Is my Aqua man gone for good??

Hello all,

Pisces woman here. I was in a relationship for a year with an Aqua man and we've been broken up for 10 months now. I know I should be over it but the way we ended left me with so many questions that I'm still trying to understand how he could be so cold. We lived in different cities for a huge amount of our relationship and he would come and visit me monthly. He was so romantic and would send me flowers etc but also seemed reserved with his emotions and I felt like he never truly let me in. I realize after reading more on Aquas he was probably taking his time but I must admit, I fell hard for him. He met my parents, came home with me for Thanksgiving and took me home with him to meet his entire family at Christmas.

Upon returning, he got into an argument with his boss and was let go, become distant and we began to argue almost daily. I couldn't understand why he was so distant. The more distant he became the more I confided in an old friend as I felt abandoned. He ended up finding out and thought I had been cheating and just moved out, though he kept in touch and wanted to work on things. I was so hurt that I ignored him and told him to move on for me to be happy. I realize now that I was hurt andwantes him to fight for me or at least show he cared. I didn't wish him Happy Birthday on his birthday and ignored his text messages. A few months went by and I reached out to him and he told me to never contact him again and called me 'disloyal'. Apparently, he heard from friends that I had been dating while tried to each me but truly they were all distractions. I heard from a mutual friend that he is still in love with me though. Is he gone for good? How could he go from wanting to work it out to never wanting anything to do with me? Doesn't he understand his distance hurt me? Although it's been almost a year I do miss him a lot!

Yeah he's gone.

Is that a typical aqua trait? To just leave and never return? It almost feels as if he never really cared at all to be honest. Maybe it's the sensitive Pisces in me but I'm truly having a difficult time understanding it

Posted by Strongpisces
Is that a typical aqua trait? To just leave and never return? It almost feels as if he never really cared at all to be honest. Maybe it's the sensitive Pisces in me but I'm truly having a difficult time understanding it

Sames truthfully it seems like he really didn't care enough it could be just me but i don't want someone that easily scared away

You shouldn't want him to reach out....!

I'm also a Pisces who once dated an Aqua, who lost his job after 6 months of dating me intensively. Soon after he moved 300 miles away and our relationship ended.

After almost one year of NC, he got in touch and practically pretended to be my friend for another year, while I was with someone else. Once a month we met for lunch/dinner, during which he made other feelings and intentions known, that he loved me, wanted to get back with me, in fact come back to my town and live with me!

Long story shot, my other relationship ended naturally, and I gave the Aqua another chance. It lasted about 8 months this time. It ended with the same old shit...he never moved here and blamed his new job for being too demanding and suggested us to be just friends. That made me angry.....so angry that I don't want to hear from him again, let alone be friends.

I suggest you get another guy asap.

"I heard from a mutual friend that he is still in love with me though. Is he gone for good?"



Yes!

Being "still in love" with someone doesn't matter for an Aqua, if things went sour......they always put themselves first and so should you!

Thank you for all your replies. I never intended to hurt his feelings honestly! The constant arguing and the circumstances that we were in were very foreign to me. I wasn't accustomed to him not communicating and shutting me out. It just hurt that someone who would move over 1,000 miles to be closer to me, make time to spend with my family and myself multiples times and allow me to meet everyone close to him would stop communicating and become so cold. I'm not accustomed to that.

I ignored him because I was hurt too!! When he would text me or call and leave voicemails in my head it felt like why now? Why not a few weeks ago? It may sound selfish but it just felt like he was telli me what I wanted to hear at the time. After hearing your responses I see things differently.

As for his job, he was trying to start his own business and his boss found out and told him to shut it down or be let go, I guess he decided the latter. I've never dated someone who did those type of things which is why It was difficult to understand why he would cut off communication as opposed to speaking to me. You Aquas are AMAZING individuals but so complex in relationships ?

Posted by aquarius_beauty

Posted by Amethysst
Aquas don't work well with emotional manipulation, that's the fastest way to make us run.. we're fully aware of your intentions.

This is a perfect example of it;

"I realize now that I was hurt and wanted him to fight for me or at least show he cared."

By doing that you do the "ignoring game". If you ignore us without trying to thoroughly talk about the issue first, we're out.

Exactly. We hate being ignored. It hurts like you have no idea. But, if we figure (which we most always do) that you were playing this game. We will one up you and ignore you 10x as hard. We don't like people making us look like fools let alone try to. Its one of the surest ways to lose us. We might play mind games but never emotional ones. When you show your true colors, which you did, we will be very vindictive. We will purposely ignore you to hurt you. To show you we can survive without you, which we can. We have way too many groupies not to move on or at least use them to get back at you. Immature? Most likely. But it's all fair game once you cross that line which you crossed more than once.

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I find it interesting that you don't see the contradiction (and hypocrisy) in what you've written here. So one would "use" another for the sole purpose of getting back at someone else. And this person being used has no feelings?

