truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
When your partner asks for their needs...
Hi Feby! Long time since we've talked. Thanks for your insight.
I do feel better getting it off my chest. I feel like if I don't speak up, it's my own fault my needs aren't met. And you're right about the big picture. Can't dismiss the 90% good stuff for 10% of mediocre stuff. The 90% good outweighs the 10% that is lacking.
I did ask him about his needs and are they getting met. Told him it's only fair that he gets a turn as well, that it is healthier for our relationship to stop and check with each other to make sure each other's needs are met.
It's not that time of month, so I don't think that's the problem this time. I'll admit, there have been times I was over sensitive and did think hormones had something to do with it. But not now.
I hope he does appreciate that I spoke up. At least that gives him a chance to know and do something about it. I've talked to other people with capricorns and one of their biggest complaints was 'but they didn't tell me they had a problem, they just shut down'. So I'm trying to learn from that as well.
Truth be told, I am happier, more content, when I do speak up. Didn't do that so much in my younger years. I've always thought it was a weakness to ask for my own needs, but really, as I have gotten older, I understand it's more of a weakness NOT to ask or speak up. It takes a lot of courage to rock the boat, but sometimes the waters get calmer and smoother and the boat stops rocking.
I do feel better getting it off my chest. I feel like if I don't speak up, it's my own fault my needs aren't met. And you're right about the big picture. Can't dismiss the 90% good stuff for 10% of mediocre stuff. The 90% good outweighs the 10% that is lacking.
I did ask him about his needs and are they getting met. Told him it's only fair that he gets a turn as well, that it is healthier for our relationship to stop and check with each other to make sure each other's needs are met.
It's not that time of month, so I don't think that's the problem this time. I'll admit, there have been times I was over sensitive and did think hormones had something to do with it. But not now.
I hope he does appreciate that I spoke up. At least that gives him a chance to know and do something about it. I've talked to other people with capricorns and one of their biggest complaints was 'but they didn't tell me they had a problem, they just shut down'. So I'm trying to learn from that as well.
Truth be told, I am happier, more content, when I do speak up. Didn't do that so much in my younger years. I've always thought it was a weakness to ask for my own needs, but really, as I have gotten older, I understand it's more of a weakness NOT to ask or speak up. It takes a lot of courage to rock the boat, but sometimes the waters get calmer and smoother and the boat stops rocking.
I think the convo went perfectly. I only wish people I have been with came to me like that instead of internalizing it. He seemed a tad worried at first- but you assured him it wasn't some deal-breaker type thing. I think he does just need to mull it over in his head on *how* to give you the things you need from him. It can take a day or a week but once he has that eureka moment you'll know 🙂
I know aquas aren't fast with change, even me, I run things through my head on *how* I can do this or if the person will appreciate it. Sometimes I google for ideas or ask friends. Once I come up with what I'm going to do or how to change, I throw it into full gear!
I know aquas aren't fast with change, even me, I run things through my head on *how* I can do this or if the person will appreciate it. Sometimes I google for ideas or ask friends. Once I come up with what I'm going to do or how to change, I throw it into full gear!
Posted by feby
You're doing great truecap. I admire your bravery and candidness. Very strong lady and your vulnerability is especially endearing as I see it. ((hugs)) to you. and bravo for being so attuned and considerate of your partner. Many blessings to you.
Thank you. Feels good to hear that. 🙂
Posted by sassafras
I think the convo went perfectly. I only wish people I have been with came to me like that instead of internalizing it. He seemed a tad worried at first- but you assured him it wasn't some deal-breaker type thing. I think he does just need to mull it over in his head on *how* to give you the things you need from him. It can take a day or a week but once he has that eureka moment you'll know 🙂
I know aquas aren't fast with change, even me, I run things through my head on *how* I can do this or if the person will appreciate it. Sometimes I google for ideas or ask friends. Once I come up with what I'm going to do or how to change, I throw it into full gear!
I guess I did worry him at first.
It's just I feel like I'm nagging or complaining, when I'm really not. I told him I wasn't upset, just sharing some information for him to consider.
Thanks Sammy. That's reassuring!
so what happened with this
Oh, I haven't mentioned it again, no need. He has made an obvious effort to go out of his way to provide what I asked for.
I'm more in love with him now than ever because of that.
🙂
I'm more in love with him now than ever because of that.
🙂
did you ever mention somewhere in here what you were asking of him?
Posted by IAmMystified
did you ever mention somewhere in here what you were asking of him?
No, it doesn't matter. I wasn't getting my needs met, so I explained to him what was lacking.
Was it attention based, not enough time /activities together or communication based?
Neither. No problem in either one of those areas.
I was married to an Aquarius, once. Stupid move on my part.
