should've listened to ovi, and everyone else.

sigh.

well, it seems the drama with my aries never ends. he's hot, he's cold, he's hot, he's cold. i never know where i stand with this guy. he has such a tendency to say things that sting...but i've grown to shrug them off, because aries can be that way, yes? barking at me, being curt, stinging...then acting like nothing happened. so i tame the tendency us caps have when aries makes us get our backs up and i concede...i'm too nice you say? i've even tried being upfront about his attitude towards me...he then changes for a day or two and is right back to where he was before.

last phone conversation was friday night about getting together sunday and he was supposed to call saturday. he didn't. i didn't call because for the last two weeks it seemed like i was the one calling. so i called his house (which rolls over to his cell) sunday morning and he doesn't answer (which is very strange as he always answers for me) but his mailbox was full, so i text him that i'd like to talk to him that day and see him. he answers a few hours later that we could maybe that night. i call his cell right after i get that text because i would rather talk and plan than text it if possible and since i know he's on his cell, he'll answer, right? wrong. goes to his full mailbox.

so i text him today if he would like to grab a drink either tues/wed/fri and i've yet to receive an answer.

thing is, saturday i wrote my thoughts down that i was going to discuss with him (not to send to him but to talk to him so as not to be so emotional) but they were sweet things - that i enjoyed being with him, etc. but if he didn't feel the same way then we should just part because this casual dating thing we were doing after having a full-blown relationship was a little confusing for me as he makes me sad because of his distant behavior after being so into me for two months.

so....basically i've been hit with the so-called aries ice.

my question is, do i write him an email ending it, do i attempt to call him to end it, do i text him to end it, or do i just wait for him to come to me. i would like to salvage a friendship/remain on amicable terms. not that he's been a very good friend to me, but i never burn bridges...what's the point in being angry and mean to someone, you know?

so let me hear it, aries. you've all been such great help during this train wreck, even in the blissful beginning. please help a cappy out for the heartbreaking ending. thank you so much.

THIS:

"my question is, do i write him an email ending it, do i attempt to call him to end it, do i text him to end it, or do i just wait for him to come to me. i would like to salvage a friendship/remain on amicable terms. not that he's been a very good friend to me, but i never burn bridges...what's the point in being angry and mean to someone, you know?" (haven't figured out how to properly quote - but anyway...)

To break ^^^^^^ that down:

1) No, do not call, text, write, send smoke signals - more importantly, DO NOT RESPOND to him anymore - NOTHING.

2) Why do you want to salvage this? Where is YOUR self esteem CAP!!— He's done NOTHING to show you or this "relationship" any respect. Nothing. You deserve sooo much more than THIS. So much more.

3) Burning bridges, ummmm, THIS ONE needs to be burned, for your sake. It's not being mean, it showing you have self respect and will not be treated this way.

4) EXACTLY!!...what IS the point in being mean to someone, that's what he's doing to you.

Being an aries, well, a female aries, doesnt' matter - if we are in to you and really like you, WE KNOW and we don't do what he's doing to you. We don't play these hot and cold games - it's fire and it's ON all the time.

Cappie, please dear, let this fish go back in to the sea. There are other's out there - lots more and lots better (bad grammar). You know what I mean. Seriously. Chalk this one up to experience and move on.

thanks, JMB3.1 🙂

thanks, Run. ...i do have self-esteem... i've just never been one to hold grudges, and he was nice the first two months until he got sick and then it went downhill from there. i've met so many of his friends that i know he is a nice guy, he's just going through something not so nice and apparently we clash and he's taking it out on me. it just seems to me that purposely ignoring him if he contacts me and/or putting out negative energy doesn't help me or my karma at all. taking the high road might make me seem like a pushover but i really do believe in putting out positive energy no matter what negativity befalls you. i sound like a putz, don't i? sigh. anyway, i am throwing him back to sea....i just wanted closure and didn't know how to go about it. thank you so much for your boost to my confidence, though. you're super d duper, run. 🙂

thanks, arianpride. ok, so i get it: don't bend. so ....ignore him? hhoooookkkkaaayyyy..... but i'm the one who wants to end it with him....so i'm kinda feeling like if he calls i should just cut the cord, swiftly, directly but nicely.

thoughts?

