Putting sex on hold with an aries (Page 2)

LOL..I'll go open the chapters..

You writing a book, FB? Or, was that an inside joke?

all the more reason to hold on. I really care about him but it is my belief that we should develop on a more emotional (meaning sex free) connection before we move on to sex. the last guy I dated was about 7 months and I never put out which was one of his reasons for leaving. and as it turns out he got someone pregnat about 2 months into our relationship which I found out after we broke up. so to me I have to know you are with me through and through before I put out.

losing my virginity isthe way Ialways wanted to, which was that everytime I thnk about it it is attached to a happy moment as oppose to someone who for some reasons it didi not last. and the guy was a major sweetheart but just not the person I would have wanted to be with.

my bf is amazing but I would really appreciate it if he respected my whishes. and yes he has been getting creative. i just make sure it stops before it goes further.

P -

Yes, I am working on a book...

but what I said to MM...was an inside joke - I love to write and when I write - I sometimes write like I talk...you know us Aries being the chatters that we are!

I'm calm here 😉

Crabby....

pretty soon he may stop getting creative and leave. I hope not for your sake but....a man can only take so much and then he will give up - an Aries may think that sex is not that important to you so make sure you are clear in your communication with him.

Keep us posted - this is interesting.

I want to know what the male Aries will do 😉

Crabby, you've missed the point entirely .. the reason WHY your last boyfriend hooked up with another female 2 months into the relationship is because you didn't put out.

"all the more reason to hold on. I really care about him but it is my belief that we should develop on a more emotional (meaning sex free) connection before we move on to sex"

Hold on as you wish, it's your life .. rest assured that this man is MALE and will likely do what your other boyfriend did (though, I thought you said this was your first one).

It may be your belief that the two of you should develop a sex-free emotional bond .. that sounds about right for a female .. the problem is .. he's not female.

At any rate .. one day, you'll realize that men are male and not female.

Good Luck and happy relating 🙂

FB, it seems that a lot of people in here write .. what are you writing?

A novel? What's the genre?

No novel...

A book about lifes moments.

Actually, I have had many people tell me to write about this and that....easy for them to say!

There are times the words come and just flow and yet other times...nothing. I am in the process of getting out of my own way.

Anton Checkhov

"A good writer writes what he knows."

How about you and your writing? do you experience the same thing? You are writing a novel right?

"the last guy I dated was about 7 months and I never put out which was one of his reasons for leaving"


So, in other words .. it is your belief that a man has to find complete security in an emotional bond ONLY .. only then will you allow him to be male physically? Is that what you are saying?

Crabby no offence hun..but it isn't always about you...And especially if your dealing with a Aries male..to Scorpio they are the next most self-centred creatures..What we want, we get..if we don't..we go elsewhere..

Crabs have this constant me me me me me..thing going on..sooooo off putting..and they expect everyone to bend to their needs..

I have a moon in Cancer so I can relate to some of that..but thank god it isn't prevalent in my personality..

He WILL go if you don't put out..

Crabby: "my bf is amazing but I would really appreciate it if he respected my whishes."

I rest my case..

Solitas: "Bullshit. He won't if he loves her."

Hardly love after a month

FB, I have written many .. my first when I was nine years old.

Currently, I'm working on finishing a trilogy consisting of 4 parts .. it's written, I'm just editing at the moment .. it's Sci-Fi.

Also, the one I was telling you about last week - the Romantic Tragedy - is a full blown 120,000 work novel that I have to condense down to only 4,000 words for submission, which is extremly difficult, for it's very complex and I don't want to lose anything within the plot.

Condensing down is such a pain in the arse isn't it PA..lol..I remember those disserations..got so carried away, cutting down then became such a chore..worse than washing up!

Yeah, mm .. I'm really struggling with it. I'll get there, though ..


Crabby .. he's gonna leave, just like the other did. Men measure love physically, not emotionally .. if you don't put-out within a reasonable amount of time, they believe that you don't love them.

That's just the way it is ..

Secondly .. like I said, there are two people in a partnership.

"my bf is amazing but I would really appreciate it if he respected my whishes."

He would probably appreciate it if you respected his too.

She will do what she feels comfortable with..but just look at the pattern of your previous relationships and then analyse at your pleasure...

