What is this Aries female up to?

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Caligal2015
@Caligal2015
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 24 · Topics: 2
I'm a Libra, early 30's, married. She's an Aries, early 40's, married w/one child.

Our friendship was short lived, only a few months. I met her in a medical setting, spending about 6+ hours with her and instantly, felt such a bond to her, something I've never felt before.

I reached out to her on facebook and she agrees to build a friendship with me.

The only time she really only makes any effort, is when I'm leaving though. Then she reels me back in.
She controlled everything about our interaction, the method of our interaction, when/where we'd hang out and what we would do.
She'd feed me these lil' white lies that I would catch when things didn't make sense or she'd contradict herself. It was odd.

I admit, I was expecting too much out of this friendship at first, that was my mistake. I'm far from perfect. When I was younger, I had a tendency to meet these women who I would latch onto, I would test the friendship, and inevitably they would walk away from me and it was very, very hard to let go. I thought this tendency had stopped in my youth, but it reared it's ugly head again this year, at a very difficult time in my life.

The last time I try to end the friendship, I block her on FB, and I ask her not to contact me, as I think she's only doing it to be nice to me. She does anyway, via e-mail and turns the tables around on me. She explains "my friends are lucky if they get to see me 2-3x's per year...if THEY are lucky" and repeats that statement a few times. She alludes to her busy schedule (which doesn't turn out to be quite true, but oh well) and says "I told you I was a bad friend. I'm the kind of friend who you will get to connect with a few times a year, so if you can handle that, then I'm in."

Then I feel awful. She ends the e-mail with telling me that the ball is in my court and she's waiting to her back from me.
I reply to her that I understand and agree, but she rebuffs me. "No, no, don't answer yet." She says. I sink to my lowest point and beg, "please?"
She tells me she's going to bed and it takes her an hour to get ready. Again, I beg one more time.
Five minutes later, she just replies with "sure."
Then says that I won't hear from her again until the night before we hang out, because that's how she is.

We hang out and after, I apologize to her for unfriending her w/o talking to her first. She cuts me off (we're walking around a mall at this point), lowers her voice and says through practically gnashed teeth "you. need. to. stop. apologizing. ugh!" and she shakes her head like she's shaking it off. Her voice returns to normal and she says "So how was your weekend." And it throws me for a loop. I've never been spoken to like that.

A week or so later, I FB message her a link to a movie we both want to see and she says "ha ha looks funny, how about we hang out on 9/25 and walk around the mall?"
At that point, 9/25 is five weeks away and I already know she doesn't want to talk at all between, sugges
Profile picture of Caligal2015
Caligal2015
@Caligal2015
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 24 · Topics: 2
I'm a Libra, early 30's, married. She's an Aries, early 40's, married w/one child.

Our friendship was short lived, only a few months. I met her in a medical setting, spending about 6+ hours with her and instantly, felt such a bond to her, something I've never felt before.

I reached out to her on facebook and she agrees to build a friendship with me.

The only time she really only makes any effort, is when I'm leaving though. Then she reels me back in.
She controlled everything about our interaction, the method of our interaction, when/where we'd hang out and what we would do.
She'd feed me these lil' white lies that I would catch when things didn't make sense or she'd contradict herself. It was odd.

I admit, I was expecting too much out of this friendship at first, that was my mistake. I'm far from perfect. When I was younger, I had a tendency to meet these women who I would latch onto, I would test the friendship, and inevitably they would walk away from me and it was very, very hard to let go. I thought this tendency had stopped in my youth, but it reared it's ugly head again this year, at a very difficult time in my life.

The last time I try to end the friendship, I block her on FB, and I ask her not to contact me, as I think she's only doing it to be nice to me. She does anyway, via e-mail and turns the tables around on me. She explains "my friends are lucky if they get to see me 2-3x's per year...if THEY are lucky" and repeats that statement a few times. She alludes to her busy schedule (which doesn't turn out to be quite true, but oh well) and says "I told you I was a bad friend. I'm the kind of friend who you will get to connect with a few times a year, so if you can handle that, then I'm in."

