Says he's scared of marriage and the future?

So my Aqua and I got in a random fight like normal couples do and he started saying how he was scared about the future and if we would work well in marriage and he's pretty sure Im great for him but he still has a doubt in his head, and yada yada yada. It came out of NOWHERE. Only three months ago he told me he thought I would be the perfect wife for him and that he knew we were gonna work out. What the hell?? We have been dating for about 3 1/2 years. We are both 23, I know still very young. The first year he was scared about commitment and then afterwards he lightened up to the idea and he has been acting super into our relationship for the rest of the time.

I have been completelllly taken aback because I never even mentioned marriage. I only told him Id like to get married when Im older, like close to 30. He's been the one who has mentioned it more than I have and now in the middle of a fight he brought this up. Im just so shocked because I really believed he was committed to our relationship. WHYYY in the world would he tell me he thinks I was the one 5 months ago and then just change his mind with a snap of a finger?? He says he's been thinking a lot and the idea of him settling down just freaks him out as he doesn't know still what he wants to do with his life and marriage too.

I took a couple days to myself because I wanted to calm down and not say anything Id regret. So after a while I emailed him and said that I don't expect marriage from him and that Im still too young. And I don't know why he is even mentioning that. I told him that this is something that we figure out through time if we are a good fit or not. And it's not right of him to say that he thinks Im forever one moment and then freak out and change his mind. He needs to be a little more consistent because its not fair to me. So I asked him if he still wanted to work on things and that I need to know if he is still invested in this relationship and not to string me along if he has already given up on us. I don't know if I should have given him an ultimatum, but I really don't think its fair to me to be strung along while he waits for something better.

Anyways he says that he wants to stay with me and is invested but he cant help but feel unsure. I get that. Im not sure if I wanna be with him forever too. We are both still young and many things can happen. It just really shocked me he said this as in I wasn't expecting at ALL from the way he was acting before.

What do I do now? Maybe Ive been making him feel suffocated and like he's lost his freedom. I didn't mean to, I was just going with his flow and he seemed really into me. So I acted the same. Should I back off and give him a lot more space now? I just don't know how to act because now I know he's really scared of being with me. It's gonna be hard to get back to normal.

What does it take for u Aqua's to finally just relax the hell up about commitment? I get that it's hard to chose if u wanna be with one person the rest of ur life but u guys just seem to take to the extreme. How can I get him to just calm down about this and go with the flow? Is hope completely lost or is he just having a temporary Aqua freak out moment and needs his space to cool down? Would he ever get back to normal or is this something Im going to have to deal with the rest of my life? I love him but at the same time I wanna be with someone who knows what he wants and sticks to his decision to be with me unless we really aren't working out and it's time we move on.

How do I handle this guy? He loves talking on the phone every day for at least one hour and Ive always given in to this. But maybe that was a bad thing? Maybe Ive been showing I rely too much on him by always picking up the phone and always being available? Should I back off a little. I don't like playing games, but he seems to be the one doing that with this hot and cold thing.

What did he say? Did he answer the e-mail? Is he still contacting you?

At least he is being upfront and honest about his thoughts and feelings.

Yes he is responding me. He said he's invested after I told him Im sorry but I can't be a casual relationship to u after almost 4 years. He gave in but I still feel its because I gave an ultimatum because he says stuff like, "it sucks if we ever broke up because we wouldn't be able to be friends because we love each other too much" and "I want to be with u but Im scared about the future and I don't know what I want." I get he is being honest with me but it is a horrible thing to build up my hopes by saying I'm the one and then acting like this. How am I supposed to ever trust anything he says again? In 6 months what if he goes back to saying he can't imagine life without me, how can I believe him? How do u know when an Aqua is truly committed and what do I do? It's gonna be so hard to act normal around him now that I feel he feels that he is trapped. I'm so confused as to what to do and how to act around him.

Hopefully some of the aquas will pitch in here.

Thanks for ur response. I'm giving him some space now. I don't wanna say anything I'm gonna regret plus I'm sure he needs it. So I'll see how he acts when we talk again. I also told him to stop telling him I'm "the one" and stuff like that unless he really means it because those words shouldn't be taken lightly. I got way too comfortable with him and forgot his Aqua tendencies after he seemed like he was realllly into me. I'm pretty sure I've scared him off by acting needy at times and dependent on him without realizing. I'm just gonna have to be more conscious of what I say and do. The guy begs me to not get off the phone when we're talking and I have to go do something. So I must have been doing similar things, but apparently it's not ok for me to do it. He did say that he feels like he's losing his freedom and that's prob why he's feeling this way. But I mean hellllooo, when ur in a relationship of this long u can't be completely free like u were when u were single. I don't know, we'll see.