sweethearts
@sweethearts
19 Years5,000+ Posts
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Posted by sweetheartsPosted by Winters12Posted by sweetheartsPosted by Winters12Posted by sweetheartsPosted by Winters12
I completely agree I do need to sort my self out I am in a big predicament at the moment with my self I just don’t see and even my mum has said I can’t see you and her working my current partner because she saying there’s more to it than her not letting the girls go there my mum said it’s because she doesn’t want them there etc I am in a position to sort my life out right now but I am struggling and it’s really hard I don’t know what first steps I should take well I do but I’m scared to .
I find that facing your fears head on is the best therapy, from there it only gets better.
Concentrate on your work and your children, sounds like one of them is confused and going to need your guidance.
You are correct my oldest The 11year old is very confused at this moment in time she needs me as do my other children I do love my current partner (Gem) this is why it’s so hard I also have feelings there for my ex still when I chat to her we are always having a laugh and joking around etc it comes naturally. This is why it’s confusing me as well My mum is saying my current partner is lovely but there’s more to why she doesn’t want the kids at her house and Also cannot see it working out in the long run and my mums partner is saying look at how different they are as people where is my ex partner has always been their for my oldest daughter never had a problem with her living with us when we was together and also even offered to care for her full time because her mother is a waster !! she even puts my own kid down as her own what I mean by this is she will buy my daughter Christmas / birthday presents before even thinking about it Invite her for tea with our children have movie nights for them at a drop of a hat she cares for my oldest daughter a lot and she wouldn’t care if she decided to be lesbian or what ever the hell she wanted to be but she is a little funny at times and never use to make me tea after work when I come home some times I even had to make the kids tea with mine on the evening after work when she use to sit at home with the kids all day and use to get a little funny with me going out with my mates to football/soccer on the weekend and she also use to moan a lot at me after work if I didn’t want to go out because she had been stuck in the same 4 walls all day long when that isn't my fault She never had any enthusiasm inside of her no get up and go and never really wanted to pay her way when it come to visiting her family far away Etc however when it came to my daughter she was more than brilliant! My current partner is good with my children however she has been alone for so long that it feels like it’s just all about her and her children I have always put my all into her children no matter what and what I should of been doing was putting it into my children anyway the indications are there too see she’s very clever with her words trying to make me feel like I’m wrong or that she has done no wrong what so ever she can’t accept that my ex is still in contact with my family members but she was apart of our family for 8/9 years and all my partners response to that is how would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot and my ex was around my family etc no I wouldn’t like it no body would however have I done stuff about it yes I have I have spoken to my ex about it and my family to make it easier but sometimes it still happens I cannot control my family’s life neither should I and I cannot control my ex partner either so my hands are tied what can I do nothing .
The relationship your ex has with your family is hers. As long as she isn’t there all the time and when you are there if it makes you uncomfortable. I say that because I have my own relationship with my ex in laws. But, I also have a friendly relationship with my ex’s wife, even if she didn’t like me or the fact that I was apart of their lives at times, there isn’t anything she could do about it and my ex-husband isn’t bothered by it at all.
Nothing you’ve said about your partner has any merit to her being a nice person at all. Wake up! When’s she’s done with you, she’ll burn you financially if you stay the legal distance!
No one is perfect, when we raise children we lose motivation and don’t feel good about ourselves. You guys work, not saying it’s easy but you do have a life outside those walls where we have to recreate ourselves as people, as well as a mother and a wife when we are exhausted. If she doesn’t easily make friends or have a friendship group it’s easy to give up. And, If she knew you were cheating, maybe that’s why she wasn’t cooking for you. Ffs man, I’d do more than that. I’d plot my own revenge and you wouldn’t know what hit you until it did, you and your little slut!! Trust me, you got off lightly there!
At the end of the day, you now know the person your partner is and it’s only a matter of time before you split, sounds like she is making excuses and opening the door for you. So choice is yours, stay and be treated like a door mat, you’ve made your bed, lie in it or leave and slam the door shut in her face!
We sat down last night and have had a chat,
She has told me she is 100% committed to me and my children and she has made a few good points her end.