His tagline for when I needed to talk about something, whether it was something I took ten seconds to think about or a few days to realize what happened and was hoping to actually converse and fix a problem:
"Why you bringing up old stuff?"
Then when I felt maybe we should see a marriage counsellor, because I wanted to try to make things work:
"No, I would just get ganged up on."
Guilty conscience, much?
His tagline for when I needed to talk about something, whether it was something I took ten seconds to think about or a few days to realize what happened and was hoping to actually converse and fix a problem:
"Why you bringing up old stuff?"
Then when I felt maybe we should see a marriage counsellor, because I wanted to try to make things work:
"No, I would just get ganged up on."
Guilty conscience, much?
Posted by GuardianAnu
I was married to an Aquarius, once. Stupid move on my part.
His tagline for when I needed to talk about something, whether it was something I took ten seconds to think about or a few days to realize what happened and was hoping to actually converse and fix a problem:
"Why you bringing up old stuff?"
Then when I felt maybe we should see a marriage counsellor, because I wanted to try to make things work:
"No, I would just get ganged up on."
Guilty conscience, much?
Guilty, yes. Or complacency and lack of effort.
Posted by TaurusGirlRas
Are you dating another cap
Me? No. I've been with this aqua for 2 1/2 years.
Posted by IAmMystified
Was it attention based, not enough time /activities together or communication based?
Okay, okay. I'll be fair. I've been very open on these boards. I asked for more affection (hand holding, snuggling, hugs) and sweet words. It's hard for a cap to ask for those things. I don't need much of it, but I do want some of it.
He is making efforts.
You can't let that fear ruin things, lilmeow. Fear is a relationship killer.
You have to let him go, give him the freedom and wait and see what happens.
You have to let him go, give him the freedom and wait and see what happens.
We had just gotten into the typical long term relationship stuff - more like we were married. Watching movies - him in his recliner and me on the couch. Huh? lol! Just too relaxed and comfortable, which is good. I want to keep the spark alive. We're not married, don't want to act married.
🙂
🙂
First off true cap I acknowledge that I'm young at 28 but you're not old at 46....there's some distance between us in years but we all have the same needs that have to be validated in relationships. I'm more than happy to be there in every way shape or form for my lover but I'm not sure how I feel about formally being sat down to be talked to lol its something that's always made me feel nervous even though it may not be something drastically bad it still makes me uneasy thinking that someone who I live with has harboured thoughts about me and have felt the need to call a council meeting and have me sit down to attend a talking to it all stems from the many family talks at the dinner table when I was younger and my stressed out mother would unload a lot of shit onto me at th dinner table and I was never allowed to leave....I used to live with a capricorn friend and he was out of rehab and I was looking after him and after every week we had to talk about something that each of us didn't like what the other had done and something that we liked it had to do with his therapy and to be honest they were the most hardest and taxing talks Ive ever had and I found myself drifting away from him mentally until I ended up leaving lol....I was more than happy being there cooking and cleaning for him and doing his PR work but I hate having to just deal with mediocre boring stuff like peoples feelings truth be told....I would much rather have an argument where we scream and throw shit at each other then have mad crazy makeup sex.
Well, I didn't have a formal sit down "we gotta talk" thing going on.
Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
First off true cap I acknowledge that I'm young at 28 but you're not old at 46....there's some distance between us in years but we all have the same needs that have to be validated in relationships. I'm more than happy to be there in every way shape or form for my lover but I'm not sure how I feel about formally being sat down to be talked to lol its something that's always made me feel nervous even though it may not be something drastically bad it still makes me uneasy thinking that someone who I live with has harboured thoughts about me and have felt the need to call a council meeting and have me sit down to attend a talking to it all stems from the many family talks at the dinner table when I was younger and my stressed out mother would unload a lot of shit onto me at th dinner table and I was never allowed to leave....I used to live with a capricorn friend and he was out of rehab and I was looking after him and after every week we had to talk about something that each of us didn't like what the other had done and something that we liked it had to do with his therapy and to be honest they were the most hardest and taxing talks Ive ever had and I found myself drifting away from him mentally until I ended up leaving lol....I was more than happy being there cooking and cleaning for him and doing his PR work but I hate having to just deal with mediocre boring stuff like peoples feelings truth be told....I would much rather have an argument where we scream and throw shit at each other then have mad crazy makeup sex.
I sent you a PM.
Posted by truecapPosted by IAmMystified
Was it attention based, not enough time /activities together or communication based?
Okay, okay. I'll be fair. I've been very open on these boards. I asked for more affection (hand holding, snuggling, hugs) and sweet words. It's hard for a cap to ask for those things. I don't need much of it, but I do want some of it.
