Married to a Musician?

How has that worked out? I came across the following article about how to cope with your musician spouse. And in a nutshell the article answers "accept that you will come second to their music." Is that ok to ask of a spouse?

1. Take Care of Yourself.

I know that you want to be the devoted spouse to your hot musician, but here’s the thing, if you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll end up strung out and depleted as per above. The best way you can support your man is by looking after yourself (at the appropriate time) so that you can be the smiling goddess he wants you to be. The last thing he needs is someone else to take care of. He already has enough to deal with and needs you to just be chill. You can best be that by making sure your own needs are met.

2. Have Clear Boundaries.

It’s okay to have boundaries. In fact, it’s a good thing. Knowing what you are willing and not willing to do means you won’t end up feeling resentful.

3. Love the Band.

Or at least tolerate them with good humor. I’m lucky in that, for the most part, I do love all of the musicians my husband plays with; they are stellar individuals.

4. Develop a Thick Skin.

If your fella is somewhat famous you will need to learn to deal with that and it’s not always easy. Realize that fans are shameless. But fans are very important and hey, they help pay your rent, so you need to be gracious even when you feel like tellling them to piss off, which you frequently will.

5. Have a Solid Sense of Self.

You will inevitably find yourself in social situations with star-fuckers and sycophants, many of whom won’t ask you anything beyond your name and if you go on the road with your guy the whole time.

6. Be Self Sufficient.

Being in a long term relationship with a musician entails long periods of separation. Get used to it and get involved in your own life.

7. Develop a Strong Support Network.

Life on the road is no picnic. Unexpected situations always arise, group dynamics can be tricky, traveling is exhausting. This means that your guy won’t always be able to be there for you in the ways you’d like. Don’t assume this means he doesn’t love you. Understand there are times when the stresses of the road are too consuming, and dealing with your need for support is more than he can handle.

8. Skip the Show Sometimes.

You don’t have to go to every gig. I know you probably want to, at least for the first five years! Stay home sometimes and do your own thing.

9. Accept That You Come Second.

Relationship with a musician (possibly with any other artist) means that you come after the music. Make peace with this. You’ll be happier and thus have a better relationship. Again, don’t make this mean that your dude doesn’t love you; it’s different than that. If he’s a successful musician, he is driven by his art and his drive to share that passion and he needs public recognition of his talent and hard work.