 1991 you are sheep
if he is 1984 he is rat
sorry, much more unsuccessful relationships than successful relationships because of the 7yrs difference
Thanks for the heads up. -______-
Rae, let us know if he comes around again. I am dying to know!
Posted by paranormalbadgirl
Rae, let us know if he comes around again. I am dying to know!
Me too! I don't think he will though. 😢 Sigh.
@MissRae91 :may i ask you on which day of July you are born?
it sounds like he might be a little nervous around you.
What do Virgos tend to do after a date anyway? Analyze over again?
Light as air- yeah, I thought that was a possibility but I'm never sure
Posted by Rae91
What do Virgos tend to do after a date anyway? Analyze over again?
wonder what you are thinking haha
yes we analyse, we like to make assessments so that we dont get lost or make some illogical step based on an assumption
the next date would be to further test to discover any unknowns and fill in the gaps to get a good picture of you. we have to make sure everything is accurate
Posted by zeobladePosted by Rae91
What do Virgos tend to do after a date anyway? Analyze over again?
wonder what you are thinking haha
yes we analyse, we like to make assessments so that we dont get lost or make some illogical step based on an assumption
the next date would be to further test to discover any unknowns and fill in the gaps to get a good picture of you. we have to make sure everything is accurateclick to expand
How long until you usually initiate another date? I feel like this one was so awkward that he won't even try again ha! I kind of came off bored/annoyed but that's only because I thought he was feeling the same. I was just being defensive! When you make sure everything is accurate.. do you always MENTALLY do it? Cause you sure as heck never verbalize it! (At least in his case.)
unfortunately if the person is busy, you might need to wait otherwise you'll have to settle for a half date (doing two things at the same time) to save time haha
i think next weekend is a appropriate time frame
you really have to get the right angle because of the age difference, thats the only way it will work. unfortunately for you the angle is really narrow so you need to throw a curve ball and do it with great accuracy
what did you do that was defensive?
yes to make sure things are accurate, you need both mental assessment and physical testing. he should be asking questions to verbalise the testing. this guy needs to be more transparent
i think next weekend is a appropriate time frame
you really have to get the right angle because of the age difference, thats the only way it will work. unfortunately for you the angle is really narrow so you need to throw a curve ball and do it with great accuracy
what did you do that was defensive?
yes to make sure things are accurate, you need both mental assessment and physical testing. he should be asking questions to verbalise the testing. this guy needs to be more transparent
Why is the angle narrow? I said I was defensive because I didn't try to hide the bored look on my face.. and i didn't laugh once on the show he made us watch. the show was terrible but he seemed to think it had amazing comedy.
he never seems to ask the questions. he actually NEVER talks about what happens when we're in person. Don't most people do that? Talk about their date?
And before I left he said "Sorry this was so boring" He's always saying things like that.. "sorry i'm boring, blah blah"
he never seems to ask the questions. he actually NEVER talks about what happens when we're in person. Don't most people do that? Talk about their date?
And before I left he said "Sorry this was so boring" He's always saying things like that.. "sorry i'm boring, blah blah"
dates are activation steps
the type of date is the activator (catalyst)
if you use the wrong catalyst, there's no point to the reaction
if he detects that you dont have similar avenues that you can communicate on, there is little to no reaction
now the angle is narrow. the difference in personality (7yrs) may be that you are at different stages in life progression. you got to work a lot harder to throw a curve ball to maintain good accuracy. whereas if you had a better angle, you can throw anywhere and still be caught. like kicking a ball from the corner or kicking from the penalty spot in football
this guy seems a little worried about what you're thinking. he should ask. just laugh, perk it up and get him to relax
he's probably talking about your date with someone else for reflection
maybe you should do something you like to take the pressure off him. he's worried you will find him boring
the type of date is the activator (catalyst)
if you use the wrong catalyst, there's no point to the reaction
if he detects that you dont have similar avenues that you can communicate on, there is little to no reaction
now the angle is narrow. the difference in personality (7yrs) may be that you are at different stages in life progression. you got to work a lot harder to throw a curve ball to maintain good accuracy. whereas if you had a better angle, you can throw anywhere and still be caught. like kicking a ball from the corner or kicking from the penalty spot in football
this guy seems a little worried about what you're thinking. he should ask. just laugh, perk it up and get him to relax
he's probably talking about your date with someone else for reflection
maybe you should do something you like to take the pressure off him. he's worried you will find him boring
Laughing and making the situation easier would of initially been my first reaction but it seems that I just needed reassurance. When i don't get it, I just go into the shell. Eh.
