Putting sex on hold with an aries (Page 3)

Yeppers...

I don't think this has anything to do with being Aries or Cancer.

This is about a woman who doesn't understand gender differences.

I need to get my ass off this thing and be productive...need to cook, clean and tidy up..Arrrrrrrrgh..hate domestics!

::finishes off glass of wine::

Laters all

Mmmwah!

Listening to american life by Madonna

lmao

we clearly know whats on my mind 😉

Bye, mm .. laters 🙂

Message posted by: solitas777 on 5/6/2007 10:58:00 AM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.202
"He'll dip within the next 30 days .. two months tops is about as long as a man will wait, such as you have already found out."

Bullshit. I've waited longer. I didn't mind because I loved her and I enjoyed her company.
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This may be true, Solitas, but, would you have waited if it was about controlling you, rather than her respecting herself?

It's not like she wants to draw blood from the guy, she wants a few months, that's all. Of course sex is important. That's a no-brainer... *but don't feel the guilt of pressure either. Let your conscience be your guide. If he's worth it, you'll know soon enough.

I realize that mystic, and if the aim was true, then that shouldn't be an issue. But, that doesn't appear to be the case. If withholding sex was that important for personal respect, maybe even to the point of waiting for marriage .. then the virginity wouldn't have been just given away to somebody who wasn't even loved, much less a boyfriend.

This whole thing "appears" to be built around the premise that if you aren't in love with a guy and he isn't in it for the long haul .. then sex is not given.

When in reality .. it is just given when there is control directing it. For it was even said that she feels that he needs to be more understanding because she wants to have control in her life.

So, when it is looked at from this perspective .. it's just about control. To ask a man to wait several months isn't unreasonable if the intentions are true .. they just don't appear true to me.

Anyway, it's not my relationship, so it doesn't really matter to me because I'm not the one who has to pay for her consequences.

"the point is I lost my virginity on my own terms not because the other guy wanted me to."

"I want to make sure our relationship is real and if we sleeep together and it does not last I would be crushed."

So, in reality .. the crushing comes from the relationship not working out and has nothing to do with the sex, for so long as sex is on her terms, there is no crushing.

You're absolutely right, Solitas .. it's a matter of the true intentions and only they know for sure .. we can only speculate. However, I believe from something she said that her current boyfriend is beginning to question this as well.

"when he asked me is I was a virgin I said no so he uses that to say that if I could sleep with someone who was not my boyfriend then why do i keep finding ways to keep it from going there."

Already, he is thinking along the lines I am .. if this is so important to you, then how can you just give it away to somebody you don't love.

Aries are tricky in this department .. if they aren't loved ALL THE WAY they usually dip out. And by her saying this, and him being a Ram, he may take it to mean that she doesn't love him.

"If it's a respect issue and she just hasn't reached that comfort zone with him then I think that's ok and he won't mind if he really values her company."

Very true, solitas, the point i was trying to make pages ago. (The rest of your post makes sense too; only she and he will truly know the deeper issues of their relationship.)

"Already, he is thinking along the lines I am .. if this is so important to you, then how can you just give it away to somebody you don't love."

i'm kind of thinking, it's never too late for a fresh start, in one's life. Her past values don't have to be her lifelong marker. People are not static. Perhaps she has grown and matured, and wants more meaning and measure in her life now. Only a guess of course; again i wish them both luck.

"one thing I will never feel with the guy I lost my virginity too because I did not expect or want anything out of it. so because I have strong feelings for my bf I do not want to rush everything."


I wonder what this means?

I beg to differ I am not trying to control him, nor am I trying to dictate what he does. his comming over later today I would talk to him then. if he cannot handle it then we would have to part ways. this is about my elf respect and controlling myself not him. in arguing that I should give it up just cause he won't fell love and he would walk out you are insinuiting that I should forget how I feel and give in to his needs. well I have given him alot in tht short months + so I don't feel like I have not been nothing but a good gf. If I do this just becaus ehe wants it and I am not ready to go down tht route then I lose myself respect. my virginity was lost on my own terms and how I wanted it becaus eit will always be attached to a good experiance and person. since then I have not met anyone that would push me to do so. my bf as much as i care about him I i am not ready to go down that road with him. I want a relatioship built on more than just sex. and if 5 months is to long for anyone to wait, then maybe the raltionship is not for them. this has only reinforced how I feel i said at least 5 months so it could be longer. if people think that i should give it up so easy so not to alianate him then he should be willing to go that distance w/o alianating me.

