Aquarius and break ups

Hi Aqua board!

I have always been surrounded by Aquarius. But it's the first time I'm actually DATING one! It's been a little over a year. His motivation and effort has waned substantially. I mean, we went from contacting each other daily, phone calls, texts, hanging out, dates, ROMANCE and songs---the works, to less and less and less.


Now, I get a sprinkle of text messages every four or five days, and in them he's telling me how busy he is and his favorite line "Talk later" Then it's another four or five days of nothing.

He has a lot going on, but he always found time for me in the past. I let him go when he says he has to, don't make him feel bad for disappearing on me, and act normal when he finally does contact me.

He's got a leo moon, and my leo mars gives him compliments and ego strokes, my Venus Air complements his Aqua dominant chart, and my Aries keeps it all interesting.

Lately, he'll only meet up with me for a quick sex session, which I can tell leaves both of us empty. I always joke that I'd like to just hug and kiss for once--just hang out, and he'll joke back. But of course, sex happens because I'm just so starved for his attention. Losing my self respect is a horrible after thought.

I'm not very demanding-- and I do communicate how I feel, that I'd like more. He says if he had more time, he would give it to me. I just feel there's a disconnect. He has stopped sharing his life with me, and it's worrisome. I feel he is purposefully avoiding me, coming late to places he knows I'll be, and keeping the convo really short.

My question is, is this what they mean by stringing along?

Are there tell tale signs that a break up is near? Any Aqua insight would be much appreciated -- even the "You're a nut job" kind. Just help me understand.

Thanks DXP.

He feels comfortable with you and this arrangement. If you can't talk to him about how it bothers you (or can't without him getting defensive), I would assume that this is the way he wants it. He may be thinking that this is his perfect relationship because you're so accommodating.

If you don't think his lifestyle/lack of time for you will be changing anytime soon, I would work on the assumption that this is his relationship "normal". You'll need to decide if it's worth it to you to have a relationship like that. If not, walk away and don't look back. If he's not willing to take the time to treat you like you're important to him, he likely never will.

This is again, assuming that this is his MO and not a temporary situation that is taking up time that he would rather spend with you.

Not an Aquarius, but in a very long term relationship with an Aquarian sun/Venus who displayed similar traits early on.

Sultrykitty, thank you for your response.

In regards to the traits your Aqua showed early on, does he continue to show this, or did it change, and if you don't mind me asking, how did it change? Something you did?

I would definitely say that he does find the situation to his liking, as he told me once, after a long two week pause in communication, that I was his soulmate.

I told him quite recently that I don't feel important to him. He He said "oh here we go, that comment upset me." Then he walked away, thinking. Nothing has been done about it tho.

Thanks again.

Yes, he does. We don't go out except to family outings or a special occasion. He is constantly working and he never contacys ne just to say hello or to say he's thinking about me. I used to try to get him to do more with me but it was a constant battle. He is very uncomfortable with me expressing intense feelings except when we're making love. The sex is insanely awesome.

At one point I gave up and walked away from him. Only after no contact for several months is when he contacted me and made changes; he became more emotionally expressive and started including me in his life.

This lasted a few years, and then he sort of reverted back, although we've been living together for abou 15 years now. It's more like a "best friends" situation for me, with hot sex. He is a Taurus moon, so he will never let me go, and on a very deep level we love each other. I've been having some difficulties lately dealing with the lack of affection and attention even though I know he loves me with his entire soul. It may sound romantic but it's been an extremely difficult relationship for me. I have never actually. FELT his love on any level except when I've tried to remove myself from the relationship so we continue on this way. He's happy as a clam; I am merely content. I'm at a place in my life where I'm battling whether I will be OK with that for the rest of my life or not. I haven't made a decision yet.

Posted by sultrykitty
Yes, he does. We don't go out except to family outings or a special occasion. He is constantly working and he never contacys ne just to say hello or to say he's thinking about me. I used to try to get him to do more with me but it was a constant battle. He is very uncomfortable with me expressing intense feelings except when we're making love. The sex is insanely awesome.

At one point I gave up and walked away from him. Only after no contact for several months is when he contacted me and made changes; he became more emotionally expressive and started including me in his life.