that's not aries ice...he's acting like aries shit. it's only aries ice if you did something wrong which you haven't. i think you need to mentally separate yourself from this guy before you have any further contact because he's not consistent enough for you (or anyone for that matter). to be honest i think he's expecting you to explode at him and be angry because he knows what he's doing is hurtful. please don't take his feelings into consideration anymore or build up his ego because he's doing nothing for you in return. you dont need to be mean to him (although if it were me id have a few choice words) but be vague and short and to the point. he knows what he's done wrong and he's had plenty of chances to make it work...you dont have much to explain

thank you, .sb.... my friends seem to think i should call him too. ....except one friend, who told me to wait until he calls and then be a cool cucumber and just say it's not working, have a nice life.

thank you, iloveewe.... in a way i hope he continues to be a shit and doesn't call so i have time to detach.

thank you, amethyst... that totally sucks about the libra. why are people so weird to each other? can't we all just get along? i think i need some time to detach anyway so i'm not doing anything just yet.

thank you arianpride... lol...yes, we caps can be cold, though for some reason i never mastered it. i usually start to feel guilty about hurting people's feelings so i try to make amends. *think cold, cappiebelle, think, think, think coooollldddd✨ 🙂

thanks, aries (and my fellow cappy) peeps. at least i'm past the crying/being sad part...and i think i'm past the angry part. i think i'm just indifferent now, which i think is the healthiest place to be in, in order to deal with his actions. honestly, i think i'm only indifferent today because i ran into a pisces last night who i went out with once a few days before my first date with the aries and he's still very interested (and asked me out again, but i'm not ready - i really was invested in the aries). the only reason i didn't go out with him after the first date is because the aries fire was so persistent and burned so hot and i respond well to men who are like that. (well, what woman doesn't). thanks again.

Give him a dose of his own medicine....... keep silent towards him too. It will drive him fucking insane. Then after a bit, drop him a one liner text. Aries go cold for a very specific reason, and like someone mentioned, our ice is worse than our fire. But we only turn cold after we have tried everything we can do, and once we face our hurt and pain, that's when we go cold.

He sounds like he's just tagging you along for his own entertainment, and when something else is entertaining him, he will ignore you to keep you away. This is a form of abuse, and the sooner you let yourself go, the better the outcome for you. Nobody has the right to treat somebody else with undignified disrespect. As a woman, you deserve better than to play into this clown.

But, be truthful with yourself. You like to play into the drama too, and that is why it keeps going back and forth, back and forth.....

Posted by cappiebelle
thanks, arianpride. ok, so i get it: don't bend. so ....ignore him? hhoooookkkkaaayyyy..... but i'm the one who wants to end it with him....so i'm kinda feeling like if he calls i should just cut the cord, swiftly, directly but nicely.

thoughts?

If you really want to end things with him, it would of ended. Listen to your own words... " I'm the one who wants to end it with him". It should be, " I ended up breaking things off with him". Quit playing into the drama. You know that you don't want to end things with him.... you're just waiting for the moment where he will indicate an ounce of enthusiasm to validate your feelings for him.

Aries learn lessons hard.... if you really care about him, and you recognize his fault that is his shortcoming, then teach him a lesson so taht he can self-reflect and be aware. Telling him how thigns can be different is vastly different from showing him what the differnce is when he acts like a jerk. Take a stance with this guy.... he's like a kid trying to control a situation by throwing a temper tantrum. Kids like that need direction, and this is what this boy needs.... so direct him. And the only way to do that is to stop everything with him, move on, and if and when the time is right, then have the contact. But remove the emotion out of it.

I broke up with what I thought was the love of my life 2 years ago. I walked away and moved on. It was only last week that we were actually able to have clarity between us, and that was because he just ended things with the girl he left me for. It was a great conversation, and I appreciated him contacting me, but that's it... I've made my mind up that he will never be in my life again, and because of the pain he caused me, he and I will never be friends. Do you see the difference in that scenario— When you do things for yourself, nobody can come into your life and knock you off your block......

i agree with aries.in.mars. in any relationship you have to walk the fine line of trying to understand your mate versus not being controlled by them. the push-pull dynamic has less to do with his sign and more to do with the fact that he's a jerk...or more nicely put, he's emotionally immature. you could get the same thing with any man/person and i think that's why you might feel compelled to call it quits. his immaturity happens to manifest itself in a distinctively arien way (and that can be attractive) but at the end of the day, he's immature. if you're to give in then that means you're either immature yourself or, you're reverting backwards. he's changing you and not in a good way.

aries is clearly volatile so asking an aries not to get worked up over everything from crest/colgate to global warming/gun control just isn't fair. they're passionate and the only thing you'd be doing is stifling them. so i don't think it's a matter of him being less emotional, it's about his recognizing how his emotions effect you. and more important, once he recognizes, does he care to change?

he can't recognize how he's impacting you if you're reacting to his emotional whims. you have to be grounded and level headed and clear and you need to find a clear, direct manner to discuss what you're feeling with him.

when you do it, just remember to not make it about the issues. don't waste your time getting into the discussion you had last week over whether tuna is better than salmon. he's gonna focus on the fish and the argument will start all over again. what was he DOING that made the argument devolve? if he wasn't listening then that's what u need to discuss.