Then I feel awful. She ends the e-mail with telling me that the ball is in my court and she's waiting to her back from me.
I reply to her that I understand and agree, but she rebuffs me. "No, no, don't answer yet." She says. I sink to my lowest point and beg, "please?"
She tells me she's going to bed and it takes her an hour to get ready. Again, I beg one more time.
Five minutes later, she just replies with "sure."
Then says that I won't hear from her again until the night before we hang out, because that's how she is.

We hang out and after, I apologize to her for unfriending her w/o talking to her first. She cuts me off (we're walking around a mall at this point), lowers her voice and says through practically gnashed teeth "you. need. to. stop. apologizing. ugh!" and she shakes her head like she's shaking it off. Her voice returns to normal and she says "So how was your weekend." And it throws me for a loop. I've never been spoken to like that.

A week or so later, I FB message her a link to a movie we both want to see and she says "ha ha looks funny, how about we hang out on 9/25 and walk around the mall?"
At that point, 9/25 is five weeks away and I already know she doesn't want to talk at all between, sugges
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Caligal2015
@Caligal2015
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 24 · Topics: 2
continued:

suggesting don't bother me until I see ya."
For a new friendship, it's like hitting the reset button each time.

A few weeks into September, I'm tired about worrying about texting her and just say screw it, I'm gonna say hello to her.

I say "hi woman, I just wanna say hi and ask how was your weekend?"
She replies with white lies, unprompted.

"Hi, my laptop took a sh-t and my tablet is so slow, so haven't been on Facebook at all. My weekend was good. So how about we meet at noon on 9/25? We can walk around the mall."
And I feel done. She was on Facebook, because we were on at the same time and she was like pics she was tagged in and they were popping up in my news feed. Plus, I didn't even ASK her about that. Why reply with that? At that point, I feel like this friendship isn't worth cultivating. She lies, things aren't adding up for certain things, this means way too much to me and nothing to her, she's controlling everything, and there doesn't seem to be much upside. My husband, knowing the entire story, tells me that he thinks I should walk away and disengage completely.

That night, I cancel our hang out and ask her to just hit me up when she has more time for a conventional friendship. Without a word, she unfriends me 20 minutes later, but doesn't block me.
Everyone in my life agrees, she knows you're going to come back...you begged her last time.
Two weeks later, I'm flip-flopping on my decision and a friend (who doesn't know the entire story) says "meh, just talk to her and see what's up."

I text her. Nothing. The next day, I e-mail her. Nothing. Another day, nothing. She's giving me the silent treatment. Now I'm desperate.
I ask her to rethink her decision and tell her to at least think about it until Oct. 9th, around my birthday.

My husband and best friend stop me and say "you're letting this woman decide what do with you? She left. She doesn't want to be in your life and you're giving her two more weeks to decide what she would do with you? Have some self esteem and walk away from this. It isn't healthy."
So I do. I send her one final FB message, wishing her luck and she'll always be in my prayers and I just want for her to be happy. And with that, I block her from both me and my husband's facebook profiles.

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Caligal2015
@Caligal2015
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 24 · Topics: 2
Nearly two weeks later, I go on facebook, and strange people are in my search bar. Not my people you may know, but search bar. And it isn't a search. It's strange.
It's a couple, who are mutual friends of her, who happens to the district attorney at our county...and his wife. Okay, strange. I work in the legal field and know she's friends with them, but I've never even so much as searched for him or her.
Then, the next day, I notice that this is happening with people from her medical office. The head guy in charge plus the office manager are popping up in my search bar. Very odd. Never searched for them either.
The next day, I get an alert on my phone that I rec'd a facebook friend request. It's from the office manager of the place where she works, but when I go to my facebook, the request is gone. So they retracted it. Now, that's more than a coincidence.

On 10/9, the day that I had previously asked her to think about it until, I receive a facebook password reset request. I did not send that. Oddly enough, she's the only person with that e-mail address. Strange. She's the only person with that e-mail + it's the day that I asked her to think about it until.