He is making efforts.click to expand
If only he had more fire for you. You're with an aqua man with cap venus and virgo moon? That's already not snuggable just by looking at those 3 placements alone. I remember you said pisces mars, that helps, but not much unless he's got water grand trine. earth and air are just NOT hallmarks for "passion".... It's just the way it is.
Fire is passion, and water is snuggable.
Well, what's his jupiter and saturn? Houses?
not that it doesn't matter because after close to 3 years, you'd know how cuddable he is.
It's just something you have to live with. He's got other "attributes' that are wonderful, then go with that. If it isn't ENOUGH for you, well.....what we can we say?
Oh, Lisa, it's fine. He's a good man and he shows he cares and he's stable and everything I want. My scorpio venus sometimes just wants a little more of the lovey dovey stuff, then after a minute the aqua mars says 'okay now get off me.' Really, what he provides is just the right amount of enough, but a teensy bit more would be appreciated when that venus raises her head.
We've established that I can reach out to him whenever I want and he is receptive. Says he likes it but just doesn't think about it, which I believe with his placements. I'm not supposed to censor it, it will always be welcome. (he's never pushed it away). Plus, he's tried reaching out to me more often, so that tells me he's trying. That's what means the most and makes me love him even more.
I'm not one to smother, don't like it myself. So I think we're finding the right balance and reassuring each other.
We've established that I can reach out to him whenever I want and he is receptive. Says he likes it but just doesn't think about it, which I believe with his placements. I'm not supposed to censor it, it will always be welcome. (he's never pushed it away). Plus, he's tried reaching out to me more often, so that tells me he's trying. That's what means the most and makes me love him even more.
I'm not one to smother, don't like it myself. So I think we're finding the right balance and reassuring each other.
Posted by truecap
Oh, Lisa, it's fine. He's a good man and he shows he cares and he's stable and everything I want. My scorpio venus sometimes just wants a little more of the lovey dovey stuff, then after a minute the aqua mars says 'okay now get off me.' Really, what he provides is just the right amount of enough, but a teensy bit more would be appreciated when that venus raises her head.
We've established that I can reach out to him whenever I want and he is receptive. Says he likes it but just doesn't think about it, which I believe with his placements. I'm not supposed to censor it, it will always be welcome. (he's never pushed it away). Plus, he's tried reaching out to me more often, so that tells me he's trying. That's what means the most and makes me love him even more.
I'm not one to smother, don't like it myself. So I think we're finding the right balance and reassuring each other.
oh ok. that actually sounds really great, truecap. that scorpio venus rears its head and wants security very much, and loving assurance. I get it very much. My husband, my mother, and a few of my close relatives have this placement. Stability is Ace in a man, so that's really good! Us ladies just want some emotional security so i get it.
.........or water, lol.
I did not ask for hugs, I hugged them (Aqua ex, Gem bf) and they hugged me back. Same for snuggling up. I rather get my needs met by getting into action. Does it matter? Both the effort and effect (warmth, tenderness, intimacy) are just the same. I just assumed I was more needy than they were.
If they did it because I asked/nagged them, would it still be considered spontaneous display of affection from their part? Um....
I did not ask for hugs, I hugged them (Aqua ex, Gem bf) and they hugged me back. Same for snuggling up. I rather get my needs met by getting into action. Does it matter? Both the effort and effect (warmth, tenderness, intimacy) are just the same. I just assumed I was more needy than they were.
If they did it because I asked/nagged them, would it still be considered spontaneous display of affection from their part? Um....
Posted by truecap
My scorpio venus sometimes just wants a little more of the lovey dovey stuff, then after a minute the aqua mars says 'okay now get off me.' Really, what he provides is just the right amount of enough, but a teensy bit more would be appreciated when that venus raises her head.
Lol, is YOUR Aqua Mars saying 'okay now get off me"....? Then short, sweet and frequent is the answer 🙂.
These being said, I was once with a Pisces who didn't hug me back, but patted me on the back after a few seconds (of me snuggling up to him), saying "that's enough now". My Gem is much more more responsive, and so was the Aqua ex.
Posted by truecapPosted by IAmMystified
Was it attention based, not enough time /activities together or communication based?
Okay, okay. I'll be fair. I've been very open on these boards. I asked for more affection (hand holding, snuggling, hugs) and sweet words. It's hard for a cap to ask for those things. I don't need much of it, but I do want some of it.
He is making efforts.click to expand
Has he always been the non affectionate sort?
I know what you mean truecap, that scorp in me wants the lovey dovey stuff. Just not all the time.
I think I want validation in certain situations. If i'm the most important to you then make it known wherever we are. Not outwardly, but just basic things like stick by me more than anyone else we're around, or hold the door open for me, etc.
You know things that show others, that I'm his top priority. However a guy usually shows that. If I don't get those validation things occasionally then I feel like I'm not enough or that I'm doing something wrong.