She is currently struggling with her children at the moment as she is raising them on her own however I try to help when ever I can.
She has told me at this moment in time she cannot committee to my child arrangements hence why she suggested that we keep the kids apart for a little bit until hers start to behave and have that routine back and because she needs to sort her own children out first they are unsettled and out of routine due to her moving house and sorting her child arrangements through court with her ex partner etc .
I have made it clear that my children come first and that they come with me as a package and she has said she’ll never leave them out and completely understood that when we got together, whenever we come to live together it wouldn’t be a problem them staying with us over night every other weekend as that is my arrangements anyway .
So last night I went to hers and soon as she opened the door I just wanted to laugh and she told me so did she but I held it in tho and so did she because we was both still upset I just felt complete love for her soon as I seen her and once we talked about things and straightened them out things got a little heated under the sheets and the connection we had was unreal she told me she thought she was going to loose me and that I was going to break it off with her and I did consider it however once we sat and spoke we both realised that we haven’t really shown each other much respect lately and have been expecting too much of each other so soon in the relationship ! I love this lady because she is fair but we just see things differently at times and get our wires crossed and I do feel she can also be unfair at times but so can I, I am far from perfect and I get a lot of things wrong . I seen my ex also with my children and I do miss them a lot however when speaking with my ex I can’t really look her in the eye anymore the spark I had with her is there one moment and gone the next I am pretty confused myself but I do know I love my partner.
It’s good that you’re communicating, keep that up and don’t under any circumstances take any crap about your children and those arrangements or her insecurities with your ex visiting your family, she is the mother of your children and not Abusive like her ex so she needs to learn to deal with that.
Stop doing too much for her too, keep it around the 50/50 - 60/40 mark.
When you find your coming to strangers on a forum for so much advice, that is when you should be confronting her and airing out your differences. Good luck moving forward, I hope you are not still confused and I do hope she sees what she has been like and changes her ways.click to expand
Thank you it’s just good to be able to speak to people you don’t know for advice so I do really appreciate everything all of you have said .
Posted by sweetheartsPosted by Winters12Posted by sweetheartsPosted by Winters12Posted by sweetheartsPosted by Winters12
I completely agree I do need to sort my self out I am in a big predicament at the moment with my self I just don’t see and even my mum has said I can’t see you and her working my current partner because she saying there’s more to it than her not letting the girls go there my mum said it’s because she doesn’t want them there etc I am in a position to sort my life out right now but I am struggling and it’s really hard I don’t know what first steps I should take well I do but I’m scared to .
I find that facing your fears head on is the best therapy, from there it only gets better.
Concentrate on your work and your children, sounds like one of them is confused and going to need your guidance.
You are correct my oldest The 11year old is very confused at this moment in time she needs me as do my other children I do love my current partner (Gem) this is why it’s so hard I also have feelings there for my ex still when I chat to her we are always having a laugh and joking around etc it comes naturally. This is why it’s confusing me as well My mum is saying my current partner is lovely but there’s more to why she doesn’t want the kids at her house and Also cannot see it working out in the long run and my mums partner is saying look at how different they are as people where is my ex partner has always been their for my oldest daughter never had a problem with her living with us when we was together and also even offered to care for her full time because her mother is a waster !! she even puts my own kid down as her own what I mean by this is she will buy my daughter Christmas / birthday presents before even thinking about it Invite her for tea with our children have movie nights for them at a drop of a hat she cares for my oldest daughter a lot and she wouldn’t care if she decided to be lesbian or what ever the hell she wanted to be but she is a little funny at times and never use to make me tea after work when I come home some times I even had to make the kids tea with mine on the evening after work when she use to sit at home with the kids all day and use to get a little funny with me going out with my mates to football/soccer on the weekend and she also use to moan a lot at me after work if I didn’t want to go out because she had been stuck in the same 4 walls all day long when that isn't my fault She never had any enthusiasm inside of her no get up and go and never really wanted to pay her way when it come to visiting her family far away Etc however when it came to my daughter she was more than brilliant! My current partner is good with my children however she has been alone for so long that it feels like it’s just all about her and her children I have always put my all into her children no matter what and what I should of been doing was putting it into my children anyway the indications are there too see she’s very clever with her words trying to make me feel like I’m wrong or that she has done no wrong what so ever she can’t accept that my ex is still in contact with my family members but she was apart of our family for 8/9 years and all my partners response to that is how would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot and my ex was around my family etc no I wouldn’t like it no body would however have I done stuff about it yes I have I have spoken to my ex about it and my family to make it easier but sometimes it still happens I cannot control my family’s life neither should I and I cannot control my ex partner either so my hands are tied what can I do nothing .