See my topic on "its all about respect"...You have to do what your heart desires..and well its been over a month so if I was a man..I would expect it..hell I am a woman and I expect it..lol..

well he is my first true love/relatioship as in that I just never felt that way about anyone him meeting my family is not a problem at all this summer he wants to go meet the fam ame as we will aso be going to visit his (both our families are in different states.)
with the other guy this was never a though, to be honest it was more me not wanting to hurt his feelings more than me being in love with him that made me stay. he was quiet persitant in hi spursuit and after saying yes to one date and another I kinda felt bad to end it now. so I do consider mr aries my first real one.

I just hope that he does not think I don't care about him and also my own fear of resenting him if I feel like I am being forced. becuase it becomes a matter tome of what would you give later on too...I like to think I have some control in this relationship.

He'll dip within the next 30 days .. two months tops is about as long as a man will wait, such as you have already found out.

Nothing wrong with a little control .. however, you can't control life, only yourself.

Remember,

All actions or non actions have consequences. Always.

"A book about lifes moments"

So, FB, it's inspirational .. life moments. Sounds intriguing.

Many people in my family write poetry .. I thought once about pulling all these together and making a family poetry book. And because everybody's inspiration is so different, I thought that would be cool .. some spiritual, some dark, some humorous ..

"becuase it becomes a matter tome of what would you give later on too"

Crabby .. I'm not sure I understand what you meant by that, as it correlates with this sex issue, and then you mentioned control afterwards. What did you mean?

My radar skills may be off on this .. but, it's beginning to sound as though you are saying that it isn't the sex, at all .. rather, leverage to use for control.

Am I wrong?

"this summer he wants to go meet the fam ame as we will aso be going to visit his (both our families are in different states.)"

All that probably means to him is that he's just going to meet a different set of people..don't attach too much meaning/emotion to actions at this moment..

Obviously we don't know your situation as well as you do...BUT..having said that you do need to voice your concerns to him..not DXP..Cancers never let on what they are thinking hoping the person will pick this up...I personally DO NOT have the patience for cancers..to me they are exactly the same as Capricorns..dilly dally over everything..

I hope it works out for you and if you really need him to wait then let him know that..Good luck

My whole take on this is that it's not being understood that a male doesn't view things like a female. For a woman to want an emotional bond, is not being unreasonable. However, it is unreasonable to expect a man to only have this bond, when he is physically based, not emotinally based.

The whole thing just seems one-sided to me.

yeah I always pride myself on having good self control. so in a way I don't want to feel like i am being forced to do something I am not ready to do. while he has not said if you love me you'll put out I know it will eventually happen. and my response will be if you love me you'll wait. and that can cause problems and I don't want to think my relatioship ended because of sex. to me it is just icing on the cake in relationships. I need him to be a little understanding. I need a little more reasurance from me, that I am ready and when the time comes.

"I need him to be a little understanding. I need a little more reasurance from me, that I am ready and when the time comes."

There maybe trouble.....

Hey Nutsy Notso twinnypooy

LOL..

::high 5::

Yeah exactly that "Bullshit. I've waited longer."

Bullshit you've waited longer 😛

I am surprised however..your a crabbyleosag....Shame the Leo and Sag aren't playing a great part here...damn!..you'd be sorted then!

I intend to speak to him about it and he kind of already know since I have pretty much told my friends in his presence to hold on to it if they are not ready and have occassionally made jks about holding on until a year after I get married to sleep with my husband just so to be sure he is in for the long hole. so me telling him won't be a suprise to him. it is just going about telling him w/o him thinking that its becaus eI don't want to be with him.

Its terms of endearment solitas...Sheesh you guys just can't take a joke can ya!

::rolls eyes::

Well if its any consulation one Aries man I know told his wife to be that he wanted to wait till after marriage for the sex...but then again he had found religion....so was a born again....

actually I do have some leo (my moon) quality and but I dont see much of the sag (my ascd) it is just that the cancer tmes it alot. I guess when not in a relatioship situation the leo peaks more but when dealing with relationships the carb reas its head.

"I have pretty much told my friends in his presence to hold on to it if they are not ready and have occassionally made jks about holding on until a year after I get married to sleep with my husband just so to be sure he is in for the long hole. so me telling him won't be a suprise to him."