This lasted a few years, and then he sort of reverted back, although we've been living together for abou 15 years now. It's more like a "best friends" situation for me, with hot sex. He is a Taurus moon, so he will never let me go, and on a very deep level we love each other. I've been having some difficulties lately dealing with the lack of affection and attention even though I know he loves me with his entire soul. It may sound romantic but it's been an extremely difficult relationship for me. I have never actually. FELT his love on any level except when I've tried to remove myself from the relationship so we continue on this way. He's happy as a clam; I am merely content. I'm at a place in my life where I'm battling whether I will be OK with that for the rest of my life or not. I haven't made a decision yet.

Sultrykitty, I'm sorry you are at a crossroads with your relationship. And I understand completely what it feels like to continue to hope. I hope constantly, God knows.

What I love, and always remind myself about is the positive things that come with an Aqua relationship. Complete trust. Complete freedom to do what, when, how I want, (sometimes accompanied with know it all comments lol). I have his support in whatever I want to do. Even if it's to travel halfway around the world for a job interview.

What do girls want, more than to be loved, be told they are pretty, and feel important to someone?

There are blessings to be with an Aqua. In your situation, would you like to give that up, to be taken out, cuddled and told that you are loved?? It's a tough call.

I wish you luck in your decision.

Thanks pennystealing. What you said above is the reason I struggle. There are a million reasons why I love the man, and just as many that get me thinking love isn't always enough. At a certain point, it's important to have an active partner in a relationship, otherwise you really are two people living separate lives. I'm independent and a woman who is comfortable being alone, just not alone when the man you love is right there in the room with you. I've been accepting of that for 20 years but I can honestly say that it doesn't really feel like a real relationship, or one that I envisioned being in for so long.

You may get to that point as well, or not. I hope that your situation turns out differently. I do know that I will never stop loving him, even if we do part ways. He does bring great moments of joy to my life, if not as frquently as I'd like.

papparazi, thank you for your input.

The distance has always been there, just not so long. It was always a day or two of not hearing from him, then he would text me all night long after he came back. Then at some point, when he would come back, it was just to text me that he's busy. Now, two months of this, he won't even text me that he's busy. He just doesn't put in the effort to even explain why he avoids me.

And I was always grateful. I would thank him for letting me know, thank him for chatting with me, and spending time with me. He would also thank me, for my patience, he would say. But that is so long ago now 😢

What really sparked worry in me, was that he totally blew off my birthday. At the beginning of April, he was "oh, I know who's birthday is coming up!" And I would just blush. It's actually the second birthday with him. Last year, we were still new. Still he bought me breakfast.

We made plans to meet up for a lunch picnic at the park. I was excited, because it had been so long since we hung out. Of course, he comes up to me the day before, and tells me he can't. His sister had to go to the hospital. I told him that family comes first, and we will have another day. He apologized.

It's been three weeks since my birthday, and he hasn't mentioned it once. I once said "Still hoping to spend time for my birthday" to which he replied, "me too." I don't want to be a big baby about things... but still it worries me A LOT.

I gave him something really nice on his birthday, I also gave him a card with my thoughts about him, and we fooled around. He doesn't have much money, so I didn't expect anything substantial. I mean, a picnic lunch and smooching in the park is the perfect gift for me.

It's not the typical "Why did my Aqua disappear" question. I always felt he would come back. But this time I feel he just wants to string me along until I break it off. My Taurus moon won't let me.

And with this full moon in Scorpio, I'm obsessing over it so much more than normal.

What do you think?

We have been together a little over a year.

I am not threatening him in any way. If anything, I think he is pulling away from me.

I am an Aries, but I'm not only that. I have a great mix of all sign elements, and I am very reasonable.

Like I said, the biggest red flag was the birthday thing, only because he's completel disregarded it. It's been three weeks...

Here's another thought I have,

Do Aquas LIKE that their partners are waiting when they come back from their disappearances?

Like he won't text me for a long time, but when he texts me, and I answer within 5 minutes he'll be like "yesssss"

If I take half an hour, he'll say "too bad you're not around" and be slow in his next few exchanges.

