how to comfort an aries....?

Hey y'all. I suppose this might fall under LovelyMissAries' post of "Sad Aries" but I didn't want to hijack her thread....

My aries is going through a tough time. Ever since he had surgery last December, his energy level isn't the same...especially of late. He falls asleep at the drop of a hat, he seems cranky a lot (well, it could just be his personality or that of an aries' inclination to say whatever they want even if it comes across as rude or brash), and yesterday he told me he was stressed. ....which, I took very serious note of because he rarely takes off his cape or lets down his 10-inch thick coat of armor... and I sent him a message that indicated that I would be happy to help him anyway I could (his business is sooo busy) and that I would like to comfort him if only I knew how (he's on antibiotics because he's been working non-stop and his body is fighting an infection).

Things are....okay.... better than they were the first go-around (if some of you may recall), and I really care about him, and he has made many efforts to rally in spite of being stressed.

Would an Aries like to contribute as to what you prefer your friends to do when you are stressed? To be left alone? To be coddled (I excell in coddling, btw)? To be...? Please help me help my friend.

Thank you so much. xoj

hmm.. thanks, amethyst. 🙂 xoj

"Would an Aries like to contribute as to what you prefer your friends to do when you are stressed? To be left alone? To be coddled (I excell in coddling, btw)? To be...? Please help me help my friend."

Personally, I find we are kind of contradictory. We are needy in a way and independent in other ways. I love it when someone shows they care about me by contacting me, but then other times I do like to be left alone. But, for the most part, we love to know you care and love when you show it. I think in his case, you've done the right thing and let him know you are there for him. We do love the attention, but also don't want to be a burdon.

With my gemini moon, I must talk through my worries and troubles. This really helps me to cope and move on. Once a friend can help me with a proper solution, things are better in the world. He may be nothing like this, but I sure am 🙂

Thanks, Ramfish.... you have a gemini moon...he has a sag moon, so you are in a way, similiar but opposite... 🙂

His is a TALKER, that's for sure.... and i just listen.... that's why, when he said that he was stressed.....i paid FULL ATTENTION...because i know aries, especially men, do not let their guard down so easily...i guess that's why i understand him.

I am seeing him tonight...i am on the east coast, so soon..... i will take your advice and just be there for him. i personally would not like to be left alone, i would like someone to coddle me a bit so i will do that...but not too strongly. i will emphasize once again that i am here....but give him space. thanks, ramfish!

anymore advice is appreciated as he seems to be going through a difficult time that will not be solved within one week.... 🙂

thank you so much. xoj

You are welcome sweetie! The good thing about most Aries is we usually are able to get over troubles fairly quickly. Always movin', ya know?!! With the proper support, we can get through most anything. Keep us posted 🙂

are you guys just friends now?

when im stressed out i don't like people making light of my predicaments. i know that im overdramatic and that papercuts don't really mean that my life is falling apart, that's just the way i talk and i'm upset about whatever so please don't tell me whatever is going on isn't a big deal...i wouldn't have brought it up if i didn't think it was. besides, chances are I'll be over tomorrow. i also like it when people play with my hair, partially so I don't have to look directly at their face/eyes (makes it easier for me to be open) and i also just like having my hairs played with because it feels so good 🙂

ewe, not just friends....we are in a relationship....i just called him my friend because ...he is...my friend, as well as boyfriend.

i saw him last night and he was not feeling well at all... i just babied him all evening - fed him, gave him a massage and stroked his hair as we fell asleep. he was super-appreciate last night/this morning....kept thanking me. ....i know i should always take him at face value, that if he didn't want to see me or be left alone he would say so. ...he just seems different for the last week...almost....distant. when he told me he was stressed i figured that was why...but i guess time/dispelling the stress will only tell.

thank you for your input. xoj

...oh, and when i say distant....i don't mean he doesn't talk to me. the guy never shuts up! 🙂 ...but i happen to like that. i just mean distant in the sense that he was always so focused on us, on spending quality time together and making more of an effort to contact me during the day... for the last week it's mostly been me contacting him. i brought this up to him once and he said i shouldn't feel like i can't initiate most of the time - he's busy. i didn't say it, but i was thinking to myself...um...i'm busy too but i make time to show you how special i think you are. anyway, off topic. 🙂 xoj

Posted by i love ewe
when im stressed out i don't like people making light of my predicaments. i know that im overdramatic and that papercuts don't really mean that my life is falling apart, that's just the way i talk and i'm upset about whatever so please don't tell me whatever is going on isn't a big deal...i wouldn't have brought it up if i didn't think it was. besides, chances are I'll be over tomorrow. i also like it when people play with my hair, partially so I don't have to look directly at their face/eyes (makes it easier for me to be open) and i also just like having my hairs played with because it feels so good 🙂

Right-on on all you said Ewe...so me too!

ok...so...i'm beginning to wonder if i'm being TOO nuturing.... i'm kinda sensing a pattern here - i took care of him for weeks when he was sick in december/january and i'm starting to feel like that's my role.

also, here's the thing: within a span of two weeks, two of my brothers-in-law died and my father had a heart attack. while my aries was kind and semi-attentive during those two weeks, he didn't baby me like i baby him over the most minor things.

is this normal of aries? i can't help but think that if i don't set up boundaries a little and let him fend for himself and not be available to him every time he whines for attention, that he will get bored....i know i would.