The relationship your ex has with your family is hers. As long as she isn’t there all the time and when you are there if it makes you uncomfortable. I say that because I have my own relationship with my ex in laws. But, I also have a friendly relationship with my ex’s wife, even if she didn’t like me or the fact that I was apart of their lives at times, there isn’t anything she could do about it and my ex-husband isn’t bothered by it at all.
Nothing you’ve said about your partner has any merit to her being a nice person at all. Wake up! When’s she’s done with you, she’ll burn you financially if you stay the legal distance!
No one is perfect, when we raise children we lose motivation and don’t feel good about ourselves. You guys work, not saying it’s easy but you do have a life outside those walls where we have to recreate ourselves as people, as well as a mother and a wife when we are exhausted. If she doesn’t easily make friends or have a friendship group it’s easy to give up. And, If she knew you were cheating, maybe that’s why she wasn’t cooking for you. Ffs man, I’d do more than that. I’d plot my own revenge and you wouldn’t know what hit you until it did, you and your little slut!! Trust me, you got off lightly there!
At the end of the day, you now know the person your partner is and it’s only a matter of time before you split, sounds like she is making excuses and opening the door for you. So choice is yours, stay and be treated like a door mat, you’ve made your bed, lie in it or leave and slam the door shut in her face!
We sat down last night and have had a chat,
She has told me she is 100% committed to me and my children and she has made a few good points her end.
She is currently struggling with her children at the moment as she is raising them on her own however I try to help when ever I can.
She has told me at this moment in time she cannot committee to my child arrangements hence why she suggested that we keep the kids apart for a little bit until hers start to behave and have that routine back and because she needs to sort her own children out first they are unsettled and out of routine due to her moving house and sorting her child arrangements through court with her ex partner etc .
I have made it clear that my children come first and that they come with me as a package and she has said she’ll never leave them out and completely understood that when we got together, whenever we come to live together it wouldn’t be a problem them staying with us over night every other weekend as that is my arrangements anyway .
So last night I went to hers and soon as she opened the door I just wanted to laugh and she told me so did she but I held it in tho and so did she because we was both still upset I just felt complete love for her soon as I seen her and once we talked about things and straightened them out things got a little heated under the sheets and the connection we had was unreal she told me she thought she was going to loose me and that I was going to break it off with her and I did consider it however once we sat and spoke we both realised that we haven’t really shown each other much respect lately and have been expecting too much of each other so soon in the relationship ! I love this lady because she is fair but we just see things differently at times and get our wires crossed and I do feel she can also be unfair at times but so can I, I am far from perfect and I get a lot of things wrong . I seen my ex also with my children and I do miss them a lot however when speaking with my ex I can’t really look her in the eye anymore the spark I had with her is there one moment and gone the next I am pretty confused myself but I do know I love my partner.
It’s good that you’re communicating, keep that up and don’t under any circumstances take any crap about your children and those arrangements or her insecurities with your ex visiting your family, she is the mother of your children and not Abusive like her ex so she needs to learn to deal with that.
Stop doing too much for her too, keep it around the 50/50 - 60/40 mark.
When you find your coming to strangers on a forum for so much advice, that is when you should be confronting her and airing out your differences. Good luck moving forward, I hope you are not still confused and I do hope she sees what she has been like and changes her ways.click to expand
Thank you it’s just good to be able to speak to people you don’t know for advice so I do really appreciate everything all of you have said .
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