"in arguing that I should give it up just cause he won't fell love and he would walk out you are insinuiting that I should forget how I feel and give in to his needs."


No, it's being said that his needs need to be understood, ALSO ..

It's double-sided .. if you give in to him, then his needs are met. If he waits for you, then your needs are met. In this scenerio there is no common ground .. unions have to be equal.

It's your way, or the highway .. that's not a middle ground.

Why you so hung up on virginity..how old are you? was it recent?

"Cancers are notorious for emotionally manipulating others. They also like to control their significant other.

If it's a respect issue and she just hasn't reached that comfort zone with him then I think that's ok and he won't mind if he really values her company. If she is using the sex as a way to control him then thats not very nice. Only she and he know for certain."

well sorry but I am not one to try and manipulate a person. he is a flirtateous person and I never take his flirting to heart. I don't hang on to him every where we go or shoot daggers at any female who hits on him. I don't control what he does nor does he control what I do. we are both very aware of our boundaries. so just about anything not realsted to sex we are pretty open about. worst for me would be for me to feel awkward in bed with him and him trying to make loosenup and I can't. that could ruin the relationship. so I rather as you put it be very comfortable. adn as for the guy I lost my virginity to he was not a stranger it was someone I had know since the 11th grade and we were 20 when it happened. so yeah we are talking about 4 yrs not a stranger.

i am 23 so it was not long ago. I just bring it up because people are using that to say well if I could sleep with him whynot my bf. my whole point is that it was different. it was my terms. because consensus is that well maybe she was a whore back then.

but if I do give it up it is his way not my way so where is the middleground in that. my intentions are to not do it until I am ready to be that intimate with him. I am just trying to figure out the best way to let him know that it is about me and it has nothing to do with him so he sholud not think tht I feel nothing for him. because he ought to know tht by now.

"could sleep with him whynot my bf. my whole point is that it was different. it was my terms"

I'm just trying to understand this .. so, sleeping with someone has nothing to do with loving the person or feeling the person .. it has to do with it being on your terms?

"worst for me would be for me to feel awkward in bed with him and him trying to make loosenup and I can't"


So, is this really a fear because you would feel awkward, like you didn't know what you were doing? And you'd feel stupid for not knowing what you were doing?

Is this what you mean by "your terms" .. you sleep with a friend of 4 years, so that you could gain experience, hoping that when the time came with a real boyfriend, that you wouldn't feel awkward?

"that could ruin the relationship"

No, you're wrong and because you have no experience in this department, you have nothing to base this off of .. by a woman being inexperienced in the bedroom has absolutely nothing to do with ruining a relationship.

So, now I am beginning to understand the real issue here .. you think that the relationship might be ruined if you put-out and he finds out that you don't know what you're doing sexually.

Crabby .. give a man more credit than that. He fully understands when his woman is inexperienced. Why do you think they all want virgins? This is something they like. They like being the man who finds your buttons.

yes sleeping with anyone weither there is love behind it or not has to be on your terms. its telling a wife she has to sleep with her husband even on days she does not feel like it. even then it should be on her terms if she wants to yes go for it if not then don't go for it. I don't equate sex with love otherwise many people would be in love and prostititue and their johns would be in love. it is not the act of sex that is love it is the feelings behind the act. I am one of those peopel who believes kissing is a much better way of showing love than sex. and unlike kissing sex carries to many baggage

your right but if I nver let go of my awkwardness then he may jsut as get frustrated. maybe I should but I'll talk to him first. but I would like to wait i feel the relatioship is still too young.

"the best way to let him know that it is about me and it has nothing to do with him"

Well, I hope you figure this out .. because he will indeed feel that it is about him, no matter how close you are outside the bedroom. That is the way it is, and when you gain more life experiences with intimacy, you will begin to realize this.

When it comes to sexuality between two people .. if it's withheld or stopped, your partner will ALWAYS believe it's about him .. just as you would believe it also, if the roles were reversed .. that's how people work.

AT any rate, I now understand what the REAL issue is, so there's no more need for me to respond .. none of this made sense and that is why i kept responding.

If someone is pissing on my shoes .. I'm not going to believe you when you tell me it's raining .. that's just how I work. I get it now .. your fear is about your sexual performance.