If an hour passes, he flutters away to something else, and then I wait another hour for a message.

I don't do it on purpose, sometimes I'm freaking busy.

Do Aquas want their partners to be there when they are "ready?" I don't feel like checking my phone every two minutes and waiting. But is that what he wants?

Flowingwater, on behalf of everyone associated with Aquas, thank you for letting people know when you need space! I wish that was something that could be included on the relationship contract, once getting together with an Aqua, lol.

I don't mind the breaks, really. It gives us both the chance to recharge, and miss each other. I understand the detachment too, the flaky texts and logic explanation to things that could use a bit more emotion in them. He's an Aqua stellium after all!

As I said before, its just that I feel he isn't investing in the relationship. I will voice my concern and believe me, my Taurus moon is very patient, giving him benefit of the doubt, and letting things go to avoid jumping to conclusions...

Still, if I tell him that it's been a long time, or that I missed him, he'd tell me, stop it. Actions speak louder than words, and his actions are really few and far between.

I'm rambling I see.

Maybe it's me and I need someone more involved in me. Not someone who is touching base every few days.

Also, a question, to anyone who is actually reading my stupid problem, Do Aquas plan for the future as they say. Should I believe him when he says that we have a future, when he's not even that involved in the present? Is he just getting lost in the current moment?

Thanks.

Posted by pennystealing123
Flowingwater, on behalf of everyone associated with Aquas, thank you for letting people know when you need space! I wish that was something that could be included on the relationship contract, once getting together with an Aqua, lol.

I don't mind the breaks, really. It gives us both the chance to recharge, and miss each other. I understand the detachment too, the flaky texts and logic explanation to things that could use a bit more emotion in them. He's an Aqua stellium after all!

As I said before, its just that I feel he isn't investing in the relationship. I will voice my concern and believe me, my Taurus moon is very patient, giving him benefit of the doubt, and letting things go to avoid jumping to conclusions...

Still, if I tell him that it's been a long time, or that I missed him, he'd tell me, stop it. Actions speak louder than words, and his actions are really few and far between.

I'm rambling I see.

Maybe it's me and I need someone more involved in me. Not someone who is touching base every few days.

Also, a question, to anyone who is actually reading my stupid problem, Do Aquas plan for the future as they say. Should I believe him when he says that we have a future, when he's not even that involved in the present? Is he just getting lost in the current moment?

Thanks.

Reading your posts, you seem very careful and gentle which is something that appeals to us, but at the same time that can be problematic for you.
I like assertive women because they call you out on your bullshit and usually we respond well to getting called out because we consider every word, some with less emotion and some more - however if you emphasize too much on being gentle and careful, we may get bored with you or not appreciate you as much as we should.

It seems to me that your Aqua knows he is in control and is content with stringing you along. He also seems kind of immature, I know I have a tendency to dream big and be ambitious but I purposely avoid announcing any dreams and ambitions, they kinda lose power when you say them out loud. And feeling like your words hold no meaning for others is a very painful feeling.

My suggestion is to cut to the chase, start standing on yourself more. If he flakes because he realizes you're too much work to fool any longer, you did yourself a big favour and saved a lot of time.

Thank you vattuman. I don't understand by what you mean "cut to the chase" Standing on my own, it's like I'm always alone.


Believe me, I am aggressive when pushed. Yesterday, after 6 days, he texted me. He couldn't talk because he was busy. Thats our new normal, just texts.

I told him that not contacting me for almost a week worried me, and asked him if he was taking a break from me. He just completely disregarded the whole issue. Just made jokes. I think the problem is that our relationship became texts, and sex meet ups. And that's all.

Sorry, I'm not a native English speaker, what I meant by that was simply to make him understand that you don't intend on letting him behave as he wants. Like, putting down your foot, enough is enough. Have you tried that?

But you're right, you shouldn't sleep with him if that's all you do together.

I'm afraid to put my foot down. All this stuff about Aquarius running away and not wanting to be tied down, and being turned off by clingy people and that ultimatums are useless has made me careful and scared to talk or even to react.