I don't know, you could just move on and no longer waste your time vs going through all of that.

OP, aside from a few things, what the Aquas wrote was on point. You tried to manipulate a situation vs trying to talk it out and understand his point of view and it backfired. You then took it further by trying to force a reaction that wasn't necessary (e.g. fight for you) when the man was clearly hoping to reconcile. Seriously, save that nonsense for the movies. I get you were hurt, but you really pushed it too far. It all sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama to me.

Take it as a life lesson and do better with the next guy.

Posted by Sarah_Smile34

Posted by Strongpisces
Is that a typical aqua trait? To just leave and never return? It almost feels as if he never really cared at all to be honest. Maybe it's the sensitive Pisces in me but I'm truly having a difficult time understanding it

Re read what you wrote. You pushed him away and you think he walked away?

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He became distant and stopped wanting to communicate with me. That hurt a lot. I had no idea what I had done or what I could do to get him to talk to me. He is extremely intelligent but also headstrong and stubborn and he refused to talk to me. I felt like I lost myself in trying to get him to communicate.

Our relationship wasn't 'terrible' or 'bad' and I didn't always nag. He just slowly started pulling away. Even when he had started putting together ideas for his own business after losing his job, I tried to give him some input but he would reject my ideas. Like I said he's very driven but also stubborn. I really did try. The more were a part the more I realize my mistakes. I guess I honestly never really knew he could be as hurt as he apparently was because he's always seemed stronged and detached and less emotional than the average person I know. ?

Posted by PhoenixRising
OP, aside from a few things, what the Aquas wrote was on point. You tried to manipulate a situation vs trying to talk it out and understand his point of view and it backfired. You then took it further by trying to force a reaction that wasn't necessary (e.g. fight for you) when the man was clearly hoping to reconcile. Seriously, save that nonsense for the movies. I get you were hurt, but you really pushed it too far. It all sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama to me.

Take it as a life lesson and do better with the next guy.

It's not like I just continually ignored him. I eventually realized how wrong it was and tried to apologize and invite him out to dinner to eat and talk and he declined and basically told me never to contact him again.

Posted by Strongpisces

Posted by PhoenixRising
OP, aside from a few things, what the Aquas wrote was on point. You tried to manipulate a situation vs trying to talk it out and understand his point of view and it backfired. You then took it further by trying to force a reaction that wasn't necessary (e.g. fight for you) when the man was clearly hoping to reconcile. Seriously, save that nonsense for the movies. I get you were hurt, but you really pushed it too far. It all sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama to me.

Take it as a life lesson and do better with the next guy.

It's not like I just continually ignored him. I eventually realized how wrong it was and tried to apologize and invite him out to dinner to eat and talk and he declined and basically told me never to contact him again.

click to expand

Understood. I believe you're missing the point though. What he required was some patience and understanding. Not just because he lost his job, but overall given who he was as a man that expresses love differently than you are accustomed to.

The mere fact that you state you couldn't understand why he became distant following him losing his job makes me scratch my head to be honest. There is a level of embarrassment and anxiety associated with that. You already knew you were with a person that didn't express emotion freely, yet you couldn't recognize that and took it as a personal affront. You were so stuck on what he should be.

Seriously, read over what you wrote again. He was commited to you. He would see you on a consistent basis, according to you was romantic, treated you well, introduced you to family... he simply didn't blather on about his emotions. Okay and? Would you rather have someone talk a lot crap and never follows through or proves their commitment through action?

It may not have looked as you would have liked, but he was committed. Not to mentioned you shared something personal about him with another person (e.g. losing his job, his lack of ability to make you feel needed). I can see why he would see that a form of betrayal. The information was intimate in nature and did not need to be shared with another. I'm not excusing his reaction. I think sometimes Aquas tend to jump to the deepest end of the pool with respect to their reactions when they feel hurt or upset, but it is what it is. You can either see past that or not.

You chose not to see past his way of being (e.g. less verbal, more action, strong reaction when hurt) and attempted to force him to be what you thought he should be instead.

It reads like you expected him to still be romantic and affectionate despite experiencing a challenge in his life. You expected him to open up about what he was experiencing, which wasn't his style . Rather than accept that about him you chose to personalize it as though it was intentional and done to offend you.

You took offense to the degree that he opened up to you because it didn't look how you wanted it to look. Even when he left, but still wanted to work things out because it didn't look as you expected it to look, said a royal "f*ck you, your efforts are not good enough" by ignoring him. You say you wanted him to fight for you, to show you he cared...I don't know what else you wanted to see. Correct or not (it a matter of opinion) he felt betrayed by you and still reached out to resolve things and reconcile. If that isn't a sign the man cares I'm not sure what is, but you had something to prove. It had to be on your terms. Then you "eventually" acknowledged him when you realized you were hurt and you were ready. Again, I understand being hurt by someone you care about. This is about how you handled your hurt and the level of understanding and respect you showed your ex partner.