Posted by love_365

Love who you are Cappiebelle even when someone doesn't love you back.

i think she does. i say the guy was the problem in this case, not her. she cares about him deeply (the bad and good) but it hurts when you have to let go of someone you love before you're ready. youll always wonder what if i stuck it out or tried harder

wow, mars.in.aries.....thank you. i appreciate your candor, and you made me realize that what you said was true - i don't really want to end it with him. i do not like the drama, in fact i try to avoid it, but yes...i realize now that i'm playing into it because everything is always at his whim. i'm such a dominant force elsewhere in my life, and very sure of myself, but it could just be the cappy fascade sometimes that hides the vulnerable me. i recognized his dominance and willingness to just take control of situations and that spoke to something inside me, no doubt the fact that i'm the youngest and and naturally easy going and well, let's face it - easy to boss around. i should be more careful with that....because this situation has made me realize that i have always tried to surround myself with people/friends/relationships that are more malleable as me. thanks a lot for your candor - i love it when i learn something about myself.

thank you, tubbyscubby.... i realize the reason why this guy was causing me upset is because i was playing into his emotional immaturity. i am emotionally mature....and honestly from the beginning i thought i was on a different level but figured maybe he just needed someone with patience, which i have a lot of. thank you for helping me realize that i was digressing.

oh love_365.... 🙂 thank you. i do love myself. i think i'm kinda neato-mosquito. i think i just fell into the trappings that happen when your love doesn't seem to be returned, and you wind up wondering if there's something about you that isn't likeable. aside from my tendency to procrastinate, i'm a pretty cool chick. 😉

thanks, amethyst... there really wasn't one thing i did that would cause the ice i guess....who knows. i suppose i'll find out if there ever was one day, maybe.

thank you, iloveewe....i'm glad that the way i cared for him came through the page. i do....and i'm trying to let it go emotionally so that i don't have those doubts of "what if i stuck it out". realistically, it shouldn't be this hard....when you meet the right person, it shouldn't be this hard.

thanks, all. any other thoughts are appreciated. he's called twice but didn't leave a message. i didn't answer the calls...i'm not quite sure what to say. i'm contemplating writing an email and letting it go. it's difficult to give up, but i think that would be best for me.

Hey Cappie -

I 've read through all the other responses and everyone seems to be giving you great advice from all different angles. I know you want closure, but sometimes we just don't get it - another lesson learned I guess. It's good that you've thrown him back. The easiest way to get over someone is to start dating again - it's hard, but gets easier every day. Just follow your instincts and you gut, you'll know what the right thing is to do. If you want to write him, go ahead...just do what you feel is right.

As far as Aries ice, someone said it, this isn't aries ice as you haven't done anything wrong - this is just man crap. Aries ice will totally shut you out - no contact nothing and you'll know exactly what triggered it. Anyway, keep us posted.

thank you, love. 🙂 my friends comment all the time how it's so easy for me to laugh and be lighthearted, but they're always pleasantly surprised when i come up with these doozies every now and again that makes everyone roll with laughter. may you always laugh with your friends!

thanks, run. i've decided to write him. at least i will say what i need to say and if that's the only closure i get, then so be it....at least i did all i could do.

xoj

ok.... so i emailed him. i said almost everything that was on my mind...along with telling him what were issues and how things could change if we both made efforts (and how he was acting like a jerk), i did make a point to indicate that i did want to continue dating him but that his lack of initiating seeing me, etc makes me feel that he's just not into me and that i am moving on in order to find the someone who is waiting for me and my love. he called two hours later but i was out with friends so i didn't answer and he didn't leave a message. no peep from him again yet. the last time i spoke to him he told me his schedule for the week and it's pretty busy, so if he waits a few days to contact me again i'm sure he'll use it as an excuse....but i know that when a man wants to be with a woman there wouldn't be anything that would keep him away....and that's what he did in the beginning. sigh. anyway, thanks so much for the input, advice and comments. i appreciate it. xoj