I was always this way with him, understanding, benefit of the doubt, go with the flow. But I guess because he was giving me more attention. Now with no attention, and ignoring my birthday and the cheap conversations, I can't. I don't like to play games. I am straight forward and tell people whats on my mind.

I tell him that i miss him, i tell him i am worried about our relationship, i tell him i need to see him more, and no results.

Maybe, instead of me asking the question "is he stringing me along" I should change it to "should I just break up with him?"

I don't mean that. I'm just getting pissed.

I couldt imagine seeing him in the streets, and my heart bursting from the pain of losing him...

I just want more, and i tell him, and he doesn't give me.

Vattuman is totally right. Its been going on for a while now and you really do need to know where you stand now.. he seems to be tagging you along and may not fully respect you! By cutting to the chase he means you need to get serious and tell this guy like it is.. you need to stand up and make him hear you. If that scares him off then so be it because really you dont want to live in constant insecurity and you will be far better off without!!

Posted by IrresistableScorp
Aqua energy *needs* chaos from time to time. Chaos is the very definition of Uranus. Sometimes aqua will throw chaos out there just to roll around in it a bit. Don't take it personally.

You know, if you instigate the chaos occasionally it's like foreplay to aqua. Be the chaos for a short period of time.

A great way to do this is to have a heated debate with aqua where you take the opposite stand to what Aqua is arguing. Stand your ground. But you have to be able to back up your points with infallible logic. Be on point and kick his ass in a debate.

Or on the opposite end be super illogical in action. Don't make sense or use logical patterns between words and actions. Mind you not to toy with emotions but to create the roller coaster effect. Aquas respond well to the roller coaster effect. If you love the guy, give him what he needs from time to time.

Flirty, fun mind games are aphrodisiacs to air signs. Go listen to John Lennon's song "Mind Games." It says it all.

Finally and this is important: don't ever whine, nag or bitch about something that isn't the way you want it. Logical, heated debates. Whining will get you one thing: more of the same because nobody puts aqua energy in a corner baby! Ultimatums will guarantee you get exactly opposite of what you ask for. Lol

Probably the best advice so far, right on the money.

Irresistable Scorp,

Thank you for your input. I know what you're saying. I'm just not a mind gamey kind of person. I would hate to have that done to me. I stand my ground on topics, I say things that always raise his eyebrows, I make him laugh with my whit. I mean we've been together a year. I have kept him interested thus far.

I can't purposely start chaos, and if I tried, I will fail at it. I'm an Aries Merc, that's not how I communicate. I stimulate him, when he actually talks to me...

Stirring up trouble, when all we do is text, would be hell for me.


I am definitely going to listen to that song you mentioned. In regards to rollercoasters, maybe I won't respond to his texts for a while. I'm always there, maybe I won't be tonight for example. What do you think?

(By the way, I suck at this, can you tell?)

Sorry i missed the second page of posts! I really feel for you hun, Aqua men can really grip you in a way that you thought was never possible. I have been there. Its been going on so long and nothing has changed I think you should maybe call it a day 😢 Honestly this will just keep eating away at you!

Firstly, thank you guys for allowing me to vent, and use this thread to let out all my frustrations, and thanks for humoring me...


He just says he's busy, that's his excuse. Why can't he talk to me, he's busy. Why can't we meet up, he's busy. He works two jobs, has to juggle family stuff, he's always nice about it "thank you for your patience" he would always say. He says such sweet things and he's not like a deadbeat or a jerk.

I just feel ignored. It's not a matter of keeping him interested, as I have done well being my natural self. I get it that I have to stir it up, but he isn't giving me the chance, cutting our time to just texts during his night job. He used to sing to me on the phone. We used to have sex, and then hours later have phone sex. We would swap photos of our genitalia in different positions lol. We would just lay in the backseat of my car, and just cuddle, because that is where we wanted to be. He would follow me home, in his car, and pull up to my right at each traffic light, roll down his window and make a joke. I felt so wanted. Who can blame me for wanting it back? It was beautiful.

Why won't he do that any more? It's not like I've made him sick of me with clinginess, or give him one word answers, or have emotional outbursts, making him uncomfortable. I go with the flow.

