OOOOH! Crazy Jokes!

I'm in a zany mood .... so before I'm off to work, I must relieve myself on the Aqua board so I won't go insane!!!!

I've heard some pretty zany stuff recently, do you want to here what it is ?

AWESOME!

"What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?"

We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving 😉

YEAH BABY!

"How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?"
He's smoking a cigarette.

What is the cheapest meat?

Deer balls, there under a buck 😉

Get it —??

What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?

Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

YEAH!!!!!!!!

What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A red headed 'cookiemonster'😉 with a yeast infection.

WEEEEE!!! WEEEEE!!!!

"Have you been borrowing whatever Prime had last night from him , Cappysweetie"

—? OOOOOOOHHHHH What did Prime have last night —? 🙂

What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?

A lesbian with a hard-on 😉 😉 😉

I DEFINATELY HAVE TO BE CAREFUL WHEN I SEE A WOMEN POINTING HER TONGUE AT ME!

Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?

Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

OHHHH MY!

Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?

Better traction

WEEEEE !!! WEEEEE!!!!

Why does a dog lick its penis?

Because it can't make a fist.

Once a dog always a dog 😉

OMG, That's what's wrong with ME !!! I've consumed way tooo many carbs!!

If all of the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops,
Oh what a rain it would be.
I'd stand around with my mouth open wide.
AH ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah. 🙂
If all of the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops,
Oh what a rain it would be.
If all of the snowflakes were candy bars and milkshakes,
Oh what a rain it would be.
I'd stand around with my mouth open wide.
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah. 🙂
If all of the snowflakes were candy bars and milkshakes,
Oh what a rain it would be.
If all of the sleet were spinach and beets,
Oh what a rain it would be.
I'd stand around with my mouth closed tight.
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm. 🙂
If all of the sleet were spinach and beets,
Oh what a rain it would be.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

"Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I?ll go eat worms
Long, thin slimy ones; short, fat juicy ones; itsy-bitsy fuzzy-wuzzy worms.
Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.
Long, thin slimy ones; short, fat juicy ones; itsy-bitsy fuzzy-wuzzy worms"

😉 😉 😉

"John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, that?s my name too.
Whenever I go out, the people always shout,
?John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?
Da da da da da da da dum."

Miss Mary Mack, mack, mack,
All dressed in black, black, black.
With silver buttons, buttons, buttons,
Up and down her back, back, back.
She asked her mother, mother, mother,
For fifty cents, cents, cents.
To see the elephants, elephants, elephants,
Jump over the fence, fence, fence.

They jumped so high, high, high,
They reached the sky, sky, sky.
And they never came back, back, back,
?Til the end of July, July, July.

Oh it's beans, beans, beans
That make you feel so mean,
On the farm, on the farm,
Oh, it's beans, beans, beans
That make you feel so mean,
On the Hinky Dinky 'Double D' farm.

Mine eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me!

Oh it's corn, corn, corn
That make you feel forlorn,
On the farm, on the farm,
Oh, it's corn, corn, corn
That make you feel forlorn,
On the Hinky Dinky 'Double D' farm.

Mine eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me!

Oh it's meat, meat, meat
That knocks you off your feet,
On the farm, on the farm,
Oh, it's meat, meat, meat
That knocks you off your feet,
On the Hinky Dinky 'Double D' farm.

Mine eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me!

Oh it's pie, pie, pie
That makes you want to cry,
On the farm, on the farm,
Oh, it's pie, pie, pie
That makes you want to cry,
On the Hinky Dinky 'Double D' farm.

Mine eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me!

Oh it's soup, soup, soup
That makes you want to droop,
On the farm, on the farm,
Oh, it's soup, soup, soup
That makes you want to droop,
On the Hinky Dinky 'Double D' farm.

Mine eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me!

Oh it's peas, peas, peas
That make you want to sneeze,
On the farm, on the farm,
Oh, it's peas, peas, peas
That make you want to sneeze,
On the Hinky Dinky 'Double D' farm.

Mine eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me!

Little Bunny Foo Foo,
Hopping through the forest
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin' 'em on the head

Down came the good fairy and she said

"Little Bunny Foo Foo,
I don't want to see you
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin' 'em on the head.
I'll give you three chances,
And if you don't behave
I'll turn you into a goon!"

The next day:

Little Bunny Foo Foo,
Hopping through the forest
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin' 'em on the head

Down came the good fairy and she said

"Little Bunny Foo Foo,
I don't want to see you
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin' 'em on the head.
I'll give you two more chances,
And if you don't behave
I'll turn you into a goon!"