See i would do something i like but if he doesnt like it i'll just end up with the shorter end of the stick ha! There's nothing like an embarrassed cancer
See i would do something i like but if he doesnt like it i'll just end up with the shorter end of the stick ha! There's nothing like an embarrassed cancer
that situation is really awkward if you cancers start and continue worrying
"When I am REALLY into someone I almost shut down when I am in their presence. Hard to look at them and make eye contact, stumble over my thoughts and words. But I can be fine on the phone, texts and emails. I love to think through things and type stuff that is whitty and interesting.I also have taken some notes when I have called someone I really like just so I have a list of topics for interesting discussion. ."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This 100% true!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This 100% true!
Cupcake-
Compliments are much harder in person? Hm. He's NEVER complimented me in person and I was forced to think he didn't like what he saw.
"It's always in the back of my mind that maybe this person is just not that into me and I will make a fool out of myself." EXACT same way I feel.
How much time does it take with you?
Compliments are much harder in person? Hm. He's NEVER complimented me in person and I was forced to think he didn't like what he saw.
"It's always in the back of my mind that maybe this person is just not that into me and I will make a fool out of myself." EXACT same way I feel.
How much time does it take with you?
Must you put us through so much trouble? 🙂 What kind of research? Facebook wise?
trouble might be a compatibility issue
you are cancer, right?
i find cancer sensitive and easily to get nervous. i was talking to a cancer and then she accuses me of stereotyping for a typical cancer trait. she's introverted and doesnt socialise much, only with her husband as training wheels. and i said she needs to be more social
anyway, just try not to be so nervous, it doesnt matter if people judge you because thats human nature. you have to make decisions in getting to know you and what kind of person you are
you are cancer, right?
i find cancer sensitive and easily to get nervous. i was talking to a cancer and then she accuses me of stereotyping for a typical cancer trait. she's introverted and doesnt socialise much, only with her husband as training wheels. and i said she needs to be more social
anyway, just try not to be so nervous, it doesnt matter if people judge you because thats human nature. you have to make decisions in getting to know you and what kind of person you are
I didn't get nervous arond him at all.. so that's certainly not the issue.
getting defensive can be from nervousness
Alright everyone- well it's over. He just posted a status saying he's "thinking about that one person 😉" Ha. It's only been a week since we last saw each other and he's already found someone new. Classy.
Sounds like your jumping the gun....how do you know that "one person" isn't you?
One can only assume after no contact for a little over a week..
rae- you're really pretty, maybe he was so awkward because he was intimidated? i can be like that when my date is attractive. the less attracted i am to him, the more outgoing i am. it's really annoying :O have you heard from him?
i'm sure we were talking about how the OP has that effect on him? then brought up our experiences in the reverse...don't be so snippy 😉
Posted by PandybearPosted by nimbue
rae- you're really pretty, maybe he was so awkward because he was intimidated? i can be like that when my date is attractive. the less attracted i am to him, the more outgoing i am. it's really annoying :O
Omg Nim.. I hate that too! Its happened to me before.. Omg.. LOL! THis one time this really hot guy came to see me at work (i had previously told his friend he was cute, months later I was transfered to another location) and as soon as I saw him my mind went blank! Lmfao.. Gosh, Im so smooth sometimes, Idk how I do it!click to expand
LOL!! i don't know man. *shakes head*. hormones are not helpful!
Posted by nimbue
rae- you're really pretty, maybe he was so awkward because he was intimidated? i can be like that when my date is attractive. the less attracted i am to him, the more outgoing i am. it's really annoying :O have you heard from him?
Nimbue- Thank you so much. 🙂 No, i haven't heard from him since that day. He's done this before, though. We'll hang out then he disappears all of a sudden.. Sigh. He disappeared last time because he was busy but i'm not so sure this time
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I felt like i was initiating the WHOLE conversation when he should be the one doing that! The hangout was so boring and awkward.. I ended up being desperate enough to have someone call me and "bail" me out (which i'm sure him being a virgo realized.)
I'll probably get a number of eye rolls for this next statement but i'm just trying to make a point! When i was getting ready to go to his house, he text and told me to bring my bathing suit. I replied telling him "Never!" (I wasn't quite comfortable with my body yet and was waiting until i lost some weight) When he asked why i boldly said "Because i'm fat?" And his response was "Oh okay." ...I don't think i've ever been so offended in my life. It was like he was agreeing with me!