But when it stops flowing, and he doesn't fix it when I mention it, it makes me wonder.

Irresistable Scorp,

As I mentioned earlier, do you think tonight I should be busy (if he actually texts me?) and send him a "can't talk tonight, busy." Just not be there, because I'm always there?

Yes be quiet for a while, resist the urge to text back x

ccaqua

It's really hard to fathom. I'm a baby sometimes (darn Aries stuff) and I want it and forgive so freaking easy. When I see him, it just all melts away, and when I don't, which is a long time, I stew in my anger.

It would be hard to resist the texts. It's gonna be damn hard. Knowing my luck, he won't even text tonight to notice.

ccaqua, Ok, let's say I don't text him tonight. Should I send a "can't talk" text, or ignore completely? We text on Whatsapp, so he'll see that I've read them and my last seen status.

I could feel my heart racing thinking about this. You can see it's out of my comfort zone. Gosh I'm such a dweeb.

Irresistable Scorp,

I do understand. You want me to just do me. I am surprised that I come off as victim...I certainly hate playing that. But I see it now, especially after hearing it from you.

Ugh.

I guess I have gotten used to the attention he was giving me. He took it away, and now I'm empty. I am supposed to, as the Aqua's lover, to just go about my merry way, whether or not he's around. Which would happen normally with me.

But I want his attention, Aries wants it now!!! I've asked, he won't do anything.

So now what.

Funny enough, he has Leo Moon...

Maybe I have been too accomodating, as both you and flowingwater have pointed out.

It was a natural flow between us, I didn't do anything extra to make him like me. I was just me.

I had gotten softer, the more he pulled away, I could see that too. I would quickly say "i Understand" whenever he had an excuse for me.

how so flowingwater?

Aqua likes strong independent woman and you are one so go and be one :-) Aries and Aqua can work, it has for me but you have to be yourself through and through... when my Aries man gets too clingy I want space I need space and i dont know how to handle constant "i love you" "I miss you" "you dont show me enough attention" It really triggers my need to grab my coat and go out for a few hours or i shut off and ignore. I am much happier when the confident Aries comes back, kicks in some humour (which I love)and is just generally being his normal self. instead of the usual texts that make you unsure.. be yourself and randomly tell him a funny thing that happened that day.. make him laugh.. because you know you can 😉 Everything doesn't always need to be dramatic and lovey dovey or "hows your day" dullness. Rock the boat abit and you will be happier too just being you!

ccaqua, thank you for that. But really, and call me Aries, but I don't see myself being anything but myself.

Like last night, I made him laugh. We have this running joke that he attracts 80+ year old women.

I mentioned earlier in the conversation how I was worried about the long pause in our communication. One sentence, not too heavy. Change subject, point came across, good, done, no drama or clingy whining.

I tell him my old Aunt is visiting us. He says "As soon as she leaves, you can have me all to yourself again." I tell him "deal." I had him laughing. But, as you can see, it didn't solve the problem. He just made a joke. I play along with the joke, as its my nature.

Maybe he's just really really busy, and I'm not being a good girlfriend by understanding his situation.

Sorry guys, did I mention I have Gemini? I am such a flip flopper.

What did he say when you said about the communication thing? The rest sounds fairly non worrying to me! My sister is a Gem.. i like the term flip flopper lol!

ccaqua

He said "stop it". This is what has me all worried.

Actually, he didn't say "stop it."

I'm looking over our last texts. I told him i was worried, and then we jumped into the old lady joke.

So he didn't acknowledge it, just made that joke.

Aquas can be really inconsiderate.

I feel bad for you, because you obviously love the guy and to me he sounds like he's just happy to have a girlfriend.

I have an Aries moon and a Cancer rising, which can make me clingy and needy when I feel a bit blue, but it sure helps with being more sensitive and considerate towards other people's emotions.

Maybe he's depressed or something? I am really good at hiding depression, so I am thinking that maybe he's not feeling too good about himself, for some reason.

Whatever it is, Aquas are also pretty intuitive and can feel other people's anxieties, so maybe your anxiety is rubbing off on him and he's feeling uncomfortable without knowing why.