The next day:

Little Bunny Foo Foo,
Hopping through the forest
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin' 'em on the head

Down came the good fairy and she said

"Little Bunny Foo Foo,
I don't want to see you
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin' 'em on the head.
I'll give you one more chance,
And if you don't behave
I'll turn you into a goon!"

The next day:

Little Bunny Foo Foo,
Hopping through the forest
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin' 'em on the head

Down came the good fairy and she said

"Little Bunny Foo Foo,
I don't want to see you
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin' 'em on the head.
I gave you three chances
And you didn't behave
Now you're a goon! POOF!!"

The moral of the story is:
HARE TODAY, GOON TOMORROW

I'm the good fairy of course 😉

If you hit a watch with a hammer,
That would be killing time,
But whipping an egg with a beater,
Would that be committing a crime? Oh!
A tisket, a tasket,
A question, I'll ask it.

If you steal a bun from a baker,
That would be taking dough,
But striking a deal, is that cruel?
Please tell me 'cause I gotta know. Oh!
A tulip, a daisy,
Oh nuts! This is crazy!

First you take the peanuts
And you crunch 'em,
You crunch 'em
First you take the peanuts
And you crunch 'em,
You crunch 'em

For your peanut, peanut butter
And jelly
Peanut, peanut butter
And jelly

Then you take the grapes
And you squish 'em,
You squish 'em
Then you take the grapes
And you squish 'em,
You squish 'em

For your peanut, peanut butter
And jelly
Peanut, peanut butter
And jelly

Then you take the bread
And you spread it,
You spread it
Then you take the bread
And you spread it,
You spread it

For your peanut, peanut butter
And jelly
Peanut, peanut butter
And jelly

Then you take your sandwich
And you eat it,
You eat it
Then you take your sandwich
And you eat it,
You eat it

'Cause its good, peanut butter
And jelly
Good, peanut butter
And jelly

First you take the peanuts
And you crunch 'em,
Then you take the grapes
And you squish 'em,
Then you take the bread
And you spread it,
Then you take your sandwich
And you eat it

'Cause its good, peanut butter
And jelly
Good, peanut butter
And jelly!

Young King Cole
Was a merry young soul,
And a merry young soul was he;
Oh, he lived in a den,
With three more merry men,
And he laughed 'til he could not see.
He laughed: Ha! Ha!
He laughed: Ho! Ho!
He laughed: Ho! Ho! Hee! Hee!
He laughed 'til he cried,
He almost split a side,
He laughed so hard, you see.

Young King Cole
Was a very wise soul,
And a very wise soul was he;
You could tell by his eyes,
He was merry and wise,
Oh, so merry and wise was he.
He laughed: Ha! Ha!
He laughed: Ho! Ho!
He laughed: Ho! Ho! Hee! Hee!
He laughed quite a bit,
But his side never split,
He stopped in time, you see.

A horse and a flea and three blind mice
Sat on a curbstone shooting dice
The horse he slipped and fell on the flea
"Whoops," said the flea, "There's a horse on me!"

Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Giddy and foolish the whole day through
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?

Way down South where bananas grow
A flea stepped on an elephant's toe
The elephant cried, with tears in his eyes
"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"

Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Giddy and foolish the whole day through
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?

Way up North where there's ice and snow
There lived a penguin and his name was Joe
He got so tired of black and white
He wore pink slacks to the dance last night!

Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Giddy and foolish the whole day through
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?

Eli, Eli had some socks
A dollar a pair and a nickel a box
The more you wear 'em the better they get
And you put 'em in the water and they don't get wet!

Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Giddy and foolish the whole day through
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?

Called myself on the telephone
Just to hear that golden tone
Asked myself out for a date
Said be ready 'bout half-past eight!

Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Giddy and foolish the whole day through
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?

Took myself to the picture show
Sat myself on the very last row
Wrapped my arms around my waist
Got so fresh I slapped my face!

Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Giddy and foolish the whole day through
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?

PHEW!!!! **** cappy takes water from sb **** I appreciate sb 😉

okay ........ my brain blast is offically over ... I'm done ....

Wow, I went a little nutty there ... it's those darn kids I work with ... those songs get stuck in my head LOL!!! At my other job, I'm around these older guys that tell CRAZY jokes ....

Phew! I'm tired, that was a made little rush I had

I'm okay now 🙂 I can go to work with bouncing off the walls

YES!

I work for both a middle school and a kindergarden school ... I'm a councelor LOL!!!!

oh ok.Sounds like alot of people work in schools. And they all seem to have a nutty sense of humour!!! I mean that in a good sense.

LOL, in a good sense huh? mmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmmm 😉

My word! My mood is back to normal ... and just in time too. LOL, I should vent like this more often ... I feel goooooooooooooood all over 😉