Thing is, this whole time you had a choice to make. Accept how he expressed love and recognize that he was commited to you through his actions vs his words or not. With time he would have been able to meet you half way. If you couldn't wait for that, that's okay. Simply bounce and find another. 11 other flavours in the zodiac. What you shouldn't do is stick around and make someone feel inadequate for being who they are. When you opened up to your friend about is shortcomings, that is what you were doing. When you ignored his calls/attempts, that is what you were doing.

To be very clear, I'm not suggesting that he couldn't do some things better. It takes two hands to clap, so this isn't all on you. However, you're the one here seeking advice. Not him, which is why my focus is on you.

Best of luck to you hon. It gets better with time.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by Strongpisces

Posted by PhoenixRising
OP, aside from a few things, what the Aquas wrote was on point. You tried to manipulate a situation vs trying to talk it out and understand his point of view and it backfired. You then took it further by trying to force a reaction that wasn't necessary (e.g. fight for you) when the man was clearly hoping to reconcile. Seriously, save that nonsense for the movies. I get you were hurt, but you really pushed it too far. It all sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama to me.

Take it as a life lesson and do better with the next guy.

It's not like I just continually ignored him. I eventually realized how wrong it was and tried to apologize and invite him out to dinner to eat and talk and he declined and basically told me never to contact him again.

Understood. I believe you're missing the point though. What he required was some patience and understanding. Not just because he lost his job, but overall given who he was as a man that expresses love differently than you are accustomed to.

The mere fact that you state you couldn't understand why he became distant following him losing his job makes me scratch my head to be honest. There is a level of embarrassment and anxiety associated with that. You already knew you were with a person that didn't express emotion freely, yet you couldn't recognize that and took it as a personal affront. You were so stuck on what he should be.

Seriously, read over what you wrote again. He was commited to you. He would see you on a consistent basis, according to you was romantic, treated you well, introduced you to family... he simply didn't blather on about his emotions. Okay and? Would you rather have someone talk a lot crap and never follows through or proves their commitment through action?

It may not have looked as you would have liked, but he was committed. Not to mentioned you shared something personal about him with another person (e.g. losing his job, his lack of ability to make you feel needed). I can see why he would see that a form of betrayal. The information was intimate in nature and did not need to be shared with another. I'm not excusing his reaction. I think sometimes Aquas tend to jump to the deepest end of the pool with respect to their reactions when they feel hurt or upset, but it is what it is. You can either see past that or not.

You chose not to see past his way of being (e.g. less verbal, more action, strong reaction when hurt) and attempted to force him to be what you thought he should be instead.

It reads like you expected him to still be romantic and affectionate despite experiencing a challenge in his life. You expected him to open up about what he was experiencing, which wasn't his style . Rather than accept that about him you chose to personalize it as though it was intentional and done to offend you.

You took offense to the degree that he opened up to you because it didn't look how you wanted it to look. Even when he left, but still wanted to work things out because it didn't look as you expected it to look, said a royal "f*ck you, your efforts are not good enough" by ignoring him. You say you wanted him to fight for you, to show you he cared...I don't know what else you wanted to see. Correct or not (it a matter of opinion) he felt betrayed by you and still reached out to resolve things and reconcile. If that isn't a sign the man cares I'm not sure what is, but you had something to prove. It had to be on your terms. Then you "eventually" acknowledged him when you realized you were hurt and you were ready. Again, I understand being hurt by someone you care about. This is about how you handled your hurt and the level of understanding and respect you showed your ex partner.

Thing is, this whole time you had a choice to make. Accept how he expressed love and recognize that he was commited to you through his actions vs his words or not. With time he would have been able to meet you half way. If you couldn't wait for that, that's okay. Simply bounce and find another. 11 other flavours in the zodiac. What you shouldn't do is stick around and make someone feel inadequate for being who they are. When you opened up to your friend about is shortcomings, that is what you were doing. When you ignored his calls/attempts, that is what you were doing.

To be very clear, I'm not suggesting that he couldn't do some things better. It takes two hands to clap, so this isn't all on you. However, you're the one here seeking advice. Not him, which is why my focus is on you.

Best of luck to you hon. It gets better with time.

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Thank you for your honest breakdown of the situation. Us Pisces are extremely emotional and you are right I should have just made my mind up a long time ago. I guess deep down I didn't know if he truly loved me or if he was just with me just because due to his subtle ways of showing he cared. I really do miss him but I know if I were to reach out to him he would probably ignore me or worst reject me. Though I'm Pisces Sun I would've thought my Aqua Venus would allow me to move on rather quickly but there are still so many reminders and a lot of the men I date now seem so superficial with no real depth or substance to them. Why is it taking me so long to get over this Aqua? I've been in other relationships that have lasted longer and been able to bounce back. I'm trying to remain positive but the painful truth that he has completely moved on and forgotten about me and everything we shared and talked about concerning the future just haunts me