In any case, he sounds like a lot of trouble and I'm glad I'm not you. 😄

Posted by flowingwater
Leo mooners are ballsy and prefer independent, humorous, non catty partners. Add that with an aqua sun and you got yourself a man who is not considering your needs and just his own.

That's why he's avoiding the non communication topic.

Flowingwater, thank you for your thoughts. It all makes sense. Not that he doesn't consider my needs, but it definitely has to be within his terms. If I want to see him, for example, it has to be right for his schedule, he even times just how long we hang out. It's weird, but he has places to go, things to do. I get it.

As for the non catty, he talks of his ex, that she used to have two faces, and criticize women (for their clothing choices and what not) behind their backs, while smiling in their faces. Taurus sun, virgo moon, with sprinkles of Gem. He just got fed up.

He likes that I don't do that stuff, and that I'm not materialistic.

Posted by vattuman
Aquas can be really inconsiderate.

I feel bad for you, because you obviously love the guy and to me he sounds like he's just happy to have a girlfriend.

I have an Aries moon and a Cancer rising, which can make me clingy and needy when I feel a bit blue, but it sure helps with being more sensitive and considerate towards other people's emotions.

Maybe he's depressed or something? I am really good at hiding depression, so I am thinking that maybe he's not feeling too good about himself, for some reason.

Whatever it is, Aquas are also pretty intuitive and can feel other people's anxieties, so maybe your anxiety is rubbing off on him and he's feeling uncomfortable without knowing why.

In any case, he sounds like a lot of trouble and I'm glad I'm not you. 😄

It's not the worst thing on earth to be me 🙂

You know, you made me think... He is being very stretched with his two jobs, with his family stuff, with life in general. He is tired, it shows on his face, in his body language. I don't know about depressed, because I cheer him up so fast, and make him laugh with two or three words, that I wouldn't know if he's depressed-- he isn't around me.

But I can see that he is not like his normal self. I wish he would come to me, and talk about it. I would help him through it.

I guess I do feel anxious, nervous and sad when he's not around, and he knows that I get upset about the long draughts between us. But, as he likes to say, (I think it's an Aquarius motto) "It is what it is."

He may be going through something, and I think he wants to do it on his own.

I've learned, just from this thread alone, that I shouldn't take what he does as personal. It's not the easiest concept, but it makes my thought process that much easier and lighter.

Just in case anyone was interested, I did end up texting him again last night. I gave in, against all the advice I got here.

What can I say, I just can't play games I think. Either that, or I'm a sucker, lol.

Anyway, our conversation last night was very void of any emotional texts. We talked about a training program he has to do, we talked about a business trip to Indianapolis he has to take in the summer, my old Aunt, lol, and how she won't stop sending him sexy pics (inside joke). He disappeared for about an hour, and when I texted him a good night text, he texted a sad face 😢 I don't know, he was the one who had to disappear for an hour.

I abstained from sexy talk, though, so those who gave me advice, you can hold your head high, on at least that front, 😄

I also didn't use cutesy words, like we have in the past. He did though, I guess he noticed that I wasn't, so he gave me a little extra. I told him I was tired, and I did keep it short. He liked saying he had to go, but that I should get some rest since I was tired.

On the outside it looks like he's being nice, letting me go because I'm tired, but on the inside, I feel like he's less guilty for having to go. Am I reading too into this? They actually like when people have something to do, even if it means cutting a meeting short. I've noticed it with many Aquas, not just my guy.

Again thanks guys for allowing me to use DXP as a diary blog. I love your input.

Posted by pennystealing123

Posted by vattuman
Aquas can be really inconsiderate.

I feel bad for you, because you obviously love the guy and to me he sounds like he's just happy to have a girlfriend.

I have an Aries moon and a Cancer rising, which can make me clingy and needy when I feel a bit blue, but it sure helps with being more sensitive and considerate towards other people's emotions.

Maybe he's depressed or something? I am really good at hiding depression, so I am thinking that maybe he's not feeling too good about himself, for some reason.

Whatever it is, Aquas are also pretty intuitive and can feel other people's anxieties, so maybe your anxiety is rubbing off on him and he's feeling uncomfortable without knowing why.

