Aqua bf is stressing me out

I know some ppl will say walk away but I dont believe everything is that simple. we've been together for a little over a year. he's kind and sweet to me and in the beginning everything was good until he lost his job. now he's chasing the money and jumping from job to job. I don't feel he's stable. We talk about things a lot and I've tried many ways to understand where he is coming from but it's difficult. He doesnt ask for money from me but at the same time if we ever do anything I will either have to pay MOST of the time or we wont be doing anything. for the last six months it's been like this. So holidays are difficult. I dont get gifts and i decided not to get him anything now. I will say I brought him a gift for Xmas and he didnt accept it and said he didnt deserve it. I was impress by this. we lived together until recently because he wasn't helping with bills although he would help with chores. he moved out and I thought that would help a lot but I notice now that he's distant. He's depressed and I'm depressed. He says he doesnt want to lose me and that he's a better man since i've been with him and I notice the change in him. I love this man BUT I love consistency too! Phone calls are non existent and text be random now. As much as I complain about this behavior he don't change his actions. I'm finding it harder and harder to find reasons to stay with him past I love him. I've been cheated on and mistreated in past relationships and this guy haven't made me feel this way but financially it's really affecting our relationship and the more he's distant with me the more i'm starting to resent him. He's very lazt to me and I feel like he's no a go getter I read this article recently where the author said most ppl get mad because their significant other don't do things like you would and that's a bad expectations to have with someone. I never been married but he's the first person I really thought hard and long about being with forever so to just walk away will not be easy. All i do is cry. I want him better for US. I've helped him A LOT with getting life in order and I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO!!!!!!

How old are you both?

What does he do? Is he unemployed?

Did he show you affection possibly because he has nothing to do?

What's his history?

How have you been encouraging him?

What are his placements? (if you actually want to hear an astro-related answer)

My Aqua was EXACTLY the same way before just recently, seriously.

I was ready to walk but because we've been together so long I thought we deserved another shot. Things are much better as far as financial stuff is concerned. I don't know if it will be consistent but it's making a big difference in our relationship.

My advice is that it's possible that it won't change for you. Decide if this is the life you want or can deal with. If not, walk. That doesn't mean that if he's able to make stable financial changes in his life you can't reconsider, but don’t live your life with him hoping that things will change and then be constantly disappointed when they don't.

Posted by aquasnoz
How old are you both?

What does he do? Is he unemployed?

Did he show you affection possibly because he has nothing to do?

What's his history?

How have you been encouraging him?

What are his placements? (if you actually want to hear an astro-related answer)

he's not unemployed but he doesnt make that much.

we're both in our thirties

i've been encouraging him for the longest. helping him with his resume and generally trying to give him emotional support but to be fair a lot of times he can be selfish and forget I need emotional security too. When he's depressed he shuts EVERYONE out including me and that part idk how to accept at all

He's aqua sun pis rising and Scorpio moon

im leo sun aqua rising and Taurus moon

Posted by Leogirl27

Posted by aquasnoz
How old are you both?

What does he do? Is he unemployed?

Did he show you affection possibly because he has nothing to do?

What's his history?

How have you been encouraging him?

What are his placements? (if you actually want to hear an astro-related answer)

he's not unemployed but he doesnt make that much.

we're both in our thirties

i've been encouraging him for the longest. helping him with his resume and generally trying to give him emotional support but to be fair a lot of times he can be selfish and forget I need emotional security too. When he's depressed he shuts EVERYONE out including me and that part idk how to accept at all

He's aqua sun pis rising and Scorpio moon

im leo sun aqua rising and Taurus moon

click to expand

what are your venus and mars?

Posted by Leogirl27

Posted by aquasnoz
How old are you both?

What does he do? Is he unemployed?

Did he show you affection possibly because he has nothing to do?

What's his history?

How have you been encouraging him?

What are his placements? (if you actually want to hear an astro-related answer)

he's not unemployed but he doesnt make that much.

we're both in our thirties

i've been encouraging him for the longest. helping him with his resume and generally trying to give him emotional support but to be fair a lot of times he can be selfish and forget I need emotional security too. When he's depressed he shuts EVERYONE out including me and that part idk how to accept at all

He's aqua sun pis rising and Scorpio moon

im leo sun aqua rising and Taurus moon

click to expand

anyway that's good your encouraging him.

he sounds like he's really depressed about getting that job. that Scorpio moon wants to feel secure with MONEY. $ $ $ $ is the motivation. and if they have lots they feel happy.

Not to mention Aquas really, really get depressed when they feel they can't provide happiness and they can and WILL shut everyone out thinking they have nothing to offer. Be supportive emotionally, give him time, and don't pressure him. In fact, take this time to learn to do things together that don't include needing money. Couples cooking at home for netflix and chill, picnics at the beach, etc.

He's always like this but never with me. He's really like this with his family. But I get the whole thing about them shutting ppl out but what am I suppose to do wait until he decides he wants to be bothered? I'm all about being fair but even when I go through things I still communicate with him. The more I'm ignored the angrier I'm getting.