I know he and I are I guess just friends despite him saying "we this" or "we that" and his faux partnership perception but aqua man is really trying hard these past few months, these past few weeks he's stepped it up.
- Really showing his appreciation for the things I do
- Being silly again instead of always so serious
- Trying to make me laugh (Gosh laughter is such a cure for alot of bad things in life)
- Doing things for me without me having to ask
It's making me adore him all over again. Like lilmeow said, I'm afraid of screwing our friendship up.
But the only thing I can tell you cap about yoursituation, all aqua aside. Always say what you feel and what you deserve. I'd rather feel proud at the end of the day than regret not saying anything at all.
I think I want validation in certain situations. If i'm the most important to you then make it known wherever we are. Not outwardly, but just basic things like stick by me more than anyone else we're around, or hold the door open for me, etc.
You know things that show others, that I'm his top priority. However a guy usually shows that. If I don't get those validation things occasionally then I feel like I'm not enough or that I'm doing something wrong.
I know he and I are I guess just friends despite him saying "we this" or "we that" and his faux partnership perception but aqua man is really trying hard these past few months, these past few weeks he's stepped it up.
- Really showing his appreciation for the things I do
- Being silly again instead of always so serious
- Trying to make me laugh (Gosh laughter is such a cure for alot of bad things in life)
- Doing things for me without me having to ask
It's making me adore him all over again. Like lilmeow said, I'm afraid of screwing our friendship up.
But the only thing I can tell you cap about yoursituation, all aqua aside. Always say what you feel and what you deserve. I'd rather feel proud at the end of the day than regret not saying anything at all.
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
Hey there Aquas! I know there's been a lot of thoughts expressed on why Scorps and Aquas are not compatible together
I'm an aquarius and I don't know things about relationships. I'm wondering if what I feel or how I'm feeling is normal.
How do I confront an aquaruis man. He is spreading rumors about me. I was trying to be nice and let it go. People talk a
My aqua cracks me up. He's funny and witty, makes me laugh. But...sometimes it's irritating. I'll text him something sw
I you had lost interest in someone, would you tell them or just shy away from the situation and ignore them?
I broke up with my Aqua for various reasons including but not limited to the fact that he CATFISHED ME when we first met
Looking back at my love life, I dont think ive ever felt im sure with someone. My aries moon is impulsive and enjoys the
I'm a sag girl and first of l let me tell you that I completely understand and have experienced the sag/aqua connection.
lay it on me! What to expect? There's chemistry but how do I keep the convo going? Never had this issue... Haven't me
my dog is an aquarius. he is such an aloof bastard. god i love him.
Is it normal for Aquarius to zone out and ignore their friends when they're focused on a new job or project? In my case,
O_O the stellium Aquarius guy named Ashton who paired up with leo sun/scorpio moon Mila Kunis having a baby! O_O
What if we didn't know one another's sign? Would we still see that person any different from another? I have seen so
Didn't mean to flag the last one. Phones and all. Hey y'all. I posted on here about myself and an Aqua lady. She is
How does this change a typical aqua? He also has pisces mercury, mars cancer, and venus aries
I saw this on yahoo, so thought I'd share. George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin. Human Rights lawyer. Amal's astrology?
Any advice? Topics of interest?
Hi all haven't been on for awhile..things have been going good. Been with my aqua guy unofficially for 17 months...ke
How patient are you? Does it depend on the scenario? Here are a couple of scenarios for examples. You don't have to
So, as Im now trying to date, I meet yet ANOTHER AQUA! LORD HELP ME.... So Met an Aqua on a dating Site. She insist
Just curious.
I expressed my needs and told him my feelings had gotten hurt over something and how that action had made me feel, opened up and communicated keeping the focus on myself and not what he was doing wrong, told him I was happy with him and asked him to consider my side and asked him to try to provide me with what I needed.
Him: I'm sorry you feel that way. I thought we were doing good together. I guess I'm wired differently from you.
Me: we are good together. I am happy with you and thought it would be better for our relationship if I spoke up instead of following my instinct to shut down and withdraw
Him: So I'm not being traded in?!
Me: no baby! That's not going to happen!!.
Him: You need to get some sleep. Gotta get up early
Me: Yep. Good night baby. I love you!
Him: I love you too! Good night.
Nothing was said or promised to me. I suppose I just need to wait, let it sink in, and observe to see if he makes an effort to provide those needs. He usually does comply, for a while anyway. At least I usually see efforts and that is what shows me he loves me.
I'm just curious though to how aquas feel about their partners needs and how important it is to you and whether you care about complying with them. Or if you think it's their problem and not yours.
I know you guys are a lot younger than we are, so try to think from an older person's perspective.
Thanks for any thoughts and opinions!