In any case, he sounds like a lot of trouble and I'm glad I'm not you. 😄

It's not the worst thing on earth to be me 🙂

You know, you made me think... He is being very stretched with his two jobs, with his family stuff, with life in general. He is tired, it shows on his face, in his body language. I don't know about depressed, because I cheer him up so fast, and make him laugh with two or three words, that I wouldn't know if he's depressed-- he isn't around me.

But I can see that he is not like his normal self. I wish he would come to me, and talk about it. I would help him through it.

I guess I do feel anxious, nervous and sad when he's not around, and he knows that I get upset about the long draughts between us. But, as he likes to say, (I think it's an Aquarius motto) "It is what it is."

He may be going through something, and I think he wants to do it on his own.

I've learned, just from this thread alone, that I shouldn't take what he does as personal. It's not the easiest concept, but it makes my thought process that much easier and lighter.

click to expand

You're probably on to something here.

I actually hate - hate hate hate, when people are victimizing themselves. I'm not saying you are, but any degree of complaining about what I do or any situation sort of dismays me. I too always say "It is what it is" haha, thank you for sharing that though, I didn't know that was common for Aquas. 😄

Just as you say, you shouldn't take it personal (or anything really), and in doing so you will grow as a person. He wi

You know, I still didn't get an answer about what tell tale signs to look for regarding break ups with Aqua.

What are some things you Aquas do, when you decide you want to break up with someone?

I'm sure you don't just decide, and drop, without a warning of some sort...

It depends. I've gotten better with just letting guys know I'm just not feeling them. Basically it depends on our relationship together. Sometimes I can just slowly fade away into the shadows.

I find that the longer we were together and the more I care the slower I am at breaking up. It's only because I don't want to hurt anyone I care about and as they gradually start getting use to being without me the less it will hurt once they know we are done.

Idk if I'm making any sense. Lol

Metalaquamonkey,

Thanks for the input. This is exactly what made me question in the first place. Because he seemed to be fading me out, speaking to me less and less, that made me worry.

Here we go again 😢

Ruh roh ... my bad. For what it's worth if a person were to ask me straight up I will be honest. Also Aqua men and women may operate differently.

I haven't actually read your entire thread so I'm kinda just answering the last question.

I will admit though sometimes I seem to be drifting away when in reality I'm just focusing on other things that may not have anything to do with my relationship at all. Just like some other Aquas I need my 'space' to 'recharge' so I have the energy and patience to take on the world.

If my partner wants to know what's going on I will be honest and tell them. If I say we're good then we're good, no need to worry. 🙂

Metalaquamonkey, no worries, it wasn't you. lol. I have been feeling this way a while.

Your last comment hit home. We haven't been connecting for a while, but when we do talk, he reassures me that we are good. He does a great job of that, and it's what kept my flighty self grounded.

I am learning a lot from this thread alone. The Aqua board is amazing.

flowingwater, that's really helpful to know. In my experience, Aquas do just say things, and I know that some just say it once, and then, you just have to accomodate. I guess then, it holds true to break ups as well. THank you.

Hey Penny just my two cents, I think the issue is, you accept what you allow. Using words like "I told him that not contacting me for almost a week worried me" comes off as you're nervous, concerned even but not totally done and fed up.You're not telling him you've had enough of his inconsistency and your moving on! I had to really think hard when dealing with the Aqua I was seeing and the signs were there as well, no one is that busy, we all have at least 10-15 mins we can spare in the day even if we're talking while driving (hands free of course..lol) Basically you need to realize you are not important enough, if you are indeed in a relationship and he goes 6 days, that is way too long regardless of sign, just my opinion. We all make time for what's important to us...

Lastly what do you think his response would be if you stop taking his texts or random calls when he does squeeze you in? I'm not saying play games but if you want him to communicate and be around more, sometimes you have to show instead of tell what you expect without wavering or seeming bitter.

Just to add to the last two comments. In my experience, I probably was way too accepting of unacceptable behavior from my Aqua for the first 10 years. Yes, I said 10. At first, I was pretty harsh, letting him know I was not OK with once a week booty calls (whuch he denied were booty calls). Making plans with me then doing something else "more fun" because it "just came up", and the general lqck of respect for what I was trying to make him realize.