Good luck 🙂

Damn, 5 months? You're playing with fire. A couple, maybe three months should be max.

They don't deal well without sex!

However.... When I met my hubby (Aries) i told him up front that I wasn't going to sleep with him until I decided I wanted to and that I was looking for Marriage and a commitment. He waited for me and then got so anxious he put a ring on my finger.

He told me a little while ago that if i would have had sex with him to soon then he would have hit and ran on to the next one, but when he saw that i was serious it made him see how serious i was about making our relationship work. He said that when I didn't give it up he knew I'd be his wife one day.

I've always heard that most men will try to have sex with you but they are testing you to see if you're going to be a hit and run or have relationship potential.

My hubby said he wouldn't be with me today if i gave it up to soon.

but NO once they get the nooky they don't want you to take it away!

Well a tad difficult for me to do that..if he lived nearby then I guess I could hold out but seeing as he lives across the pond, by the time we see each other, we are ready to kill each other with urges..sex is like implied violence..both parties are usually very bruised!..LOL..so holding out is not really an option here..

Holy crap this thread was dug out from the past! Btw, Aries knows the difference between love & sex and we never consider them the same. We may be hawt if the passion is there, but will know when the dust clears whether or not it really meant something. It's always best to discuss these things directly with your Aries partner. If you have certain rules regarding relationships, then let them know.

We will appreciate your honesty and it will make us think about the relationship more seriously. If your guy sticks around after, you'll know that he's really interested in you.

* He told me a little while ago that if i would have had sex with him to soon then he would have hit and ran on to the next one, but when he saw that i was serious it made him see how serious i was about making our relationship work. He said that when I didn't give it up he knew I'd be his wife one day.

* I've always heard that most men will try to have sex with you but they are testing you to see if you're going to be a hit and run or have relationship potential.

* My hubby said he wouldn't be with me today if i gave it up to soon.

* but NO once they get the nooky they don't want you to take it away!

ummmmm .... since no one else is going to say this I will, yours isn't really a model relationship.

It was built on a foundation of manipulation, control, and power struggles that exists today.

I really hope you fix this dynamic.

Well I don't believe that. I am the very first relationship that my hubby has been in ever... he has always been the type to just date around with nothing serious and when he met me he figured I'd be the same as all the other girls he had been seeing. When he saw that I wasn't he focused his attention on finding out more about me and consintrated on building a relationship with me and only me.

"It was built on a foundation of manipulation, control, and power struggles that exists today."

Well you talk like you've been in my relationship with me. Just telling me how it is huh? Manipulation, control, power struggles......why? just because i'm not on the posts talking about all kinds of mushy stuff like we are perfect and have no issues. For a man to have never been in a relationship before we must be doing something right since we have been married almost a year and together for almost 2. You can't possibly judge the whole core of a relationship based off what you read on a post and if you can then I wonder how deep your relationship actually go. If they only go as deep as what you tell the world and what you write on dxpnet.com then that's just sad. I would never come on a message board and make a judgement about the stability of a relationship based off what I read...especially if i'm reading it from one parties point of view.

I'm very happy in my marriage and I would never even consider leaving my husband he truly is my world and I love him very much. every relationship has issues and I'm still learning how to love and how to be married. I don't agree with your statment and yes, i am offended by it. Our home is filled with laughter, joy, and crazy water fights...but along side those things there are the occassional spats and misunderstandings shared by most couples.

You don't have to be honest with me but at some point, you have to be honest with yourself.

I'm going to need you to stop acting like you have a degree in psychology.. and if you do I'ma need for you to focus on your paying patients. Cause you trying to present to me "The first step is admitting it" line....PLEAZ. You're right I don't have to admit anything to you. I'm trying to help give advice to someone and the person wasn't you. It's rude that you're more focused on me then on the user who even wrote the post at first. When and if I need your advice I'll call you and make an appointment.

"ummmmm .... since no one else is going to say this I will, yours isn't really a model relationship"

NO, no ones going to say it because no one is that naive and one sided to say something like that (except for you) Damn, do you deliver and read my mail or something? cause you act like you know me.


My position stands "You can't possibly judge the whole core of a relationship based off what you read on a post and if you can then I wonder how deep your relationship actually go."

Two words: "unsolicited advice"

lol!