Give him some time when he has his alone time to soak up his emotions. Unless you are strong enough mentally to handle all the venting he had been penting up in his deep mental consciousness. Sounds like the guy is under a lot of stress also. Not just you. Being pressured makes it worse. Imagine you are in his situation.

It doesn't sound like there's anything you really can do. A lot of couples argue about money it is the number one reason and cause for divorce. I don't think that there's anything wrong with you wanting your man to be more financially responsible in order to be in an equitable partner in the relationship.

Now it's up to him! He has to make the choice to do what he feels is best for him. Sounds like he's going through a real stressful time he said he still wants to be with you so just give him some space give me some time I think it's really hard for a man to not be able to make a significant contribution.

I wasn't working,last year when I met my boyfriend and neither was he, I was doing odd jobs and getting paid here and there for farm work and he pretty much deals weed he gets from his folks, I'll admit there were times where I felt inadequate, he would buy me food all the time and pay for stuff because he is a lovely guy and it makes him feel good to do stuff like that, Whatever I make I'm happy to share it around but I prefer to spend on dates and going out to proper things other than drive through.
The thing that would really get my goat was his mother she would come over to our place chop up and smoke bongs and ask when we were going to get a job and everything would center around us working, I was doing theatre at the time and every time it got mentioned she would be like "is that making you money" "how much money does that make you"? I don't get paid for amateur theatre, it's a hobby and therapeutic because I quit my job three years ago and it was a very hard time in my life, I take work very very seriously and it really hits close to home being an Aquarian with a Scorpio moon myself, I ended up getting a catering job last year and it was a HUGE deal for me to be back into hospitality and it got thrown in my face again and completely disregarded that I still was not getting paid enough and the bitch was already looking up other jobs I should be doing in the paper trying to motivate me but was having the opposite effect, it takes patience for me to get the ball rolling, if I'm in a partnership I just need the other person and everyone else n my life to shut the fuck up so I can deal with what's going on inside me and not put any pressure on me what so ever! I admire when people are trying to help but I'm very independent and when people try and force me to be a go getter it makes me retreat and it cripples me as a functional person because it needs to be on MY terms. There's only one leader when it comes to being an Aquarian and applying themselves to work and your guy knows this, you should wipe your tears and back off, take it slow if you have to. If you can't handle him at his worst you don't deserve him at his finest, he WILL get there at the end not when you are intervening in his process.

Posted by Leogirl27
I know some ppl will say walk away but I dont believe everything is that simple. we've been together for a little over a year. he's kind and sweet to me and in the beginning everything was good until he lost his job. now he's chasing the money and jumping from job to job. I don't feel he's stable. We talk about things a lot and I've tried many ways to understand where he is coming from but it's difficult. He doesnt ask for money from me but at the same time if we ever do anything I will either have to pay MOST of the time or we wont be doing anything. for the last six months it's been like this. So holidays are difficult. I dont get gifts and i decided not to get him anything now. I will say I brought him a gift for Xmas and he didnt accept it and said he didnt deserve it. I was impress by this. we lived together until recently because he wasn't helping with bills although he would help with chores. he moved out and I thought that would help a lot but I notice now that he's distant. He's depressed and I'm depressed. He says he doesnt want to lose me and that he's a better man since i've been with him and I notice the change in him. I love this man BUT I love consistency too! Phone calls are non existent and text be random now. As much as I complain about this behavior he don't change his actions. I'm finding it harder and harder to find reasons to stay with him past I love him. I've been cheated on and mistreated in past relationships and this guy haven't made me feel this way but financially it's really affecting our relationship and the more he's distant with me the more i'm starting to resent him. He's very lazt to me and I feel like he's no a go getter I read this article recently where the author said most ppl get mad because their significant other don't do things like you would and that's a bad expectations to have with someone. I never been married but he's the first person I really thought hard and long about being with forever so to just walk away will not be easy. All i do is cry. I want him better for US. I've helped him A LOT with getting life in order and I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO!!!!!!

You need to take a break from him, it doesn't mean you have to break up at all but he needs a chance to get his shit together and for an Aquarian being in a relationship hinders us A LOT I know it sounds really bad but it's the truth, we flourish when we are on our own.

You should ask him how he feels.

I'm assuming he makes very little to not be able to afford anything. I see a lot of people are saying he must feel really down and needs support. Yes he does. But if he's anything l like me, the feeling of needing to be supported makes it even worse so I guess I can see where he's coming from.

The moving out part I don't see as helping... unless he moved back home.

What you said is on point and I'm sure he knows that already but it sure doesn't make it easier to have a smile on your face when you know you're letting the person you love down and not being able to provide them with that security. I'm a pretty realistic aqua... I won't say things like "Yeah I got this, new job soon, everything will be okay"... sure I think it but it hasn't happened yet.

Posted by aquasnoz
You should ask him how he feels.

I'm assuming he makes very little to not be able to afford anything. I see a lot of people are saying he must feel really down and needs support. Yes he does. But if he's anything l like me, the feeling of needing to be supported makes it even worse so I guess I can see where he's coming from.