I iced him out, yelled, stalked, and was generally bitchy. Bad on my part, but I didn't know how else to deal with my frustration. Then, I began to disengage some, allow him the freedom to do what he wanted without getting upset. I refused his late night invitations to meet him at the beach ( he would go with his friends and not tell me, then call wanting me to drive 2 hours to see him). I started doing my own thing, not asking him along, and finding fun things to do without him.

Neither approach changed his behavior. It was when I FINALLY gave up and told him I was done and over it, and I wanted to end it, and maybe we could reconnect in a year to see if there was still something there.

I wasn't looking to get back with him, I didn't do it to manipulate him into being different. I fully intended to move on without him, and wasn't sad at all about it. I was actually a bit relieved. A few months later he called just to see how I was doing. That week I was dealing with a sudden family medical emergency, and he immediately stepped up and started treating me the way I had wanted all those years.

As I mentioned earlier, he's reverted back somewhat, but he has been loyal and a great friend since. Not emotionally supportive or affectionate, but I have no doubt about his feelings for me.

I don't know how helpful any of this is, but at least with him it took losing me to get him to wake up.

Totally agree Sultrykitty, games to try to get someone to come back or do what you want is draining. I do believe men as whole have to have their predator instinct activated at times to get them to stand up and take notice.


Penny - one thing I am curious about is when you say dating does this mean you are committed? have you both agreed to only see each other? I don't want to sound negative but if it's not mutual that you both won't see other people, that could be a factor in the distance. Could be he is just a typical Aqua and needs space and doesn't like to be completely tied down. I'm a Cancer and hearing from someone I like every 3-4 days drives me nuts so by the time they come back around I am ready to explode which we know will chase an Aqua away. I think at this point (just my opinion) it's more about you and your needs, you shouldn't have to wait around any longer to see and hope he does the right thing. You've voiced your concerns and it seems to have not made a difference, everyone deserves someone that will met your basic needs and isn't time spent just in each others company as basic as it gets when it comes to two people who care for each other? Best of luck!

Aqua woman here with a Moon in Taurus. I've dealt with an Aqua man (men) and we all have a few things in common which may drive the average person nutzo.....aloofness. We find it very hard to live in the present. Personally, by the time I get to the point of conversation about something, my mind is already on the next thing. It's not on purpose and we don't try to hurt feelings but our attention span is sometimes that of a goldfish. Sometimes I feel like I live in a world of contradictions within my own body because of my sun/moon sign combo. Air and Earth. I love the idea of stability and constant, slowness to change and at the same time I need, need, NEED change and freedom to flutter from here to there at will. The Aquarian men I have in my life (friends) all want love and affection but when they get it, they almost always run from it like the bubonic plague. They will just go about their lives and before they know it, it's been 3 weeks since you've heard from them and they get confused at why this is an issue. As women, we like present moment affirmations and affection and talking about rainbows and unicorns but that scares the Aqua man because they may feel enclosed in this world in which they can't just be. They don't like restrictions and don't want to make promises and be dishonest. To just be, in this context, is defined by just doing whatever they want to do in the moment. One minute they will shower you with affection and 2 minutes later, act as if they don't know who you are. It's the aloof nature that keeps them in this cycle. This is very much true for myself too. More often than not, it's not intentional. At the core of our being, we are just not in the present tense. When we are, it's usually for a concrete purpose like......keeping our jobs or staying out of prison, lol. So we will focus in order to avoid inconvenience, otherwise we will require someone who can be patient with the process of us floating in and out of whatever mindset we are in. All and all, they can be good in relationships but when space comes up, just know that this is not some sort of test or trick, it's really who we are. Only you can decide how much, if any, of this you can deal with. I hope this helps.

Aquas see people for who they really are, but may act aloof to avoid something to be confronted with. Aquas want attention from everyone everywhere. That's my problem with me and my Taurus bf of 3yrs. My Taurus wants to deal with it right then and there. Hang in there, aquas are very loyal people.