Now, with both of those things combined, I'm worried. To hack my facebook, she'd also have to hack my e-mail but that wasn't done. Was she trying to get me to come back?
This woman is all about control. Everything she's done has been w/her in control, so I don' t she'll ever reach out to me on her own, make herself vulnerable and give up that control.

But if she's talking to those people that were popping up in m search bar, the district attorney and his wife and the main people at your office, it can't be good. But why? I cancelled on you, you unfriended me, I asked for another chance then decided to give up, said goodbye and blocked you to put this behind me and I haven't contacted you in a few weeks. So, why, NOW. And then to reset my password?

Should I be worried? What is she trying to do?
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AriesIntrovert16
@AriesIntrovert16
13 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 2726 · Topics: 31
Are you sure she is the only person who knows your email?

I've been known to "hack" into my friends' accounts just to post random shit, and chat with their friends.

However, based on the other information you've given, this girl sound a bit crazy.

Are you sure her schedule isn't as busy as she claims it is? She does work in the medical field.

Also, referring back to your other posts about this Aries woman, it seems like you're pretty fed up with her anyway. Why carry on this friendship if she's "selfish", a "compulsive liar".. Etc?
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Caligal2015
@Caligal2015
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 24 · Topics: 2
Yes, she's the only one with that email address. I had changed it the month prior because my regular email address has over 60K emails, so that email was specifically for facebook. I had used it to correspond with her. She's the only one who had it, I double checked. And it was reset on the day that I gave her until, to think it over.

Her schedule was not as busy at it seemed, she contradicted herself later. We work down the street from one another, have the same work hours, times, lunch breaks, and both have three day weekends.

I'm wondering about what is the end-goal, if she's doing all of this? Is she trying to get me into trouble? It's obvious she's talking to people from her work about me, so to do that, then reset my password, is disconcerting.

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Caligal2015
@Caligal2015
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 24 · Topics: 2
But it was just my facebook password that was reset. Not my e-mail. To hack into my FB, you'd have to also hack into my email itself, and that wasn't done.

Overall, I'm disappointed that things ended up this way. We got along very well, had the same likes and interests, and I felt very emotionally connected to her.

But the communication isn't what I was accustomed to, nor the small white lies that she'd later contradict herself with. I don't think that's an Aries trait, though.
I give people way too many chances. I wish I was more like an Aries in that regard. Be done with someone and be able to walk away and be secure in my decision.
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rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Good lord, this is what being a doormat does to you. Grow a freaking pair. You went to that friend who didn't know the story because you wanted them to tell you what you wanted to hear. Your husband and friend wouldn't do that. Dafuq is wrong with you, woman? Why are you clinging on to such a toxic person? You're just as mentally unstable as this chick and are thriving off the drama.

Get a fucking grip. Change your privacy settings so nobody can search for you, where you get login notifications sent to your phone, informing you of new logins from other computers, and change your password.


From here, you need to stop feeding into the drama. It's pathetic and you're better than that garbage.
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Caligal2015
@Caligal2015
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 24 · Topics: 2
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Good lord, this is what being a doormat does to you. Grow a freaking pair. You went to that friend who didn't know the story because you wanted them to tell you what you wanted to hear. Your husband and friend wouldn't do that. Dafuq is wrong with you, woman? Why are you clinging on to such a toxic person? You're just as mentally unstable as this chick and are thriving off the drama.

Get a fucking grip. Change your privacy settings so nobody can search for you, where you get login notifications sent to your phone, informing you of new logins from other computers, and change your password.


From here, you need to stop feeding into the drama. It's pathetic and you're better than that garbage.
I concur. The push and pull of the "I'm leaving", "no stay", became highly addictive. It wasn't until she gave me the silent treatment did I finally snap out it. And you're right, I went to that person to give me what I wanted to hear, because they didn't know the entire story.
This "friend" kept making me think it was me, and I was trying to "right the wrongs from the past" as over dramatic as this sounds. And that is why my husband wanted me to walk away, very early on. I was a doormat.