Sun SemiSquare Moon and Square Mars---suicidal

Feel without purpose and direction for most of my life and have had life long mental issues, I feel cursed having these aspects. I feel like I can't direct my will, ambitions, and energies into anything meaningful or long-term. I have no idea what to do with myself and can't commit myself to anything. I am endlessly cycling ideas and the fantasies of fulfilling them in my head are enough for me than achieving them in reality. I feel terrified and paralyzed.

Anyone have these positions? Any miracles for them or wise words? I am really lost.

My Sun is also Opposite my Saturn.

Mercury Square Uranus, Neptune.