tell me aries, what would you do in my case? back off and let him fend for himself? continue to coddle? say something? what? my mind is a whirl this morning.... xoj

I find it can be difficult for us to deal well with deaths and disorder in other's lives. When my father-in-law died, I had a really hard time knowing exactly how to be there for my bull. I think it's hard for us to know what to do, what to say, put ourselves in their shoes.
It's not that we don't care, it's just that we don't know how to deal and help. This might help explain:

http://books.google.com/books?id=guBgucoFncEC&pg=PA34&lpg=PA34&dq=aries+sympathy+for+others&source=bl&ots=cylLXWbU3V&sig=gVd1YtXE-dg0o2q3go8ziWCyYc0&hl=en&ei=4BbkS6_dHIbCNYqujJYD&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=3&ved=0CBkQ6AEwAg#v=onepage&q=aries% 20sympathy% 20for% 20others&f=false

Check out Aries II April 3-10 "The Aries Personality". This helps to explain what we need and what we are able to give you in return. I'm not sure if he was born in this time, but it seems pretty universal for most of us.

ramfish, he's actually an aries I but i have to say that he does seem more of an aries II, like you said. very interesting read, thank you. xoj

I may be chiming in a little late here; but off the top of my head, it sounds like you're back in the pattern that you were in at the beginning when he was sick the first time. I think you're being too nuturing, too giving to him, to easy, to available. It should be balanced at the end of the day - doesn't sound like it's balanced - the relationship that is. Sounds like you're giving and giving and not getting the same in return. Sounds like a lot of effort is being expended from you and not so much from him - an Aries, if he's in to you, WILL give back 1000% - there will be no doubt in your mind.

I don't know what the advice is here, perhaps you shouldn't have been so available that week he didn't call you. Doesn't take but a minute to make a quick call, no matter how busy we are. There's time. Always time. I never buy the "I'm just so busy right now, I can't call you" line. BS.

Stop coddling. Back off. Don't say anything - actions speak louder than words. You deserve better, you really do.

hey, run! you are NEVER too late. i love your contributions. how's your little cappy? thx for your msg..i'll pm you ....ok...just to clarify....while he was distant for a week, we were in contact - most of it was short, but during that week i saw him twice and spoke for five seconds each night. it just seemed distant because i didn't feel connected, like he was disengaging almost.

so, the weekend came and went and i am staying over at his place again tonight, but have already decided that I am not staying over again until next weekend. weekend was fun and relaxing but we also accomplished a lot. i can't explain it, but it just doesn't feel like it did in the beginning... i shouldn't complain, though. he does/says things that indicate he is still engaged...for instance, he asked my opinion of redoing his master bedroom/bath (hardwood floors vs. carpet, window treatments, paint, etc), and i gave my opinion but also gave him options so that he could/should choose. he brings it up again the next day that he wants to do what i think/mentions when WE go pick out paint colors/etc. look, i know by the sound of it i really shouldn't complain...i'm not complaining....just wondering why it's not like it was before...it almost feels like....we've been married for years....and it should be new and exciting still, yes? counting the month where we didn't talk/he was being a weirdo, we've been going out for six months. he is 51 - wondering if that has something to do with it?

little bit of funny/odd info...we played "Men Laws and Woman Rules" (it's a board game) yesterday and he totally lost, like i scored 155 to his 35. i totally get him, but he is so absolutely clueless on what my opinions are...and i know i've talked about this before, but i think it boils down to him just not investing sometimes. he has many friends, and cares about/does many things for them, but i'm finding there's a lack of depth there, or wanting to know someone at a deep level (maybe that's my water moon sign?)... ....my father is an aries and he's the same way, though he is getting better (he is 76 God bless his heart) at asking me questions about my life. xoj

hey dragonaries...glad you joined in. my aries has a sag moon too; not sure if you read any previous posts before this thread....so your input is helpful. shocking, but helpful. he told me over and over yesterday and today how much he appreciates me and how he is sorry that he always makes me "nurse"....but i told him i like taking care of him, and btw....he gave me a really nice, no-strings-attached, nothing expected or implied or even indicated, massage because my back was hurting. it was nice...and it occured to me that i need to let others help me...something i'm not good at doing.

thanks again for your input. xoj

I have had the worst past year.

December my energy was in the lowest point in forever and January just was like misunderstanding with people, one after the other. Nobody seemed to assure me I could ever be who I am, or that passion and life was possible.

I have had low energy and darker days from that period onward, and only recently from talking myself up again and finding my passionate side recently have I recovered fully.

I am jazzed about things, I am almost over-confident again, which is how I like to feel, and I feel like the past months are behind me and now I can see how awkward I felt all those months.

I had a great friend assure me in January of other people's failings at being human that helped me start thinking better of myself as who I am as an Aries etc. My friend helped convince me that I wasn't failing others, that those people were not giving me credit where it was due. I felt instantly eased about myself, so I must say, find honest ways to trump up the person and assure them of who they are and what they can do.

We can be intuitive and self-reflective at times, and listen to darker sides of stories to learn lessons, but sunny days and winning chances also have to be present to make us connected with our passionate side.

I hope you two the best, and hope all Aries this May and onward are feeling as jazzed about their energy as I am feeling. I was not having a good few years with the energy levels and felt like the opposite of myself, and glad to reconnect with my youthful ready for action self. (even with little pocket money etc to go with).

Have faith with an Aries even if you are one, they can make surprising energy recovery after bouts of feeling not themselves.