The moving out part I don't see as helping... unless he moved back home.

What you said is on point and I'm sure he knows that already but it sure doesn't make it easier to have a smile on your face when you know you're letting the person you love down and not being able to provide them with that security. I'm a pretty realistic aqua... I won't say things like "Yeah I got this, new job soon, everything will be okay"... sure I think it but it hasn't happened yet.

I get it and I've thought about what to do for awhile. This has been going on for 7 months now. I'm all for supporting someone. He moved in with me and I pay all the bills, cook, support him emotionally, I tried to keep this together. All I do is cry it's very hard. What I didn't mention is he can fucked things up for himself. Every relationship he has be it with me, his kids, or his family it's all strain. He gets depressed and shut everyone out. Not making excuses but he's a mommas boy and now his mother is tired, I'm tired. It's stories for everything. I get ppl go through things but that doesn't give anyone the right to treat u like shit because you're depressed. He's not responsible and it's like raising a child a lot. He has a history of doing what he wants. He hasn't mistreated me but he's super lazy and I'm about my grown up business. I have empathy to a point. He has a better chance of thriving better living with me but it only proves he's either super lazy or him being depressed stops all motivation for him. Either way he's bringing me down emotionally and financially. I'm just tired as much as I love him. I told him we need not talk for awhile because I really do not know what else to do. He's a grown man and I tried and if that means we're not meant to be I have to be ok with this.

Posted by killerwhalemoon
Are you being emotionally supportive?. If I were him id leave you. First of all if you really love someone helping them out for a year or so is not going to kill you and it could be what he needs to make it back up. Even if he's not making much if he helps as much as he can then that's better then nothing.
I feel like your too expectational and that's not love.
Stop worrying about what he can do for you and think about what he's going through.
Not every things gonna be about you, your in a relationship not a one way street.

Everyone has expectations in a relationship. And I've said I am emotionally supportive. I've been supportive PERIOD. I think it's funny how ppl can tell me I'm not being supportive enough. When should anything be about me? So is there a time limit you're suppose to give and give until it's socially acceptable to move on or to think of yourself? This was never intitially said to express that he doesn't do anything for me. But I'm not allowing someone to treat me any kind of way because he's going through things when I've been there for him. If that makes me selfish then let me selfish ass be selfish Ž

If I were him, I would evaluate my relationship with you carefully. I mean what if he was injured, sick or impaired in some way to where he can't work at all anymore? Would you be willing to take care of him in that situation? I wouldn't want to date someone where they think of me as a burden or inconvenience to them. It is probably how he feels about it.

@Op- You have to do whatever it is necessary especially if this is your only down fall(financially)/ it is a mutual respect that if someone does get sick that man/woman do whatever it takes to bring money to the table. Yes work two jobs and do what you have to...If you see a lazy pattern though then time to speak up then it might be some sort of using someone...Should you have to constantly tell someone to get a job for a year idk..it would be up to you and a lot of burden.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
@Op- You have to do whatever it is necessary especially if this is your only down fall(financially)/ it is a mutual respect that if someone does get sick that man/woman do whatever it takes to bring money to the table. Yes work two jobs and do what you have to...If you see a lazy pattern though then time to speak up then it might be some sort of using someone...Should you have to constantly tell someone to get a job for a year idk..it would be up to you and a lot of burden.

THANK YOU!!!! You get it what I am saying. He is lazy and everyone keeps saying what if this what if that. That's different. But he is more than capable of working and trying harder. He is NOT incapacitated that he cannot do these things. its like you're suppose to financially, emotionally, and physically deal with this for how long. I didn't take vows he's not my husband and that shouldn't take away from me not helping him and supporting him but why should I be expected to do wifely duties 24/7 and I'm just the gf. Everyone has rough times but do I honestly think he would do everything for me that I've done for him. Probably not. Especially without being cheated on I'm being real with myself. This isn't back in the day. He doesn't take care of the kids and the house while I work. I come home I still cook for him. So ppl and they're judgemental opinions. Wow

Posted by FutureSeeker
A lot of times we create the relationship we are in by allowing things to occur- but don't even realize it. If someone cooked for me everyday and cleaned for me, heck yeah I wouldn't mind. Stop doing that. He may be lazy partly because people in his life enable it. What would be his motivation to have drive to clean, cook, get a money making job- if someone else is doing those things? He has no consequences.
If a kid doesn't wear a coat on a cold day- their "consequence" is to shiver and "freeze" when outside. He needs opportunities to deal with problem solving but people figure it out for him- I don't actually think it's all his fault- this is what he knows.

1000000% agreed. Every woman in his life has enabled him. Me included so I will take the blame for that. Me doing too much at times has enabled him. So much so I apply for jobs for him. He's actually said to me once, he feels bad that I do that more than he does it. But he's too depressed to do it sometimes. He has admitted that. Smh I've been in bad situations to but it's motivates me. He seems to have none. That fine line between doing too much and tough love his difficult. Like I said I love him but I need to let him stand on his own and be a man. It's hurts a lot and him even more I'm sure. i need a man I'm not trying to raise one.