So, I was right .. it's about control .. a manipulation to gain control. Why else would you make sure he is present to make such jokes, "holding on until a year after I get married to sleep with my husband just so to be sure he is in for the long hole"?

So, you telling him won't be a surprise? He's out .. I'd put money on it.

"just so to be sure he is in for the long hole."

Crabby,

You are coming from a place of fear rather than love. You are fearing he will leave you....why? Waiting for sex has nothing to do with a person staying with you forever.

By reading your post, I think it is you who needs to try to understand him not him needing to understand you.

Better yet, I think it is you that needs to understand yourself.


Yes, Cancers enjoy manipulating and once Mr. Aries gets a whiff of this behaviour, he will be gone.

i make these jokes alot prior to meeting him and after meeting him. so it is not jsut because he is there I would say it regardless. he just happens to be there and I jole around with that. I am jsut trying not to hurt his feelings in telling him this.

and on the other hand if the problem is me then isn't better to wait till I feel ready than to jump in? it will be much more beneficial to us in the long run. and yes I do understand him but to me at least five months is not that long to wait I could have said until marriage and well I am not ready to get married.

I don't think I manupulate himbecause in all other aspects of our realtioship we are fine and I tell him things I like and don't like. in this aspect my point is his reaction will be like yours if do come out directly and tell him because then it make s it much easier for me to keep him at bay w/o guilt as oppose to hinting and he thinks the 'I could still make it happen tomorrow." my fear is driving him away by telling him that and again to me being that great relatioships are not built on sex but sex does indeed help make it better..

"to me at least five months is not that long to wait"

Like I said from the very beginning .. there are two people in a partnership, Crabby.

To you, 5 months isn't long .. what if it is to him?

Already, after just a month, he is telling you he is ready .. so, you wont' even consider his needs, just your own?

This seems very one-sided to me .. aren't BOTH people in a union just as important?

Your making decisions on his behalf...how do you know its better for him in the long run...Your trying to control his thought process...Its not going to happen..

But whatever...I am done..lol

"to me being that great relatioships are not built on sex"


How exactly do you know that if you've no life-experiences in this department?

I have two very dear friends of mine who have been married for 28 years, have 4 beautiful children .. they are still together.

They're relationship was started by an intense physical attraction .. thier sex was off the charts and still going strong .. hot, hot, hot .. after 28 years. They respect each other, are loyal to each other, trust each other ..

Now tell me that's not a great relationship that is built on sex?

"it much easier for me to keep him at bay w/o guilt as oppose to hinting and he thinks the 'I could still make it happen tomorrow."


So, you want him to keep thinking that this may still happen tomorrow, but, you also want to keep it easier for you to keep him at bay ..

.. this is a manipulation for control.

Let me tell you something .. when Aries loves it's down to the very core of their soul and when the time comes that he realizes that your deflecting sex has nothing to do with respect and has everything to do with controlling him, all the while that you've done this, you have pretended to love him .. you are going to be devasted because he will walk out of your life an never look back.

I just can't believe what you have said here. This is a person, Crabby, with feelings.

Maybe I'm just reading this all wrong .. if so, I apologize.

P-angel: "They're relationship was started by an intense physical attraction .. thier sex was off the charts"

Yep thats how it was with my Leo..and if I hadn't ended things, we would've been married by now..trust!

I understand Crabbies sentiments...but like I said nothing lasts forever, you have to live in the here and now and just go with the flow..Stop thinking too much..not good for the ol' ticker..

😉

And, mm, it was immediate .. as soon as they laid eyes on each other.

Twenty-eight years is a long time to be still smitten and they are.

"Yep thats how it was with my Leo..and if I hadn't ended things, we would've been married by now..trust!"

Yahoooooooo .. nothing like having that under your belt as an amazing experience, figuratively and literally speaking 😛

LOL..Indeed...He was a great guy..we are still friends..

And to keep going that long after clapping eyes on each other..fantastic..sex must be great!..

I understand, too .. I am female as well and can certainly relate to needing an emotional bond .. however, I also realize that men are male .. their needs to feel loved are different. A man doesn't feel completely loved if he isn't able to secure it physically.

In all this, Crabby is saying that she wants to make sure that the love is there first, and the thing is, since he's male .. he's NOT going to feel completely loved by his woman if she isn't taking care of him physically .. that's just the way it works.